I was going to completely ignore John Mayer’s New York Times profile because… it’s John Mayer. But we got some requests for this coverage, so here you go. My thought was… while it used to be fun to laugh at Mayer and his white supremacist crotch, I just felt like… it hasn’t been funny for a while. Mayer isn’t a thing anymore. Which makes it a little bit funny that Mayer went to the New York Times and dropped all of these quotes like it was the good old days and people were just dying to know every little detail about how he feels about Katy Perry, fame, FedEx, singer-songwriters and more. Even in the beginning of the article, Mayer frames his situation as someone who CHOSE to leave “the A-list.” I remember that very differently, don’t you? I remember a gradual fade of “no one gives a sh-t about John Mayer these days.” Basically, Mayer now claims that he’s chosen for years to fade away because he was self-aware enough to know that he consistently came across like an insensitive, racist, misogynistic douchebag. Well analyzed, Mayer. You can read the full NYT piece here. Some highlights:
He compares himself to George Clooney. In a convoluted epiphany, he says he wants to be the George Clooney of music, in that he can do blockbusters or art-house films. Mayer thinks he can do major pop ballads or quirkier, less-mainstream music.
He’s still obsessed with Katy Perry. He calls her his “only relationship” in the past five or six years and his first single off of his new album is about her. It’s called “Still Feel Like Your Man.” The song includes lyrics like “I still keep your shampoo in my shower/In case you want to wash your hair/And I know that you probably found some more somewhere/But I do not really care/Cause as long as it’s still there/I still feel like your man.” Gross.
He’s woke now, don’t worry. Even though his new music video features geishas, pandas and more, he’s not going to start talking about his racist crotch.
He throws some shade on some of the pop-rockers of today. I think this was about Ed Sheeran, maybe? But Mayer wants you to know that he writes his own music and he doesn’t want pre-fab songs written by a team.
He wants a baby. He just became an uncle and now he wants to be a father. He wants a baby wearing “protective earphones” in the wings, off-stage. He claims he’s living out of a hotel because he doesn’t want to establish another bachelor-pad situation.
He only belongs to ONE dating app. He insists that he rarely meets up with anyone from the “exclusive” app.
He loves FedEx. He does a lot of online shopping and his favorite thing in the world is to track his shipments.
He also compares himself to Dave Chappelle and an astronaut. Because why not? As for the Katy Perry stuff… well, she’s done with Orlando Bloom now. I kind of think Orlando was Mayer 2.0 as far “bad boyfriend choices,” so I could totally see her going back to Mayer. Katy and John were on-and-off for so long, I kind of forgot that they actually were dealing with each other for years. I believe that was the whole point of this NY Times story – he was publicly putting himself out there for Katy. He wants her to come back (so he can treat her like sh-t, presumably). He’s also letting her know that he wants kids now. At this point, maybe she should just do that. Go back to Mayer, have a baby. Why not? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.