Ashley Graham’s answer to every marriage problem is ‘have sex all the time’

The Duke of Sussex and Duchess of Sussex at a welcome ceremony in Wellington

Ashley Graham covers the February issue of Elle Magazine to promote her brand, basically. Her brand is plus-sized modeling, reality show hosting, non-judgemental Christianity, podcasting and endorsements. She’s also got a leg in publishing and probably a million other things too. Ashley clearly wants to be the Next Oprah, only with her own vibe. And I don’t really hate it? Of all the women who try to become brands, Ashley’s pretty harmless. I like her, and I enjoyed this interview – you can read the full piece here. Some highlights:

On trying to be the Next Oprah: “I was hiking and listening to one of her podcasts. One of her producers was on, talking, and she was like, ‘If I had a dollar every time someone said, “I’ve got the next Oprah,” I’d be filthy rich.’ She was like, ‘Nobody’s gonna be Oprah, because Oprah cornered a market in her time…. Nobody was talking the way she was talking on TV.’ ” It was my aha moment. People have always put me in this box of Oprah, or Ellen, or whatever. I was like, I’m not gonna be Oprah. I’m gonna be Ashley.”

Getting Kim Kardashian to apologize for joking about anorexia: “I had to. I even talked to her beforehand. I’m not gonna just blindside people in my interview. I was like, ‘Kim, is it cool if we talk about the anorexic comment?’ She goes, ‘Oh yeah, let’s address it.’ Just like that. I let her say what she wanted to say. I’m not here to condemn; I’m just here to talk.”

She doesn’t want her podcast to become too gossipy: “I’m not a tabloid; I’m not trying to get the juicy gossip on something. I’m here to talk about what matters in the world. If you happen to have, like, five ex-boyfriends that are mad famous, okay, great. Do you want to talk about one of them? Okay! I don’t care.”

How she keeps her eight-year marriage fresh: “Just have sex! Have sex all the time. Even if you don’t feel like it, just have sex. I have found that if we haven’t had sex, we get snippy, and then if we are having sex, we’re all over each other. For us it’s like, ‘Oh, let’s have sex.’ And then we’re just right back in a great mood.”

She & her husband fast one day a week:
“When you fast and you pray, it’s bringing more sensitivity to hear from God. That’s exactly what we wanted; we were like, ‘Okay, we want more sensitivity to be able to hear from God in the big decisions that we’re making.’ We do it together because there’s a verse in the Bible that says, ‘Where two or more are gathered, He is in the midst.’ So as we do it together, it just makes it even stronger.”

She’s careful about sponcon: “If I’m not wearing it, if I’m not using it, if it’s not something that’s part of my daily routine, then I don’t want to sell it.”

She’s not planning on kids right now: “For me, being a wife and being a woman, happiness doesn’t equate to having kids. Kids will come when they come. Happiness, right now, is building with my husband and building my business.”

[From Elle]

As I said, I believe she’s harmless – she’s not a Goop or a clueless white feminist, she’s just sort of loud and TMI and fun. She’s right about Oprah too – Oprah captured lightning in a bottle, and there probably won’t ever be another Oprah. What’s weird is that too few women are actually trying to be the next Oprah – many of these celebrity women are trying to be the next Martha Stewart, or the next Goop, or the next Blake Lively. As for having sex all the time, like it’s cure-all for any problem… that sounds so boring, but whatever, it’s her life. Ashley is 31 years old, and I don’t blame her at all for focusing on her career/brand right now and putting off having kids.

The Duke of Sussex and Duchess of Sussex at a welcome ceremony in Wellington

Photos courtesy of Elle Magazine.

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21 Responses to “Ashley Graham’s answer to every marriage problem is ‘have sex all the time’”

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  1. PhillyGal says:

    If having sex was the answer to every marriage problem, there would be a hellava lot less divorces! If only it were that easy …

    • CheckThatPrivilege says:

      No kidding! I found the title of this post misleading, though, in that I don’t see where Ashley claimed that sex is the “answer to every marriage problem.”

  2. OriginalLala says:

    I used to love her so much, then I followed her on Insta and found her really annoying and a bit tone deaf about some issues so i stopped following her. I really like Hunter McGrady as an Insta follow, if you are looking for a curvy model who is fun to watch!

  3. Raina says:

    I know a lot of married people that have sex all the time, too. Not necessarily with each other, but who’s perfect.

  4. Veronica S. says:

    She has an image to maintain, which is why I’m sure she’s pushing the sex narrative, but honestly, it’s not absolutely awful advice. There’s no getting around that the biochemical aspect of sex can contribute plenty to strengthening psychological bonds with a partner. If you frame it as, “Keep a physical connection alive and meaningful in your marriage,” it’s not as eyeroll worthy as it seems at first glance.

  5. Sash says:

    I don’t think sex solves every problem, but there’s some truth in what she’s saying. Kevin Bacon said the same regarding his 30 year relationship with his wife (“Any marriage is hard work, but what I always say is, ‘Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty”).

    • Millenial says:

      I think for many relationships, sex is a barometer of the state of the relationship. Once you’ve got a dead bedroom (unless both have agreed to that) it’s usually a sign that all is not right. So, to some extent, I agree with what she’s saying. If you are still having sex at a pace that is normal for your relationship, it’s usually a sign that things are going well.

  6. Jess says:

    I somewhat agree, but it’s easier to have sex all the time when you don’t have kids, or the usual marriage stressors like money and working regular full time jobs, none of which she has to worry about as much. My husband and I get snippy if we aren’t having enough sex too though, and we do get more affectionate and closer, so it’s not terrible advice! Even if I’m not fully in the mood sometimes I’ll just tell myself stop the excuses and go for it, I ALWAYS feel better afterwards😉

    • Anon33 says:

      See, that’s the thing.

      I was raped and assaulted repeatedly by my ex, so I can never “just force myself” to do it when I’m not in the mood. “Forcing” myself to have sex is the absolute last thing on earth that is good for my mental health, because my ex used to force me, physically and mentally.

      So no, “just have sex all the time even when you don’t want to” is not the answer for everyone. I’m glad it works for some people, but that’s why the rest of us side-eye this type of advice.

      • Kate says:

        So sorry Anon33. I hope if you’re in a relationship now it’s healthy and respectful regarding your history with sex. I don’t think Ashley or Jess used the word “force” and I think they just meant it more in the way that you avoid exercising sometimes if you’re tired but you generally feel good once the endorphins hit. Of course no one should do something with their body that they do not want to do or that feels wrong! Sex is definitely not a “cure-all” for an unhealthy relationship or for people with traumatic experiences with sex. But yeah, Ashley’s advice might have been better phrased as that’s what works for her not what would work for all.

  7. Newyorking says:

    Sex doesn’t solve everything but it does soften you up to your partner’s annoyances and it encourages you to do small things for your partner. I speak from personal experience.y husband and I do get more snippy but when we have sex we are all over each other and it just softens up the relationship. It brings about more intimacy and truly doesn’t hurt.

  8. Florida says:

    It works for my marriage. But I married the man version of me, so we really don’t have much to fight about or many differences to overcome. The best part is I don’t even have to be in the mood, just go lay down and do it, then get back on with whatever I was doing, yet with a far far more agreeable husband! But not saying it’s gonna work for everyone, of course.

  9. bitchyarchitect says:

    go through menopause and then let’s talk about how much sex you’re having, Ashley.

  10. Shelley says:

    Girl you said it. Pushing 60 is way different than 31!

  11. Lindy says:

    I get what she’s saying, honestly. This is my second marriage, and even though it’s incredibly hard with a baby and a 4th grader and both of us working full time and no family nearby to help give us some free time, we really do need sex as much as possible. Even when I think I’m not in the mood, after we’re done I just feel less stressed, more connected to my husband, and generally happier. It isn’t even really always about the big finish, more about using sex as one form of communication. I mean, it isn’t going to magically solve real, deep problems in a marriage. But it does seem to make a difference for us. If we go more than 3 days without it, we find ourselves being less patient and more stressed.

  12. horseandhound says:

    she is really beautiful, but very shallow. everything I read or heard her say is making me think she’s not a deep, emotional and interesting person.