We don’t hear much about Whitney Port, 34, as she starred on The Hills and The City but she isn’t the trashiest (Heidi and Spencer Pratt) nor the most high profile (Kristin Cavallari, Lauren Conrad). People know who she is though, and that she’s on a reality show that’s being rebooted this year. Whitney has been married to producer Tim Rosenman since 2015 and they have a son, Sonny, who will be two in July. Whitney recorded a video stating that she was at a mom’s event and tried to approach two different women with whom she has friends in common. They snubbed her in a passive aggressive way and she felt really hurt. She thinks that they didn’t want to get to know her because she’s on a reality show. She said that it’s hard to make friends, that she’s never felt like she fit in with the cool people and she cried about it a little. That video is below and here’s some of that she said:
I went to an event this morning. It was a panel discussion for new moms. I approached two [moms] specifically that we have a lot of friends in common. I got pretty much the same reaction from both of them which was ‘I really could not be bothered talking to you right now.’ They were just trying to back out of the conversation as quickly as they could.
Ever since I was in middle school I always felt like I wasn’t cool enough to be in the cool group.
I think that a lot of these especially LA girls don’t think it’s cool [that I’m on a reality show]. I don’t whether they’re embarrassed by me or just think I’m trashy, but this is a vibe that I’m getting and it just does not make me feel good about myself. There’s like this passive aggressive bullying which is what’s going on now. I can just see right right through that.
It’s especially hard when you’re a new mother and you really want to put yourself out there.
If I’m not cool enough for them because I was on a reality TV show, then they’re not gonna to try to be friends with me. It definitely hurts to feel like someone doesn’t want to hang out with you, or have a conversation with you and try to get to know you. I take it personally.
New moms and moms in general can be some of the bitchiest and most competitive people. I remember feeling completely out of place at a new mom meetup after an experience similar to this. Women were bragging about how much weight they lost after having the baby, how much exercise they could do during the day, and I just did not feel welcome. Honestly I felt like some of the talk was directed at me as I was larger at the time. I didn’t feel bad about myself, I just thought they were a-holes. I’d just had a baby and I didn’t care that I hadn’t lost the weight yet. I was like “Wow these women think I’m lesser than them. They’re jerks.”
I’d rather know ahead of time that someone is an a-hole rather than having them befriend me and then show their true colors. Once you’ve invested time in a new person and they turn out to be mean, that’s when it’s really upsetting. When people blow you off at first it’s disappointing but I think “thanks for letting me know and not wasting my time.” At least that’s how I see it so I don’t feel rejected. If someone doesn’t want to be your friend they’re not worth it. That’s pretty much what Whitney’s husband, Tim Rosenman, said to her off camera in the video. Whitney seems like she’s doing ok and like she talked it out and came to terms with it. A lot of people can relate to feeling this way.
Here’s a shorter version:
Photos credit: WENN and screenshot from Youtube
she seems super nice on Instagram
I bumped (not literally lol) into her at the dermatologist, and she was incredibly sweet. she’s very friendly – the type of person to try to strike up convos with anyone
Lauren Conrad has a kid pretty much exactly her sons age and also lives in LA. Doesn’t Audrina also have a kid? Maybe these aren’t the “cool moms” of LA but they have all been friends for over a decade. Kind of a bummer they didn’t seem to stay friends!
I know Heidi has a kid too but I don’t blame any of them for not staying friends with her. And IIRC Kristen doesn’t live in LA.
It’s been pretty well acknowledged over the years that those friendships were more for television that anything. Lauren was friends with Heidi and Lo, but Whitney and Audrina both auditioned for the show. It makes sense that paid friends wouldn’t stay friends for life.
Ok so no one should be bullying/shaming other people or purposefully excluding them…but the expectation that everyone would want to make friends with everyone else, is weird to me.
I mean, I’ve never been in a position where I feel the default is everyone wants to be my friend. This may be coloured by my experience as a WOC in a largely white dominated environment…but I just cannot imagine walking into a room expecting everyone to want to be my friend/include me.
Is this what usually happens? Am I just surrounded by assholes?
Idk Clare. But as a white woman (albeit an anxious one) I can’t think of a time between now and childhood where I ever assumed I’d be a hot friend commodity. I think it’s probably a white privileged person thing because I’ve never had the privilege aspect on my side. But I also tend to think it’s a case of pretty wealthy white women (and men) being treated with kid gloves for the most part. People who look like her have gotten pretty far on their looks. If you’ve watched 30 Rock I believe there’s a whole story arc with John Ham playing a doctor who’s charming and good looking but super dumb and a terrible surgeon but he has everything basically thrown at him because of it and has never understood that it’s because he’s pretty to look at haha.
Eh, I don’t know that I expect everyone to like me, but I kind of expect basic courtesy in most social circumstances. For Whitney I don’t think it’s so much that these women didn’t want to be her friends, but that they couldn’t even engage in pleasant conversation for 5 minutes. It’s never nice to be excluded.
I can’t even imagine what it must be like when you throw casual racism on top. ((Hugs))
Anners, I agree!!
I don’t think it was the expectation of every person dying to be her friend because she’s pretty, I think it was that these women couldn’t even be polite and carry on a conversation with someone for ten minutes, knowing they have a common interest (their kids). These women couldn’t even be social and kind, and that sucks and hurts.
I’ve had female co-workers and roommates treat me like crap using the excuse that we’re not friends. Some think they don’t have to show respect to anyone they’re not friends with, which is incredibly immature in my opinion.
I used to belong to a mom’s group when my daughter was younger. I met a couple of great people and a LOT of horrible people. One would assume that going to a “meet and greet” playgroup type of thing for a mom’s club, people would be welcoming and friendly. Not so much. One person was so toxic I cried driving home. I’m as white as can be with a heavy dose of anxiety. As time went on, I discovered she was just as horrible to everyone. Why no one told her to F off, I have no idea. I did several times over the years and when we see each other now (because of our kids and school) we just ignore each other.
Basically, I didn’t expect people to be my new bestie but I thought some polite small talk and being cordial and nice would be the norm.
@Jen- I’ve had the same experience with a moms group. I honestly had no idea women could be so nasty for no reason. I’ve since stopped being a part of that group but it’s hard to make new friends in your thirties when you have kids and move to a different area where you know no one. I’m also experiencing some of it with my daughters dance class. I’ve found a couple women who are great, just nice and can have a conversation with. There is a group though that sit in their special corner and don’t even give any of us a second glance when they walk by because they are too busy talking super loud about how awesome they are a judging people and their daughters. Not that I want to be friends with people like that but I just don’t understand wasting your energy on being nasty and exclusionary.
I’ll also add that the fact I have a daughter with special needs has added another element to this. You wouldn’t believe how many people back away after finding out, even if they were nice to begin with and seemed like they could be friends.
If she was ignored or treated badly by two people with whom she has a friend in common, the mutual friend may have said something unkind about her. I’m currently going through that myself. Someone didn’t want to be friendly with me, and then I found out my supposed “bestie” was talking shit behind my back to this person and others.
Ouch. That’s cruel. Well, at least now you know not to bother with her anymore. It’s disappointing for you to find out this way.
It is so hard to make new friends period let alone mom friends.
First new mom event I went to was during maternity leave and I got so much passive aggressive heat for planning to go back to work I never went back. 2nd one was for working moms so i thought it would be better but then the leaders started talking about vaccine injuries and how they weren’t going to vaccinate their kids and I noped my way out of there. I didn’t make any parent friends until I went to the events our daycare hosted for the parents. You have to keep trying and find the right friends for you.
I have heard so many stories like this from family members and friends who had kids – parent cliques are worse than the playground ones that their children have. I live near a very nice area in North London and there is a coffee shop I like to frequent and I have lost count of the many times i have sat next to young mothers who basically spend the whole conversation trying to ‘out natural motherhood’ each other. I remember one particularly awful conversation where a group were talking about giving birth and were being quite snotty about those who use epidurals and gas/air – one commented that she wanted to ‘feel’ her way through the birth at home. It infuriated me as these idiots don’t seem to understand that there are women who DIE from child birth every day because they don’t have access to the natal care they were turning their noses up at. I’ll bet these same twits are anti-vax as well.
I’m in the “yummy mommy” neighborhood in the north London too. And it’s true! I am not a mom so I don’t know any personally but I have heard similar talks and I realized I won’t be making mom friends easily when I do become one. It’s so vapid. I don’t like the yummy mommy stamp but seriously so many of them just fit that box.
@Unicorn are you in primrose hill by any chance? Because this is pretty much my local cafe you’re describing. A very good friend of mine recently had a baby, and the ladies from her NCT group seem pretty nice, but holy heck some of their conversations…
No, Hampstead area. I used to live in a posh part of South London and it was the same. I guess it anywhere you have groups of middle class wives of higher earners. These women allegedly went to the best fee paying schools and universities but the things they believe and talk about clearly shows it was a waste of money.
A friend’s husband was transferred to London and the company organised their initial accommodation in North London. My friend is from New Zealand, and the type of women you are describing above immediately assumed she was the nanny when out with their children. They are all about natural this and that, but of course they have the help do all the work around it. I wonder how many did have at the very least gas and air if not more at the birth, but will never admit it to their so-called friends.
Yeah I can guarantee that they would have went all out with the drugs and medical help, esp if it was their first child.
I do feel sorry for her. I imagine it can be difficult. I’m sure for some others, they can be a bit of jealousy (not that they really ever wanted to be on a reality show) as she has some fame, that she is pretty, fairly young, and that can make others mean.
But yes, new moms and moms of young kids are so judgy, competitive, and very cliquey.
Personally, I am so glad my kids are older kids. That attitude tends to lessen once the kids have agency. Its hard to maintain a judgy attitude when the kids are eating paste.
Was the show she was on really a reality? I watched that one with her and Olivia Palermo and to me, and I work on TV formats, it felt like a scripted show made to look like reality but wasn’t really. I also liked that one cause it seemed like it was about first jobs, first adult relationships… was it the hills?
Maybe she could try making friends with moms who aren’t “cool.”
This. Okay, so the snobby “cool” clique rejected you. Maybe go find a group where you actually fit in. This isn’t high school. Cool cliques don’t matter. I think maybe not fitting in with the cool kids hurt her ego a little bit. Get over it. Life’s too short.
Great comment and insight. You are 100% right. Make each day great by doing what’s right for YOU. As one of my relatives always says, “From now until dead is that how you want to live?”
In my experience (which may or may not be the norm), people start to find self acceptance as they get older and once they do, they tend to be less judgmental. The most judgmental people I know are the most unhappy at their core. You have to love yourself in order to love others. I have found people to be a lot more accepting now that I’m middle aged because it’s pretty well established that everyone has gone through something at this age – divorce, job loss, serious health scares, financial pressures, screwed up kids. We are all just doing the best we can. While I’m sure there are still judgy people, I don’t see as many of them and frankly, don’t have the patience for them.
I feel bad for her. Finding mom friends usually has to be kind of an organic thing, though. I had an experience similar to Digital Unicorn’s when I went to a mom event. Never again!
And the other thing no one really talks about is that many of your kid’s friends will have parents who don’t click with you, which can be a pain in the age of playdates with younger kids.
It’s an ongoing thing. She’ll find her people eventually. My oldest is 9 and we just had a hike playdate with a new friend of his and I was thrilled to find that the mom is someone I’d hang out with even if our kids weren’t friends. So we’re going to grab coffee in a few weekends.
I don’t know why moms can be so mean to each other. We’re mostly all just doing the best we can.
I get what she’s saying. It’s tough. But you just have to keep at it.
So I am not a very social person so this to me comes off very highschool. As a kid and teenager I cared so much what people thought about me and wanted to be cool so badly, but now as a 30 year old I could careless if people like me or want to talk to me. I don’t get grown women still competing to be coolest, hottest, etc. don’t they have better things to worry about.
She is aging terribly.
I think she looks good? If only we could all age so terribly.
I also had a hard time finding “mom friends,” but as a nerdy individual it wasn’t that different from other times. I’m a working mom so finding the time to make new friends is an additional barrier, but I certainly understand how isolating it is to be home with young children and wanting adult time. I also value my privacy, and would probably avoid someone if my interactions had the potential to be blasted to lots of followers. I know she didn’t use names, but she’s sharing her experiences and interactions. Perhaps these other moms were private people, or raging a$$holes, or both, or just having a bad day.
These kinds of stories are why I’ve never gone to a mom’s group. I don’t need that level of toxicity in my life, haha.
But honestly, between working full time, my husband, my kids, and family, I rarely have time for myself, let alone friends. Maybe that sounds sad to others, but I’ve accepted it and I think it makes me happier overall because I have less anxiety about it. It actually made me feel a lot better when I decided to just keep close with who I was already close to and let go of the need to be super social.
No, I get exactly what you are saying.
Doesn’t sound sad at all. You have a full life.
@millenial, I’m in the same boat. I’m still close with some high school friends but since I’ve move from place to place since getting married I haven’t been able to make any new good friends since college. My life is also full to the brim with my kids and trying to find me time but I still feel bad about it from time to time and wish I had just a few close local friends I could go out with once in a blue moon.
Mummy groups are diabolical! Most bored and miserable and lonely i have ever been. I didn’t know what was ‘wrong’ with me. They triggered me so badly that I went to group therapy for social anxiety!
Now I realise babies do not make common ground, and I was bored and miserable and lonely, because I found it boring, the conversations and connections made me miserable and all of that made me feel lonely bc I didn’t understand why I felt that way and why I wasn’t making ‘breast’ friends. I’m a creative workaholic. That’s my tribe.
I thought this was April Fool! 🙂
I’m serious, I have absolutely no idea who this person is!
Haha, I know and like Whitney, but also thought this was so ridiculous. There are a ton of commenters supporting her here though, and they all seem to be verrrrrry familiar with mom groups, so I’m gonna guess you need to have experienced the tyranny of a mom group to understand this woman’s pain!
On the one hand I feel bad for her. I’m socially awkward and making friends is hard. Making mom friends is even harder. There is an added element of upset because some how it feels like both you and your kids are being snubbed.
That being said, no one owes you friendship. It sucks to be snubbed, but why go online and cry for the whole world to see? I want there so I dont know how the interaction went, but I doubt it was actually “bullying”. And who is to say how the other mothers perceived things.
Maybe those women were having bad days, maybe they were feeling awkward, maybe the two ladies in question are secretly having an affair and they wanted to sneak off and be alone together.
I agree so much. Basically, this was her interpretation of the events, and she is absolutely entitled to her feelings about it. That said, “it’s not always about you”. I think it is far too common to have misunderstandings when one person is already feeling uncomfortable and not confident – it’s kind of like social confirmation bias: if I’m feeling down and uncomfortable and not like a cool kid, and then someone is rude to me, it confirms any suspicion I shouldn’t be there, or I don’t belong. The reality could be, and often is, completely different. Maybe not in this case, but maybe it also was. I wrote below I feel a bit for the other women perhaps not wanting to engage with someone who has such a public platform (after all, we’re hearing about this and I don’t even follow her!). If I were approached by a former reality personality with a public profile I don’t think I’d want a lot to do with that person….anything I say, or don’t say, could be made public fodder at any point. Best to just move it along?
I can’t say anything to mom groups, but I know when I’m exhausted or mentally tapped out at a social event, making new acquaintances is not something I have the energy to do. As an introvert, sometimes you just want to hang out with a person you already know.
Now I’m not saying she wasn’t treated poorly, I wasn’t there and she was, however, I think we are beginning to throw around the term bullying willy nilly. I find it a bit interesting that it seems to be rich white women who use the term “bullying” whenever people dont bend over backward to accommodate them. These women could have just not felt like socializing anymore, or were exhausted. Most of the time people’s behavior has nothing to do at all with you. You are barely crossing their mind in all likelihood. It doesn’t excuse rude behavior but its important to have perspective. A rude waitress might have had a really crappy previous customer for example. A rude fellow mom might just be exhausted. I’m sorry she had a bad experience, I hope she makes mom friends in the future. I’m sure shell find a better fit of friends.
I dont think anyone should assume that anyone else would want to be friends… like for me, I never think a friend of a friend is any more of a likely candidate for friendship. Also, I dont make friends easily myself, and I’m not a particularly warm person.
However, if I went to…. say, a Work Thing for nurses. I wouldn’t expect everyone there to be my new bfs, but I would expect to not be treated like a pariah by other nurses. Those moms were being dicks.
Also Whitney has always sucked the least out of all of them. So she still has that going for her.
im sorry but i find this peak (whitegirl tears that no one want to think I’m amazing—theyre just bullies, TSwift brand of endearment i guess) go find a hobby and reconstruct yourself and Lauren Conrad did just that…. she didnt care that people that people laughed at her for the Jason, Brody, and being a stephen colleti (sp whatever) side people for MULTIPLE season… she just honed into her fam and branched out (even after she was mean-girled into taunts of “basic-ism”
like Whitney try hanging out with “uncool” moms i guess….too much going on in the world for this indulgence and your tears about how someone doesnt want to think you’re the most amazing person and be bestie mommies with you
I don’t think it’s too much to ask to show a little courtesy to a newcomer who found the nerve to go up and talk to you. I do think it’s cool that she has a platform from which to call the snobs out on their rude behavior. I bet a lot of us wish we had that ability occasionally even though yeah, it’s a little high school-ish.
People are awful. We truly, really are.
The problem is that everyone thinks that they’re a much better person than they actually are, and we’re TERRIBLE at admitting fault. Plus, we’re raging hypocrisy machines. Ugh. Humans.
I wouldn’t presume to know if there is a god or not or what happens after death (I’m a dumb human, after all), but if there is a god, I really hope they explain why they decided to make humans such assholes.
she needs to stop, its so weak ‘oh the cool kids don’t embrace me’ bish get over it. nobody everrrrrr befriended me based on my looks, no privilege here, all personality baby.
You know why some parents are so toxic? Because they think that, not only do they have to worry about THEIR own popularity and fit in, but now they have a kid to try and ingratiate into the world. It’s a sick cycle and anyone who doesn’t like me or my kid based on zero reason can suck it. Shrugs.
Life’s too short. And usually we Probably wouldn’t have been compatible anyway. I have given up giving a shit years ago lol. I just roll how I roll.
I don’t know…my first instinct before I even read the article was maybe they didn’t want anything to do with the publicity? After all, there’s a reboot of her old show, she does have a public platform….and the snubbing did find it’s way to this site and all over instagram. It wouldn’t take a genius to figure out who those other mothers were if someone was motivated enough. And honestly, the only evidence of snubbing is her perception they tried to back out of the convo as soon as possible. Which is actually understandable if you know your interactions with someone could at any point be made public (as they were here). Sure, it would have been polite to engage, but with so many reality stars saying and doing conflicting things (“I’m a private person with a real life but I’m also going to advertise my show about my real life”) I can see why people might be reluctant to be friendly with her. Sure, it isn’t fair, but this is someone who made a lot of money playing the part of someone who lets people into their private space, or at least gives the illusion of it. I would be leery too.
I can sympathize because people can be cliquey at all ages. Here’s the thing. I’m at an age where I don’t care what people think. I don’t have the time or energy and I look back at my younger self with love and compassion. And those cliques from way back when, I realize there was insecurity coupled with privilege. A Colossus striding the playground or the or scool halls is basically a house of cards.
I get passive aggressive comments for not having children by other women so I’m sure it’s twice as bad when you are a mom and others like to shame you.
I have a coworker whose daughter is having twins. We wanted to do something for our coworker. We are having a little party for her and we all decided to get her some supplies so she could have some things in her home for the twins. I got her a backpack diaper bag so she would not have to constantly trade off with her daughter for it. One of my other coworkers hadn’t gotten her anything yet and I told her what I got. I made a suggestion of what to get her when she asked and she said “Here I am forgetting to get her something and I have kids and you…” and she stopped herself but I knew what she meant. It was really insulting and offensive that she was surprised that I knew what to get and got my gift before hers.
Whitney, there are people dying.
right….like GIRL get a grip….
I feel bad for her in the most abstract way. I’ve been shut out of churches because they were white, upper class (for our area), married to their high school sweetheart or some other Vineyard Vines style redneck chic douche while I’m black, divorced, and middle class.
But at the end of the day, she can choose to hang out with the prepackaged muffin moms if she want to and still have the same lifestyle and choices for her kids.
I’m still gonna be black in the rural south so my sympathy only goes so far.
Oh honey, it’s not a reality TV show thing. It’s a “mom’s club” thing. I had my baby after moving to a new town. I did not know anyone and had no friends. So I tried approaching mom groups at parks and such. They are jerks. They get matching strollers and yoga pants and then stand around hating on their children. I made friends eventually and I adore them. But “mom” groups and ‘mom” events is not where I would go to make friends.
There’s a million reasons why someone might appear standoffish that have nothing to do with her. Maybe they’re nervous too, have social anxiety, are preoccupied with their own lives/babies, having a bad day, bad at small talk, etc. It sounds like projection/trigger; a therapist would be worthwhile. I almost guarantee they weren’t looking down on her because of an old tv show nobody remembers.