Jenny Slate is currently promoting her role in Landline, a film about two sisters who suspect their father is screwing around on their mother. The film is about lies and infidelity and the differences between how the world treats honesty, lies and infidelity between men and women. To promote the film, Jenny has been giving some interesting interviews and telling some funny and fascinating stories. None of it is about Chris Evans, but stick around for one of the most bizarre blind-date stories EVER. Some assorted quotes:

Women and infidelity: “I feel that in society, generally when a man cheats, we’re a bit more forgiving because we tend to think men need to satisfy their needs. Whereas if women cheat, they are liars, insidious or insecure. We have a president now who won an election because he bragged about cheating, lying, and assaulting people, and a woman who lost because she also was untruthful. One was elevated and one was denigrated.”

She thinks her career is already over: “I woke up this morning like, ‘Ugh, my career’s over’… There aren’t a lot of good parts. Everybody says it and they’ve said it for forever. But I am not seeing a lot of stuff coming my way. I think all of a sudden I was like, ‘Oh I guess there is a thing where they want the 23-year-olds more than they want women of my age, even though I think I’m young and fresh and vibrant.'”

She has rules about what she won’t do though: No network TV — unless it’s a bit part. She says she wouldn’t be happy sticking to one show in one role for seven years, unless it was a show like Transparent, where each episode is “art.” “I don’t want to be in a big bad studio comedy. And be a version of what men think women are. And that is majorly happening still.”

Texting with her blind-date before they even met: “So anyway, he’s like, “Let’s go to the Renaissance fair,” and I call my friends, and I’m like, “I’m not going on this date.” And they’re like, “Oh Jenny, come on, don’t be so closed down, you need to get out there.” I’m like, “UGH, fine.” Then we have a series of text messages back and forth that I’m just kind of like, What is this? Is this what dating is like? I was with my ex-husband for nine years, then I was in a very serious relationship that was passionate for a year, and I’m like, I don’t know, maybe I just don’t know what’s going on. And he’s asking me these questions that I’m like, What. The. F–k. Why don’t you just wait?

Arriving for the date: “It’s 1pm. So I’m like Jenny, no, don’t be a c***. It takes you so long to pick out an outfit before you leave your house. Pick one out now and stick to it. So I pick out an outfit. I’m like, “I’m going to be wearing a multicolored skirt and a black shirt.” I go to the restaurant. I’m like, “I’m here, I’m in the booth. Where are you?” He’s like, “I’m just settling up at the bar. Be right there.” He comes around the corner inside the restaurant… this dude, and I’m not kidding, is dressed in full chain mail. He’s got a full authentic knight’s costume on, including a floor-length tabard, which I called a tunic and then he corrected me and was like, “It’s actually a tabard.” It was made of a thick, smoky blue suede. He had a crest, like a coin purse. It was authentic. He told me later he had rented it from the Russell Crowe Robin Hood movie.”

[From Nylon, Variety and Refinery29]

The story about the blind date gets SO MUCH WORSE from there, and she tells the story in exquisite detail, about how mad she is about this guy showing up in a knight costume complete with chainmail and how he keeps getting caught on everything at the completely normal restaurant and how she stood in the parking lot after the date, helping him take off the chainmail. Then after all that, she went back inside and got really drunk by herself. All in all, a portrait of what it’s like to date in your mid-30s, I would say. You can read the full story here.

Also: “I was with my ex-husband for nine years, then I was in a very serious relationship that was passionate for a year…” Chris Evans was the serious and passionate relationship. Imagine being the dude who has to come after Captain America for Jenny Slate. That’s pretty ridiculous. But even then, dude, don’t show up to a date wearing chainmail.

Photos courtesy of WENN.