Gwyneth Paltrow: You should stick a $60 jade egg where the sun don’t shine

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Gwyneth Paltrow would love to talk to you about the state of your vadge, preferably after you steamed it properly. After you’ve steam cleaned your business and toweled it off using raw silk scented with Himalayan jasmine, Gwyneth really needs for you to stick a jade egg in there. For real. Gwyneth’s Goop site is currently selling a $60 jade egg for your vagina. From Goop:

Yoni eggs, once the strictly guarded secret of Chinese concubines and royalty in antiquity, harness the power of energy work, crystal healing, and a Kegel-like physical practice. Jade eggs’ power to cleanse and clear make them ideal for detox, too. “This particular jade, nephrite jade, has incredible clearing, cleansing powers,” says Shiva Rose; “It’s a dark, deep green and heavy—it’s a great stone for taking away negativity—and it’s definitely the one to start with.” Fans say regular use increases chi, orgasms, vaginal muscle tone, hormonal balance, and feminine energy in general. Shiva Rose has been practicing with them for about seven years, and raves about the results; we tried them, too, and were so convinced we put them into the goop shop.

[From Goop.com]

When CB sent me this story (this is my job, peeps, and I LOVE IT!), she pointed out that Yoni eggs are basically no different that the Kegel exercise weights sold on Amazon for $39.95. But would a peasant Kegel exercise weight have the same healing properties as a jade egg???? Would they also provide “hormonal balance”??? Obviously, a board-certified OB/GYN is all “what is she even talking about?”

A gynecologist has penned an open letter to Gwyneth Paltrow about the “vaginal jade eggs” currently being sold on Goop.com. Dr. Jen Gunter, a board certified in OB/GYN, calls the eggs and their health claims “the biggest load of garbage I have read on your site since vaginal steaming.” Paltrow has gotten flack for making unsubstantiated scientific claims in the past, and Gunter lays out a clear case against the many alleged benefits that Goop promises the $55 to $66 stone eggs can bring. Firstly, while Goop says the eggs can help balance hormones, Gunter points out that that is biologically impossible.

“Pelvic floor exercises can help with incontinence and even give stronger orgasms for some women, but they cannot change hormones,” she writes. “As for female energy? I’m a gynecologist and I don’t know what that is!?”

Gunter also reveals that putting jade eggs in a vagina also creates serious health risks.

“Jade is porous which could allow bacteria to get inside and so the egg could act like a fomite,” she writes. That means the eggs could potentially lead to bacterial vaginosis or increase the risk of deadly toxic shock syndrome (also known as TSS). Gunter notes that, in addition to the fake health claims, the copywriting for the eggs, which says “queens and concubines used them to stay in shape for emperors,” is abysmal. “Nothing says female empowerment more than the only reason to do this is for your man!” she writes.

[From Death & Taxes]

Yeah, pretty much. Like, I don’t mind that Gwyneth is encouraging conversations about vaginas. I don’t mind that she’s doing her part to de-stigmatize those conversations. But I do mind that her messages are consistently driven by consumerism, elitism, pseudo-science and very dated concepts of “how to keep your man.”

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Photos courtesy of WENN.

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84 Responses to “Gwyneth Paltrow: You should stick a $60 jade egg where the sun don’t shine”

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  1. NeexKC says:

    Her terrible suggestions are gonna hurt someone one day.

    • Wurstbonbon says:

      For sure. My head is already hurting, for example.
      All kidding aside: at first it was funny, the vadge steaming nonsense and so on. But now I’m getting a little bit angry. Why does this woman keep promoting the idea that all of us need to be cleaned properly? Think about what she’s saying here: women are dirty by nature. That is just not true, not healthy, not nice and not intelligent.

      • Heylee says:

        So @Wurstbonbon, ITA with you. Everything you said!

        Also, fitting isn’t it that this was practiced by concubines? Because you would have to have that much time on your hands to devote to practicing the Tracy Anderson workout, the blow dry, the steaming, the juice fasting, the egg-ercising of the pelvic muscles.

        So thats it for me. I am calling her Blonde Concubine from now on. And she just jumped the green juice chugging shark once and for all.

      • Mltpsych says:

        Sometimes I really believe she is trolling

      • Radley says:

        Agreed.

        I get the kegel-like exercise benefits. But the cleansing and clearing? Yeah no. I probably shouldn’t be so skeptical of Eastern approaches to health. But it’s 2017 and you’re gonna need to show me the receipts.

        Gwyneth is very pretentious. Like insufferably so.

    • AnnaKist says:

      “Her terrible suggestions are gonna hurt someone one day.”
      …which is why I’d volunteer to shove a hard-boiled emu’s egg in her gob…

    • LoveIsBlynd says:

      I’m six years out of a new age cult and have since returned to college. Even though I am doing my best to pull my head outta me arse, I nearly pictured myself keggling the secret jade egg of the emperor’s favorite concubine. Thankfully a scientist weighed in on the latest Goop approved new age sheister contraption. I’m MORE thankful the sexism was pointed out in the Goopy pitch. This site has helped my path back to reality and logic. Whew.

  2. Beckysuz says:

    Porous? Bacteria ?? Nope nope nope. I do not put anything that could give me an infection in my lady parts

  3. Lucy says:

    I don’t even know what she’s talking about anymore.

  4. The Original G says:

    Gwyneth? Gwyneth? Have you seen the Jade egg from the study?

    The maid says to ask you?

  5. Talie says:

    Can the egg, um, break…?

  6. Jayna says:

    Shiva Rose was once married to dylan McDermott. She’s really far into the holistic and new-age stuff and making products and selling them. I read an interview with her and she seemed a bit much in some areas, you know, the wealthy woman telling us how to de-stress, kind of
    Goopy, except not pretentious. She’s nice. I figured Dylan just didn’t have much in common with her anymore. But the egg is going too far. It sounds like it’s her product.

  7. PunkyMomma says:

    The only eggs in my vagina are my own — exiting.

  8. detritus says:

    Goop, stop with this. You have proven again and again you don’t understand science.

    If you lived a lifestyle of eastern medicine, fine. I would leave you alone, because there are more things than are dreamt of in my philosophy, I’m sure.

    I cannot stand this nonsense where you monetise and bastardise eastern medicine, spread scientifically dangerous nonsense and disrespect the people who practice Eastern medicine.

    You are in bad taste, with bad science and an ounce of cultural appropriation. Stop while it’s just your obvious greed showing.

    ETA: Concubines to the Chinese Emperor are not what I want to model my sex life after.

    • Arpeggi says:

      Totally agree!

      … At the same time, I sort of don’t want her to stop, it’s so highly entertaining!!! because the BS she’s trying to sell is so out of price, at least, I know she can’t harm anyone but herself (and those poor kids, I know).

      She’d be a perfect case-study for a psychanalist though, wouldn’t she? All these talks about colon and vaginal cleanses, it seems very freudian to me

      • detritus says:

        It does, does it not?
        I never thought about it that way, but its bang on.

      • Kay dee says:

        Hhhhmmmm….yes. Very astute with the Freudian observation. She is constantly taunting herself as a “very sexual” person, but I always find that to be at odds with her general gwynethness. I can’t picture her actually doing THE SEX. Not that I’ve put a ton of hours into thinking about goop’s intimate or personal hygiene habits or anything. But, isn’t that what I’m doing now??? Looks like I could use a nice, firm couch and analysis as well. Yikes.

      • Danielle says:

        As soon as I read this article I pictured here shoving a jade egg up in her private business.

    • shelly says:

      I can’t wait for her article on ‘Binding your baby Daughters feet’

      • Dizzie says:

        Really G? Concubines were often the daughters of the poor, or second daughter so no dowry/husband. Most became concubines out of economic necessity. There is nothing romantic or alluring about having sex with/pleasing a wealthy someone who has the power over your very existence, like providing food and shelter. Under those conditions, I’d contaminate the hell out of that egg and then shove it up there. Preferable to a life of sexual slavery. Good film: Raise The Red Lantern

  9. Lightpurple says:

    I have a self-cleaning one. So much easier.

    • Lirko says:

      Have you found they help with strengthening the pelvic floor? ETA…that’s kind of a personal question, so feel free to ignore! (I myself am trying to delay surgery as long as possible, so I’m just curious as to whether they make a difference).

      • Lightpurple says:

        Exactly, Detritus. My doctors advise against cleaning something for which nature designed a cleaning system.

        As for pelvic floor exercises, not my area of knowledge but one of my sisters does Legsl exercise

      • Deva says:

        I recently bought a medium size rose quartz yoni egg off of Etsy. I am very pleased with it. I bought it after reading an article in Essence about them. They are great for getting your kegel on and I feel the urge to work those muscles more when the egg is out. I realize it is pretty much the same as a kegel weight but honestly, I like the idea of rose quartz up in my hooch. It’s very feminine, imo.

      • Who ARE These People? says:

        Kegels aid the muscles of the pelvic floor, and women also use vaginal weights but not jade, which as the doctor points out could result in infection.

      • misery chick says:

        Hi Lirko-if you’re already doing Kegels regularly now the egg MAY help…if you’re like me and are dreading the thought of even STARTING to do Kegels, it may be better to just have the surgery. Yes, it can be dangerous (as any surgery carries some risk) and $$, but having it was a lifesaver for me. I had it probably 15 years ago and I’ve never ever regretted it 😊

    • detritus says:

      Lirko, I think she means vaginas are self-cleaning. Since all ladies have self-cleaning ones and I’ve never heard of a self cleaning pelvic floor strengthener.

      If you want to use an egg for pelvic floor strengthening go for a silicon or glass one, and make sure you clean it appropriately. Basically same rules as sex toys.

      TBH, you could most likely use a jade egg, if you boiled it between uses or autoclaved it.

    • susanne says:

      Thank you. Vaginas are self-cleaning.
      No need for steamers or hoovers, eggs or ham.

  10. Pandy says:

    Ha. Just watched a Housewives of Atlanta episode where they used a yoni egg. That gynaecologist is too funny. Actually saying a load of garbage!!

    • Susan (different one) says:

      So your refutation of a doctor’s professional opinion about medicine is that the item is used on a Real Housewives show? So that makes it okay? Dear lord.

  11. shelly says:

    Vaginal steaming !!!!!!
    Do you squat over the kettle or something ?

    • atorontogal says:

      Oh hell that made me laugh! The visual alone :-)

    • Little Darling says:

      You usually sit over a toilet like looking seat with the herbs in water underneath.

    • Arpeggi says:

      A few months ago, for some unknown reasons, the pipes were partially inverted at work during a few weeks. The toilets on my floor were filled with hot, almost steaming water, walking into the bathroom felt like walking into a sauna. So I’m pretty sure I now know what a vaginal steam might feel like, and trust me, they’re no fun at all! I can’t see why you’d want to pay for that

      • tmot says:

        This happened in my building a couple of years back. Our bathroom didn’t get steamy, but when they finally fixed it, I missed having a heated toilet seat in the winter!

  12. Lisa says:

    She’s trolling, isn’t she? Not that I don’t believe in the power of Yoni eggs, but I’m so tired of this narrative of Westerners bringing long-held practices to light as if they discovered it themselves. You’d think she was the first person to ever see a stone.

  13. Slowsnow says:

    M.O: go to an ancient culture and bring back shit. Mostly if they are vagina-related.

  14. Servina says:

    whats the big deal? I mean I know its fish sticks but jade eggs have been used in China for hundreds maybe thousands of years?

    • Arpeggi says:

      The fact that is has been used for a long time doesn’t mean that it should be used now. Many things have been used for centuries until we realized they were bs. And using weights for Kegels isn’t a problem, it can be useful, the problem is to try to sell a porous stone and tell ladies to keep it in for hours at a time when it could lead to serious, life-threatening infections. There are better safer material available to use. The problem is to sell this not as a tool that will help with your pelvic muscles but as something that will “rebalance your hormones, rid you of negative energies and detox your lady bits” when it cannot do any of those things. The big deal is telling women that their vaginas are dirty and need to be cleaned using her expensive products when the truth is our vaginas are self-cleaning and trying to do anything more is potentially dangerous

      Goop is nothing more than a snake oil vendor at this point

  15. JenB says:

    Say What?! Okay Gwen, that’ll make for an interesting Easter egg hunt.

    Also speaking of “pleasing/keeping your man” mantra from olden days I have some vintage magazines because the ads fascinate me. One of the worst is an advertisement for LYSOL that shames a woman because her husband doesn’t come home to her anymore after work. Well of course it must be her foul smelling lady bits. LYSOL those biscuits and maybe your man will come home to you ladies. If not I’m sure it’s still your fault.

  16. Juluho says:

    Your vagina doesn’t need a detox. Is this where we are in 2017? Vagina detoxes? It’s not enough that you have two kidneys and a liver? You need to leave semi precious stones in your vagina?

    • Ankhel says:

      The vagina is the seat of dark, unwholesome magic. Yes ladies, our vaginas are whorecruxes – only with mystical jade eggs and herbal potion steam can we purify the Dark Lord from our lady bits!

  17. Dragonlady sakura says:

    So…I guess I should cancel my Goop order of personal lubricant made of unicorn tears?

  18. Kay dee says:

    I only put precious stones in my p*ssy. Semi-precious is for pliebians.

  19. marmalazed says:

    i am loving these comments!!!

  20. shelly says:

    Gwynnie makes Marie-Antionette look low maintenance.

  21. KBeth says:

    She is the Jenny McCarthy of vagina’s.

  22. Hope says:

    The dang things are sold out on her site. I looked just for funsies. No wonder she keeps shilling such crap, there are people gullible enough to buy it just because GOOP said it was cool.

    • shelly says:

      I confess to going over there for a look as well, just for piss take value, they also had an article on 5 outfits you can wear outside the gym.

      In other words, your normal clothes.

    • Imqrious2 says:

      Then again, she could only have had 2 or 3 in stock, and voila! sold out sign goes up!

      WHO buys this pretentious shyte????

  23. Greenieweenie says:

    Hilarious. Love the picture.

  24. dumbledork says:

    Best thing my gyne ever told me, “your vagina is a self cleaning oven. No need to do
    anything more than shower with a bar of dove.” $20 co-pay. Bargain compared to goops eggs.

  25. kay says:

    skin is also porous, and i am not giving up on penis.
    while i think this was taken to a hippie dippy extreme, it is basically just a muscle toning tool.

  26. Jay (the Canadian one) says:

    Holy crap! Sounded like harmless quackery at first but TSS is no joke! How is this allowed?

  27. Merritt says:

    Dr. Jen Gunter is awesome. I love her take downs of all the garbage that comes from Goop.

    • dj says:

      That OB-GYN is EVERYTHING! I think I have a woman-crush. That she took the time and effort to be so irritated with fish sticks is hilarious! LOVE!

  28. Ruyana says:

    She’s just so…………weird.

  29. paranormalgirl says:

    I need Gwyneth Paltrow to keep her nose out of my vagina.

  30. Thnuggaboo says:

    Ms. Rocky Crotch…..Eeeewwwww!!!

  31. Fluff says:

    I’ve heard from more than one different flight attendant that Gwynnie binges on cake and biscuits during flights.

  32. GMonkey says:

    Kegel exercises are great–but muscles can actually be over kegelsized. I unfortunately know this from experience and had to see a pelvic floor therapist for 3 months and get a prescription for a muscle relaxer. I still have occasional relapses where I feel like my parts are being stabbed with a chef’s knife.

    • misery chick says:

      @ GMONKEY–OUCH! SHIT! This sounds sooooo fucking painful, my body shudders at the thought. Take care and hopefully your relapses happen less and less often 💕

  33. Sarah says:

    Years ago, I read in the book that taught me everything, “Everything You Always Wanted to Ask About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask” about asian balls that maybe fit into each other, and you put them up your vagina and rock, like in a chair. They are called Ben wa balls. Is this jade ball the same?

    • akacarmenjones says:

      I have always known them as Ben-wa balls as well. Easily purchased at your local adult fun store (lol) and have been around forever. I suppose Goop has to Goop and she uses jade eggs instead of what us commoners use…something not guaranteed to lead to cystitis or vaginitis and yeast infections.

  34. TheRickestRick says:

    I was skimming the article and when it said ” she wants to put them in the goop shop” I thought goop shop was a new disgusting euphemism for vagina!!!!!

  35. HoustonGrl says:

    To play devil’s advocate…I don’t think doctors know everything. They can sometimes be too eager to discount homeopathy and alternative medicine. However, the only place I would put a jade egg is on my mantle.