Jenny Slate’s blind date story involves a dude showing up in ‘full chainmail’

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Jenny Slate is currently promoting her role in Landline, a film about two sisters who suspect their father is screwing around on their mother. The film is about lies and infidelity and the differences between how the world treats honesty, lies and infidelity between men and women. To promote the film, Jenny has been giving some interesting interviews and telling some funny and fascinating stories. None of it is about Chris Evans, but stick around for one of the most bizarre blind-date stories EVER. Some assorted quotes:

Women and infidelity: “I feel that in society, generally when a man cheats, we’re a bit more forgiving because we tend to think men need to satisfy their needs. Whereas if women cheat, they are liars, insidious or insecure. We have a president now who won an election because he bragged about cheating, lying, and assaulting people, and a woman who lost because she also was untruthful. One was elevated and one was denigrated.”

She thinks her career is already over: “I woke up this morning like, ‘Ugh, my career’s over’… There aren’t a lot of good parts. Everybody says it and they’ve said it for forever. But I am not seeing a lot of stuff coming my way. I think all of a sudden I was like, ‘Oh I guess there is a thing where they want the 23-year-olds more than they want women of my age, even though I think I’m young and fresh and vibrant.’”

She has rules about what she won’t do though: No network TV — unless it’s a bit part. She says she wouldn’t be happy sticking to one show in one role for seven years, unless it was a show like Transparent, where each episode is “art.” “I don’t want to be in a big bad studio comedy. And be a version of what men think women are. And that is majorly happening still.”

Texting with her blind-date before they even met: “So anyway, he’s like, “Let’s go to the Renaissance fair,” and I call my friends, and I’m like, “I’m not going on this date.” And they’re like, “Oh Jenny, come on, don’t be so closed down, you need to get out there.” I’m like, “UGH, fine.” Then we have a series of text messages back and forth that I’m just kind of like, What is this? Is this what dating is like? I was with my ex-husband for nine years, then I was in a very serious relationship that was passionate for a year, and I’m like, I don’t know, maybe I just don’t know what’s going on. And he’s asking me these questions that I’m like, What. The. F–k. Why don’t you just wait?

Arriving for the date: “It’s 1pm. So I’m like Jenny, no, don’t be a c***. It takes you so long to pick out an outfit before you leave your house. Pick one out now and stick to it. So I pick out an outfit. I’m like, “I’m going to be wearing a multicolored skirt and a black shirt.” I go to the restaurant. I’m like, “I’m here, I’m in the booth. Where are you?” He’s like, “I’m just settling up at the bar. Be right there.” He comes around the corner inside the restaurant… this dude, and I’m not kidding, is dressed in full chain mail. He’s got a full authentic knight’s costume on, including a floor-length tabard, which I called a tunic and then he corrected me and was like, “It’s actually a tabard.” It was made of a thick, smoky blue suede. He had a crest, like a coin purse. It was authentic. He told me later he had rented it from the Russell Crowe Robin Hood movie.”

[From Nylon, Variety and Refinery29]

The story about the blind date gets SO MUCH WORSE from there, and she tells the story in exquisite detail, about how mad she is about this guy showing up in a knight costume complete with chainmail and how he keeps getting caught on everything at the completely normal restaurant and how she stood in the parking lot after the date, helping him take off the chainmail. Then after all that, she went back inside and got really drunk by herself. All in all, a portrait of what it’s like to date in your mid-30s, I would say. You can read the full story here.

Also: “I was with my ex-husband for nine years, then I was in a very serious relationship that was passionate for a year…” Chris Evans was the serious and passionate relationship. Imagine being the dude who has to come after Captain America for Jenny Slate. That’s pretty ridiculous. But even then, dude, don’t show up to a date wearing chainmail.

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Photos courtesy of WENN.

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22 Responses to “Jenny Slate’s blind date story involves a dude showing up in ‘full chainmail’”

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  1. rachel says:

    I’d like to have a drink with her.

  2. 77_club_fit says:

    She is not a classical beauty and doesn’t look fully white or black or something specific. Hollywood does not like that. And she did not do enough during her younger years. She has next to no pedigree, unlike people such as Lizzy Caplan or Michelle Rodriguez who are in the same boat as her.

    She needs to find another outlet or hope for a miraculous netflix/HBO series.

  3. Emily says:

    If a guy showed up wearing chain mail to the actual Rennaissance Fair, that might actually be kind of cute and cool, if I was into that sort of thing. But just a normal restaurant….no.

    • Chaine says:

      There are women that are really into Renaissance cosplay. Maybe the guy decided to go all in to see if she was his type or not ASAP.

    • lucy2 says:

      Yeah, that confused me though, she agreed to go to the Fair but instead they went to a restaurant? And he still wore the chain mail?!?

  4. Jenns says:

    This is why I don’t do blind dates or online dating. Or basically any dating at all. Obviously people have great results, but after all the nightmare stories I hear, I just couldn’t deal with it.

    • OTHER RENEE says:

      I met my husband online. I was nervous about our first date and considered canceling. I’m so glad I didn’t. His best friend met his amazing wife online too. It’s not all bad.

  5. Down and Out says:

    I really like the part where she talks about guys making an inappropriate grand gesture and putting the woman in the position of being a b*tch for reacting negatively or being the dream girl who supports him. It’s such gross & selfish behavior.

    • Blair Warner says:

      Her use (misuse) of the language, though – “I’m like __” and “He’s like ___” – incessantly! She speaks like an uneducated teenager and I’m glad her words are transcribed in all their inarticulate glory.

  6. PIa says:

    There is this chart that shows the age of women men are attracted to always 21-22. THat in combination with the research that online dating clearly has some racial biases, makes me depressed about the current dating scene. No one talks to each other at bars, at parties, I can’t even strike up a conversation with a stranger, everyone is on their phone.

  7. Maria says:

    LOL wait…. wasn’t she claiming her “relationship” with Chris was 8-9 months long being that she “waited” until her marriage was over? & passionate? Yea Evans was definitely impassioned especially when she was being accused of being a cheater & he never bothered to come to her defense.. Nor did he ever fully acknowledge whatever they had until she spilled tea in her “profile” months after they broke up.

    Girl, bye. She claims she doesn’t want to be known for the men she’s been with yet she always needs to allude to their existence in some way.

    Also, why is she always talking about her ex husband as almost an afterthought yet Evans was the incredible, wonderful person in her life? Famewhore.

  8. AbbyRose says:

    She also recently said that she hates the way her love life is covered in the media and that the celebrity gossip industry is a tool of the patriarchy. If she really believes that then why does she discuss her own love life in very personal detail in interviews!? She’s quickly approaching Lena Dunham territory for me.

    Here is the article

    • Lily says:

      THANK YOU! I was just about to say the same thing.

      She has a very basic & convenient Dunham/Schumer-esque understanding of feminism.
      During promo for that movie with Chris she relentlessly waxed poetic about him & now she’s annoyed that people care to hear more about him than her? C’mon.

    • QueenB says:

      I read that too and thought to myself: Girl you told everyone about your “7 grade dream boyfriend” and made a lengthy profile all about him. There are celebs who manage to stay out of the spotlight and they are far more famous than she is. Way more known and succesful women than her and you dont hear about their love life. And lets not pretend the typical hot guys dont have an unhealthy focus on their love life. I mean all those crazy theories about Cumberbatch, Harry Styles etc.

      Its the school of Taylor and Lena feminism. And I dont even mean white feminism because they are worse than race, they dont even care about other white women but only themselves.

      • Maria says:

        “There are celebs who manage to stay out of the spotlight and they are far more famous than she is. Way more known and succesful women and you dont hear about their love life. ”

        BINGO! She knew what she was doing by going on & on about Chris; let’s be completely honest, people were checking for her because of that. Now, not so much.

        I’m close to someone who works at the same firm as her publicist, who she hired conveniently right before it was “revealed” that they were dating”, & there was nothing serious about their situation. She tried to milk it for fame

      • Urs says:

        @ Maria. That’s really gross of her.

        She also did a Anna Faris’ ‘Unqualified’ podcast with Chris Evans while they were a couple. But she publicly says she expects privacy? Gimme a break…

    • JG says:

      She should have said ‘tool of the matriarchy” – straight white men do not give a crap about celebrity gossip.

  9. Shirurusu says:

    Haha, I know the feeling! My blind date after a serious relationship wasn’t as bad as Jennys, but still pretty bad. Went out with a guy I used to know from school many years before but hadn’t seen in a long time, got a bit suspicious from the texts he sent but talked myself into going… Once we were seated and having drinks, he started doing funny voices and cartoon characters… non stop! I was like… eh what?

    We were in a normal restaurant and the guy was hamming it up, playing flamboyant, doing funny little moves with his head… It was seriously embarrassing and not funny at all, and nothing like I remembered him from school. After a while I just wanted to reach over the table and catch his little flailing arms and go “chill out!!” Haha. Didn’t date for a while after that, scared me right off :)

  10. HoustonGrl says:

    LOL! If a guy showed up in chain mail, I’d be like “alright. I guess i can be myself.”

  11. Sylvia says:

    Her divorce to the person she was with for a decade was only finalized this year, roughly at the same time as the end of the affair which caused the divorce in the first place. So she’s been in a relationship of some kind for 10-11 years straight, and single now for only a few months… but she’s already going out on blind dates?

    I’m sorry, but I kind of can’t stand women who always have to have a man and can’t be alone for any length of time – I lose respect for women like that so fast, especially when they’re of the faux feminist type who declare everything is a tool of the patriarchy, and rather than own their mistakes, act like their selfish screw ups are really about female empowerment. Girl, no. You are your own worst oppressor right now and really need to take a year off pursuing men and just be with yourself for once so you can learn to love you.