I have no idea why HBO chose to confirm this on Thursday, in the middle of everyone freaking out about the House passing their healthcare bill, but it definitely was an absurd and surreal moment on my Twitter timeline. Everyone was like “Paul Ryan can eat a d-ck” and “Say goodbye to your jobs, House Republicans” and then it was like “record scratch, HBO IS DOING WHAT?” So, what fresh hell has HBO cooked up for us? It seems that HBO has already “closed deals” with four writers to create Game of Thrones spinoff shows.

HBO has closed deals with four different writers to explore multiple possible spinoffs of “Game of Thrones.” The premium cable channel says that there is no timeline for development of the projects. “We’ll take as much or as little time as the writers need and, as with all our development, we will evaluate what we have when the scripts are in,” a spokesperson said.

The four writers are Max Borenstein (“Kong: Skull Island”), Jane Goldman (“Kingsman: The Golden Circle”), Brian Helgeland (“Legend”), and Carly Wray (“Mad Men,” “The Leftovers”). Goldman and Wray will each be working individually with novelist and “Game of Thrones” creator George R. R. Martin. “Game of Thrones” executive producers and showrunners Dan Weiss and David Benioff will be attached to the four projects, as will Martin, but will not write on any of them.

A spinoff to “Game of Thrones” — the most watched series in HBO history — has been a source of speculation for years. In recent months, HBO executive began to privately acknowledge that the network was searching for writers to develop ideas based on the series and Martin’s best-selling fantasy novels from which it is adapted.

[From Variety]

At first I was like “ugh, naked cash grab” and “if Martin is involved in this, it’s going to take FOREVER to come to fruition.” But then I thought about it for a little while and you know what? If they do it right, it could work. There are so many questions about certain backstories and characters, and I could totally see myself obsessing over certain spinoffs. So, obviously, I have some ideas. These are my pitches to HBO:

The Lady Mormont Chronicles. Obviously, we see Lady Mormont grow up and become Queen of the North at a young age. We see her in Badass Training, where she cuts grown men to size with simple glares.

The Bastard Bachelor of Winterfell. Every season, Sadface Jon Snow tries to find love and he passes out winter roses to each girl. Ginger Wildlings get priority!

Gendry: The Lost Years. Obviously, a show about the most important character, who has been MIA since like Season 3, I think. What was he up to? That’s the show.

Happily Ever After: Brienne & Tormund. Brienne and Tormund survive somehow and they get married and have babies in the North. This is a sitcom-y premise but seriously, I would watch the sh-t out of it.

The Onion Knight. A show based around Ser Davos, just running around and helping people, especially little girls who are about to be burned alive by their fathers.

Photos courtesy of HBO/Game of Thrones.