Trigger warning for this story and the video above
Last week, Jana Kramer opened up to People Magazine about the horrific abuse she suffered in her first marriage, when she was just 19 and her then husband, Michael Gambino, was 36. Kramer is a country singer and actress who is currently competing on Dancing With the Stars. She almost died at that time, in 2004, when Gambino beat and choked her into unconsciousness. Gambino was found guilty of premeditated attempted murder for that incident and went to prison for five years, committing suicide two years after he got out. In a new interview with Good Morning America, the video of which is above, Jana explained that she’s sharing her story because October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. It’s still extremely painful for her to discuss, she broke down in tears during the interview. She talked about having her whole life flash before her eyes and praying to her loved ones while she was being beaten by her ex so severely she thought she was going to die.

Gambino choked her as she tried to fight him off and Kramer began to pray, she said. “I remember seeing my grandpa,” whom she prayed to earlier that evening to take her to a happier place and she thought, “‘OK … I’m free. I can go,'” Kramer added.

Kramer said she saw her mother, her funeral and her whole life flash before her as she screamed out her mom’s name. “And that’s the last thing I remember,” she said.

To this day, Kramer said, “I still have that fear when I’m alone, him coming to grab me and … throwing me out of bed.” She described the reaction as a complete panic attack and said she has suffered from PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder, since that time a decade ago.

Kramer, 32, said she endured years of domestic violence at the hands of Gambino after their whirlwind Las Vegas wedding in 2004, when she was a 19-year-old rising star.

She said she thought it was truly her fault, which caused her self-worth to plummet as the abuse continued.

“I didn’t feel like I deserved to even have help from the outside,” the Michigan native said.

Kramer shared that many women in abusive situations are manipulated and think they’re at fault, but said, “the truth of the matter is they’re not.”

Gambino had a different persona in public than the one she witnessed at home, Kramer said. She said the mental and verbal abuse from the man no one else came to know was what hurt her most.

“The verbal and the mental abuse they give you is almost more painful than the physical because it tears you down even more with the words,” she said.

Gambino was eventually convicted of premeditated attempted murder and after he served five years in prison was released on parole. Kramer said she lived in fear once he was out, until she received news that Gambino committed suicide.

“I felt bad because my first feeling was relief that he was gone,” she said. “That I didn’t have to worry about him anymore.”

She faced a whirlwind of emotions. “I felt sad that I couldn’t change his life,” she said.

Kramer thought if she’d never met Gambino, “he’d probably still be alive,” which she described as difficult and something she held onto for quite a while.

[From ABCNews.go.com]

That was incredibly powerful, especially when she described how insidious the abuse was, and how it increased gradually to break her down over time. As you’ve probably heard, Jana’s third husband and her baby’s father, former professional football player ­Michael Caussin, cheated on her with multiple women. They’ve since split and Michael has apologized and is in therapy. Jana has said that she’s learned that she’s “so much stronger than I ever thought was possible” and that “I am worthy of a great love and I know that I am truly enough, just me.” I hope she knows that, I hope that she knows that it’s ok to be single and that she learns to be comfortable without being a relationship.

If you or a loved one is in an abusive relationship please get help. You can talk to someone 24 hours a day at the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. They also have text chat services available on their website.