Jared Kushner used his words in public & nothing will ever be the same

Jared Kushner is famously silent. Like Greta Garbo, only with fascism. From what I gather, Jared isn’t a shy person at all – he talks to his wife, he talks to his father-in-law, he talks to Steve Bannon, and he talks to his lawyers, of course. But he’s famously silent in public. Ivanka is the one who gives interviews with her patented Fascistic Baby Whisper™. Bigly Trump is the one who screeches like a toddler mid-tantrum. Jared is the Iceman, the strong silent type, the one who says what he has to say behind-the-scenes. Only he isn’t really the Iceman after all. Precious Jared gave his first public speech yesterday at the White House and now I know why he doesn’t do much public speaking: he sounds like a squeaky prepubescent kid.

I did not expect him to sound so young. He’s 36 years old – why does it sound like his stones haven’t dropped yet? I’m also a little bit surprised to hear his regional accent – there’s a slice of Jersey/New York in his voice too, you would have though all of his fancy prep schools and Ivy League education would have smoothed out those vowels. The way he says “auwwditting.” Jersey Boy.

Meanwhile, there’s some additional Precious Jared news! Precious Jared is going back to Israel sometime soon to work out a Middle East peace deal. It honestly seems like Bigly and Precious think Israeli-Palestinian peace can be hammered out in a month or two. This should be good. And of course, Precious Jared is lawyering up with #AllTheLawyers, because he’s ball-deep in treason and he’s right in the middle of the Russia investigation.

Jared Kushner is looking for a new attorney. The search began last month, right after word leaked that Kushner had tried to set up a secret communications channel between the Kremlin and the Trump transition team, the New York Times reports. At present, Kushner is represented by Jamie Gorelick, who was a partner with Robert Mueller at the powerhouse Washington law firm WilmerHale — until the Justice Department invited Mueller to leave the private sector for a gig as special prosecutor. In their interviews with the Times, Kushner’s allies suggested that Gorelick’s ties to Mueller had prompted the senior White House adviser to explore other options. Gorelick herself seemed to confirm this rationale in a statement Sunday.

“After the appointment of our former partner Robert Mueller as special counsel, we advised Mr. Kushner to obtain the independent advice of a lawyer with appropriate experience as to whether he should continue with us as his counsel,” Gorelick wrote.

But there’s reason to think Kushner’s search is about more than his current lawyer’s theoretical conflict of interest. Gorelick is a respected attorney who has shepherded many a client through government investigations. But she isn’t known as a trial lawyer. Which is to say: She’s an excellent choice for someone who’s just looking to get through a bunch of interviews with investigations without making any big mistakes. If you’ve already made a mistake big enough to potentially land you in a courtroom, however, you’re gonna want a mercenary with more experience on that terrain. And Kushner appears to want the latter.

[From NY Magazine]

This should be fun. If Jared needs a killer trial attorney ALREADY, then sh-t is really heating up. What are you going to bring to the Precious Jared Impeachment Party? I hope someone brings a really nice brisket.

Photos courtesy of Getty.

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150 Responses to “Jared Kushner used his words in public & nothing will ever be the same”

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  1. Zazz says:

    Geez !!!

    What kinda of prepubescent voice is that ?

    I am shocked !

    • Birdix says:

      paging LinaLamont…
      That is not what I expected him to sound like.

    • Wilma says:

      After hearing David Beckham speak for the first time nothing shocks me.

      • Esmom says:

        Hahaha, his voice is the worst, by far. I remember almost keeling over the first time I heard him speak. All the hot I once perceived was erased for me in an instant and has never returned, lol.

      • LAK says:

        Esmom: ditto!

      • stinky says:


      • M.A.F. says:

        His voice killed thousands of lady boners.

      • Hashtagwhat says:

        Wait will someone explain the David Beckham thing to me? I just you tubed him and he doesn’t sound THAT bad. What am missing?

      • Carrie says:


      • Wilma says:

        @Hashtagwhat I don’t know what he sounds like now, but in 2004 when I first heard him speak he sounded like he was 10.

      • magnoliarose says:

        Yeah no escaping that fact. He should pull a Jared and just hush.

      • noway says:

        I don’t know Beckham’s British accent makes it a bit better. Maybe Jared should try a fake British accent. It’s certainly better than a Jersey accent. Also, now we know why he hasn’t spoke before now.

      • Jag says:

        Beckham and Mike Tyson both shocked me.

        I think that Beckham has been taking voice lessons.

      • Bellagio DuPont says:

        @ Noway, it’s so funny you say that, but Beckhams British accent is cockney which is probably the most hated regional accent overall, even worse than Liverpudlian which is pretty much “nails on a chalkboard” level of strident. He HAS DEFINITELY had voice training because when he initially blew up, his pitch was so high, he sounded like what you’d expect a cat to sound like if you gave it a swift kick. Absolutely shocking. I still though he was hot though. 😉

    • Rice says:

      Reminds me of Michael Cera.

      • JenB says:

        I have always thought he favors Michael Cera too!

      • Liv says:

        From your mouth to Lorne Michaels ears. Michael Cera for SNL Jared please.

      • AllieK says:

        It is painful to admit to this, but yes, it is true. I am so sorry, Michael Cera, but I can’t remain silent any longer. Jared does sort of look like you. But you are way smarter (so are logs) and have much more, well, everything. Charisma, charm, the good things. I hope you will forgive me and the others who think the same thing one day. We will wait.

    • ArchieGoodwin says:

      Like Ashley from Coronation Street!

    • INeedANap says:

      It makes his position that much more laughable. He has been given an enormous, unprecedented amount of power while sounding like the bed-wetter on the high school debate team.

      He sounds like he’s too scared to do Model United Nations, and none of his actions so far counteract that.

    • AnnaKist says:

      Drat, drat and double drat! I clicked to hear his squeak, but got, “The uploader has not made this video available in your country.” Waaaaaaa! I wanna hear him! I wanna hear him speak!

      Top points to you, Kaiser. I chortled from start to finish of your article. I can’t wait to now read all the comments. This is going to be the best thing I’ve read for a month – I can feel it in my waters…!

  2. Bobbysue says:

    Oh, he will be real popular in “The Joint.”

  3. Beth says:

    I don’t think I’ve ever heard him speak. His whispering voice voice definitely made me laugh and reminded me of princess Ivanka. With those voices, their kids must not have to worry about their parents yelling and screaming at them

  4. lightpurple says:

    Dear Jared, do you have any idea how much what you propose will cost? Where will that money come from once you cut all the taxes for rich people? Also, Jared, there is a reason why the VA and Social Security records should not be on the Cloud. Not that you care about our security and safety. And that VA & DOD collaboration you are bragging about was part of the ACA so no, you didn’t get it done in less than 5 months, it was in the works for years. You are so far over your head in so many, many areas. Your conviction and imprisonment cannot come soon enough.

    • This is clearly his way of making good on all the $$ promises he made to his tech/start-up bros.

    • Mumzy says:

      Yes, I wondered the same — especially about the DOD — maybe they haven’t gone to the cloud for a *very good* reason. I’m sure the foreign business partners of the current administration are happy to help them get all of this electronic record transition up and running.

      I also laughed when he said that at the moment any change to a govt website had to be approved in many-month process (5-6? I’m not going back). Is that a Trump mandate? Must be because some things dropped off of several govt websites the very day of Trump’s inauguration. 🙄 I refuse to be distracted by his voice — we just need to pay attention to what he’s saying because, in theory, he represents the American people. I feel nauseous now…again.

      • Lightpurple says:

        There are multi-level review processes in place for all government functions. The full regulatory process can take a few months, most web site info is from agency regulations, but there are even shortcuts around that. The CDC doesn’t need 5 months to post a disease alert on its website. The trumps don’t understand any of the processes and have made no effort to learn. Hence, all the executive orders instead of regulatory changes.

  5. OSTONE says:

    Omg this Tom Riddle looking character sure does sound like a squirrel. Have fun in azkaban mofo.

  6. fiorucci says:

    I watched the beginning yesterday, he practically never looks up from the page which really makes it worse. I thought his voice sounded young too.

    • Jess says:

      Yeah it’s like a nervous high school student giving a speech.

    • Esmom says:

      Yeah, that struck me, too, his lack of confidence and mastery of the topic. So pathetic. He’ll never have a seat at the grownups table. Except maybe in prison. On second thought, probably not in prison either, lol.

      • lightpurple says:

        Curious if any of the IT people from the VA or Social Security were brought into the discussions. You know, the people who have to work with these systems.

    • Bethy says:

      @lightpurple I was at my local VA hospital yesterday for a pre-surgery consult and the nurse had to gerryrig a computer so she could sign in and put in my weight, blood pressure, etc. The hospital opened SIX months ago, is state of the art (or so I’ve been told) and they need rubber bands for their computers! Plus they are running on Windows 7. *prays the system doesn’t update to Windows 10 while I’m in the OR*

      Yet Tom Riddle is going to fix the VA…and the Middle East. Sure.

  7. kNY says:

    He reminds me of Vanessa Bayer’s little Jewish boy Jacob on SNL’s Weekend Update. Except not endearing.

  8. boredblond says:

    My first thought when viewing his ‘debut’ was ..this is the kid who’s on his way to negotiate peace in the mid-east? Omg

    • Belle Epoch says:

      Agree! They’re going to eat him for breakfast. He did NOT get where he is through competence and wise negotiations – plus he’s known for pushing his way even when his way is a disaster and everyone tries to tell him so. I wonder how they will spin this absurd idea when he fails?

  9. SW says:

    He sounds OK. He’s a d*ck, but his voice is OK. It’s not in the David Beckham league of peculiar voices. The only surprising thing is his regional twang. Otherwise he sounds a bit like Jake Gyllenhaal to me. They have that same smudgily nasal thing going on.

    • LAK says:

      I was expecting David Beckham level squeak, but it’s not there at all. Then again, Beckham is the gold standard of squeaky voices on someone who presents as overtly male so perhaps i’m not judging this one properly.

      Also, prep schools were in Jersey NOT fancy Manhattan ones. Essentially, inspite of that silver spoon, he grew up in Jersey. His early working years were in Jersey. He only transferred to Manhattan in his mid-20s. Thus his regional twang.

      • third ginger says:

        I think I’d prefer Jake G. to negotiate peace in the Middle East.

      • Esmom says:

        third ginger, Amen.

      • magnoliarose says:

        Actually it is because he went to a Yeshiva school, not a WASP school like Andover or Choate. He most likely spoke Hebrew in school and a lot Jews in that area have an accent no matter their social class. Many in the Orthodox communities especially. But there definitely is a raised in Manhattan non accent.

      • CynicalAnn says:

        @magnoliarose-how much Hebrew do they speak in Yeshiva schools? Don’t they just speak English unless it’s an actual Hebrew class? Or if they’re doing religious studies? I just assumed it was mainly English. And to your point-he’s not a wasp-he’s a rich kid from New Jersey who also looks like he stepped out of a Vineyard Vines ad.

    • mkyarwood says:

      Who else belongs to the League of Peculiar Voices

    • perplexed says:

      Yeah, I thought it was going to be worse. Disappointed it wasn’t.

  10. Tate says:

    Jared looks and sounds a little nervous. What could he be nervous about???

    • PunkyMomma says:

      This was my thought, too. He sounded as if he might wet himself at any moment.

      I also think Cheeto Covfefe Mussolini wouldn’t allow Complicit to marry a guy whose voice was more masculine sounding that his own. Cheeto’s voice is BIGLY!

      Final thought: Can you imagine Kushner and Complicit in conversation? Opie Taylor meets The Daddy Whisperer. Yikes!

    • Megan says:

      Maybe he is nervous about CNN report that he has failed to divest himself of 90% of his business holdings even though he promised he would have no conflicts of interest. Amazingly, someone bought out his interest in 666 5th Ave, despite the building being $1.4 billion in debt. I wonder if the buyer has a Russian accent?

      I assume Jamie Gorelick is dumping him because he played her bigly when she did a press tour assuring us all of his “ethics.”

    • swak says:

      I was a teacher and as long as I was dealing with my subject I wasn’t nervous, but give me something to talk about that I was not as familiar with, the I was nervous. Also, if he has never talked in front of a large group like that, it can be overwhelming. Just a couple reasons.

    • lightpurple says:

      Maybe because he knows absolutely nothing about IT?

      • sendepause says:

        Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner. He is so flipping unqualified for any of the things he is in charge of.

  11. Kimma1216 says:

    Creepy version of KD Lang.

  12. Jess says:

    Ugh he sounds pre pubescent. That said can we have some kamala Harris posts instead of these idiots. I need some inspiration today!

  13. Gina says:

    He sounds like a nervous 13 year old barmitzvah boy reading his Torah portion, but in English, which makes it even more cringey

    • Who ARE These People? says:

      I’d like to hear his modim (statement of gratitude): “And I want to thank my father in law bigly for giving me a bigly job….and I want to thank my wife for covering my ass through her Instagram pictures of our kids…and I want to thank my father for teaching me everything I need to know about corruption in business and for paying off Harvard to get me in…and I want to thank Russia, for everything, and China for the rest, and I want to thank my lawyers past present and future for all their hard work. I am indeed a lucky, lucky boy.”

  14. Jenns says:

    His voice is exactly what I expected.

  15. TheOtherOne says:

    People, Kaiser invited us to a party. I’m going to bring popcorn and music. What will the musical theme be? Should we go for baritone males, musicals, or ????

    We need to incorporate Barry White – whose voice is the direct opposite of Precious J – and songs from the Jersey Boys soundtrack. Jared looks like the type to take of his blazer for a good musical. Help!

  16. third ginger says:

    All I can think of is the administration’s dangerous rejection of “experts.” Someone on TV [I’m sorry not to recall his name] referred to Jared as a “rando.”

  17. Eric says:

    Ivanka the Terrible used her Fascist Baby Whisper to tell Jared to never speak again after he revealed he’s a 12-year-old girl.

    Good luck getting that attorney, Cindy Brady, because Mueller got the best witness-flipper in America as one of his chess pieces.

    Checkmate, mate?

    • LAK says:

      Setting aside Mueller’s current task, if he is the same Mueller who worked for Bush administration, i wonder why people are not more alarmed by his appointment. His record is appalling. People celebrating him may as well celebrate Kissinger.

      • Megan says:

        @LAK I have no idea what this comment even means. Mueller is nothing like Kissinger. There have been few FBI directors as respected and admired as Mueller.

      • SusanneToo says:

        Elucidate, please.

      • third ginger says:

        I thought those on the right were unhappy with Mueller because he was hiring too many Democrats.

      • LAK says:

        Ladies (i presume), it isn’t about politics nor do i care which side of the aisle he sits on politically. And i’ve specifically said IF he is the same person who worked for Bush.

        He was instrumental in crafting and extending the surveillance powers of the state. Unlawfully it was found. The Bush administration fearmongered the public into accepting this under the guise of the war on terror. And that was the excuse given so that the govt could get away with it.

        He turned the FBI into an intelligence gathering organisation instead of the crime fighting one per it’s original mandate. There is a difference between intelligence gathering vs crime fighting. It’s under the guise of ‘intelligence gathering’ that he was able to change the FBI to essentially do the same thing as the NSA.

        I compare him to Kissinger because under his tenure, the FBI trained foreign regimes to use interrogation techniques that remain unacceptable under USA law.

        His appointment, and the casual acceptance and re-emergence of Bush era appointees should alarm people.

        I wager he will do a good job here, but at what cost to everyone else?

      • Megan says:

        @LAK the FBI has always been an intelligence gathering entity. The CIA, not FBI, trains foreign regimes, and Mueller helped Comey end what he regarded as illegal surveillance by the White House during W’s tenure.

      • LAK says:

        Meghan: i know the difference between the organisations, and i know what the 2 organisations do and where. I’m sure you’ve seen my posts railing against the CIA.

        In this specific case, what the FBI did was outside of their remit which is why it caused comment because, and i agree, usually it’s the CIA or the NSA that does these things.


        And it was all done under the guise of the war on terror.

      • Megan says:

        @LAK Why jump to the assumption that Egypt was trained in torture by the FBI? This seems like you are making the facts fit your perception.

      • LAK says:

        Meghan: I can assure you, i do not work for the telegraph newspaper which is a fairly accurate paper in their reporting nor do i randomly fabricate US govt documents that support telegraph articles or pick random countries out of a hat just to make a point on CB.

      • holly hobby says:

        Before his appt to the FBI, Mueller was the US Attorney of Northern CA. He is highly respected among these circles and that was the reason why Bush promoted him to FBI.

        The one thing about Mueller is he cannot be bought and he runs an impartial investigation – this is despite what Evil Cabbage Patch Doll, slutty mistress humping Newt Gingrich wants everyone to believe.

        He is also the one choice where Republicans cannot say it was a fixed or slanted investigation. Mueller is a respected attorney on both sides of the aisle. Orangino knows that that’s why he’s blowing a gasket and having Evil Cabbage Patch and Drunk Cabbage Patch (Bannon) do a character assasination.

  18. Onerous says:

    Both he and Ivanka speak just like those FLDS Warren Jeffs followers – so creepy!

  19. lizzie says:

    fancy prep schools and Ivy League education only smooth out your accent when you go to class and learn something…

    • Karen says:

      He did not go to prep school. He went to yeshiva-The Frisch School. At Yeshiva your day includes religious studies.

      At Harvard he most likely socialized with other Orthodox Jews, not the preps. He was involved with Chabad.

      • Odette says:

        A lot of wealthy Jewish boys from the NY, NJ, CT area go to yeshiva (it’s not necessarily a religious thing — more of a “networking prep” thing; and they pretty much hang with the Philadelphia mainline prep-bros. Same species.

      • Karen says:

        Yeshiva is definitely not a prep thing on Long Island. I live near one of the largest yeshivas. It is not like Horace Mann or Choate. Some families are Orthodox and others are there because they want their children to get a Jewish Education.

        Sorry Jared sounds like. Yeshiva boy.

      • magnoliarose says:

        I said that above. lol

  20. Whatever Gurl says:

    And Karlie Kloss wants Jared as a brother-in-law?

    I know, $$$$$. But still.

    Can’t she do better?

    • Carrie says:

      I doubt she cares about Jared. Which would be sad for healthy family relationships except for this family being not that good (his father hiring someone for his sister’s husband, I forget… twas gross)

      I don’t know what Karlie’s fiance is like but recall he wasn’t of same beliefs or loyalties as Jared, so that’s something. Then again she counts Swift as a bff so that’s not exactly a ringing endorsement of her judgment or standards either.

  21. SusanneToo says:

    I have to take exception to the description of Illiterate-in-Chief sounding like a screeching toddler. He sounds like a thug in a b-movie portrayed by a very bad actor. I fully expect him to come out with “dese” and “dose” and “youse guys.” He sounds like he was educated on the Mean Streets rather than tony prep schools. It does fit his style of “governing,” though.

  22. Jezza says:

    It is wrong that I think his voice is hilarious?? Not that I expected it to be some deep, masculine tone, but it is way more effeminate and nasally than I expected. Less evil sounding, too! I was def expecting a more evil sounding voice!

    Basically, he needs not to speak anymore. It just adds to the whole package of terrible.

    • jwoolman says:

      Plenty of men have higher pitched voices, just as plenty of women have lower pitched voices. Doesn’t mean anything, it’s a normal variation.

  23. SoulSPA says:

    Maybe he should be stopped from going to the Middle East if he’ll be subject to an investigation. I know he is innocent until proven guilty. But if there are major doubts over him maybe it should be better if he limited his involvement in affairs abroad.

    • Mumzy says:

      I vote that he should immerse himself in the Middle East, perhaps permanently, to better understand the centuries of conflict before he “fixes” all of their problems. Maybe he can even help them move to “the cloud.”

    • Who ARE These People? says:

      He might stay in Israel because his automatic citizenship there could help protect him… LOL

      • SoulSPA says:

        @Who ARE These People? I knew he was Jewish but not that he was an Israeli citizen. Are dual nationals allowed to hold important positions in the US Administration? Major conflict of interest if you asked me. He’s got access to all sorts of classified information.

      • AnnaKist says:

        Exactly what I thought, WATP. That’s his Plan B.

      • Pumpkin Pie says:

        Is it automatic? From what I know there is a process, e.g. applying for citizenship and such.

      • magnoliarose says:

        I wondered that too. Remember in the Godfather when the old Jewish gangster was refused asylum in Israel? It could happen to Crooked Jared.

      • jwoolman says:

        There’s a process that isn’t automatic, but he has the right of return. So he can live in Israel and get citizenship if he wants. Don’t know if there would be any problem with his wife since she’s a convert. Anyway, Israel doesn’t generally extradite citizens, or at least that’s what I’ve heard.

    • ickythump says:

      You could’ve said the same about Tony Blair – middle east peace envoy my arse…..the guy who started a phoney war – the consequences of which have been appalling.

  24.  SG says:

    When I first saw this yesterday I thought it was dubbed and when I finally realized it wasn’t I involuntarily screamed out ‘what the fuck?!’ to my empty house. Howwwww does Ivanka have sex with him? How?

    • AnnaKist says:

      Well, SG, I thought it, and wondered if anyone would bring it up… You deserve a gold star. ⭐️

    • Pumpkin Pie says:

      Maybe she does, maybe she doesn’t. I find it odd that she has one girl and two boys, just as drumpf and ivana. Coincidence or not?

  25. JenB says:

    No wonder Ivanka was stalking Trudeau.

  26. Adrien says:

    The only thing moving was his mouth. Remember those Conan O’Brein “live via satellite” sketches wherein the show’s resident comic’s moving lips (the guy who does Truimph’s voice) is placed over a still picture of a celebrity, usually Arnold, Bill Clinton or Martha? Jared reminds me of one those Mike Tyson lipovers.

  27. holly hobby says:

    I heard Precious Jared on the news last night. He is not a good public speaker. He sounds like a high school kid being made to speak in speech class. WTF is that? I guess Orangino doesn’t really employ the best. He just keeps people who’s heads are buried far into his body cavity.

  28. Rory says:

    Can’t wait for Queen Kamala to interrogate this wimpy voiced little daddy’s boy.

  29. mogul says:

    I will bring balls to the party, because he sure needs one.

  30. BendyWindy says:

    I’m no fan, but he sounds like plenty of average 36 year old men. Not everyone sounds like Barry White. Jeeze.

    • nafisa says:

      Agree. I mean, he’s an awful man but his voice is ok. He just sounds like a regular guy. *shrugs*

  31. L says:

    It’s funny because I read the description about his voice first and then when the vid played, I genuinely thought at first that the female newsperson who was speaking over the clip was Precious J’s voice and immediately began laughing. 😂😂😭

  32. magnoliarose says:

    Eh he sounds my boyfriend but of course that was in 8th grade but still cut Crooked J some slack Wittle bitty Jawed hadn’t had his nap and juice box yet.

  33. Tanya says:

    Honestly, with his plucked brows and effeminate appearance I expected him to sound like Michael Jackson so his actual voice is “manly” by comparison. 😂

  34. DesertReal says:

    Honestly he sounds exactly the way he looks.
    The only way his voice would’ve been more indicative of how he looks, is if it would’ve cracked.

  35. perplexed says:

    He sounds like…Woody Allen.

  36. teehee says:

    I think he has NO PLACE anywhere in any governing role. This is just elbow rubbing croneyism. That its ALLOWED….. is not surprising but still entirely wrong. What qualifications does this guy have besides being married to the equally unqualified presidents equally unqualified daughter?

  37. SoulSPA says:

    He’s arrived to Israel – I’ve seen pictures and footage of him on TV. Oh goodie, he looked so shy and somehow embarrassed. Given the alleged leaking of info obtained from Israel, I don’t know why the Israelis trust an “envoy” of the US linked to the Drumpf. Definitely something going on there. What could it be? Some sort of shadows to hide potential business deals? Damage control by Israel? Time will tell, I guess.

  38. Bread and Circuses says:

    Oddly, that’s EXACTLY how I expected him to sound — like a spoiled trust fund kid who gets paid too much and thinks it’s because he deserves it.