Lindsay Lohan cracked-out Twitter freakout to Sam Ronson

Even when I’m reading an actual report or gossip item about Lindsay Lohan, I struggle to understand what she’s doing. But Lindsay Lohan in her words, or rather, her own cracked-out, illiterate, booze-and-coke-fueled Twitter rants are totally incomprehensible to me. But she’s at it again. Just consider them little drops of crack sunshine to make your tension headache throb into your eyeballs.

First, in a story we did not cover from last week, Lindsay’s insane Twitter drama was taken to a new level when Samantha Ronson went to Las Vegas without her. It seems Sam went to DJ at the Venetian at an event to promote Justin Timberlake’s line of tequila. As we know, Justin Timberlake hates Lindsay. So Lindsay wasn’t invited for that, and probably several other reasons. So Lindsay spent the night tweeting away her own her own self-perpetuating drama. As Lainey points out, the drama always starts when Lindsay can’t get ahold of Sam. Then we get tweets like “ur boyfriend/girlfriend is in vegas, dont invite you-are sweet, but then start getting defensive before they leave to go ‘bartend’ for no r.” Ugh.

So the latest drama went down last night. The timeline the Huffington Post gives is “some point between 1:30 Wednesday afternoon and 7:30 am on Thursday.” Lindsay went on the attack, whining about (I think it‘s whining) “errors” and “cheats”. Oh, crack dramz. I’m going to just put up some of my translations:

* “For their not only COMPLETE, BUT SUBSTANISAN” = I think Lindsay is saying that she completely knows Sam cheated on her, and her fears have been substantiated. Or Lindsay could be trying to contact her dealer and get the good stuff from the Republic of Substanistan.

* “can you make an attempt to not ruin ANTHI” = Sam is obviously cheating on Lindsay with a dude named Anthi, which is a cute nickname for “Anthony”.

* “for being a friend before a sell-out… the term “self out” was coined from ME and I gave them sooooooo much insight” = Lindsay is absolutely right, the term “self out” was coined in Maine.

* “you JUST told me that your friends are worth more than i am 2 your family & that i’m gross” = Lindsay is gross.

At one point I was thinking about calling these Lindsay’s “suicide tweets” but I thought it would be too … morbid, and too honest. This girl is such a trainwreck. But I also think she’s got a whiff of Amy Winehouse in her too – meaning that Lindsay will survive to crack tweet another day. She’s like a cockroach.

Thanks to D-Listed for the screenshot of Lohan’s Twitter account, below. Lindsay Lohan is shown shopping with her mother in Soho on 9/8/09. Credit:


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42 Responses to “Lindsay Lohan cracked-out Twitter freakout to Sam Ronson”

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  1. HEB says:

    She was tweeting this stuff as I was going to work this morning…I’m on the East Coast, but still thats effed up.

  2. omondieu says:

    Watching Twitterology develop into its own sub-field of historical linguistics saddens me. 🙁

  3. QB says:

    I think they are over but everytime Hohan comes acting crazy Sam feels guilty and lets her inside her house or talks to her. Sam needs to get away from Hohan move to another place and change her phone because the crackheads are unpredictable.

  4. meow says:

    I wish Lindsay would get the help she needs.

  5. Shadow says:

    Sorry I have never tweeted, so if you can explain to me which is Lindsay tweets and which are Sam, or are they all Lindsay?

    From what I can see when Lindsay writes it has the @samantharonson, so that means Sam wrote the other parts?

    my translation

    zG told me that I should be free of you cheating on me, thank you for being a friend before selling me out, (no idea what the self out thing means) or the other part, who ever wrote it must be drunk, Sam or Lindsay.

  6. Kaiser says:

    Shadow – when you see @Sam, Lindsay is tweeting a crack message directly to Sam. But everyone can read it.

  7. Wow says:

    I guess she can kiss her new “fashion adviser” job good-bye. Way to go, Lynds.

  8. Enonymous says:

    Trying to read and make any sense of those Twitter comments just killed couple of my precious brain cells. Who the hell reads and writes crap on Twitter.

  9. Fat Elvis says:

    “ur boyfriend/girlfriend is in vegas, dont invite you-are sweet, but then start getting defensive before they leave to go ‘bartend’ for no r.”

    Is she “tweeting” in English here?

  10. Teri says:

    All of a sudden Lindsay wants a man and not samantha and she’s suddenly a ho? I didn’t know lesbians could be ho’s. Lindsay you can do better than sam anyhow, girl or guy sam is just nasty.

  11. Ron says:

    Apprently Elvira had a garage sale judging by the outfit in that picture. And she’s a fashion advisor to who? WTF?

  12. Hieronymus Grex says:

    Fading fast. 🙁

    Watch the disaster unfold and learn from it, so it doesn’t happen to you.

  13. nanster says:

    This just proves that Lindsay Lohan is a barely-literate moron with a borderline IQ. Whoring out your children the way the Lohans have, not giving them guidance and support when they need it most, and not caring whether your children get an education are among the worst kinds of child neglect in my opinion. Her parents should not have been allowed to breed. Sad.

  14. SolitaryAngel says:

    @nanster: AMEN.

  15. ash says:

    I think she was typing “….to not ruin anything” and just passed out on her table before finishing the word “anything”.

  16. Eileen Yover says:

    Nanster: hell yeah!
    Ash: yep

    The more time goes by, the more I think these two deserve each other. I thought only junior high kids and John Mayer tweet.

  17. Eileen Yover says:

    And BTW-what the hell is she wearing?? My 4 year old can put clothing together better than this! I especially like the sunglasses inbetween her boobs accessory. And she is getting hired as a designer???? This world is going to hell in a handbasket.

  18. DD says:

    um whatever happened to private conversations. Obviously she wants the media attention, even if it makes her look pathetic. gross.

  19. Candi says:

    I think Both Sam and Lindsay have drug issues,but it’s worse for Lindsay,as she seems to have mental health issues as well.

    Obvious they are not a match made in Heaven,and it’s safe to say they both fuck around on each other.

    Lindsay just needs to grow up.So whether that be staying in an unhappy/unhealthy relationship,or breaking up with Sam,I don’t know.

    It’s just quite apparent that Lindsay Lohan has major issues,and is losing her A list status quickly,due to the drugs,and her lack of self control,especially over the Internet.

  20. walker says:

    This is so sad. Have some pride girl!

  21. Crankypants says:

    Doesn’t this girl know how to text or e-mail? I cannot for the life of me understand why she would want for the entire to see what a strung-out, blithering crackie beast she is. Save that for private messages.

    On another note, I LIVE for Blohan’s tweets. They are infinitely more entertaining than my work, and remind me how wonderfully boring and stable I am <>

  22. jaundicemachine says:

    I’d kiss your coke supply “bye-bye” LiLo. That headband in and of itself ought to be a fireable offense.

    Back to selling pappy pix for rocks for you!

  23. TaylorB says:

    We may be jumping to conclusions that she is drunk, cracked out, dumb or a combo there of, perhaps she is typing on a Sanskrit keyboard.

  24. Persistent Cat says:

    I really don’t understand why she uses Twitter for this. Like someone said, she really has no dignity or self-respect.

  25. Heavenbound says:

    She looks like the female version of Axle Rose (from Guns n’ Roses) .. Sorry flashback… Can anybody translate this mess? I do not understand the meaning of this “crack is wack” dispute!

  26. lizzy says:

    These people know nothing about the value of privacy. For God’s sake I’m with the rest of you, why would you want to air this crap in public versus getting to the point one on one, via email or even that old relic the telephone?!!

    I don’t think they really want to share it with all of us. Truly I think it’s a bit like the wealthy socialite who says and does whatever she wants in front of the help because the help is so far below her that they are irrelevant and ultimately “invisible”.

    I think Linds and Sam feel that the rest of us are worthless runts and basically don’t exist. Don’t you know, Twitter was invented as a form of communication for them only…and not the rest of us peons? They probably wonder what the hell we’re able to read the stuff they write on “their” Twitter.

  27. GatsbyGal says:

    What are those two dark lines on her right forearm in that top picture? Is that a tattoo, with words so small I can’t make it out? Or are they track marks from injecting heroin or god knows what else?

  28. gg says:

    Whoever invented this broadcasting of every drunken/cracked thought every two seconds has a very hot place in HELL waiting for them. This phenomena is absolute Bullshoot. How much more immature can people get? 😕

  29. Mimi says:

    Guys she is crazy so this so call message for Sam is just 1 of many proffers that she gave to us for the past years so this type of nonsense that she’s write should n impressive us anymore. And about Sam she just need stop being nice and lock the door to this crack whore don’t bother her again i have no doubt that she’s regrets don’t let her family ask for a restrain order right now. I don’t think that Sam is a drug user she probably was but now i think that she is more focus on being a DJ that doing drugs or caring for drugs users like Lindsay.
    Nanster u are soooooo right i’m glad i vote for her mother in that pool on TMZ hahah. And just an noter thing we need stop blaming others people for her actions like her mother do. Until is 1 person that finds her to be the victim she will aways believe and will never learn and grow the FUCK UP. If she is on drugs nobody is forcing her and never will she takes herself, if she is with a woman nobody forces her she make a choice herself is that simple.

  30. jennifer says:

    September 10th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
    It’s just quite apparent that Lindsay Lohan has major issues,and is losing her A list status quickly,

    Oh honey she lost that a LONG time ago (along with her career, her reputation, and any semblance of sanity…) 😉

  31. Buzzaroo says:

    I actually feel really sorry for her.

    Her life seems to be imploding and everybody is taking shots at a very troubled girl. I know she isn’t helping herself carrying on the way she is but pointing fingers at her and making disparaging remarks about her makes me cringe with shame.

    It’s like shooting fish in a barrel.

  32. birdgherl says:

    Someone needs to throw her 2 lb cracked out body to the ground and wrestle her phone from her.

  33. Andrea says:

    “suicide tweets”. yeah. ugh. i want to say more obvious stuff about what a total disaster she is, but im sort of anticipating feeling guilty about saying bad things about her when/if she turns up dead in the gutter. somebody get this girl a conservatorship before its too late.

  34. I Choose Me says:

    Great write-up Kaiser. I gotta say though, I almost feel sorry for Lindsey. Unfortch no one can help her at this point because she doesn’t even realize how fucked up she is. Sad, sad girl.

  35. Zoe (The Other One) says:

    She is an irrelevant attention whore and a vile oxygen thief.

    I’ve already booked my seat in the front row for this breakdown. Its gonna be epic.

  36. skeptical says:

    i repeat what i said earlier.. Lydia Bennet only brought into this century where her total lack of maturity and responsibility can combine with all the things such an immature child should not have!

    how on earth did she and Sam ever get together?
    Sam doesn’t strike me as a drug-using type either.. drugs tend to take away control, as lindsay shows.. and sam seems very concerned about always keeping her self-control.

    Not to mention her large family would lay the smackdown. They’d probably get the synagogue’s help too.
    it’s another cardinal difference between them.. if lindsay screws up, people make excuses for her.
    If Samantha screws up.. she is in TROUBLE.

    i would not want Ann Dexter-Jones mad at me.. would you?

  37. mojoman says:

    we are as crazy as her trying to decipher the crack codes..somebody please ask her to go to the corner and take a nap!

  38. danielle says:

    she is SUCH a waste of a beautiful pair of boobs. life is so unfair. *sigh* i guess i should be thankful God gave me a brain, and i don’t tweet cracked out drunken illiterate messages to my throngs of love-to-hate-me fans? ok.

  39. Praise St. Angie! says:

    Danielle, all you need is $ and a good surgeon to have her boobs. same way she got them.

    and please people, do NOT feel sorry for this entitled bitch.

    she has had opportunities most people can only dream about and has ruined just about all of them. How many times has she been to rehab? I can only have sympathy for someone for so long, and you can only blame your parents for so long. People have managed to pull themselves up from WAY further down than this girl ever was, because they wanted to. I’d say the only way she’d be willing to stop is if her career dried up and she went bankrupt, but her career is drying up as we speak, we know her finances are not great, and she STILL is living the high life. LL will continue to live her life like this until she ODs (or one of her dealers bumps her off), because SHE CAN.

    I’m with the “other” Zoe on this one. VILE. OXYGEN. THIEF.

  40. Jazz says:

    I’d be able to make more sense of these tweets if Babelfish had a crack translator.

  41. justme says:

    She is just 23 years old…..and it shows in her choices. Unfortunately she does not have any guidance and is therefore just thrashing around trying to figure out what a normal person would do. She needs a good, strong, moral, mother figure. This all just makes me so so sad. 🙁

  42. Sani says:

    Sad her mom is just as bad as Lindsey. If fact that dad is just as disgusting.
    Just in case we missed all the drama, a younger version of LL is coming for us to catch the replay.