I’ve lost count of how many articles People Magazine, Us Weekly and E! News have run about how g-damn private Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn are, and how this super-secret super-private couple are super-in-love and just because you can’t see it in pap strolls, you just have to trust all of the articles about it. According to this latest piece from Us Weekly, Taylor thinks Joe is The One. Sigh… I remember when Us Weekly said Taylor thought TOM HIDDLESTON was The One and they toured the world to show off their love and we all ate the fudge and swan pastries gossip buffet. Basically, this story just made me miss The Glorious Tiddlebanging. Where art thou, Tiddles?!?!?
She wants to be his end game! Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn’s relationship is more serious than ever. The 10-time Grammy winner, 28, and the British actor, 27, are going steady and already thinking about settling down. “Taylor really believes Joe is the one for her,” an insider reveals in the new issue of Us Weekly. “She wants to get engaged to him. She just doesn’t feel as though she has to impress anyone at this point.”
Although Swift has notoriously dated former suitors in the public eye, she’s enjoying keeping her romance with Alwyn out of the spotlight. “This is the first time she’s kept the guy private,” the source tells Us. “She really likes Joe. She wants to keep her personal life separate from her work life.”
Adds the pal, “Joe feels privileged that he gets to be with Taylor. And he is happy being out of the spotlight.”
The Mary Queen of Scotts actor has also supported Swift as she prepares for her Reputation world tour, and he’ll be joining her on the road!
“[Taylor’s] gonna be on tour soon and Joe will be there and she realized there’s no point in not living her life,” a source told Us in December. “All her friends know about their relationship anyway. She feels confident in their relationship and Joe really loves her. She really thinks he might be the one. She loves that he is confident and has his own career. She also likes that he doesn’t seek attention and is low-key.”
These are some funny-ass quotes, “insider”!! Well done.
“She wants to get engaged to him. She just doesn’t feel as though she has to impress anyone at this point.” The subtext from the “insider” is that Handsome Joe is not impressive in the least!! Hilarious.
“She really likes Joe. She wants to keep her personal life separate from her work life.” I’m so glad she wants to “get engaged” to someone she “really likes,” insider. It’s what little girls dream of: ambivalent warmth towards the man they dream of marrying.
“Joe feels privileged that he gets to be with Taylor. And he is happy being out of the spotlight.” He feels “privileged” that he gets written about as “The Mary Queen of Scotts [sic] actor.”
“She feels confident in their relationship and Joe really loves her.” This is a consistent theme of articles coming from Camp Swift about her relationships – the sources always talk about how much the dude loves her, not the other way around.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
He has such a non-face face. Does that make sense? That’s the only way I can describe him.
Yes to this!!!
I went to high school with like four guys who looked just like joe, he just looks very generic I guess.
He always looks angry to me
He looks as if he’s still in high school.
Yes +100 He’s so basic and normal. There’s nothing eye-catching about him. No matter how many pictures of him I’ve seen of him, I probably wouldn’t notice or recognize him if he was standing next to me in public
There’s nothing distinctive about him, but I think he might look better in 10-15 years. A little more seasoned.
I see him aging really badly. He already has bulgy folds and creases around his eyes. And not in an attractive way. He is a man with blonde hair so that will either fall out or look really stupid on his head. He doesnt have the saving grace of naturally broad shoulders and it wouldnt surprise me if his was the type to pick up fat easily.
Like Sean Bean, around the eyes.
I think that if I saw him (or them) on the street, I wouldn’t even notice them because they blend into the background. The ultimate vanilla white bread couple for the 21st century.
He looks exhausted. He must be exhausted.
I’m stilll not convinced he’s a homo sapien. I get “full android” from him.
Why are you guys acting like its a surprise she’s not dating some extraordinairy beauty ? It’s not like her previous boyfriends look like flawless male models, Calvin, hiddleston, joe Jonas are all what one would call “basic” (what a shitty way to describe someone) looking by Hollywood standards. She always dates average joe white guys obviously she must think they are hot. Each to their own I guess. Also isn’t shaming someone for not being stunning a bit shitty. I mean are you all supermodels?
Hahahahaha! This is quality stuff.
Oh Joe. I really hope your new movies are successful and you get some good notices…because this is NOT the way for a young actor to get famous.
When…err, if…this goes wrong? Oh Lordy!!
Those articles are really cringey. I mean, did he somehow miss the embarrassing desaster that was the Hillfeswift show? Like, come on Joe. Is that really where you want your career to go?
Taylor landed herself a Duggar kid.
Her people are delusional. Who talks like this?
So disrespectful to this kid, who is a decent actor, btw.
He’d have to be. 🐍
IKR? Going steady? Is this the 1950s? These people are in their late Twenties not Tweens. But the again, her life seems to be all about sunshine, lollipops and fretting about getting to first base when it comes to men. Talk about arrested development . I hope Alwyn has someone talk some sense into him.
The way he’s spoken about is as if he has zero agency, and no say in whatever happens in their relationship. Like he’s a piece of furniture she can just move around. Poor kid.
This is hilarious. Its all “Taylor thinks, Taylor says, Taylor wants”, much private, so hidden.
Also, didn’t she keep her relationship with Calvin Harris pretty low-key too? The real boyfriends don’t get trotted out for paparazzi photo ops nearly as often.
Anyhow, the narrative style of Swift’s publicity rep is pretty easy to spot. These “sources” always sound the same, and have for the past decade.
I don’t think he’s very handsome, but finally there’s a picture where he doesn’t look pre-puberty young . He looks older than Jared in that picture!
There’s no shame in aging, but I feel as though he looks preternaturally old for 27. Maybe he just needs a solid 8 hours and a facial to deal with his undereye situation.
Next step in Taylor’s branding!
The Wedding album,
Huh, is that 80s style hairsprayed hair coming back or is his hair just tousled?
Okay so…. what happens if Joe’s career ever takes off and he starts to get attention- regardless of Swift? Will she shove him in some hidden hole until the attention dies down and they can be “low key” again? Heaven forfend Joe not sticking to the Swift life plan! (also- c’mon… her good ol’ buddy Ed is engaged, you know Taylor’s got a count down going)
she is so embarassing
I wonder if they just use the same article for all of taylor’s boyfriends. Pretty sure she said all of the same stuff about Calvin Harris and Tom Hiddleston. Just have to change the name and add in the part implying that boring Joe is boring.
I’m sure her publicist has a Word template ready to insert the dude-du-jour’s name.
I remember reading articles about her and Harry Styles that were almost a copy of this one, never mind the hilariously staged pap pictures of her dragging a clearly miserable barely-legal Styles through a zoo.
There’s no doubt this is her pr machine working overdrive to squeeze every last bit of media attention out of him. He, on the ohter hand, will get zilch out of this, just like Styles, Hiddleston and all the others.
I wonder when the last agent and manager will finally get the clue that those contracts only benefit her…
Lollll so glad nothing has changed for Taylor. She’s still the same messy 15 yr old that probably writes in slam books and doodles her married name in the margins.
Hmmm.
Stockholm syndrome.
He has it.
On a serious note, I guess if you have much fame and fortune, you can buy all the boyfriends you need to inspire your brand of juvenile songs. Can’t wait to see what songs she pens when she hits her 40’s. (Insert Snark)
“She loves that he has his own career.” What 27 year old WOULDN’T have his own career? So ridiculous. Do they even read this stuff before they put it out there?
All of her exes have had their own careers before dating her so I’m not sure where that came from.
“She also likes that he doesn’t seek attention and is low-key.” So she likes that he’s the complete opposite of her? Or is she still trying to pretend that the paparazzi have always ‘randomly’ caught her with her boyfriends all over the world? Girl, just own up to it.
I also just can’t believe the girl has 10!!!!! Grammy awards.
Sounds like she is trying to make us forget her ex- whose ‘career’ when she dated him was ‘high school student’.
Ha! I was thinking the same thing. Haven’t *all* of the people she’s dated had their own careers. Isn’t the main reason she dates them *because* they have their own careers in the entertainment industry so that she can try to turn them into a power couple.
I said back when she was dating musicians that her dream is to turn into a stale white bread version of Jay Z and Beyoncé. Will. Never. Happen.
He has exactly 6 acting credits on IMDb. Four movies are as of yet unseen.
I got yelled at the other day for saying that I find him hot, so I’m just here to say that exact same thing. Would hit. Sue me *shrug*
His looks aren’t the problem, it’s the fact that he looks like her baby brother.
So generic. So blah.
“It’s what little girls dream of: ambivalent warmth towards the man they dream of marrying.”
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha … between this, the Don Jr divorce, and Don Sr’s cheerful stupidity … the Ides of March are off to quite a start.
You missed the best part!
“She also likes that he doesn’t seek attention and is low-key”.
Thank you insider for letting us know that she’s SO OVER HIDDLES and handsome Joe is NOTHING LIKE HIM and Hiddles was THE WORST.
Oh and that he has his own career unlike Hiddles. I had to laugh.
Meanwhile poor Hiddles is curled up under his bed in the fetal position, quietly rocking and pulling his puppy towards his chest, whispering ‘pastry swans…. beach walks … pastry swans…”
RUN JOE. GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN.
He looks like he should feel privileged to walk to school without his mommy.
“This is the first time she’s kept the guy private,” the source tells Us. Me: But is it though? I think we’re still waiting for that to happen.
“She just doesn’t feel as though she has to impress anyone at this point.” Translation: Taylor has seen all of the articles and comments about how not-gorgeous and not-famous everyone thinks Joe is and wants people to know that her mojo is undiminished. Everyone can rest easy knowing she could still attract all the hottest dudes if she wanted to and she is definitely not settling for whats-his-name. Oh, don’t forget – you can witness their special love with your own eyes when he accompanies her on what will surely be the biggest and bestest tour of 2018 – tickets still available.
Classic! You should be part of her PR team. Spot on, jetlagged!
Reading what Taylor’s camp says about this guy that he’s the one, how special their relationship is and all that, i thought: mmm, this seems familiar. So since i’m on my day off, and it’s too cold outside I looked on Celebitchy archives, and i found this:
-September 15, 2015 : She’s head over heels,” the source continues. “She hasn’t been in love like this before” (Taylor Swift – Calvin Harris)
-July 05, 2016; Things are moving fast between them but none of her friends are worried because they never have seen her this happy.”Our source adds that the new couple “both feel that their connection is rare.” (Taylor Swift – Tom Hiddleston)
-December 14, 2012 : “Harry has told [Taylor] this is a big deal for him and that he has never felt like this way about a girl before. He’s had loads of flings with other girls, but nobody has got to him like Taylor has. They really get each other.”(Taylor Swift- Harry Styles)
-September 21, 2012 : “ She is obsessed with Conor,” a source tells Hot Stuff of the star, 22. “She writes him love notes!” (Taylor Swift – Conor Kennedy)
They need to change their template, don’t they? Too predictable.
Tom Hiddleston has a short interview in April’s Empire Magazine called Small Talk. His puppy is a male cocker spaniel. Name unknown. Let’s guess.
Apparently the dogs name is Bobby. Numerous people who’ve met him over the last few months and sent out tweets about their meetings have said that. A lady who met him in a cafe, another who met him on the tube, another who works for a post-production company and who made Tom cup of tea – all said that he told them the puppy’s name is Bobby. Cute unpretentious name – and a very nice little dog from all accounts.
I’m so jealous. My cocker spaniel is a year older than Bobby and still a complete puppy tornado.
He looks dumb. LOL, he just looks like he wouldn’t be very bright. I have no idea who he is or what he’s been in and the comment about him having his own career kinda made me chuckle but the comments from all you guys make me think he must…
In five years time, when her career is cooling, she will be announcing her engagement to Calvin Harris.
I am calling it now. Those two are not done.
I don’t about that. Did you see the shady tweet Calvin made about his having a beard for a while so he’d be taken more seriously in the music business?
In 5 years Calvin would be married with a kid – he lives now with his REAL GF Aarika Wolf – they’ve been dating the majority of 2017 and she moved in his mansion at the beginning of the year.
Is he paid for this arrangement? I really want to know.
Still cannot get over how similar looking they are. I would assume they’re siblings if I saw them in public.
I think dating Taylor makes guys seem uncool. Her dorkiness is contagious. I can’t get past it.
This relationship will end in a spectacular fashion.
I feel like none of these guys are the one for her. Tom/Taylor for example … Both of them were completely opposite in personality, Tom is just the classy type, Taylor is the type who wants to let loose. This Joe guy, nobody knows about him, so, I can’t say much. But, anyways. The one for her, was Zac Efron, even Ellen thought so, and she’s well-known for analyzing behavior from her guests. Efron since 2009 when he met Taylor was supportive of her career. He low-key would attend her shows without ever drawing attention to himself in support of her. At the same time, whenever it came to her, he’d go on about how she is an angel and unconditionally sweet while gorgeous. When the two would attend award shows they were both at, there are clips of Efron screaming her name in the audience, while whistling for her. He did an interview awhile back ago saying he regrets not showing Taylor who he really is, and wished he took her out on adventures which he likes… Which she admits she never gets to do cause her life lacks spontaneity. I think Efron was the one for her, but she chose Styles..
Dude is 26 years old. That is not prime marrying age for an actor. That is I am young and profiting from her fame age. This will not end well. I really think she should have stuck it out with Hiddles. They were perfect.