Emily Ratajkowski is pregnant, she won’t know the gender until they turn 18

Emily Ratajowski is knocked up! She got to announce it with a very personal essay on the cover of the digital issue of Vogue. The father of her child is obviously her husband, Sebastian Bear-McClard, and he features heavily in her essay. The essay is about gender and expectations and patriarchy, and it’s sort of cracking me up? I’m not EmRata’s biggest fan or anything, but I don’t think she’s completely vapid. I applaud her for trying to talk about some deeper sh-t other than “pregnancy is all sunshine and roses and spon-con.” You can read her essay here. A few highlights:

On the baby’s gender: When my husband and I tell friends that I’m pregnant, their first question after “Congratulations” is almost always “Do you know what you want?” We like to respond that we won’t know the gender until our child is 18 and that they’ll let us know then. Everyone laughs at this. There is a truth to our line, though, one that hints at possibilities that are much more complex than whatever genitalia our child might be born with: the truth that we ultimately have no idea who—rather than what—is growing inside my belly. Who will this person be? What kind of person will we become parents to? How will they change our lives and who we are? This is a wondrous and terrifying concept, one that renders us both helpless and humbled.

The idea of having a daughter: “To be perfectly honest,” I tell my husband over dinner, “I’m not sure that I even know that I want a girl. I guess I’d just never really thought about having a boy before. ” “I do worry a girl will have a lot to live up to as your daughter,” he replies. “That’s a lot of pressure.” I wince and think of my own mother and her tales of being homecoming queen, the way I knew the word jealous at the age of three (I pronounced it “jealoust,” telling my mother that her female colleagues were “just jealoust” of her), and the early understanding I had of how beauty could equate to power. I prayed for beauty, pinching my nose tightly on either side before falling asleep, willing it to stay small.

She already resents Sebastian: My husband likes to say that “we’re pregnant.” I tell him that while the sentiment is sweet, it’s not entirely true. I resent that his entire family’s DNA is inside of me but that my DNA is not inside him. “It just seems unfair,” I say, and we both laugh. It’s kind of a joke, but just like the remark we make about our child’s gender, there is truth behind it.

[From Vogue]

The rest of the piece is funny too – she talks a lot about how worried she is that she’ll have a boy who will have all the privilege of yet another white man, or that her son might end up playing football. She quotes a mom friend, who told her that she resented the hell out of how peacefully her husband slept during her pregnancy: “There is nothing worse than the undisturbed sleep of a white man in a patriarchal world. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that I was bringing yet another white man into the world. But now I adore him and can’t imagine it any other way.” So, yeah, it doesn’t sound like Emily is going to find out the sex of the baby.

Em did a paparazzi photoshoot outside of her apartment last night too:

Pregnant Emily Ratajkowski arrives at her apartment holding her baby bump

Photos courtesy of Backgrid, Vogue.

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86 Responses to “Emily Ratajkowski is pregnant, she won’t know the gender until they turn 18”

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  1. Caitlin Bruce says:

    I have a severe hatred of this woman that I don’t think is justified but I can’t help it. There’s something about her.

    • The Other Sarah says:

      I too find her insufferable. She is wealthy but refuses to pay her damn rent and is basically squatting. In a city where people work multiple jobs to scrape by and pay hundred of dollars to rent a bunk bed in a crowded apartment, I have no respect or tolerance for trash who rely on legal loopholes to avoid paying rent.

      • Mac says:

        I have no sympathy for greedy landlords who illegally rent apartments in buildings that don’t meet fire and safety codes. They know the squatter laws and risk the consequences.

      • Wiglet Watcher says:

        There’s already a thread today about that. Go to the Kushner article.

      • Surreuzly? says:

        A dear friend of mine was impacted by a wealthy “psychic” who refused to pay rent during covid because COVID. This was my buddy’s livelihood to rent in good faith. The “psychic” stayed the full term of her lease, NOT PAYING SINCE FEB. I told my kids it’s another example of the wealthy knowing court sport & having lawyers on speed Dial to F the rest of us peasants, like Donny & co claiming “bankrupt” when they tank another hobby business…UGH

    • lucy2 says:

      I know, I find her super annoying. Can’t help it. I don’t know why I even clicked on this post.

    • Queen Meghan’s Hand says:

      This has me cracking up so hard! I totally understand that feeling towards other celebs. Comment of the week!

    • minx says:

      She’s pretentious and she and her husband are deadbeats. I guess I hate-clicked on this too.

    • Myra says:

      I feel this way about the entire Kardashian/Jenner clan so I try to avoid articles on them like the plague. Sometimes I scroll fast when I see their names in case I accidentally read headlines about them (when I tell you it’s irrational…)! Khloe is the one that tricks me the most though cause she gets a new face all the time lmao

    • ChloeCat says:

      Caitlin Bruce, I, too, have a severe hatred of this woman. Everything about her. From her pretending to be an intellectual (we know she’s not), to not paying rent, to prancing around nearly naked at the drop of a hat. Plus I think she isn’t very attractive, she looks like an emu to me, no offense to emus.

    • Grace says:

      Me too. I am so tired of looking at her naked body!

    • Ashley says:

      Ugh, I’m sorry but I can’t stand the cattiness in this thread. She’s young and privileged, yes. But girl is also trying to be respectful of her child’s identity. It’s cool that she’s chosen to make that clear. She’s not the freaking devil incarnate that y’all seem to be playing her for.

      • Otaku fairy says:

        @Ashley: +1000. And if people like modesty, they’re always free to practice it themselves respectfully. Most of them, anyway.

      • Kalana says:

        I think she’s performatively woke. Using current concepts of being a decent person publicly while being a dirtbag in her private life. How are you going to write about privilege while exploiting laws meant to protect the poor so you can skip out on paying your rent?

      • Mette says:

        @ kalana- right, it’s all about performance and nothing about wokeness. Essentially, useless.

    • josephine says:

      I only know her as the one who posts nude and semi-nude pictures. She looks so harsh and manufactured to me, and the body pics are just kinda exhausting and redundant, but I don’t know anything about her.

      What is she? An underwear model or one of those social-media hags? Does she have a job? Why is there hate for her besides the fact that she seems completely self-occupied?

    • Valiantly Varnished says:

      I don’t hate her but I do have intense dislike for her. She just seems famous for no reason and everytime she opens her mouth my eyes roll back in my head. She just seems perpetually thirsty to me.

    • landsend says:

      I sort of loathe her, too; I don’t know why she’s ever covered here. She’s hardly a role model or someone with any insight, originality, or depth. All she does is repeatedly harp about how being a feminist doesn’t mean she can’t show off her body—like it’s a profound or new concept—- and parrot the latest PC sound bites about gender fluidity and identity politics, as she does here. The whole shady story about her and her boyfriend not paying rent, when they’re quite RICH, is disgusting to me, too. (And, on a quite superficial note, I think her face resembles a rat’s. Not quite sure how she ever made it as a model, or if she is mostly just an Instagram one?) She has never, publicly, said a unique, innovative, or even mildly interesting thing in her life, and so I don’t understand why she is given any attention here at all. (Or anywhere.)

    • Belly says:

      Me too. Cannot stand her!

      Fuck this thirsty ass sponge, go away already.

  2. Billie says:

    Well that’s one less asinine gender reveal party in the world, at least.

  3. Kalana says:

    She’s a good writer. I remember rolling my eyes at a picture of her husband back when they were dating but overall her writing made me like her and her connection with her husband.

    • Kalana says:

      Uh… I would like to amend my comment to say that I do not like this couple at all.

    • Danielle says:

      I agree. I read her recent NYMagazine piece about “buying herself back” or whatever and it was a great piece. Before, I just envied her body. Now, I think I’m a genuine fan of hers.

    • TeamMeg says:

      Same. She’s way more thoughtful and insightful than I realized before reading that piece.

      I also am irritated by the man saying “we’re pregnant” trend. Major Irksville! (I’m fine with “We’re having a child,” which is true. But only one of us is pregnant!)

  4. Angel says:

    Anything for attention. Anyway wishing her a safe pregnancy and delivery.

  5. Lora says:

    i really don’t hate what she’s saying 🤷🏻‍♀️

    • Esp.Lumiere says:


      There is truth to what she says. You can tell she’s trying to be honest and leave room for her child’s personal growth.

      I don’t follow her in the news so I have no opinions on her personally (or her husband), but I have to assume that people (here) dislike her because she’s more a “do as I say, not as I do” person. I’m guessing here.

  6. Leanne says:

    Aren’t these two the deadbeats who weren’t paying rent on their fancy NYC loft?!?! There’s a lot to dislike.

    • Kalana says:

      I didn’t know about this! They were eventually *paid* to leave and they moved to a 2 million dollar home in Los Angeles.

      The rent was originally $4200 in 2013 and climbed to $4900 by 2019 and they stopped paying rent in 2017 by abusing a 1982 law meant to stop displacement of poor artists. They can afford a 2 million dollar home but can’t pay a $700 rent increase? What grifters!

      Their landlord had rented the floor and was subletting units to tenants. He had to cover all of their missed rent until the owners of the whole building paid Emily and her husband to leave.

      • minx says:

        I haven’t had coffee yet…I’m not understanding how they could be paid to leave, instead of just evicted?

      • Bookie says:

        @minx – it is incredibly difficult to evict people in NYC. It can take years. I’m sure it was easier, cheaper, and quicker to pay them off.

      • Kalana says:

        @minx. It was because of the 1982 Loft Law, “artists and other low-income tenants cannot be evicted from their building if the building doesn’t have a certificate of occupancy or installed fire and other safety protections. McClard’s building doesn’t have the certificate.”

        Basically the couple found a loophole and exploited it for two years until they were paid to move on.

      • minx says:

        Okay, thanks!

      • Brittney B says:

        …eh, I can’t begrudge *anyone* who finds a legal way to avoid paying landlords. If the landlords could buy and rent out a whole floor of a luxury apt building, they have far more wealth & privilege than Emily and her husband. s/Maybe they shouldn’t have bought so many apartments if they need other people’s help paying for them./s

        I just wish these two had organized & helped working-class tenants in other buildings do the same thing.

        (I say this as a homeowner and tenants’ rights activist who always thought landlords could be perfectly ethical… until I examined the system more closely. They’re among many, many commonly accepted evils that would be rendered obsolete by true socioeconomic equality.)

      • detritus says:


        Why exactly are landlords evil?

        I rent two properties for well below market value to students and low income families, while I live in an apartment myself.

        I get that the Maoistic approach is popular now a days, but please tell me how the two ladies who squatted in my apartment refusing to pay rent (committing ODSP fraud by using the money dedicated to rent for other things, putting the upstairs tenants at risk with their non-vetted ‘clients’ in sex work and drug trade) are justified, while I’m the “accepted evil”?

        The system has a wait time of over 2 years for community housing, commercial developers go for highest return on investment, so not affordable housing, but individual land owners are the evil ones?

      • josephine says:

        @ BrittneyB – the problem with your argument is that it is not the landlord who gets stiffed in the end, it’s everyone else. There is simply no excuse for what they did, and people like them taking advantage of the law just makes it easier for opponents of the law to repeal it. I completely agree that there are awful landlords out there, but cheating a system designed to protect people who actually need protection isn’t revenge against landlords. It’s just cheating and disgusting, and it hurts the rest of us.

      • Otaku fairy says:

        @BrittneyB: The other thing is that the unpaid rent problem started with him, before he was even with her. Paying it still would be the right choice though.

      • Kalana says:

        Skipping out on paying your bills when you can afford to do so is Trump behavior.

  7. Jedi says:

    I get what shes saying here. Pregnancy can bring on a wide range of complicated, conflicting emotions. Coupling that with the sickness and discomfort many feel, it can be a strange time. You dont know the person you are literally building inside of you – they are born as a little stranger that you have the joy of meeting and discovering as they grow. I also get what she means about resentment towards her husband. I love my husband so much and he is wonderfully supportive while I am pregnant with our second but like, its hard being the one that is sick all the time or has all the rules (no raw fish, no booze) and limitations. This shit can be hard. *shrug*

  8. S808 says:

    Man, one VS model after another is pregnant, I don’t blame them. If there’s a time for them to be pregnant, it’s now.

    • theothercleo says:

      Am I the only one wondering if Karlie Kloss is pregnant too? She posted a picture a couple of days ago where her boobs looks bigger, she’s holding a bag in front of her midsection and her shadow makes it looks like she has a bump. I’m not usually one to bumpwatch but I guess at this point I just expect every model to get pregnant.

      • Case says:

        Just looked at Karlie’s Instagram and I agree. She’s either wearing an amazing push-up bra or she’s pregnant.

  9. Silent Star says:

    I like all the things she is saying in these quotes (did not read the article). I think that’s awesome that she’s calling out the fact that pregnancy is not actually as much as partnership as we would like it to be. I think we try to make dads feel included by saying these niceities, but the truth is they’re only as involved as they want to be, while the mother is in it 100%. There are a lot of uncomfortable truths about having children and sugar coating it does no favors for anyone (especially the mothers) so I really admire her candidness.

  10. Leslie says:

    Hard eye roll. 18 is such an arbitrary number here. If your child knows their gender before then believe them. If they take longer to get there let them.

    • Teresa says:

      That’s my main thought too. Why 18? Because they can vote then? Also gender fluidity doesn’t stop at 18 and just settle. I get her sentiment but I think it’s fair to say the kid can be whatever they wish and we will support it.

    • Swack says:

      I was about to say the same thing. There are many young men and women who know who they are before 18 and many who don’t know until later in life. @Teresa, 18 is also the age they are legally considered an adult and therefore responsible for themselves.

    • ce says:

      the point she missed is just… don’t assign gender roles to your kid until they tell you which-if any- they prefer.

    • jess says:

      yes this! she’s clearly just trying to sound woke. if she was involved at all in the community she would know that a lot of trans people are firm in their gender even as toddlers. It’s not some random 18 year old decision.

  11. Stacy Dresden says:

    Congrats to her!

  12. Penguin says:

    And?? She’s not the first or last person to do this. She’s so self righteous on everything she announces. I just don’t like her. No real rhyme or reason she just seems insufferable. Hope for a healthy pregnancy though

  13. Savu says:

    I really really hate when men say “we’re pregnant”. “We’re having a baby”, of course! In the words of Liz Lemon, “are YOU gonna krang this thing for nine months, poop it, and then go back to work.”

    • Nikki* says:

      I have always hated the “we’re pregnant” thing too… We’re expecting, but only the woman has to throw up, pee every hour, change shoe sizes, experience STRANGERS trying to touch her tummy and give advice, etc. I just felt like I was a super grump, but am glad to see I’m not the only one in the universe who feels this way!!

  14. Chimes@Midnight says:

    I don’t know much about this person, but this seems a little, I don’t know, demonstratively woke? And what if your child is white, identifies as male and plays football, will you love them less?

    I think it is enough to say that she will love and support her child in whoever they choose to be.

  15. TrixC says:

    I don’t think she’s completely vapid, but I don’t think she’s half as deep as she thinks she is, either. She literally goes from that comment about not knowing the child’s gender until they’re 18, which she obviously thinks is super profound and ‘woke’, to a whole discussion about whether she’s having a boy or a girl, in totally gender binary terms. And no, your husband’s “entire family’s DNA” isn’t inside you when you’re pregnant!

    • Mel says:

      I don’t understand this train of thinking or how you won’t raise kind of messed up people. I just don’t. Let your kids wear what they want, play with what they want or whatever sport they want, it’s okay to let them know they’re a boy or a girl at birth. If they feel that’s not what they are, they’ll tell you as long as YOU let them know it’s ok with you.

    • Jules says:

      Yup, screaming on social media about how woke you are only shows how woke you are not.

    • ME says:

      Quick question, don’t you have to put a gender on the birth certificate ? Are you allowed to leave that blank?

  16. Beth says:

    Haven’t read the whole article but I like what she says here and how she says it, with the exception of the way she phrases the gender at 18 point which is unnecessarily flowery against all her other points. Say as you mean I don’t disagree.

  17. Queen Meghan’s Hand says:

    Any queer and non-binary commenters thoughts on this? It makes me uncomfortable when cishet celebs insert themselves so firmly into queer contexts. I’m a cishet straight woman so I don’t know if she’s normalizing “gender as a construct” to a mass audience. I just…I don’t know why straight women celebs still feel compelled to throw their pregnancies in our faces. To me this seems like an attempt
    to queer her pregnancy.

    Also: Miranda July and Mike Mills, and Megan Fox and BAG are raising their respective children non-binary…so EmRata’s not so unusual. She’s not even the first brunette hottie to do this. Why grant her a video essay (directed by LENA DUNHAM!) about it?

  18. Eliza says:

    All i can think is if you resent your partner now for saying “we’re pregnant” just wait until post-delivery…

  19. Vote Science says:

    I love how she and her friend are talking about White male privilege (of course a legitimate thing) as if they as White women don’t benefit from enormous privilege and white supremacy as well.

  20. Case says:

    I mean…I like all of her sentiments and congrats to her on the pregnancy. Some of it feels a little over the top “woke” for the sake of seeming woke, though. I think it’s okay to identify your baby as a boy or girl as long as they always know you are open, loving, and accepting of them how they are, should their identity end up being something else. Let them choose their own clothes and play with the toys they want, don’t make a girl do ballet or a boy do baseball if they don’t want to, etc.

    Similarly, there’s nothing wrong with raising a white man if you teach him about his privileges, anti-racism, and respecting others. Like I get what she’s saying, but I think she needs to place more emphasis on how she’ll raise her child rather than what their identity is? She has a 50% chance of having a boy, who will be white. That’s fine. That’s not the innate issue here. The issue is how she’ll teach him to treat the world around him.

  21. BANANIE says:

    I resent the implication that small nose = beauty. Sincerely, a woman with a rather large nose.

  22. Chris says:

    I think Ali Wong’s stand up did a better job of the inequality of pregnancy. She joked about how everyone would compliment her husband for being at every doctor’s appointment with her and she says “you know who also has to be there!? Me! I’m the star of the show! He gets credit for playing candy crush on his phone when I’m having a wand shoved up my vagina!?” I’m sure I’m butchering it but she pretty much nails it. There’s no we in gestation.

    I find her a bit annoying as I do for most Instagram models, but I don’t find her comments annoying separated from who’s saying them. I’m not sure about the arbitrary age of 18 for gender, but I get the spirit of letting your kid be who they are with no parental pressure to conform to societal gender expectations. I also understand the desire to kind of push back against the weirdness of intense gendering of babies a la gender reveals. People are really intense about “do you hope it’s a girl/boy!?” Is it because now we can know with accuracy the sex of the baby before it’s born?

  23. Zantasia says:

    Her mom sounds like a MESS. Complaining to a 3 year old about coworkers?!

  24. Otaku fairy says:

    She’s been through a lot in the past year, apparently. Wishing her a healthy baby. I’ve come to admire her bravery.

  25. BeeCee says:

    I’m disappointed that she’s out and about and not wearing a mask… In the second pic, everyone behind her is wearing a mask..

    • ME says:

      It’s probably because she was doing a phoot-op for the paps she probably called lol ! Yeah, she’s pregnant, she has two lives to protect now…she should be careful !

  26. Arb says:

    People hate her because she’s beautiful. If an unattractive person said what she says, we might roll our eyes but we won’t respond with this… Bitterness. Health and happiness to her and her family. That’s all we need to give. Just normal human empathy. But the comments here and elsewhere have to nitpick her. It’s … Fine. She’ll be fine. We are allowed to be jealous so long as we aren’t hurting anyone. But I do think we can be better people and get over our own jealousy.

    • ME says:

      If you don’t like a person, it doesn’t have to be because of jealousy. So what if she’s pretty? Can’t people have opinions of her based on her actions and things she’s said in the past? Guess not.

    • Otaku fairy says:

      She has definitely said and done some annoying, mildly problematic things in the past. But like with many others, her failings are treated as less forgiveable than those of certain comedians, rappers, royals, shock jocks, rockers, etc. who get so much understanding just for being anti-Trump now. It’s not so much her looks (pretty, but also bland), as it is the way she doesn’t just take ‘a sl*t’s punishment’. Either present yourself a certain way, or STFU about abuse and disrespect until you admit it’s your fault. Them’s the rules.

      • Khia says:

        And them rules are bullsh*t. Sure she can be annoying, but I find myself giving her a pass because the slut shaming is always so subtle and not so subtle with her. The apartment thing is disgusting of her and her hubs, but she deserves congratulations and a healthy pregnancy and not active hate. Hate is way too strong and damaging and we got bigger fish to fry than this chick.

  27. dlc says:

    I very much like what she said here.

  28. Elena says:

    Now’s Emily’s chance to act like she’s the only person in this world to have ever carried a baby.

    I don’t hate what she’s saying, but she can be soooo overbearing. So, yes, I too find her terribly annoying.

    Also, it’s a photo op a day: the Daily Mail has the new pics.

  29. Lilitel says:

    She strikes me as a performative ‘woke’ girl (she doesn’t really understand the whole gender thing, she just using buzz words).
    Her whole career is based on the most caricatural form of patriarchy (powerful men providing her fame and money just because she looks good naked) and still she feels entitled to give lessons on the privilege of others.

    • Otaku fairy says:

      This kind of proves Arb’s (unpopular, but sometimes true) point in a way, and mine too. Because she turns men on and knows it, she’s expected to shut up about liberal issues and leave those concerns to people who are/feel less tempting to men, or women who present themselves differently. Meanwhile, guys like Channing Tatum and Lenny Kravitz use their looks to promote their projects/get money and still aren’t hated for speaking on liberal issues. A guy turning on women, gay men, and bisexual men is seen as acceptable.
      This is one of the reasons why your movement is so easily co-opted by the other side, and probably always will be. Because the more modest woman is automatically seen as more woke and more deserving of space and a voice.