The more stories I read about Harvey Weinstein, about the abuse, anguish and torment his victims went through, and about the way that so many people covered up, dismissed and minimized his horrific actions, the sicker I feel. This latest story, an account by Terry Crews of being sexually assaulted at a party by a male executive, isn’t even about Harvey but it feels like the floodgates have been opened and like we’re about to hear more victims’ stories. In Terry’s case he didn’t name his attacker, which is completely understandable and it must have taken a lot for him to come forward with this story, but I think we’ll know in a few days. I think more of these abusers are about to get publicly named.
Terry tweeted an disturbing story about how he was violated right in front of his wife at a party and realized he couldn’t retaliate, either immediately with violence or professionally by naming his attacker, for fear of being blamed. That’s what these predators count on. The quotes below are from a series of tweets by Terry, which is why they have frequent abbreviations and text-speak.
This whole thing with Harvey Weinstein is giving me PTSD. Why? Because this kind of thing happened to ME.
My wife n I were at a Hollywood function last year n a high level Hollywood executive came over 2 me and groped my privates.
Jumping back I said What are you doing?! My wife saw everything n we looked at him like he was crazy. He just grinned like a jerk.
I was going to kick his ass right then— but I thought twice about how the whole thing would appear.
240 lbs. Black Man stomps out Hollywood Honcho” would be the headline the next day.
Only I probably wouldn’t have been able to read it because I WOULD HAVE BEEN IN JAIL. So we left.
That night and the next day I talked to everyone I knew that worked with him about what happened.
He called me the next day with an apology but never really explained why he did what he did.
I decided not 2 take it further becuz I didn’t want 2b ostracized— par 4 the course when the predator has power n influence.
I let it go. And I understand why many women who this happens to let it go.
Who’s going 2 believe you? ( few) What r the repercussions?(many) Do u want 2 work again? (Yes) R you prepared 2b ostracized?(No)
I love what I do. But it’s a shame and the height of disappointment when someone tries to takes advantage of that.
He knows who he is. But sumtimes Uhav2 wait & compare notes w/ others who’ve been victimized in order 2gain a position of strength.
I understand and empathize with those who have remained silent. But Harvey Weinstein is not the only perpetrator.
Hollywood is not the only business we’re this happens, and to the casualties of this behavior— you are not alone.
Hopefully, me coming forward with my story will deter a predator and encourage someone who feels hopeless.
[From Terry Crews’s Twitter via E!]
That was powerful! Here is a guy who was grabbed in a public place, with witnesses, who spoke out about it immediately but who couldn’t follow through because he feared for his career. Imagine what someone abused behind closed doors faces and imagine the ways that abusers can and do retaliate against them. Weinstein did it by smearing actresses’ reputations and by assuring they’d never work again in the industry. Terry acknowledges that in his story, that women often have to let it go and that they have no choice. He understands what that’s like because it happened to him in a situation where he had more potential leverage and knew it still wasn’t enough. It’s almost never enough.
The Oscar-winning director of Scientology doc Going Clear, Alex Gibney, is working on a new documentary about the late Fox news head, Roger Ailes, who was implicated in multiple sexual assault cases. Gibney has an interview with the Daily Beast in which he states that Weinstein is just the tip of the iceberg and that there’s widespread sexual assault in the film industry. He also makes it clear that these executives can only be called out publicly when their power is on the wane, which was the case with both Ailes and Weinstein. Gibney told The Daily Beast (and this is paraphrased by The Beast) that “there could be a burgeoning scandal of the scale we have seen in the Catholic Church, where serial abusers were allowed to carry on working within the church no matter how many times they had been accused.”
photos credit: WENN.com
Hmm… Scott Rudin?
I assumed Bryan Singer. That makes sense though
Could be David Geffen.
Terry’s story is powerful. It really is about power and money, as if the perpetrator knows he/she has full control. And it’s not just the entertainment industry, which I hope is a message that resonates.
He makes excellent points in those tweets, and I’m glad he told his story.
Same. This was so important he told his story for so many reasons. Gender, race, power balance, witnesses, and the toxic environment of the industry being so toxic to name a few.
This was the only man whose opinion on this mattered or was sincere. And the inclusion of what would happen to him as a black man is very important.
You are Spot On Miss Grace Jones.
I too am glad he told his story and sincerely hope others will as well.
Agreed.
@ Miss Grace Jones, 100% agree.
Fifth. I whole-heartedly agree, as well.
I’d also like to add that I adore Terry. Brooklyn 99 is, in my opinion, the best comedy on TV right now.
I 100 % agree. He’s a wonderful man and brilliant on 99!!! The racial profiling episode they did last season when Terry was harassed by a fellow police officer was incredible. Very powerful and he was amazing.
I work in the finance industry and have experienced so many forms of sexual harassment and assault, I have had to totally change my work life and move into training and partially work from home as I couldn’t cope anymore. I was shattered.
I admire everyone who speaks out – it’s so hard.
I thought I could not love Terry C more. Clearly I was wrong. That is what upstanding and honest looks like.
“And the inclusion of what would happen to him as a black man is very important.” Agreed. I do think George Clooney was sincere too though. Some of the others, not so much. (Mostly Matt Damon and Ben Affleck)
No matter what the sex or race of the victim, this should never happen to anyone. Absolutely disgusting
No matter the sex or race agreed. But lets acknowledge the sex and race do matter in the power dynamics of this situation.
Yes-definitely.
Yep
Exactly.
Yeah. But pretending the intersection of race and sex wasn’t at play when silencing this victim in particular as he mentioned is obtuse.
And age…
But his conclusion is heartbreaking. He did the right thing for his career and his family. He spoke up now. Bless his heart.
Thank you, terry. The one positive I’ve noticed is the number of survivors opening up about their own assault experiences. It’s incredibly hard for anyone, but especially black men or “alpha-looking” type makes, to open up so publicly about this and admit to being afraid because of masculine toxicity. There’s an entire science behind it. It’s incredibly hard for victims to even admit this shit to themselves…imagine telling the whole world. It’s far braver than anything I’ve ever had to do before. Even after telling my own abuse account, plenty of people continued turned a blind eye to it and continued to associate with my abuser. I’m still glad I did it. I hope this is a real culture shift we are seeing.
I wish he would name this predator. I bet Terry is not the only one he had sexually assaulted.
My heart breaks for you and all victims of abuse that have been abused in the first place and then disregarded as you were.
Very good point. I was thinking yesterday that this is starting to feel the same as priests in the Catholic Church abusing people. Honestly I’m glad it’s all coming out. This is a new time!
Yeah, I think the floodgates are about to open. I hope Corey Feldman gets to a place where he can name names because the abuse he and Corey Haim suffered was an open secret in Hollywood for years. All of these rapists needs to be exposed.
Yep I was thinking about both Corey’s as well. I really hope they and all these victims get some sort of justice.
I hope so for them also. Terry Crews though – good for him!! That took courage. Was going to say balls but I make enough bad comedy as it is.
I hope so too so that the scum is chased away and we can begin to get people in entertainment who won’t hurt people and will push good stories and make great diverse films.
Bravo to Terry. That took guts.
I think Pandora box has been opened and we’re in for some pretty dark stories to come into light. I agree that this is just the tip of the iceberg.
I hope so. Not because I want to hear about them, but because I want the exposure to make major change. That said, I’m not terribly optimistic. 🙁
I have the same hope godwina. This sh-t has gone on for far too long, not just in Hollywood but everywhere.
I love Terry so much. Good for him for speaking out. Much love to him and the other victims (whether they speak out or not) ❤️
He did not speak out. Speaking out would involve disclosing the name of the abuser thereby making it more difficult for him to victimize others. This person groped Terry who can physically crush him, imagine what he does to others!!!
Its a start and we have to be careful with bashing the victim..in any form,,especially when you say they are not saying enough. IT was brave of him to speak out.
If you don’t think it took guts for him to come out and say what he did say, I think you are mistaken.
It was a big step to state what happened. Terry still has to make an income, and therein is a huge risk for the victims who are not independently wealthy.
That’s part of the point he’s making — he loves and needs work, and that’s part of the power imbalance.
Where did I bash him? I’ll wait…
I do think it took courage to say something. I am simply stating that this is yet another perpetrator that will go on doing it until he is identified and shunned.
These types of things trigger me. I was raped by a co-worker who had previously assaulted 2 others in our large organization. They did not report or warn me when he offered me a ride home after a late session. Asked to use my bathroom, you can figure out the rest. Had the gall to try to comfort me by telling how they got through it afterwards. I quit, filed charges but obviously am still angry.
I’m sorry to hear you were raped. Yes, in your situation your co-workers could perhaps have reported it to HR or reached a settlement where they report, leave their jobs but with a good letter of recommendation for another job.
As you pointed out you were able to quit and find a new job. If he named names he would not only be out of a job but completely shut out of his profession. He would have to literally start his adult career all over again, as a Black man in our society it’s just not that easy. In a way it’s like Ivanka Trump telling women to just quit and find a new job, that’s unrealistic for many, many people regular people and actors alike. Not comparing you to that waste of space Ivanka just the comments.
Ultimately your rapist was the only person responsible for your violation and trauma. Your co-workers were victims too and can only be held responsible if they encouraged you to spend time with this rapist, knocked you out and loaded you in his car. I’m sincerely sorry for what happened to you though and thank you for sharing your story.
I read that last night and it’s just horrible. I think this could be similar to the Catholic Church and yeah there is a reason a lot of producers and executives are so quiet.
Oh sh*t I have insane respect for Terry Crews. He’s not only a delight, he’s also brave. Because he’s absolutely right, nobody would’ve taken that seriously. “Man up, don’t act like such a p*ssy.” would probably have been the response. And it goes to show that it’s not primarily about being able to physically fight someone off although for women that’s often a factor.
ETA: Somewhere, Bryan Singer is sh*tting his pants.
I hope so! He needs to be next!
No, I don’t think this is about Singer either. Singer likes them young. He just comes to mind.
Singer should be afraid, like Harvey there’s years of abuse that has happened. Hopefully those men will come forward now.
So glad Singer was brought up. He can die too for his abuses that are swept under the rug.
as mentioned above, Singer is who I theorized that Crews is referring to.
First, way to f!cking go Terry! It took unbelievable courage for him to share his story.
I don’t think this story is about Bryan Singer. He likes his victims a lot younger, from what I understand. And yes, I absolutely hope that he is the next man to fall. He is disgusting as hell and deserves to burn.
I hope he f-ing is!
He’s brave to tell his story and I hope the floodgates open.
My niece is considering costume design as a career and wanted to know why I am dead-set against it. Screw you Harvey Weinstein, Roman Polanski, Bill Cosby and everyone like you for forcing me to tell a sweet, talented 13 year old what Hollywood is really like.
That’s what breaks my heart. All the young people out there who only have a dream. All they want to do is create or just be famous and these horrible people are ripping it away.
Have her focus on costume design for the theater. I have a friend who designs on Broadway and it is an entirely different world than Hollywood.
Megan-that’s not entirely true. My SIL is very involved in theater in a major city and there are all kinds of incidents with non-SAG theaters. Directors, producers-all kinds of sexual harrassment/assault of both women and men.
I spent years in the theatre so, alas, to that I must guffaw in amazement that the theatre crowd is safer.
Chicago is dealing with the fallout of years of harassment of actresses and actors at the hands of an established theater director.
Sadly, abuse happens anywhere there is concentrated power. It is in the business world, the entertainment industry, sports, religion, health care, etc.
Megan
I live in NYC – thank you for this response! How can I do my own research/verifying? Does your friend have a blog?
Don’t let her give up her dream. I mean this even though I worked in an industry with rampant sexual harassment, my life was incredible, and most of it was incredible.
What I would suggest is that you call the Costume Designers Guild and ask about mentoring and how to learn more about the business or if they have any programs for young people.
There are good people behind the scenes and costuming is mostly women and gay men, like fashion. The two people I know who switched to it absolutely love it and find it exciting and challenging.
Don’t let Harvey and his ilk win by holding more women and girls back from their dreams. This is a societal problem and not a Hollywood problem. Sexual misconduct happens in all areas such as politics, medicine, business, the restaurant industry and on and on. Wherever a pervert has some sort of power no matter how small that power may be or the venue, they use it. It is no guarantee she will escape it no matter where she is, so it is probably more productive to talk about how to avoid it and what to do if she is approached inappropriately and what harassment means.
@magnoliarose
you’re amazing.
This speaks to the level of hubris these Hollywood pigs have. To think you could just grab the genitals of a grown man who could whoop your behind in a second, and in front of his wife! Ugh
When I heard about this I could hardly believe someone had the gall to assault TERRY CREWS!! Apparently some people are in positions that allow them to feel like God. Or like Masters over everyone else. Thanks to Terry for speaking up and broadening this situation.
That goes to show how this is so much about POWER. Displaying one’s power over an obviously physically strong/fit individual and in front of his wife. Taking his rights/power away, making him feel weak and belittled.
Folks won’t like that I bring this up and I’m not sure the perpetrator thought any more of this other than making a physically strong and attractive man feel weak but there is an added layer of Terry being black (at least on his end). In a time when black men (who am I kidding-black people!😣) are feeling weak, powerless, unequal his blackness was also something he had to consider. Don’t exert your rights and power because your being black will be held against you, negatively factored. Even in THAT, he was made to feel weaker or less than because of his blackness in his contemplating a response to this situation.
I started to (maybe I did hit submit) comment yesterday on the Dove commercial how as a foreign, black woman now living and working here how many times I’ve been so disgusted by how much race comes to play and how it’s deeply woven in the DNA of this country that I’ve had moments of panick in the last 3 years where I’ve wanted to pack up and ship out. So far my desire to remain, be a positive, black, female role model and influence in my community and to the students in my class and school continue to push me forward. But even that is a heavy weight I never felt prior to living in this country. I miss just living, getting to be and exist as an equal to all the other humans around me. This is a physically powerful, intelligent, man with many helpful contributions to society who was belittled and meant to feel weak not just in sexual harassment but in further contemplating his race in this country, the only thing that makes me feel a tad better is that there aren’t as many black women in this industry to be taken advantage of in this way and I suspect they’re not typically what these predators are going for these days. In my 30s I’m blessed to have not grown up being told this narrative about myself but even though I don’t “believe” it I feel like living in the US I’m force fed, coerced into accepting and living the lie that at the bottom of the barrel of a people whose lives are most devalued in this country there exist black women as societal garbage’s ick . Fighting that is exhausting.
I’m so sorry that you’ve had to experience that awful feeling in this country. I wish we as a nation would stop separating and compartmentalizing those who we perceive as being “different” from ourselves and start listening and regarding each other with respect and compassion.
Someone once said ” I didn’t know I was black till I came to America”. A friend who is British but of Somali origin told me that when they went to America for a road trip, the locals kept asking them where they were from, what type of black are they. They kept referring to them as “pretty N e g roes”. We laughed about it, but it is quite astonishing how uncouth some Americans are when it comes to race.
Indeed. I never forgot, when I finished my dissertation, my supervisor and some other full profs took me and my now ex-husband out to supper to celebrate. My supervisor (older white male, and in this case, into men) at one point put his hand on my husband’s stomach under the table and left it there quite a bit too long–but he knew I could see it, too. My husband was really unsettled and yep, POWER. If either of us made a stink, what do you think would have happened to my job prospects in academia, with supervisor in question being my main rec and champion? We both felt sick.
How awful. It’s especially hard for male victims to speak out. Hopefully his willingness to do so will make it safer for other men to talk about abuse.
I will see everything that he is in. EVERYTHING. I will support those who speak up.
I hope more men speak out, especially black men and men of color, because I am sure this happens in all industries. I hope this opens the floodgates to all industries, including sports.
This is so messed up. I’m not naive. I knew this was rampant, but to see that these predators could do this to a man Terry’s size and in public, just truly made me sick. What about our young kids? What’s happening to a young girl or boy who only want to fulfill their dreams? How can someone just come along and rip that away from them. Why can’t these people just drop dead!!! Just die and leave the world. My husband and I were really contemplating boarding school for our son, who would’ve gotten scholarships to many prestigious schools. We were already on the fence, with some of the research I’ve been doing, but now, this just tells me that EVERYWHERE, a predator is lurking for the right victim. I have to keep my kids close.
Still send your son to boarding school, Iknowwhatboyslike, but teach your kid about consent, and listening to his gut, and about guarding his own body. In addition, give him a cast iron guarantee that you have his back. You can’t shield kids forever, but you can give them the tools they need to survive.
Agreed dodgy. There are creeps everywhere, don’t deny him amazing opportunities because most of this world is evil. Do what you can to help him succeed and hope for the best.
This, and the same advice to the poster above who’s niece wants to go into costume design.
Unfortunate creeps and predators are everywhere, in probably every profession. People still have the right to pursue their dreams, whether that’s acting, costume design, or follow an opportunity like an excellent education.
This sort of behavior and crime continues because for too long it was swept under the rug, and the victims were not believed. We need to change the culture, and that happens through education and support.
As someone whose parents went overboard with trying to prevent these things from happening, I can tell you it doesn’t always work. In our case, one of our babysitters did things to several kids in my family. (The worst I personally experienced at the hands of that monster was being chased out of a house by him, wielding a large kitchen knife. I was an adult before being able to piece together the likeliest scenario, that I interrupted him abusing one of my cousins.)
I agree with Dodgy and Issaqueen, creeps are everywhere, and sometimes the worst things we can imagine happening, might be happening right under our noses.
As for Terry Crews, just ❤❤❤ what a powerful, brave thing from a beautiful human.
He made valid points and I was shocked at this news. His revelation and Gwyneth and Angelina’s accounts pretty much clarify why many of Weinstein’s attacks left victims horrified, silenced and ashamed for a long long time. This is about power, ladies. I have stopped asking why many actresses did not speak up if they knew or they heard. They had to have strength in numbers on their side, if not, nobody would believe. Terry is a big guy and he still felt helpless because of his actor position and I have no doubt because of his skin colour. It is also very very difficult for men to talk about sexual abuse. Imagine how easy it would be to disparage his reputation as a so called thug if he fought back. And imagine the already lack of roles for black people. Imagine Gwyneth and Angelina, having powerful family names and godfather in the industry, yet still being attacked. So please, let’s just hold Weinstein, the board and the DA accountable for now. Even journalists were threatened.
His wife should’ve slapped the perv.
Shock though, right? And total disbelief that this is happening.
I can think of two predatory f*ckers that need to be named publicly in the mainstream media: Bryan Singer and Dan Schneider.
Note: I couldn’t remember the 2nd dude’s last name and googled “Nickelodeon Dan Molester” and there are PAGES of allegations about him.
There was a lawsuit against Singer. It was dismissed. The press smeared that victim too like Harvey did with so many of his accusers.
…and yet again, we’re reminded how important it is to BELIEVE THE VICTIM. Time and time again, we learn stories were squashed and reputations were smeared over allegations that were 100% true.
“Who’s going 2 believe you? ( few) What r the repercussions?(many) Do u want 2 work again? (Yes) R you prepared 2b ostracized?(No)”
This so much.
Yep he summed it up so well. And the shame and embarrassment that the victim feels is too much.
That tweet & this one ‘Hollywood is not the only business we’re this happens, and to the casualties of this behavior— you are not alone.’ had me in tears. it’s such a simple way of explaining why victims stay silent.
I’ve been arguing with a male co-worker for two days about this exact thing. He doesn’t understand that to these actors and actresses, no matter their age, their career is EVERYTHING and speaking out could seriously damage that. He thinks that the women should just say eff you, slap the offender’s face and be done with it. He doesn’t seem to get that it isn’t easy to just walk away from a job because of being treated this way and that to so many people being rich and famous is the most important thing in their world. Perhaps it’s that he grew up privileged and is fairly arrogant that he thinks something else will always come along, I don’t know. I can’t even explain it but I find it exhausting trying to explain this to him. We watched the video of Ben Affleck and he was such a male about the whole thing, like well that girl has her arms around him, she’s giggling, etc. I tried telling him that if she told him to eff off she would have lost her job. His response well she is a reporter/journalist who has obviously been educated she could find another one.
GAH!!
Honestly, this is the first Hollywood story in years that I am reading EVERYTHING about it and it’s distracting me!
I’m sure this happens to males a lot as well but they are even far less likely to come forward than women due to all stigmas that applies. Also I wonder if people are less likely to not named those men abusing other men due to the “no outing” taboo. I truly hope that the ban on outing people goes out the window when it comes to abuse. Like how come Bryan Singer is still in business?
On a more positive note, kudos to Terry for admitting this, most people can’t. I was the victim of abuse when I was just a little girl and I have NEVER mentioned it to a soul. Not a soul.
Hugs Issaqueen. Big hugs
I’m so sorry that happened to you.
I believe you. You did not deserve that.
I was thinking about this last night, about the fact that Harvey is just one amongst any number of predators in Hollywood. I bet if you got 5 stars like Angelina, Gwyneth, and Jlaw in a room and asked them to make a list of all the people who operate like Harvey, they would be able to come up with a BUNCH of names.
And that’s the problem with all this demand to know ‘why didn’t you speak about earlier?’ What is your average Hollywood actress or actor meant to do? Get on Twitter and write a list of ten or fifteen jerks who have assaulted or tried to assault them, or used their power to get sex?
You would literally never, ever work again. And, you would be spending the next ten years defending yourself in lawsuits.
Exactly. The power these predators have is the very reason they’re able to continue on. If a guy on the sound crew harassed a star like Gwenyth or Angelina, he’d be immediately fired and wouldn’t get hired in Hollywood again. When it’s the studio head, or a producer, or other executive? Especially one with a reputation for destroying people who go against him? A lot of people, whether they are victims themselves or just heard the rumors, were really powerless in this situation.
hmmm, yes.
&
SILENCE is allowing this abuse of power to continue. SIlence is what is holding it in place. Silence.
(I’ve been silenced in my own life & I’ve learned to observe the part of myself that holds to silence, tightly, as a kind of numbing agent of protection. out of fear.)
we need ways – safe ways – together – to break the culture of silence. to support & hold space for the well of emotions, powerful & strong, that crash through, when the barrier to their safe expression & acknowledgement is removed.
every person who is coming forward now is having an impact – profound & lasting – on that cultural wall. we are in this society together. we can hear each other. we can resonant with each other’s experiences. we know what’s right & wrong.
speak if it’s your time to speak. share your experiences.
listen if it’s your time to listen. care.
both of those actions, together, like a dance, break down this wall.
i’m with you.
you are not alone.
I was reading about this this morning. Bravo to him for sharing his story and letting people know it’s not just women who can be victimized. I can only imagine the shock and confusion he felt (as well as his wife) that it happened in such a casual manner, out in the open, let alone at all. And I agree that the flood gates have been opened and this is just the beginning.
terry crews is brave and i am so sorry he, like many others has endured sexual abuse and humiliation but where are the “why didn’t these women say something” crowd on this? he didn’t name his abuser, which means it won’t stop that person from doing it again.
i’m asking b/c it seems like this is the general consensus around the weinstein issue. why didn’t anyone do anything about this “open secret”? why didn’t women who weren’t assaulted but heard about him, like meryl streep or jennifer lawrence, do anything?
like the women victimized by weinstein – i personally do not believe it is terry’s responsibility to name his attacker and save anyone but LOTS and LOTS of people do. i have been reading these boards and the fact is that many of the people on here are still questioning the women, demanding they do more, holding his wife responsible by staying with him and turning a blind eye. its all too much.
this is really a further example of why women don’t come out. when they do they get slut shamed and blamed for not doing it “right”. at the right time. to the right people. when a man comes out with information he’s a victim – we herald him as a savior b/c it is just so hard for men to admit it. there is a double standard for everything and its gross.
actually – i’m done with the internet this week b/c it makes me sad AF.
This really serves as a reminder that it is not just women who are victimized and not just women who feel powerless against it.
The narrative in some articles and in a LOT of comments is leaning towards “This is about EVIL MEN and the wickedness they do to women. All men are complicit, all women are innocent.”
But, no. This is about people with POWER and people without POWER. It is not black, white, male or female. If you don’t think there are female execs doing the same, and if you don’t think there are powerful females who knew about and went along with behavior like this, you aren’t seeing the real problem.
Exactly! The victims are yes women, but also men and children. This behavior is disgusting and needs to be stopped! And these people with power committing these crimes need to be called out and held responsible. I hope this is the beginning of more people coming forward with their stories. There is safety in numbers.
“This is about people with POWER and people without POWER. It is not black, white, male or female. If you don’t think there are female execs doing the same, and if you don’t think there are powerful females who knew about and went along with behavior like this, you aren’t seeing the real problem.”
If you fail to recognize the underlying power imbalances in male/female and black/white in this country you will fail to completely address the problem because you are ignoring socially sanctioned power imbalances.
This. Acknowledge the inherent struggle of women, poc and children and then you’re in an even stronger position to confront all abuse. When race and gender are weaponized it deserves focus and understanding.
In this instance, Terry Crews would have still been assaulted had he been white, because it is about power. He also says the aggressor was male but doesn’t specify what color he was.
My point being that reducing this to “old white boys club” is dangerous. The entirety of Hollywood needs a good scrubbing. There are black, gay and female persons who are also part of the problem.
Terry Crews coming forward, which was incredibly brave of him, reminds us that not all of the victims were white women. I’m only saying that not everyone on the wrong side of this is a white man.
My comment had more to do with how victims are chosen than who is likely to be the abuser.
BB, If that was your intent, to say that abusers come in all shapes and sizes, your point was poorly made and inappropriately timed.
Identifying abusers as only old white men is a problem, but that is not even close to the most pressing issue this raises.
If you see a black man being abused, you see vulnerable women being abused, and the thought that you need to share is: “women and black people are abusers too!”, thats a problem.
Reframe your shit, and I’d ask that you examine why you felt the need to post this now. To stand up for the poor menz? Or to make sure everyone knows that women and black folk and gay people are also shitty?
Because we are discussing two cases, one where an unidentified man was the assailant, and one where a white man was the assailant. So tell us again why we should be focussing on those evil women in power.
My comment addresses yours of “black/white” and “make/female”. As Terry Crews so bravely demonstrated, ANYONE can be a victim. It is actually NOT about their race or their sex.
You very quickly jumped in to say it was. Because of natural I’m balances of power.
It is not.
If you need further evidence that a powerful person can abuse countless individuals and get away with it, for years, with it being open it known, please google Bill Cosby.
Turning this awful situation into just a black/white or male/female argument does a disservice to people of color and men who are abused, and also to those abused by women or people of color. As Terry demonstrates, as Bryan Singer’s accusers demonstrate. Once again, it is about power. It is an equally tragic circumstance in our country that not enough women or people of color have power.
So stop trying to co-op this.
You were not speaking solely about the victims. You were specifically asking that we not forget the female abusers, don’t try to reframe your comment as victims come in all sizes, because thats not the part I take issue with.
Nor is that the part I responded to. I responded to this:
If you don’t think there are female execs doing the same, and if you don’t think there are powerful females who knew about and went along with behavior like this, you aren’t seeing the real problem.
That is co-opting an issue, and that is changing the narrative to serve your focus. This is the part I have an issue with. Well that and the comment about race and gender not mattering. Thats some I don’t see colour level of thinking.
@BB carrots I think what you are trying to say is that a culture of silence enables predators.
As to your other points – Just some experience, backed up by data – Every company I have worked in has had, if I am lucky, one female c-suite level exec – and they are usually in HR or Legal, almost never in the main business part, and almost never any POCs.
Do you think the female execs have power, as a lone voice in a company board or in a room of execs? No, of course not. In iceland, there is a law there must be at least 50% women on any board or executive level because they know – one is a token, two are still a minority. No need to say female execs are complicit in abuse because we do not have that law in the US. Predators know people are scared and want to keep their jobs, predators know minority voices get silenced, predators figure out and take advantage of those with naturally less power and respect.
Anyway, Who are these females with all this supposed power you are thinking of?? Why not blame the majority men, focus on the man who assaulted Crewes? i think that is why your comment rubbed detritus and also me the wrong way.
in the weinstein case, there were zero women harvey emailed for a letter recommending his character, and there were zero women on the weinstein company board. The balance of power remains with men, and yes, of course men can be victimized by the same system in which they hold power, that is kinda feminism 101, right? Feminism was intended to help men redress these abuses they experienced as much as it was founded to help women.
Hi Ladidah,
Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I think I am stating my point badly.
Terry Crews did an unspeakably brave thing coming forward as a male victim of sexual assault. So many others do not, and if they think it is because no one will believe them, that is tragic. If they feel they will be thought of as less masculine, that is tragic. Crews speaking out reminds us that an athletic, physically imposing person can be a victim too. Anyone can, not just (white) women.
I carried that thought on and combined it with what I feel like may be a slightly rresponsible focus on Weinstein’s white male colleagues and their guilt by association (“Everybody knew.”) In my opinion, there is nothing about just being a white man that makes him more predisposed to abuse or condone abuse. It is an issue of power. People in power abuse those without power. Unfortunately, white men do have 99% of the power, so it is hard to make that separation. Do not think of Hollywood, or affluent trust fund kids. Think of the white man working at the auto plant to feed his kids and bowling on the weekends, is he more likely to enjoy sexually assaulting someone?
The most immediate example of a female I could think of was the Thinx founder, who wanted to build a female centric company that challenged convention, then acted incredibly inappropriately towards her employees. It is absolutely no where on the same scale as what we are discussing, but just the first one that popped into my head. My mother reminded me of Bill Cosby’s name as well. But I did not intend for that to be the point that was honed in on. I apologize if it seemed over empasized.
All of this honestly stemmed from the calling out for men who’ve “worked” with Weinstein to publicly disown him, including Lin-Manuel Miranda, who had one professional contact with him but now had to take time away from saving Puerto Rico to explain Himself because of perceived guilt by association (Seriously, Lin-Manuel Freaking Miranda), but comparably powerful women (Cate Blanchete for example, or Jennifer Lopez) are not bring held to the same scrutiny, to my knowledge.
Thank you for allowing me to run through that again. We may still disagree. Again, all of this is just how I, one person with no real weight to my voice, feel.
BB, I’m sorry. This topic has me heated, but it was unfair to focus that on you. I should have been looking for what you were trying to say, not picking apart what I disliked.
This is huge imo.
What the ladies have done is huge too, but Terry has legitimized male sexual assault victims, just by dint of being who he is. He’s created parallels in public discourse on how powerful men think they own female and black bodies, and can take what they want.
How these men monetize and control those bodies.
No one can argue that he is not masculine, that he is weak, that he was ‘asking’ for it.
His statement puts to bed the Karan’s of the world, and opens the door for other male victims to reach out.
I know one male abuse story, and when he told his friends – they laughed at him. She’s hot, good job dude, you weren’t even awake and you pulled. That was the response. That men can’t be abused sexually because they are willing and open to all sexual advances.
This needs to change. Terry speaking out helps bring about that change. Every human with a soul is disgusted by Weinstein, we don’t need more PR comments to that effect. We need people working to change this toxic culture, we need people who will support survivors, and we need people who will speak out.
ITA. Just by sharing his story, he created something SO powerful.
I didn’t think I could love him more, but I do.
I read a comment on the DailyFail of all places that I think was spot on. The person said that society pressures males to “feel lucky” when their abuser is a woman and “ashamed/embarrassed” when the abuser is a man. So very true.
This is very true – you see it whenever there is a story about an adult teacher and a young boy (and WTF is up with that happening so much!?).
I agree this is huge, especially coming from someone with the physical stature of Terry, who to many probably seems invincible and not easily intimidated. This was very brave of him, and I thank him for speaking out.
This is exactly it.
Yes this he’s clearly a man who genuinely cares about other people, can and will help, more power to him, I have the deepest respect for him for stepping up like this, all the hand wringing in the world will solve bugger all, actions like this can make a huge difference in the long run.
This is starting to feel like a sea change and Terry, along with all the ladies who came before, are helping to turn the tide.
My heart keeps breaking. I don’t think I can name one person in my life, even some men, who haven’t been harassed in some way shape or form. It’s an epidemic damnit.
My husband was harassed by an older male customer during his first job many years ago. The shame and frustration still shows up when he (rarely) mentions it.
My guess is that more men than we might guess, have had this type experience.
Brave of Terry to share this story. But since he didn’t name his abuser, why are we all assuming the abuser was white?
I just want to go on the record right here to say that I f-ing love Terry Crews.
Yup. He’s a feminist, and has spoken out before: https://www.damemagazine.com/2015/03/06/terry-crews-feminist-millions-have-died-because-male-pride.
I’m so sorry this happened to him.
I love Terry Crews, he is like the human embodiment of a teddy bear, he is sweet, cuddly, and protective. He is also a big, hulking, black man, who just 1 year ago was still very well known and popular, not a name everyone knows, but definitely one enough people know, and one who has a reach and a voice and has been very vocal on all the right side of issues. So for this to happen to him is appalling and also heartbreaking because why would anyone ever want to make Terry feel like a lesser human being?? I’m sure he is not the only man this has happened to, but for a cis, straight, big black man to come out and tell this story. it is powerful beyond belief. this is what social change looks like. and again I applaud him, he is always on the right side of history.
This has made me wonder if Corey Feldman will soon feel comfortable with exposing the sexual preditors that he has encountered when he was a child in the industry.
I wanted to stop commenting and reading for today, because it is all getting a bit too much for me, but I wanted to say, I respect Terry Crews tremendously for telling his story. Aside from the fact, that it matters that man also get assaulted, it also shows how ridicoulus it is to say that victims of abuse have something in their bodylanguage that enables the abuser.
I hope Corey Feldman finally outs his abuser!!! He really has nothing to lose at this point. He would be considered a hero of sorts.
It must be tough for him to speak out, but I’m glad he did. I hope one day the perpetrator is named and has to face justice.
Woody Allen next pls. There are some allegations about Spielberg, Dan Schneider, Bryan Singer, Scott Rudin and David Geffen.
Please expose the alleged paedophiles first, which would be 5 out of the 6 above according to the rumours.
I wonder if tom cruise is a victim of sexual abuse.
I’ve been through this, unfortunately, more than once. I get it why victims stay quiet. It took something very extreme for me to finally say something, and when I did, my company buried it. What kills me? The NDAs, contracts, at-will employment, boys club and retaliation – the system – that enables this.