Margot Robbie is still shilling for Mary Queen of Scots, where she plays Queen Elizabeth I to Saoirse Ronan’s Mary. The whole point, arguably, about the story is that QEI never produced an heir and that Mary saw having children as the root of her political power. Which means that Margot Robbie has babies on the mind, but not in the way you’re thinking. Margot has been married to Tom Ackerley for several years now and they’re happily childfree. Margot is tired of being asked about babies:
Margot Robbie revealed the one question she’s asked during interviews that gets her “so angry.” The “I, Tonya” star told Radio Times magazine on Tuesday that she wants people to stop asking her when she’s going to have a baby, Sky News reported.
Robbie, 28, was talking about playing Elizabeth in the recent movie “Mary Queen of Scots” and the pressure she experienced to produce an heir. “It made me really angry,” Robbie said. “How dare some old guy dictate what I can and can’t do when it comes to motherhood or my own body?”
Robbie said the conversation over a woman’s body is still happening today and she cringes when she is asked, “When are you having a baby?”
“I got married [to film-maker Tom Ackerley, in 2016], and the first question in almost every interview is: ‘Babies? When are you having one?” the actress said. “I’m so angry that there’s this social contract. You’re married, now have a baby. Don’t presume. I’ll do what I’m going to do.”
I never thought about in terms of a “social contract” but that’s exactly what it should be called. Everyone expects a woman who has been married for a few years to “produce an heir,” like we’re still in medieval times, like procreation is the only “real” reason to get married or for a woman to exist at all. And that’s not a diss on the women who want to be moms or who are moms, but it’s just an understanding that not all women want that, and not all women want to make conversations about the state of their womb front and center.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
Love her for saying this, in this way. I totally agree.
I do too! I have three stepkids and I get asked ALL. THE. TIME. if and when I’m going to have one of my own. Listen, I’ve already gone through the teen years twice and have one more to go, and he was in diapers still when I met him. I’m good, I got the kid experience, and newborns don’t sound like much fun.
what does sound like fun is having money and time again!
Alissa – people are SO rude! I really resent the idea that unless they came out of your vagina, they’re not yours. Step-parenting can be a lot of work and just as rewarding as ‘real’ parenting. In fact, I have a couple of friends who are *way* better moms to their stepkids than the birth mothers. Gah! Rant over. Just tired of this mindset. You have kids.
married 8 years, in my early 30s and everyone asks us when we are having kids. Not gonna lie, it gets really infuriating because the subtext is always that I’m not living up to what I *should* be doing as a woman…ugh
We didn’t have our first for seven years and it was a constant topic of conversation, especially with my in-laws. They had five, my FILs brothers have five and six. My husbands older brother had five before we had one and his younger sister had two before us. It was like expected that we had to have kids and lots of them. They even wrote on our wedding guest matte thing that they are praying for lots of children for us. When his sister said she was done at three his dad refused to believe it and said he didn’t think she meant it. He couldn’t believe that she wouldn’t want to have at least as many kids as he did. Then again he’s a narcissistic evangelical so that explains a lot. Her youngest is five and half and her husband got the big V so I’m guessing he finally believes her now.
Yep. I’ve been with my husband since we were teens. I’m turning 29 this year, and will be married 5 years this summer. I get asked constantly. And I get that for the most part it’s done with perfectly kind intentions, but man it’s a bummer.
It’s especially a sting because I have to take a lot of medication for migraines and chronic pain, and stuff like that – it’s not just easy for me to be like “ha, sure, I’ll just drop it all and pop out a baby”. And I know my husband would love kids. And I would too for the most part, but I haven’t let myself get convinced into the ‘need’ for one because there’s still a decent chance that I won’t ever get to. And it hurts. It hurts being asked all of the time. And the thing is – we’re not trying. I can’t imagine how much more awful it would feel if we WERE.
@erinn-oh I’m sorry to read this. I was in the same position. I too have been with my husband since we were teens. So we were together seven years before we even got married. We did IVF with my first two but that was when we had been married five years and actually started trying. So yeah while the rest of my husband’s family was like, we just tried a couple times and it worked every time, I was over here dying inside. And even after they knew we had to turn to IVF they still didn’t have an sensitivity about it. So I just stopped engaging in those conversations and would literally just get up and walk away if it turned to that. You do you, take care of yourself and enjoy your husband and life together. We were together for so long before the kids but I still regret not doing more just the two of us when we had the chance.
@Mel M
You’re the sweetest. I think that’s the plan, really. I adore our niece and nephew, but they exhaust me haha. I never grew up in a really big family, so I don’t really have much experience with little kids. But it’s also meant my family has been pretty decent about asking on the kids front. But I’m still in the mode of “I want to get stuff done around the house” and live my life a little bit more either way. So I think for now we’re just going to really focus on enjoying the kid free time, and if it happens eventually, it happens. If we decide we really want to have kids – there’s always the option of adoption.
33, married 10 years, ZERO interest in children. Suggestion: when people tell you you’ll regret your decision about kids, look directly at their children and say quietly “so will you” while shaking your head. When they say “but who will take care of you when you’re old?” you can say “we’ll be getting elder abused in the same nursing home, don’t kid yourself”. They’ll never bring it up again.
This is dark and funny and true :). I like your style.
Love it!
One of my friends got married at 25/26, and just had a baby at 42. She had a LOOOONG time of people asking when they were going to have kids.
I feel you. Been married 3.5 years and in my early 30s. Honestly we’d have liked to start now but made a decision to put in the time for a career change… but still we get asked why we haven’t had a kid yet and it’s so rude and irritating.
It almost feels like a creepy remnant of a time when a man could give his wife back to her parents if she didn’t breed, doesn’t it?
I was asked when I was having kids almost the moment I got married like it was the natural next step. It’s been 10 years and we don’t have any, nor do we really want any. I guess that’s strange to some people. Even worse, they make you feel weird about it.
In the days and weeks after i gave birth to my daughter, almost everyone that came to visit us asked when i was going to have another. I gave them all the same stink eye and never answered the question. Alot of people cant seem to wrap there head around couples not wanting children, and arent shy about tossing out there opinion. I wouldnt think less of anyone for not wanting kids, its so much work, responsibilty, stress, alot of times it comes with heartbreak to even try to have a baby. And its just not for everybody. Cheers to your child free life
They make you feel weird because they’re threatened by your freedom. You remind them that they had identities and dreams outside of child rearing. People with kids ALWAYS feel a loss of identity (even those who love it). They feel super guilty about it. They feel weird. They project weirdness on you. It’s not your weirdness to own so feel free to let it go like a balloon to the sky!
I totally agree with what she is saying.
I recently saw Suicide Squad for the first time on TV and found her performance really grating. I can’t unsee it now…
SS was the first time I saw her acting and I was not impressed. Way too try-hard.
God, I’m always surprised when I remember/am reminded just how YOUNG she is. Not that I think she looks way older than her age or anything- actually I think she has quite a tricky face to put an age on- but she just SEEMS so much older than 28. I don’t even know if older is the right way to put it. Maybe I just mean she seems several life stages past that, or something, with how much she’s done at quite young ages!
(Not that this is really addressing what she’s saying, sorry- I totally agree with her, and I love her for saying it.)
It never ends and frankly the sooner women learn not to care and how to politely tell people to f**k off the better we all will be (or better yet people just learn to STFU):
When are you getting married?
When are you having kids?
Are you breast feeding?
Why aren’t you breast feeding?
Why aren’t you breast feeding longer? Don’t you know…
When are you having another kid, you don’t want them to be an only child do you?
How are you going to handle more than one kid? That must be a financially tough.
Have you read about attachment parenting?
Have you looked at an organic diet?
Are you going back to work?
Why are you going back to work?
You’re feeding them that?
You’re sending them to that school?…
Just go with my favourite answer to: Are you going to have kids?
Well the two I had for breakfast were delicious! 😏
I received a lot of the breastfeeding questions/pushback from men for some reason. MEN!! I was so annoyed one day I asked the guy if he was asking because he was interested in being my baby’s wet nurse.
That answer is hilarious! I might have to use it, if I remember 🙂
Yep, this. It is annoying though I don’t think it’s necessary poor intentioned. Best answer to most of these is just “I don’t know” or “that’s a very personal question!” And change subject. People who entertain these discussions seem to invite more of them. My sister in law has that problem. I have less issues with it because I do not engage whatsoever so the inquiries are short.
The comment that gets me the most, and I mostly see it online, is “It’s selfish not to have a baby”. ??????????
Ive had people tell me its selfish not to give my daughter a sibling…apparently you cant win either way.
Don’t even get me started on that. Guess what, hypocrites, it’s equally as selfish TO have a baby. Every single person I know “wanted” a baby-same as me not “wanting” one. People that say that are just bitter about their own life choices and it drives me insane.
Hubby and I were married for 12 years before having a baby. We constantly got asked when we were planning on having kids and it was infuriating!! I was always made to feel like a weirdo because I was not interested. I was even told by a family member I better hurry up because my eggs were getting old. It was truly unbelievable the things people said. Now that we have a 3-year-old, everyone keeps asking when we will have another. So ANNOYING!
35 year old female here, married for 2 years, together for 8. I’ve started telling people that we’ve chosen to not have any children, and that mostly shuts them up. It is so infuriating when people assume that I’m not as much of a woman simply because I’m not a mother, and choose not to be a mother. My mother was just an absolute terror that has taken me years to deal with and it’s my own damn choice to have kids or not.
I agree with the wording: Social Contract. I try to tell my younger cousins now who are in college that they don’t have to follow some stupid societal rules about living your life: you don’t have to go to college directly after high school. You don’t have to get married in your 20s and start popping out babies. As long as you are not hurting yourself or others, do whatever you damn well please and screw anyone else’s thoughts.
Laura, your comment that “It is so infuriating when people assume that I’m not as much of a woman simply because I’m not a mother, and choose not to be a mother” really stood out to me. I have the opposite problem in that too many people in the workplace will compliment some act of kindness or consideration with “That’s because you’re a mother!” It’s as if my motherhood status informs everything I do, whether it’s related to parenting or not.
I always respond, “No, it’s because I’m a human being.”
I think parents and non-parents both need to shut these ridiculous assumptions and biases down. It’s harmful to everyone, although I feel like it’s probably more hurtful to the non-parents.
when the news of Trump putting babies in cages first came out, I was talking to a colleague and expressed how upset and angry it was making me and her response to me was that I surely could not understand how truly awful *she* felt about it because she was a mom and I am not, and because I am not a mom I cannot possible understand how tragic the situation was…I was dumbfounded.
Originalala – I am gobsmacked! Because being human and having compassion isn’t enough…
That said, I attended a baby shower once and was chatting with a woman I didn’t know well about her children. When she asked about my husband and children (and found out I had neither) she made a disapproving “oh”, looked me up and down, then turned on her heel and walked away. (Some) Mothers are WEIRD!!!
I am guilty of asking other people this. I’m going to try to stop because it is rude. I just love babies and I love watching my friends and family become parents. But still, it’s intrusive and I hate being asked why I haven’t settled down because I’m child free and single at the age of 33, so time to knock it off.
Its probably a hard habit to break. I had to help my mother in law break this habit recently. My partner and i had a miscarriage at 19 weeks and i think after she witnessed my reaction to constantly being asked when i would have another kid, she realized what a loaded question it can be. Lots of people dont want kids, physically cant have them, or have had them and lost them.
The thing is – if your family and friends want to have babies, they’ll probably talk about that. Most people that are pumped to have kids are going to talk about it at least a little bit.
Not necessarily. I loathed talking about kids before I had them solely because it just felt like I was jinxing the issue.
Yeah and the minute you have one, they ask when you’re having another one.
I was home from the hospital a day when people started asking me when i was having another
I agree with Margot. You don’t have to be a mother to fulfill your life as a woman, and you don’t need to be married either to feel complete.
Agreed !
I get her irritation with this. “When are you going to have a kid?” is just an insanely rude and intrusive question. My husband and I were married for ten years before we decided to have a kid. Now that we have one, the constant question is, “when are you going to have another?”
I met a woman once who didn’t have children, but had had seven miscarriages, and the thought of her having to field the “when are you going to have a baby?” question makes my heart break a little.
It can be a loaded question even though it seems so natural. I have a cousin whos been married now for at least 14 years, i think shes had six miscarriages over the last 10 years or so, she gets these questions almost daily. She recently got a new puppy and i saw people on facebook ask why she didnt have a baby instead. I cant imagine how that must feel. You never know whats going on with people so questions like that we should try to avoid
She’s my new hero! We need to normalize the fact that everyone makes different reproductive choices, and that it’s okay. Not everyone has to do the exact same thing, and parenting is a huge responsibility that not everyone is up for.
My sis will be celebrating 18 years soon with my bro in law. They just had their first baby on Dec. 28. She’s 2 1/2 weeks away from 41; he’43. My sis teaches and for about 5 yrs. of marriage, she just didn’t want kids at home and at work. Then, for a long time, long time, just couldn’t conceive. Got pregnant in 2017, and a miscarriage at 3 months. It is angering how insensitive folks are about this.
Hey busybodies: If a person wants to talk his/her reproduction plans with you, they will share accordingly. Otherwise, take the silence as proof they don’t want to talk, and leave them alone.
I can’t have children, and this just sticks in my craw.
she was badgered during an interview for I,tonya. she had to say I’m here to discuss the film, lets get back to the film. producing this was an accomplishment for me and my team and i’m proud of it lets discuss that.’ part of the sexism is the lack of questions for newly married men. keira knightly called someone out when her daughter was very young and she was askeda bout ‘balancing it all’ and said, ‘would you ask a new father that?’ no, becaue of the subconscious assumption that mothers take on the majority of the parnenting while men ‘help’ when they ‘can.’ if someone has that explicit agreement within their marriage that’s one thing but to assume all are like that is sexist. its a big reason women are held back in the workforce, besides still being paid less than men when they get home they have the brunt of the work. ‘do my kids have what they need? did they forget something at home today? I have to run on my lunch break to get it. did they call their dad or did that not even occur to them? and why?’
I’m done having kids reaching near the age you’d think people would stop asking but I still get asked I’m trying for number 3 or a girl. I guess it is kind of invasive but people ask such dumb things all the time it’s never stood out as one of the more insensitive things maybe because I don’t personally feel any pressure or let down? I imagine if I did it would be a lot more frustrating.
Them: Planning on having more kids?
Me: No, but I am planning on taking a poop around 2 and having an orgasm later around 10. You?
My spouse and I were together for 6 or 7 years before we got hitched. We really only wanted to make it official before we had kids because there are more legal benefits/protections for the child(ren) in my country if the parents are married.
It is a social contract and also a legal issue!
Got married in 2017 and people keep asking. When I say I can’t, they express horror and it’s appalling. I am actually okay with never having kids, including adoption. GASP.
We told people from the outset that we weren’t having kids. I was very career oriented, and most people just assumed that was my focus. I’d still get asked, but not too often or annoyingly so once I put it out there that I had made my choice.
Then we changed our minds and everyone was shocked that we were expecting. Now I’m constantly asked about the second. Lol
36 year old here currently 33 weeks pregnant with my first (and only). I will be 37 next week. DH and I got married 1 year ago. We are having this child and ONLY this ONE child. Frankly we cannot afford to have another one at this point. We would have to do it so quickly after I give birth and that would be so expensive with two in daycare and diapers. And selfishly I hate what pregnancy does to my body. I don’t want to do this again. One of the only things keeping me sane somedays is that this will be a one and done deal. We have other plans and dreams for our money. So we have decided to have 1 kid + the dream goals.
Maaaaybe if we were younger and felt we could space things out a bit we would have another but we met later in life. So *shrug*
But the comments. Soooo many comments from EVERYONE. “You cannot have just one” “you say that now” “single children are assholes” (my cousin actually said this to me while my father, who is an only child, sat next to me). I have a brother. I know it is nice to have a sibling- but it just won’t work for our life. So back off people.
I have told people multiple times we are just having one. They never believe me.
Strawberry Blonde, We have one girl, she is now 12. She knows how to share, has always been generous with others, and to be honest because she does not have to fight for attention and resources is quite relaxed as a result. I am a teacher and I have taught her that the community is as important as the individual. There are many families with multiple children who are all a- holes, so whatever. We had one for the same reasons as you, plus my sweet girl never bloody slept! Too tired for more babies.