From where I sit, it seems like Raya is an elite dating app designed to attract 18-25 year old Insta-models and corral them into one place so 40-something and 50-something “celebrity” men can find them. The one thing I will say in defense of the men is that Raya is apparently like all other dating apps in that you can set the age preferences of who you’d like to be matched with. I can see a 22-year-old being okay, in theory, with dating a 50-year-old because when you’re that young, you think “oh maybe he’ll be really cool.” And then you get Matthew Perry and Ben Affleck creeping on you. Just this week, we saw TikToker Nivine Jay “out” Ben Affleck for being kind of creepy after she unmatched him on Raya, when he sent her a video saying “it’s me” ominously. Now a 19-year-old named Kate Haralson has done something similar to Matthew Perry, who is 51 years old. I can’t find the full Tik Tok (she deleted it) but Page Six included a clip:
As you can see from the video, she matched with Perry “as a joke” last year and they FaceTimed and he played 20 Questions with her. She put it on TikTok after the Nivine-Affleck thing went viral and now she’s trying to make it into a bigger thing:
A young TikTok user who went viral for posting a private FaceTime call she had with Matthew Perry says she released the video to expose how older men in Hollywood are “taking advantage” of younger women on dating apps. “A lot of people were saying I’m a bully and mean for posting this, and it made me feel kind of bad, but at the same time, I feel like a lot of guys in Hollywood are talking to all these young girls and it’s something that I think a lot of people should be aware of,” the user, Kate Haralson, exclusively told Page Six on Thursday.
Haralson, who said she was only 19 when she matched with Perry, now 51, on the elite app last May, said the “Friends” star asked to move their conversations from Raya to FaceTime almost immediately after matching. The Los Angeles-based personal assistant, now 20, said she had matched with other celebs before, but doesn’t “ever talk to older guys.”
However, she chose to chat with Perry because she thought, “Oh, this would be funny. I was not really thinking anything of it,” Haralson added, noting that while she recognized the famous actor, the Gen Z-er had “never even really watched ‘Friends.’” While on the FaceTime call, Haralson said, Perry suggested they ask each other questions back and forth to get to know each other better. The TikTok video shows a short clip of them playing “20 Questions.” Haralson said none of the questions were sexual, but she did feel uncomfortable at times, especially since she says she was upfront about the fact that she was only 19.
“I don’t think he minded that,” she said. “It kind of felt weird talking to someone my dad’s age and it just felt not right, especially when he knew how young I was.” The blond beauty claimed the actor asked her at one point, “Am I as old as your dad?”
“So it was weird,” she added, noting that she told the “Odd Couple” star that he was only about a year older than her father, which she claimed the TV star “laughed off.”
In the rest of the Page Six interview, Kate talks about being in contact with Nivine Jay and how Jay told her to ignore the haters. Kate thought everyone would be on her side and agree with her that Perry is gross, but a lot of people are like “well… he didn’t do anything but talk to you on FaceTime and that was it?” Her conclusion: “Honestly, it’s not really OK for these older guys to be talking to such young girls.” I mean… I agree? I think both of them come across badly. Perry looks predatory for hitting up a 19-year-old on Raya and the 19-year-old looks tacky for matching with him just to make fun of him and gain Tik Tik clout. Ugh.
Photos courtesy of Avalon Red.
I don’t like anyone in this scenario.
Exactly
Matthew perry is a creep
The woman is a bit of an attention seeker
Raya needs better policies.
I agree too, calling them out because they’re on a dating app is for attention. Change your settings to younger men that are around your age. These grown ass men are creepy too, regardless of who they are.
Yeah, the teen who can’t legally drink is definitely equally problematic.
I really don’t like this idea that the moment a teen girl becomes legal she should expect to be fair game to every man, even men their dad’s age. People get mad at me when I state this opinion, oh well. Sorry that I think it’s gross when a guy who’s hitting on me is turned on by the fact that I’m young enough to be his daughter.
If men who value their privacy date teenagers, they should expect the maturity of a teenager. Gen Z is big on oversharing, most tik toks are like this. Also Perry got engaged shortly after this happened :-/
@Chana EXACTLY. You old dudes want to date an adolescent? Because that’s a what a teen is, an adolescent, even if she crossed the threshold of being “legal.” If you want to date an adolescent, don’t cry when she acts like one and publicly humiliates you.
Chana
Is that really even applicable here?
She got on that site on purpose and set her age range on her own. She’s also probably accustomed to navigating creeps on social media since selling her image is how she makes a living.
No one is naive here. If anyone is… maybe Perry. Idk if he knew that gen likes to exploit what they can for self promotion. Not all, but most.
This girl might have issues, but who doesn’t? She’s an adult running her own business and providing for herself.
Meh, the girl is a child acting like a child, he got what he deserved. I’m sorry, but it cracks me up these sorority girls and insta models are wielding their power against rich and famous old men. LoL I mean, good for them. What a power move when you’re 20. And hopefully these pervs have their comeuppance.
I’m here for it. Gen Z cracks me up.
Completely agree. They are all assholes, in my opinion.
Yup. And they all deserve each other.
I’m ABSOLUTELY here for 19 year old girls blasting gross middle-aged men for attention or for ANYTHING else at all. Love to see these girls not ashamed of anything and refusing to keep sweet!
She’s tacky and all put he is, regarding Matthew, I have a friend with 3 daughters in their twenties and he said he is disgusted by the thought of sleeping with women his daughter’s ages, he would feel gross he said, he said it had a lot to do with his love for his daughters. A lot of men don’t have daughters so can’t relate but they should, as we as humans are one big family, don’t be the people children and your kids are embarrassed by.
She agreed to the match with a 50 year old. She could have just unmatched and set her preferences to the age she actually wanted to match with if that had been a mistake. Nobody forced her to facetime him or agree to talk to him. He didn’t stalk her like Ben did with unwanted messages. Is he predatory asshole, hell yes. but is she also predatory, yes.
The one who blasted Ben for his unwanted texts, yes – good for her! This one blasting Matt for something she set up to get her 5 min of fame, no.
I wish we would stop infantilizing women like this. We’re treating them like children – at what age do we get to treat them like women with their own agency? 19 year olds definitely have the capability to be predatory in different ways – they aren’t all just naive innocents. If you’re insta-famous on Raya, you are looking for your breakout chance for fame.
I think we’re all forgetting how we really were at age 19.
I remember being 19 in very crystal clear way, I remember being predated upon by COUNTLESS disgusting middle-aged men. I also remember a few girls my age who were involved with these men and they were ALL extremely troubled. There is no such thing as a 19 year old girl predating upon a middle-aged man, in my view.
If if there were? I’d be ALL FOR IT. Strike back for all of us who weren’t able to when we were that age and are still furious and traumatized about it. Publicly humiliate them to the utmost degree. I’m here for it .
@Goofpuff: Your comment is engrossing. It seems to me that you’ve perfectly grasped the subtle dynamics of predation beyond the sanctimonious binary dialectics predator versus victim. Thanks for reminding us that the tease preys on fame as much as he preys on youth, and that she could easily have declined to video chat with him but willingly chose to accept a virtual date with the clear intent to gain game out of exposing a famous man. She’s no demure white dove but a seduction-savvy nineteen-year old who knows exactly how to bait a celebrity.
I agree – and I’d say Raya is losing their famous/Hollywood star users by the truckload right now.
It surprises me that they don’t have a sort of NDA when they sign up. Who’s going to want to stay/sign up if they’re risking all these young women blasting them on social media? While Affleck’s behavior is creepy, Perry (who chose a younger girl, like most men everywhere do unfortunately) didn’t do anything inappropriate. Questionable? Yes. But not legally wrong. And then she’s looking for her 15′ by posting it all over her SM? I doubt he’s given his consent for that.
If I were a manager at the app, I’d add an NDA clause to give celebrities some peace of mind.
Yeah, if this were an AITA post on Reddit, I would vote Everybody Sucks Here.
Thinking the same thing.
ESH
100%. “Team No One” here.
What do we expect from a 19 year old who wants to be famous more than she wants to be 19? He is an idiot for even thinking this wouldnt become a huge deal at some point! Pfft. Lol that she hadnt even watched friends! haha
Older men wanting younger women is not a new thing. If this app is designed for that, then what did she expect. It’s rude of her to complain now but if she didn’t want someone that old then maybe a different App is what she should have. Stupid girl. I don’t see older men changing their ways, at least a lot of them. As far a Mathew particularly, it’s not a good look. Maybe someone at least 30.
In this story, you’re faced with two evils:
– older men preying on barely, legal girls (which is nothing new)
– barely, legal girls “willingly” joining these risky dating apps to gain some attention.
I have no support for either.
Ew
At least Ben still looks good, Matt looks like his face deflated, yuck.
I agree that a man in his 50’s should know better and these men need to stop trying to get with girls that are barely legal. But im getting increasingly uncomfortable with the amount of young women that do this kind of stuff on purpose and then bleat about it on social media for clout. It kind of takes a way from girls who are actual victims.
Agreed… They all look bad, the guys for trying to “date” teenaged girls (she’s 19, right?). The girls for looking like fame- “hunters”…
Ok, I have never been on a dating app in my life so someone please let me know if I’m wrong here.
You get to tell about yourself what you are looking for physically, interest and age-wise.
Based on this information you are sent “matches” and you have to decide who you interact with and this will be a mutual decision with said “match”.
If this is true then what the actual heck is there to broadcast?
There’s nothing to broadcast, the girls are choosing to meet and date men 40, 50 or more… The guys are choosing 19 and 20 year old girls… Both at fault
What you said.
Are we all gonna pretend this is a “dating” site? Like…I love long walks on the beach, reading a good novel, hiking, fishing and camping?
The KINDEST interpretation would be they are seeking a sugary daddy/honey baby situation — I’m sure the reality is it is generally thinly veneered prostitution.
This is unfortunately, the reality of how our society works. Most girls and young women are growing up with with a realization that while they cannot be and achieve everything men can, they do have some power over men – their sexuality. Of course, it’s an illusory power, but for a number of years women feel like they have the upper hand. I’m not blaming this woman and I understand where she is coming from even if she herself probably doesn’t. It’s the society.
She doesn’t think it’s right for older men to prey on really young girls but then sets her age range to include older men?
But yes she is right they are creepy and should be called out for it. How you going to be middle aged and think it’s okay to date someone who still has “teen” in their age. Like, grow tf up.
I honestly don’t think she’s right. She is an adult and purposefully chose to include guys that are Perry’s age as part of the group she can match with. If she has an issue, she can change her settings. Everyone is a consenting adult here, and I don’t like the implication that she can have a say in calling someone creepy when she’s out here looking for Daddy Warbucks.
cosign
Are they really looking for Daddy Warbucks though if they’re clearly staying away from said man who has fame and ostensible fortune?
You do realize that most pedos are caught by undercover cops posing as kids… right?
Those cops posing as kids state their age or hang out in chat groups that it’s implied they are legally children. This is an adult site where you have to swear and prove you’re an adult.
So cops and girls are lying to expose creepy men. And your point is?
Yeah I agree, no one comes out smelling of roses in this one. It’s makes me cringe for Matthew.
Yeah, it’s gross that 18 and 19 yo’s are putting their age range so high, but they’re doing it because it’s Raya and they are hoping to catch I don’t know who. But someone high profile. For me this doesn’t let the men off the hook at all. At least have the decency to unmatch anyone who isn’t 21. I mean, for someone this jerk’s age, I would say 30, but I have to live in the real world.
They set the age range high cuz they are trying to catch the RIGHT 50-something year old, imo. One who is still pretty good looking, relevant, well connected, in good shape or all of the above so it can get them attention. Like a Jason Statham, Brad Pitt, John Stamos, Denzel, The Rock, etc. Hell even a Mark Ruffalo or RDJ so they can get to the rest of the Marvel actors they are connected to lol. The wrong 50-something year old who isn’t still cute or can’t do anything from them will get a big “eww he’s too old” from them.
This is it exactly. This girl just got uncomfortable talking to Perry because he looks like every regular ol’ 51-year-old dad-type out there. If he’d been Jason Statham, she wouldn’t have said a word of complaint.
You said it Reginageorge…it has to be the right 50 year old for these 19, 20 year olds. They definitely wouldn’t be making Tik Tok videos about Jason Statham or The Rock (although he’s married).
Nailed it.
Totally agree with your last two sentences Kaiser.
“TikTik clout.” SMH that’s even a thing.
Yeah he’s creepy but these young women doing this crap for social media clout are just as pathetic.
Right. I’m disappointed!
The 19 yo sounds kind of jerky, but that’s sort of the point: she’s a teenager.
As someone about the same age as Perry, the thought of dating a kid this age makes me a little ill.
An 18-19 year old doesn’t have the maturity, development, and judgment I would expect of a 25-year-old let alone a 51-year-old like Matthew Perry. It’s gross that he’s chasing younger women … at least they’re legal?
As we saw with Matt Gaetz, child rapist, sometimes when you date someone who’s “19,” they’re misrepresenting themselves and are actually not of legal age. Which begs the question why some creepy old man would *want* to date someone who could still be 16 and lying about their age.
THANK YOU.
I had a fight with a friend of mine about this.
Him: 42.
Dating apps with young girls in their early 20’s. I told him it was unfair, yes legal but unfair because he has all the power.
….and you’re friends with this guy? He sounds like a creep.
@Eleonor Is your friend dating these women or just having one nighters on tinder because there is a big difference.
Exactly! People are putting All the responsibility here on her, or they are saying responsibility is equal. No it’s not! They are not of equal life experience and maturity. she’s just 19. He should know better
I don’t even care why teenagers are dragging old men publicly but I am here for it. when I was their age my line was “I already have parents.” this seems like more fun.
yeah I am also surprised at the people shaming her and saying she’s “equally bad.”
Um feels like she’s kinda living out the plot of Promising Young Woman? She’s intentionally matching predatory older men and exposing them on TikTok? Even if she’s doing it for clout, who tf cares? Please expose how creepy it is for young women on dating apps.
It’s a dating app, and a 19 year-old trying to date a 50 year-old, is just as “predatory” as a 50 year-old trying to date a 19 year-old. Each of them sucks in this scenario.
They’re basically selling themselves to the highest bidder.
A 19 year old is JUST as predatory as a 51 year old?? Yuck. No she is NOT. There is a huge power imbalance between someone who is still a teenager and a man who has been in Hollywood for 30+ years.
@Freddy most people would not agree that a cognitively sound adult with three more decades of life experience is a vulnerable target to “predatory” teenagers. Agree to disagree lol. And Perry seems pretty protective of his privacy, seems like he would know that teenagers aren’t very discrete.
When I was on tinder I sometimes put my settings to women or to older people – neither of whom I wanted to date, just boredom really. It’s kind of just what people do on these apps. Not sure why everyone seems to think Raya is a sugar baby site either, my friend met her BF there.
Chana
Studies and done and supported that the age you become famous is the age you stop maturing. That’s not something made up. Some studies will also suggest an 18 year old can be just as mature as older adults even when they are still technically and physically maturing. Nothing is black and white.
I’m reading a lot of reaching to defend an adult that thought she could exploit another adult for personal fame and wealth. And it’s being said now Raya is removing her and considering going after her for damaging their brand. Which she didn’t consider maybe not because she’s not wise to the world yet, but just dumb?
No, what these girls are doing is gross. If this article were about men (of any age) posting their consensual private online dating interactions with women (of any age) because they thought it would be funny, no one would support that.
I wouldnt support that because men and women are still not on equal playing fields. I 100% support this. it might be the first sport ive ever enjoyed watching.
Men and women don’t get to be on equal playing fields by women also treating men badly. We want men to treat women better, not for everyone to be worse.
@Lisa “it might be the first sport ive ever enjoyed watching.”
This made me laugh out loud. I just can’t feel sorry for the guy. Don’t be a middle aged creep trying to date teenagers and this won’t happen 🤷♀️
@Kristen I don’t know, I think I’d find it just as hilariously pathetic (and predatory) if it were a 51 year old woman and a 19 year old guy. Legal or not, they’re teenagers, FFS. You reap what you sow, and if you’re middle aged and trying to get with a Gen Z kid, well…this is what happens.
This girl I take issue with, with the other one Ben wouldn’t leave her be when she unmatched him and that was definitely wrong.
But here she put the age range in, to open herself up to people in his age bracket and SHE chose to match him.
Raya’s like tinder, you have to actually pick your matches.
Him being okay dating a completely legal 19 year old really has no part in this equation at all. He wouldn’t have even been talking to her had she not decided to match with him.
I have no sympathy for her. NONE. She signed up for the site knowing exactly what it comes with. She is also not a child imo.
He is an idiot to think that a 19 yr old isn’t in it for the fame and potential money and he signed up anyway.
I am sorry to say this feels like modern day prostitution.
I tend to agree. If she was really looking just to date normally, Raya is not the place to be.
She’s a TEENAGER! A teen! One year out of high school. I can’t believe people are blaming young girls for calling out old dudes for being pervy. She’s not going to get famous out of this, no one will remember her after a month, and I think she knows that.
The amount of victim blaming in this comment section is absurd. She should know better?? Is that what we tell women now when they come forward after a man is being creepy?
Totally agree Lexi, if teens want to get famous for nothing I’d rather this than what Courtney Stodden did or what Kim K did (release a video including degrading acts with Brandy’s brother) at least she didn’t have to touch someone. Sad about Matt Perry being a creep though, hope I can still enjoy FRIENDS after knowing just how young the girls are he invites over
but IS she really a “victim”?
she sets the age range for who she wants to match with. she must have included 50+ in her settings. while I agree she’s probably not very mature, she IS an adult. SHE CHOSE to match with people his age. she’s looking for a sugar daddy. it’s not like he stalked her and groomed her and preyed on a teenager. is he gross for setting his matching age range so low, and for matching with a teen? MOST DEFINITELY. very gross.
but I don’t see her as any kind of victim. she wasn’t taken advantage of, or anything.
@ Lexi, while I agree with you that it’s gross the men are targeting young women, this girl waited a full year to post this conversation. A year, so now she is 20 and has decided to post it now, but why? She should have brought it up when it happened, but instead she waited a year which questions her intent, for me.
@Bothsidesnow This is the exact argument people use about sexual assault. Is there a time limit on when women can feel comfortable exposing creeps? She probably did it now because the girl that exposed Ben Affleck just did hers. There’s safety in numbers. What is she going to get from this? Two seconds of fame and then no one will remember her. But other women will see these responses, that apparently she deserved to be creeped on. Sounds so similar to when we ask why women who were assaulted what they were wearing. Or why did they go to his house? These comments are not it.
I don’t think anyone is giving Perry a pass for being a creep.
It isn’t victim blaming when there isn’t a victim — this isn’t Match.com where anyone can sign up for a free month, this is a fairly exclusive app that she had to APPLY for and have another member vouch, apparently they have an extensive vetting process.
She applied, she was vetted, she paid the dues AND she set her own preferences.
Everything about this was consensual.
How is she a victim?
Why did she set her age limit to include 50 year olds, then? She could have limited her matches to 18 to 25, but she didn’t. She laid a trap for him and is now trying to get famous.
AMEN!
@whatwhat I totally agree with you. No one is victim-blaming her because she wasn’t the victim of anything. Is the fact that his age preferences are apparently so low creepy? Yeah, of course. And while her apparent older end of the age spectrum preference isn’t also creepy it certainly is noteworthy. They FaceTimed ffs, never having had any actual physical contact. And by her own admission they’re get-to-know-each-other game of 20 questions didn’t involve anything sexual either. Trying to make their “match” and subsequent FaceTime conversation into something more sinister seems like a real stretch. It’s not like he slid into her DM and started sending her dick pics or something. She saw the attention the other chick was getting and decided to “cash in” for her own 15 minutes. The only thing she’s trying to expose is herself.
Nah. Nineteen year olds do dumb And irrational things and shouldn’t be criminalized for every dumb thing they do unless its actually criminal. The prefrontal cortex, which is the part of the brain which controls decision making, isn’t fully developed until age 25. An actor from one of the most heralded tv shows in (white) mainstream media wanted to FaceTime with her. Of course she was curious, but its perfectly valid that she was also creeped out at the same time. If a man in his fifties doesn’t want the risk of being exposed by a random teenager who might act irrationally, it’s his job and his job only not to go out of his way to contact them. Otherwise that’s just a risk they knowingly take in their pursuit of barely legal women.
All of this.
I do not understand how this community that is often politically astute and feminist can blame a young woman–one year out of high school–for exposing a teenage-chasing lout. Seriously? I’m trying to figure out what is going on here. Is it that the original post made it safe to traffic in women-blaming bothsiderism? I’m honestly shocked. Her brain is not fully developed and she’s exposing something that really needs to be aired out. Do we support a 50 year old dating someone who just graduated from high school? How is exposing this the same as a middle aged man pursuing a teenager who still can’t legally drink.
I don’t thinks she’s being criminalized. People simply don’t sympathize with her the way she was expecting.
I don’t think this app is necessarily a sugar daddy app, but there must be terms and conditions that make you understand how the process works when you agree to be contacted by someone. A dating app is likely safer than a club (unless you’re being cat-fished) so her agreement to speak to a guy she knows she doesn’t like is a little odd.
I think if she were doing some undercover investigating
(for her own reasons) and was upfront about that people would probably be “ok, sure.” But it sounded like she wants people to sympathize with her. I don’t feel sorry for him but I don’t feel sorry for her either.
This Raya app doesn’t seem all that elite. It’s supposed to be a private, exclusive dating experience and this is the second time in a week where clients have posted videos.
I’m side eyeing Perry for this but also the girl must have had men up to age 50 in her profile….so I don’t know what to think. Break even I suppose?
The videos aren’t being leaked from the Raya app itself. People can meet each other on Raya and then choose to communicate on other platforms, in this case, FaceTime.
But I agree, it’s still not great look for Raya.
Ok makes sense. Celebs might be better off just going to the Beverly Hills hotel or something.
Yeah this is terrible publicity for them. It was supposed to be a more discreet and elite app.
Also these men are so stupid. What do they think will happen if they contact a young Instagramer? Of course they’ll be put on blast.
Last that I heard about Matthew he was engaged to a woman named Molly. I guess that’s no longer true
They were dating then, but (SHADES OF ROSS AND RACHEL!!!) they were on a “break” lol
They are engaged now. She is 29.
I thought it was innocent until he started smiling at her. That was triggering my old men hitting on me at a young age experience, and I feel like these girls are being held to an unfair equal standard. It’s so interesting that the men get sympathy for being creeps (there was no reason to FaceTime), but we expect the nineteen year old to be the mature one. One of them has much more experience to know better. How have they been so incredibly famous and still failed this badly? Why would you put anything on video or in a way that it could be recorded? Men really can be mediocre and still thrive. Teenagers will teenage. Men will be creepy with impunity. Thems thuh rules of tuhday.
I love your comment, but especially the last four sentences. The reason Perry — a guy who’s no stranger to being lambasted by the media! — allowed this to happen on video is because, as you say, he figured he could get away it. No doubt he thought he was SO COOL, chatting up the hot 19-year-old. If the video got out, so what? All his guy friends would just be impressed.
They are both gross. They both set their age range preferences. So much cringe.
LOL Raya is gonna have to adjust their community rules. If every famous person gets exposed then they’ll jump ship and Raya will lose value.
So her settings allow for 51 year old men, but she is putting one on blast for matching with her?
She’s the worst. Let’s ignore her.
Wow the victim blaming in the comments. She’s 19. I did stupid things when I was 19, I bet all of you have as well. And I did chat to a lot of older guys because I have daddy issues. Now I know better and I’m healing my issues. But back then anyone could get me to chat with them if they gave me a little attention because my self esteem was that low. I thought getting anyone, no matter how old to like me would fix that. I don’t know why she did it but 19 year old girls are immature and love attention. It’s normal.
On the other hand, he’s supposed to be mature and know better. He’s been in therapy. He has life experience, money and power in celebrity world. Maybe they just chatted but can we say for sure he doesn’t have more 19 yr olds lined up in his inbox, trying to get them do more than chat. He comes off as a creep.
Yup
Y’all should save your anger for him
I agree. I put no blame on her whatsoever. She was probably fishing for some famous creepy guy. And now they will all be doing it for social media cred.
Old dudes should know better, but damn they’re dumb.
How are comments victim blaming?
There are no victims in this specific scenario, there is a creepy old has-been (who’s chasing a younger woman, but she’s of legal age), and a young lady either looking for an older handsomer richer dude or doing it for giggles to publicly expose old pervs later. In either case, no victims, just bad people.
Also, 19 year olds might not always be mature, but they’re allowed to vote, to drive, and if they commit crimes, they get tried as adults. Because they’re adults. She’s an adult.
Uhm science =/ law. She might be legally an adult, but developmental research shows clearly she is not as well equipped to decision making than a 51 year old man whose brain is fully developed, plus has the upper hand when it comes to social status, money, and power. But ok 🤷♀️ She’s „bad people“ 🤷♀️😂
Even if she were 25, she’d be less equipped for decision making than a dude twice her age. Age brings experience. He’s not absolved here. But nor should she be.
Our society set the limit to 18, and that is the age where we become fully responsible for our actions. People shouldn’t ignore that. It’s not that relevant in this case, but if you do some stupid illegal thing and you get caught, your undeveloped under 25 brain will not save you from consequences. You’re over 18, you’re an adult.
Love how you chose to ignore the clear power dynamic that i and some other commenters have pointed out to you, and also love how you pointed out that if she were half his age (which she isn’t! She’s even younger!), she would still not be as equipped to making this decision as he is 😂 – so what is it then? You agree he has more decision making power (and actual power), but still equate their responsibilities on the same level? Sorta has no internal logic, but ok
P.S. cause you love law so much: legal system=/ justice system, so I don’t know why you keep bringing up this point, which maybe blm or metoo could’ve also shown you over the past couple of years? But maybe not …
Power dynamic?
He has no power over her. The whole point of her publishing this was because he’s actually not one of the rich powerful handsome dudes she was going for. He’s an old has-been. He might have been powerful some time ago but right now he’s just pathetic.
As for legal system and justice – then petition for a change, to have the legal age set to 25 or to do tests when people can make decisions (in which case some people won’t ever become of legal age). As it stands, it’s 18.
Oh @nannytotherescue, I’m so glad white rich men have you standing up for the them! What ever would they do if they didn’t have you in their corner?
I’ll leave with this last: know that I’m not petitioning anything; it was you who, quite nonsensically, kept bringing up legal age. I just pointed out that what is inscribed into law can have little to do with science – or even ethics – and much more often with cultural notions (and thus cultural standing).
Btw, she’s not legally allowed to buy alcohol. So clearly even in your worldview, not ready for some decisions..
Well, where I live, she can legally buy alcohol, even hard liquor. I guess that’s my bad here.
How do you mean to determine when a person is responsible for their decisions, then? If you ignore the age set within the legal system, how do you go about this?
Or is she forever resolved of anything as long as the man is much older? Will she have any agency when she’s 30 and the dude she exposes is 80? Or will she still not be at fault at all because she’s got less experience than him?
Exactly. And let’s call a thing a thing. If this was a 19 year young woman of color she would be getting dragged. She selected the age range and then waited a year hoping to use this in order to get some publicity. Raya is going to have to review it’s user base.
Actually same here, I assumed you were American, my bad. It just speaks to my point of culture – much more influential in law than science.
And to answer your question, as said before, decision making capability is a competence acquired holistically and thus needs to be contextualized. One of the contexts is biology, and the brain is only fully formed at 25. Another is the situational context – have you had relationships with male persons before(assuming hetero), what were the power dynamics there? Are you yourself wealthy and thus might the power shift in this way? Etc etc.
And to that last comment, certainly true for society at large. I personally will cape for all 19 year old girls whose behavior is equalized with that of a 50 year old. (Actually, usually more so for girls of color- I didn’t see myself standing up for a white girl on raya when I got up this morning!)
She did not remotely commit a crime. You bringing that up is a good example of victim blaming.
This. This all day.
Folks on this site were wringing their hands to the bone over stuff like Scott Disick and his teen of the week or Florence Pugh and Zach Braff but if a girl calls one of these clowns out its her fault for not “setting her age filters”.
If these gross dudes don’t listen to older women (read over 25) and some of these young girls don’t listen either, then have a ton of regrets after, the only thing that MIGHT cause some of these creeps pause is having the girls themselves put them on blast. These May-Dec romances are all sort of ego strokes for the older party regardless of gender and having even the slightest chance of the teen you’re trying to take advantage of publicly clown you may give some kind of pause.
Why wouldn’t you set your age filters on a dating app though? The app asks you to put your limit in so certain people won’t bother you. I suppose it could still happens anyway, but you usually ignore the person. You’re not obligated to talk to the person.
In non-online social situations, I can see how people feel obligated not to be rude to someone and can be “led” somewhere unhealthy. But on an app it’s pretty easy to just pick and choose who you’d like to hold a conversation with. And if your initial reaction is “Ew, he’s so ugh” why would you hold a full-blown conversation with him?
He’s dumb for talking to her too and he looks quite foolish and desperate, but she consented to hold a conversation with him. I guess it there’s more to the story like he kept pestering or something when she kept saying no, I would see the story as more substantial. She exposed him as being dumb and foolish, for sure. I can’t tell if she exposed anything beyond that.
That said, I don’t know if I even have a problem with her outing him if he was stupid enough to be recorded. But does she want me to feel sorry for her? If that’s the case, I don’t think I’m feeling anything.
Did he force her to do 20 questions though? Sure he’s a creep for engaging her, but this is different from Affleck who sent an unwanted video after the woman unmatched with him.
If she set her age range too high by mistake and then he contacts her, why didn’t she just unmatch or ignore him? I don’t think people are denying that Perry does not come off well here but they are also saying that she didn’t need to engage with him to the extent that she did.
Most people aren’t blaming her for what she did when she was 19, which was when she accepted the match and FaceTimed with him.
People are judging her for what she did a year later, after the other IGer went viral with her Affleck story. That’s a whole different kettle of fish.
Miss Marie I agree with you. She’s doing a publicity stunt for followers. He’s gross but she’s doing this at 20. And she recorded the ft. Btw at 17 I was hit on by a world famous athlete I met (in his 40s) and it was easy to say no. In person. Not on a dating app. Reya need to have older age minimums.
I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why her actions bugged me, but you’ve said it perfectly.
It’s not the matching with him and chatting with him per se. She was 19 and it may have seemed like a lark until she realized it felt sort of creepy. (even though she set her age preferences … at 19 it’s easy to overstep what you’re comfortable with and not realize until you’re in the middle of whatever)
It’s that she held onto the video, and then floated it out there a year later after that IG shared the creepy Affleck video (a different scenario because THAT IGer had unmatched with Affleck and he tossed a creepy unasked for video at her and reeked entitlement while doing it.)
MP’s does not come off well in this … seeking out the time and attention of a teenager, even for PG “fun” isn’t a good look on a 50 something guy. But her actions scream attention seeking and opportunistic.
And also whoever owns that app is going to be in for a mess if they let things keep running like they’re running now.
I have no issue with a child born towards the tale end of when Matthew Perry was popular putting him on blast.
You want to date a teenager at 51? Congrats these kids will blast you on social media if it goes left for any reason. 51 yo are not built for Gen Z.
What exactly is she a victim of?
She is barely out of high school. Has maybe 1 year of experience dating adult men instead of teenage boys. This is the age when I became really pissed and cynical about guys because I realized that romantic trope society feeds girls was crap and men just want see.
He’s 50. He’s been an adult, in adult relationships for 30 years, working, traveling the world, meeting lots of people, successful in his career, he knows his money and status influence people to like him. And he’s using that to try to attract young ladies who normally would never be interested in someone his age.
She made a mistake. He’s taking advantage and sliding into predatory behavior.
She applied to an exclusive site and pays a hefty fee in order to ‘match’ with men in an age range that she selected.
She didn’t make a mistake, she held on to a video until she could use it for monetary value.
Supposedly John Cusack is on the app as well as actor Ben Barnes and Sam Heughan was on the app as of 2020. I know that Raya sends you a message if you screenshot another member of the dating service. Looks like they may need to button it up a bit more.
Ben Barnes is on the app? How do I get on it? 🙂
In regards to this story, I used to like Matthew Perry (back in the day, I found his dad hot too), but now I just think he’s a pervy Peter Pan chasing after young girls. He has all the power in this relationship, the 19 y.o. had very little. Sure, she wants her 15 minutes, but by putting him on blast, Raya will keep her off their platform. So, what did it accomplish?
Both look very stupid. I’m sure you set your age preferences just every other dating app, neither of them having any business seeking out each other, especially Matthew. And yeah, she does come off as desperate for some clout after the first girl.
I actually love that the young women are publicly embarrassing these creeps. The kids are ok.
Yes, me too. As a young woman ( though older than her), i thought that’s what we were doing here? We don’t owe these men anything 😊
Exactly, I agree with you both.
#teamnoone
35+ dudes that try to mack on teens and very early 20yo’s are pretty gross to me. At least set the bar to 25+ women after thier frontal lobes have fully developed. SMH
These attention-seeking “influencers” who want mentions and likes by any means necessary who go out and do everything on social media. Like this particular situation wasn’t it sis. Aside from MP reaching out, he really didn’t do anything wrong. Maybe the old man just wanted to see if a 19yo still found him hot and wanted his ego stroked for a bit of conversation. Maybe, maybe not but it just wasn’t that serious.
Raya for all of this negative press. If their high end clients are feeling like they can’t get any discretion from this platform they will all jump ship soon enough. Maybe they should screen better.
This.
Double this. Raise the minimum age to use the app to 25.
This is so so so not okay. Unless these middle-aged men are sending abusive messages, these women should not be sharing these private messages to shame them. Period.
ALL users not just middle-aged men have the ability to establish age bounds. Affleck and Perry have their real ages. They did not catfish. These two women can simply change their settings and not see men above a certain age.
There are real issues and threats with online dating. Affleck and Perry sending benign messages to young women is not the problem with online dating. Inevitably, Raya will bend over backwards to put policies that specifically address these clout-chasers but largest issues of womxn’s safety and privacy will go unaddressed.
If Raya users just stayed on the app this sort of stuff wouldn’t be able to happen as easily. Raya probably does have rules with consequences enforced for taking video of pictures or recording off of their website/app. Matthew Perry wanted to switch to FaceTime ASAP and Ben Afleck DMed the other girl on Instagram. I’m wondering if there’s something extra creepy about these guys immediately wanting to get off of the app and onto other platforms? Like maybe *they* also want to record these young women so they can save the videos and watch them later or share with friends, or interact with them in a way that’s not allowed on Raya.
That’s such a good point.
Men are so gross and perverted.
No one was in grave danger but the conversation is important and I don’t mind if she gets “free fame” for exposing his behaviour
Exactly, Nouri!
This is embarrassing for him for obvious reasons, but why didn’t she just say she didn’t want to talk to him? Or would that be too logical to do? I know that she was only 19, but it’s not like a club atmosphere where maybe boundaries get blurred or you’re afraid to be impolite for whatever reason. On an app like that it seems much easier to just bypass the man altogether. That said, it would be better for him to talk to someone closer to his age range. I don’t feel sympathy for him and I do think he comes off looking badly, but I’m still wondering why the girl wouldn’t do the obvious thing and bypass him if she’s intelligent or seemingly aware enough to be able to tell the scenario is off. Conclusion: I feel no sympathy for either.
Honestly I am all for this generation of 19 year old teens calling out old men for being creepy on these dating apps. It’s delusional for a 50 year old to think they found a “mature” teen/ they are Woody Allen in Manhattan.
I can’t believe we’re equating blasting someone with the real harm that comes from a 50 year old man undoubtedly taking advantage of teenagers. I have a bridge to sell you if you really think the men don’t try to use their money and fame to pressure the teens to do things. Or maybe they promise things like a career or access to agents. Let’s want better for the kids of today.
🙏 thank you
yes, the but wont someone think of the old straight white mens? comments baffle me
tear them all down!
It looks bad for both. I have to wonder who really asked to FaceTime, though. I’ll say this, if someone is FTing me, my a$$ is not thinking about recording it. For what? Yeah, that date gap of creepy AF but I don’t feel bad for her. She’s out there window shopping for vacations and a future divorce.
They both appear pathetic at least she has time to (hopefully) grow up.
So these young women get on an app designed to match young women up with older men but then release videos about being preyed on?
It doesn’t make these guys any less predatory, no, but I don’t see how I’m supposed to view these particular women with sympathy.
The one with Ben Affleck purposely DIDN’T match with him, or unmatched, sending the message that she’s NOT interested in him.
And then he went around her unmatch and ignored her message of “No” by seeking her out on Ig and DM’ing her. So, yeah, I’ve got zero problem with her calling him out for that.
Just because I show up a bar with lots of guys, even one I know with probably have a good % of guys I’m not interested it, that doesn’t make it open season on me for all the guys I want nothing to do with … particularly if I indicate I’m not interested in them (as was the case with BA)
As the kids say: “normalize” 19 year olds calling out gross old men for being gross.
Does every pretty girl on insta have an ulterior motive to get more followers to make money from ad revenue- seems like it.
Doesn’t mean she was wrong.
If you are a 51 year old man, set your age range to something less gross than- yes i’d bang a teenager who is legally old enough to consent do i don’t go to jail.
Yuck.
She’s doing a public service by exposing this coddled creeper of teens and by making men fear public scrutiny. You want to be that guy? OK. Take her to awards shows. Take her to dinner with Jen and them at your reunions. This is done in the dark because these men know a 50 year old dating a young woman whose brain is not developed and who was in SAT prep last year is gross AF.
I love how all these very sensible people on here are blaming a 19-year old far more than the man old enough to be her grandfather. “She should have set her age preference lower”. He should have set his higher. And he’s been drinking for a decade longer than she’s been alive. People will find any excuse to rationalize disgusting behavior from famous white men, but everyone else is expected to be a Saint or they deserve no sympathy? Kudos on your new assignment as a foot soldier of white supremacy. I hope it pays well.
I don’t see any commenter excusing Perry’s behavior. I see a lot of commenters debating the instinct to infantilize white women. That is also part of white supremacy. Black girls and teens who are actually harmed and killed by men don’t get the privilege to be viewed as children and teens. But adult white women somehow always are perennial children never responsible for their actions.
This woman choose to be matched with men several decades her senior. She choose to have a FaceTime conversation with Perry. She is not a victim. Perry’s behavior is inappropriate. The former does not negate the latter. You have a lot of misogyny unlearn if you think men’s gross behavior requires the (white) subject of that behavior to be a victim.
I’m glad you brought up white womanhood in the first paragraph, because as always we certainly can’t de-racialize an issue of gender. In the general discourse around these issues, we certainly don’t afford black girls and young women lenience the way we do white Girls and women (who have less lenience than white boys and men).
At the same time, I would like to think the comments made by those of us suggesting that perry is MORE at fault, and that their doings are NOT equal, don’t at the same time place her in a position of weaponizedwhite female victimhood. It is just a fact that she might come to regret this years later, or that she’s acting in a sort of real life promising young woman way, or that she’s just having fun with this – none of which infantilizes her OR let’s HIM off the hook. (I don’t even agree that the word victim is appropriate here, for her)
Theyre just not at the same level, is all we’re saying. Comments saying “she’s the worst” … I just don’t see that as that cool.
Applause! @Queen Meghan’s Hand
@Queen I wanted to say that but you said it better… (and I’m white)….
If we could pin or upvote comments, yours should be at the top. I am tired of hearing that this young woman can’t be culpable for her role here and that only Perry is the only one at fault.
Indeed, bravo, it takes some serious skill to make a conversation about a white dude and a white chick into a conversation on racism.
Facts. He’s gross. She’s gross in that she held onto this for a year and released it after the BA/ young chick video.
@Larisa, come on, my god-
https://www.law.georgetown.edu/news/black-girls-viewed-as-less-innocent-than-white-girls-georgetown-law-research-finds-2/
It is all about adultifying women/girls of color, while infantilizing the same age& gender cohort in whites.
In my opinion, this argument is using the very real problem of adultifying and dehumanizing young black women to justify the actions of predatory older white men. The solution shouldn’t be to be harsher to teenage/young white women who find themselves in unbalanced situations/relationships with much older men, but to offer the same understanding we do to them to young BIPOC girls/women and hold all predatory older men accountable. The problem is that nineteen year old black woman in a similar situation as this should but wouldn’t receive the same understanding some people are showing this white woman, not that this white woman is being shown understanding.
This statement here:
In my opinion, this argument is using the very real problem of adultifying and dehumanizing young black women to justify the actions of predatory older white men.
This rhetorical move–to use actual misogynistic racism–to absolve MP, is outrageous. I see a real hatred of a certain type of young woman here that simply does not fit with the normal ethos here. I’m flummoxed.
I can totally see a young, immature girl/woman thinking she is totally fine with dating older men, that she’d be able to “manage” them, that at least she’d get some good gifts and stuff from them even if she’s not totally into them, and that she could just dump them if things got too weird. And that’s because teenagers are immature and lack experience and think they’re way more mature and better able to handle things than they actually are. And that is WHY adult men need to set their age ranges to exclude them and go out of their way to NOT date teenagers. The man has many more years of life experience. They have many more years of practicing critical thinking, they’ve had many more years of seeing the consequences of these types of relationships. A famous, globe trotting man in his 50s has likely witnessed at least one of his friends or colleagues attempting to have a relationship with a much younger woman over the past 30 years that he’s been out in the world and has seen the issues that came up and felt the feelings of awkwardness and skeeviness that comes with witnessing that. A 19 year old, non famous girl is much less likely to know someone personally who has dated a much older man, so she is less likely to have seen first hand what goes on in those sorts of situations and the problems and consequences that arise from that situation. Because she and her friends have only been able to date adult men (as opposed to fellow teenage students) for 1 year.
A lot of these guys have their own teenage/young adult children so they have first hand experience with how the teenage brain develops and how teenagers take stupid risks because they can’t imagine anything bad would ever happen to them. They’ve seen their own children be completely confident in their ability to totally handle any situation they get themselves into and then have watched those same kids need the help of their parents to extricate them/advise them though tricky situations after they’ve gotten in way over their heads.
So yeah, I think it should be much more on the men to make sure they’re not matching with teenage girls half their age. They know better. The teen girls do not.
Agreed! And that’s why the older person is at fault, man or woman (most often it’s a man). Just by the fact of their years of lived experienced and the physical maturity of their brain, they know exactly what they are doing. And that is taking advantage of a young person. It’s disgusting.
This is still infantilizing the adult woman (19 she’s legally an adult) who made the choice to FaceTime with Matthew Perry.
We don’t need to strip her of agency or intelligence in order to say that Matthew Perry trying to get a 19 year-old hook-up is wrong. We don’t need to explain her actions away by saying her brain is underdeveloped. You may not realize it but the line between your argument and the “perfect” rape victim is very, very thin.
And this “ Because she and her friends have only been able to date adult men (as opposed to fellow teenage students) for 1 year” is doing a lot of work, making A LOT of assumptions.
Unfortunately, grown men chasing teen girls is not unusual. From my non-famous regular experience, I had several friends engage in romantic relationships with men (late 20s, 30s) before they were 17. I’ve had men hit on me as teen. Middle-class suburban girls so this wasn’t a symptom of a dysfunctional socio-economic environment but of our larger culture. It’s not at all unusual. Which is terrifying.
I guess I’m not really sure why the infantilizing in this case is bad though. She *is* more infantile than he is, as in she’s literally closer to infancy/childhood than he is. I’m not saying she’s incapable of making decisions for herself about who she wants to date, or that this should be illegal, or that the age to date or have sex should be 25 years old, or that she’s not responsible for her actions and should be immune from consequences, I’m just saying she’s more likely to make uninformed/poorly thought out decisions about who she could have a successful, respectful, mutually pleasurable relationship with as opposed to a 50 year old. I’m not saying she is a victim of any kind of sexual grooming or violence or harassment or coercion in this instance, I’m saying that those things are probably more likely to happen when 50 year old men date teenagers in general because the power balance and level of life experience of each partner is so skewed in the older man’s favor. I just think it makes societal/moral sense that the onus should be *more* on the much older man to avoid such relationships because the teenager/under 21 year old is less likely to:
A) have personal experience with the risks of this type of relationship or to have seen friends in this type of relationship (less likely, not completely unlikely, because yes, older men do date teen girls, but again even if we set the age limit of experience back to 15, she and her close friends had maybe 4 years “on the dating scene” to experience this type of relationship vs his and his friends’ 30+ years “on the dating scene” in which to experience this type of relationship.)
B) believe anything bad could happen to them/they will regret this decision because they do not have 30+ years of dealing with adult consequences for bad decisions like a 50 year old person does. Consequences for bad choices as a teen are more like “I spent all my allowance on concert tickets and now I can’t afford to go to the prom” or “I missed a test because I overslept,” as opposed to “I am stranded in a different city without the means to get home because I am dating a much older, wealthier man who paid to fly me out to come stay with him, and now I want to go home because I don’t actually like him like I thought I did, but I can’t.”
I just think it would be so much nicer if teens and very young girls didn’t have to learn these lessons the hard way, especially because the consequences that can come with dating someone so much older than you can be really extreme and life-altering. I would like it much better if older men just took it upon themselves to not date teenagers, even if the teen is the one that approaches them or matches with them on a dating service. Because in these cases, while both parties are legally adults, the person who is 30 years older has more experience being an adult, has more experience making adult decisions.
I don’t mind her finding fame (if she even does) like this, in the grand scheme of things. I’m always glad people expose creepy men (or women I guess ). Let’s not stigmatized exposing predatory behaviour by saying the women exposing creepy men just want to be famous, even if some do. Lots of people want to be famous, that’s another conversation. People exposing creeps is a great thing. I I personally don’t have the courage to expose creeps who did things to be even if one still lives in my hometown
Oh please, none of this is a good look for anyone involved. These young women are looking for rich men to latch onto and they’re creeping around for young women. Everyone is messy.
I don’t think talking to them is wrong, especially if you’re encouraging it by interacting, but…it does say a lot about the older person going after the nineteen year old lol. It’s one thing if you just play around a bit, another if you’re more serious about it.
I think Raya is going down. There is no way celebrity men are going to risk being exposed now.
I might expect something like this from a girl this age but Perry is more responsible for this. WHY would he want to pair with a 19 year old?? I think we already know…..
Do all the girls go to the same plastic surgeon? Why is everyone obsessed with looking the same? I don’t get it! Raya is getting some bad publicity from this. Of course kids are trying to nab old, rich idiots and blab about it on social media for money. duh!
Madonna dates people two generations younger than her and I’ve gotta say, I am equal opportunity not okay with it. I think it’s almost inherently abusive. The power dynamic is not equitable in that relationship. And while I won’t drag Madonna so much because women do this MUCH more rarely than men, I do hope we can get to a point in society where we stop pretending this is okay or normal.
When I teach high school, the students are not treated as adults with full cognitive development. We understand this in education but 6 months after a female student graduates, it’s okay for a 51 year old to date her? Openly? With no shame? Something about this is just so OFF to me.
What madonna doing does seem gross to me. It’s much less common though that may be changing. I wonder if men who date older women regret it later and feel like victims. I believe that’s the case for some women who date older men, they are disgusted by the situation later
It’s certainly not a good look for Matthew to be interested in such young women, but at the same time…I honestly don’t think he did anything truly wrong? He didn’t say or do anything weird to her. This girl is of age and clearly set her age parameters a certain why trying to get the attention of certainly celebrity men to “catch in the act.” I don’t see how it’s predatory behavior if you’re both on the dating app by choice and have your age limits set to match with each other, I guess. If I went on a dating app and said I was interested in 70 year old men, how could I then turn around and say those men were preying on me when I expressed interest in matching with them? It’s creepy to want to be with much younger women, yes. But not predatory, IMO.
I don’t know anything about Raya except I thought it was an exclusive “elite” dating app and there is serious vetting before you can join. Is that just for the men? Do the women just have to by young “hot” insta models with giant lips? Are there any bright, successful mature women on the app? It’s starting to sound more like a service to match rich sugar daddies with young women.
I was wondering why the influencers aren’t particularly famous but are allowed access to join.
That is EXACTLY what it is.
I’m ok with her outing him. Good for her!
I mean, this is dumb of her because the digital footprint will follow her around forever, but she’s a 20 year old whose brain hasn’t fully matured yet.
When I was 19, I wouldn’t have been caught DEAD communicating in any way with a 50yo man.
That was my first thought too. How many 19 year olds actually want to play “20 Questions” with a 50 year old?
Same.. I worked in a bar when I was at Uni to help with expenses … From time to time (luckily it was rare), a 40 or 50 year old drunk man would ask for my phone number because they wanted to get to know me … Always answered I didn’t have a phone and lived with my boyfriend (I was single) and I was 20 at the time… So…
Isn’t it crazy the amount of confidence men have? I mean at whatever age they are, and I bet they weren’t all “lookers” either. They just go for it and don’t give a shit. Hey maybe that hot 19 year old will say yes one of these days.
I remember, as a kid, my uncle collected playboys and they were in a pile in the guest bathroom. It was so awkward to see them, as a 6 year old .. and then as I got older I realized he was so much older and the girls in the magazine were still 18 – 20 like myself and my friends. It skewed my views of my own body and what I should aspire to be. I’ve never thought I was pretty or skinny enough and thought those girls were what I should be.
He was a ladies man in the 70’s, good looking and cool, but he’s now over 70 and still flirts with 20 year olds and comments on them. It’s disgusting and I hardly even talk to him anymore at family gatherings. Everything he says is sexual and he thinks it’s a compliment. It just grosses me out so much.
Men can be gross their entire lives. My mother, she was a nurse, used to tell me how old men on their dying beds would ask for blow and hand jobs. 😱
Out all the pervs.
She’d probably get more sympathy if she hadn’t decided to release the video after the Affleck debacle. She looks like she’s following some TikTok trend now instead of finding justice for young women.
I do think Perry is dumb though. Do people in their 50s not understand what people on TikTok do? I mean, yeah, he’s old but this lack of understanding of what is going on online makes him seem like he’s 85.
Another barely-out-of-her-teens insta model with inner tube lips trolling for some rich, famous doofus to either give her the luxe life she craves or to publicly humiliate him. They’re both insufferable.
THIS.
His age filter should never have been 18+. He’s disgusting for that, put him on blast.
Raya stays taking the L here. Exclusive? Discreet? lol naaaah.
Well there goes Raya. These instagram wannabes are ruining it for everyone LOL.
Yes, he shouldn’t have had 18+ as his age group, but she shouldn’t have had up to 50 either. They’re looking to hook up with or ‘meet’ someone famous.
But can we really side eye this that much, I mean it’s been going on for eons. It’s not like he even really flirted with her. He didn’t sleep with her, he didn’t get her pregnant. Look at Robyn Thicke, David Foster, Jeff Goldblum, Leo DiCaprio, George Clooney back in the day .. FRANK SINATRA!!! And SO MANY MORE. It’s typical .. yes it’s creepy, and it makes me think differently about Matthew Perry, but this feels like a setup to get videos of famous men and then make headlines.
Not that it matters, but isn’t he engaged?
hahahahaahhaahaa. Does engaged or married even mean anything anymore? Sigh.
Raya sounds like a morally bankrupt platform honestly.
Do people really think that Perry and Affleck were messaging these young women because they are just good-natured, well-intentioned gentlemen who are looking to create quality relationships that could lead to marriage? Please. It’s all about hooking up for sex. Affleck and Perry don’t need your protection. Men in general (esp rich white famous ones) don’t need anyone else protecting them or defending their dubious behavior. Not exactly shocking to see so much of it (on here). It’s honestly just sad how much other women help men be disgusting, or attempt to excuse it.
Are you saying Matthew wasn’t looking for an intellectual equal when he messaged the hot blonde teenager?
I love that he bags on her for twirling her hair or whatever. Yeah, Matthew, she twirls her hair because she’s a f****** teenager.
Matthew Perry is a drug addict. He’s just a sorry mess.
He’s actually sober these days. He got addicted to vicodin after a skiing accident in 1997. I’d say it’s the pharmaceutical company that saturated every doctor’s office with it emphasizing that it was safe and non-addictive. He hasn’t had a drink of alcohol since 2011.
He may be many stupid things but he’s not currently an addict.
I have to laugh at a 19yo not wanting to date older men. What’s left, the 15-18yos?
Yikes. Is Raya going to have any customers left when this is over? Seems like there’s a better chance of getting publicly roasted than finding someone.
I think calling it a ‘dating site’ is being generous — but I agree that the days of Raya are numbered. Maybe it’s time to just call it what it is and decriminalize prostitution.
Ya she’s since been kicked off Raya. She said she said the age higher “for a joke”. Joke’s on her.
Well, the actual joke’s on you… stanning for these creepy men. Men who would never look at you twice or give you the time of day, I’m sure.
Ok I don’t do dating apps but is this particular program designed to match younger women to older men, or is there a broader age spectrum? If it is designed specifically that way, that is just gross and exploitative.That said, 19 is really young and at that age, older is 28+. Why is Perry looking for women that young ? He’s 51, surely there’s a 30 something out there for him if he wants someone younger by design. It seems predatory. Even if this girl was curious about an older celebrity, was expecting another Ben Affleck, maybe the actual reality wasn’t so rosy and she decided not for her. She has every right to do that and then turn him down, but youthful stupidity or naivety does right mean she wasn’t aware of the transactional undertones of this.
it was a year ago — she held on to this for a minute.
Eh, she’s young, but I think she looks like the bigger asshole. I don’t think Perry did anything wrong. Is it weird to date someone that young, yes. But it’s legal and they literally matched on a dating site meaning both their preferences matched🤷🏼♀️ He literally FT her and didn’t make any sexual references, I don’t find it that inappropriate. People Zoom & FaceTime allll the time now because we’re all damn bored in a pandemic.
Matthew Perry is problematic and gross, and so is BA even much more for not accepting a no I’m not interested by sending a video anyway. But as a woman myself, she does not get a pass. Should people have set their filters right on both sides of the fence absolutely. Should both parties not consented to doing a FaceTime call taking off the app absolutely, especially if it was me clear there is not a mutual attraction between the two. But what I have a problem is with the fact that everybody wants to give this girl a pass, when she also has culpability here to an extent. No one forced her to give her personal Facebook information to join in on a call oh, no matter who suggested it. And the fact that she took the time to record the entire conversation oh, and only releasing it when Ben Affleck got pressed for it makes it look like she’s looking for some clout or some type of Internet Fame. Make no mistake about it yes I am one of those that do agree that there is no time limit on addressing abuse of any type of sexual nature on minors, however at 19 years old she took the time to get on the dating app site, it clearly states what it is for upfront. Maybe she was curious, and then got freaked out in thanks for mine, which is fine. But unless there’s more to the video he in no way try to forcefully communicate with her like ba, or try to suggest anything sexual. It was doing that 20 question thing which I’ve done before dating is like the initial thing to get to know you to see if we have something in common which clearly they didn’t. But it just doesn’t sitwell in trying to make her a completely I Didn’t Know Better type of victim when she took enough time to record all of this and then drop it right behind the other girl over a year and some change later oh, that looks like she’s trying to cash in on the notoriety that the other girl has. Make no mistake about it I believe anyone that has been harmed has a right to seek Justice and go through the proper channels no matter if it’s a year later five years later or more….. but while everyone’s is placing the accurate blame on the older and experienced adult at fault, which he is, she’s making grown adult decisions and she also has her part to play on this situation as well. Being in that she knew realistically she would ever dated no one like that she could have declined it and said thank you and no thanks. It just doesn’t sit well with me saying that she’s this young impressionable girl that gets a pass as if she didn’t know what she was doing. Am I victim shaming absolutely not, however I don’t believe in ignoring when someone younger or not has there a BS part to play in a situation in which both people look dumb and played themselves.
In this situation, I’m not on anyone’s team. One Matthew Perry just proves that he’s just another middle-aged dude trolling for “old enough to vote, but not to drink” bait. While I am in favor of calling out b.s. behavior this girl only did this to go viral and gain internet clout. Sure, he deserves to be roundly mocked for being a skeeze but this woman could have just ignored the match and changed her age parameters.
I do find this story extra amusing because a good friend of mine is on Raya, and actually matched with Matthew Perry a couple of years ago. They went out for a couple of weeks. I have some cringe stories from her about it, but he sounded like a LOT of work. When things ended, I personally thought she dodged a huge bullet. For context, she was in her early to mid-30s at the time, so there was an age difference but nothing that would give anyone a sprain from too much side-eye (personally I don’t like to date anyone who is more than five years older than me, but that’s how I roll). Her going out with him was the first time I got to check out the Raya app. It’s definitely actors, influencers, and models, but there are also people like my friend on there who were rising in the ranks of their respective industries (think entertainment, music, digital advertising) and entrepreneurs. It was a nice-looking app – very carefully curated and editorial. I remember she matched with some tech entrepreneur and his photos looked like something out of a Ralph Lauren ad – it was crazy!
Everyone is saying she didn’t have to include old guys in her search and that she “just wants to be famous.” Who cares. I welcome young women to expose perverts/whatever you consider a 50 year old inviting a 19 year old over for society to examine. Also someone said we wouldn’t infantilise her if she were a WOC but I personally welcome any women and anyone in general to expose things that need to change in society. I haven’t become this woman’s fan and I’ve already forgotten her name. But why is it fine for the biggest reality star ever to become famous for basically doing it from the back and also getting a golden ……. and pretending that she didn’t realease that video herself?! But it’s problematic that young girls want clout for this? Again, I welcome them. This is “empowerment” to me much more than , for example, young girls (or any women) doing Only Fans naked
I take infantilizing as wanting to shield young women from the consequences of their bad/wrong actions by claiming they’re too young to know any better. I see it as happening when a 22 year old insta influencer says something racist and people jump in to say she’s still “so young” and “doesn’t know better yet” or “maybe she doesn’t know any black people who would tell her how harmful this is.” And that’s gross. I’m not about that. If you do something very wrong that harms other people, you should face the consequences, even if you are a pretty young white woman that wants to pretend you need to be coddled and protected. But I’m not seeing what this woman did as super wrong and in need of serious consequences that she’s trying to get out of. She embarrassed a 51 year old man by outing him as someone who wants to date teenagers. And she likely did it for attention. But attention-seeking behavior isn’t necessarily bad or wrong in itself. A lot of us find it annoying or think it’s shallow and stupid, not the best use of her time and talents, or think that becoming Instagram famous or TikTok famous is dumb and not something we personally strive for, but it’s not bad or illegal or harmful to others. She’s not hurting anyone else. Her “crime” here that people think we are trying to shield her from the consequences of is embarrassing a rich, successful, famous, white, male actor. And the embarrassment comes from his own behavior: trying to date teens.
I also feel like the argument that she’s equally bad for setting her age limit so high isn’t quite correct. I can’t think of any reason other than wanting to have sex with a teenager, any teenager, for a 50 year old man to want to match with teens. Like I don’t think they’re thinking that they’re going to meet the “right” teenager who they might have a long term relationship with, introduce them to all their friends and family, and eventually have a long term committed relationship with. But I can see a 19 year old thinking that if the right older man came along that they really connected with, she could have an actual relationship with him that maybe leads to commitment and marriage and maybe even children. Like I just don’t think 19 year olds are trolling for any old man just because they really want to have sex with any 50 year old guy for a few weeks and get the clout and ego boost that comes with being seen as able to attract a middle aged guy with a double chin old enough to be their father. Because that doesn’t exit. The opposite exists though. 50 year old men wanting to have a quick fling with any hot, young teenager so they can get the clout and ego boost that comes with being able to attract someone so young and sexy. And I think it’s sort of borne out in this instance. He matched with this random nobody TikTok teen, and I don’t think it was for her stellar personality or her witty profile blurbs. But she even says that she matched with him because she was interested in talking to him, personally, Matthew Perry, star of Friends, because of his career and she thought it might be cool to have met him. That’s not the same as attempting to match anyone and everyone in the 50+ age range because she specifically really wants to be with an old guy. Whereas I’m imagining he went through and tried to match with anyone who was young, hot, and had blow up lips because the thing he was most looking for was “any sexy young woman or teen.”
Based on what Matthew Perry looks like now, I can’t see a 19 year old wanting to build anything with him. Dermot Mulroney seems like a probability. Maybe even Ben Affleck, if you block out all the stuff with the nanny and every other indiscretion. But not Matthew Perry has he looks now.
Although I could believe the argument that maybe she wanted to see what the guy from Friends might be like. But, based on looks, I can’t see any 19 year old actually having an interest in him beyond that.
Even though she is legal, it is still gross and wrong for a man of that age to be after a barely legal teenager. Says a lot about his maturity level and what he’s after.
He really needs a neck lift
She’s an adult and she was the one who contacted him. It’s a dating website. Everybody is legal. Everybody can ignore anyone who’s not their type.
She targeted this man to manipulate him into a game so she could gain attention from publicly mocking and humiliating him. That’s a malicious, nasty thing to do to someone.
Perry has a history of severe depression which makes this bullying even worse.
He wasn’t the predator here, she was.
She didn’t mock him. She told the truth. Maybe he shouldn’t hit on anyone who he’d be embarrassed for the world know he’s hitting on (or inviting over, at least.)
Maybe she’s using the fact that he hit on her to make people dislike him and (maybe) become famous. For any of his fans and loved ones who don’t mind him hitting on a 19 year old they’re welcome to continue liking him, he’s not getting locked in jail or being physically harmed. Telling the truth is not being a “predator.” She didn’t hack his phone and share his private messages. Wake up call for him, I hope.
She did make fun of him, by her own admission, and she did share what he likely assumed was a private call between the two of them (that he probably didn’t know was even being recorded). He was only able to hit on her because: (1) she set her matches to his age range; (2) she accepted the match on the site; (3) she agreed to have a call with him when he asked.
I don’t know enough about Raya, as I thought it was a famous people dating app, but now I’m wondering if it’s a sugar daddy/baby site based on the comments here. If it is supposed to be for famous people, its reputation is taking a hit.
I’m not mad at the girl/woman, because she is 19-20 & I guess tiktok is the equivalent of sharing information with your friends when I was that age twenty years ago. At that age you’re often learning your sexuality, flexing your flirtation muscles, figuring out what you like, etc. If some old bastard is up for the roller coaster & you’re willing too, maybe you both get a story out of it, or if he gets slightly embarrassed, he knew the risks & might even be into that type of thing.
I can’t pretend to relate to being on a dating app at her age, because they didn’t exist when I was that age, & I certainly can’t imagine paying for it, if the women do on Raya. I think that might be part of the argument about her supposed responsibility in this: some of us are too old to relate & it can seem like she was putting a lot of effort in finding someone, as opposed to just happening upon someone, like we used to. I think we should be wary of assuming that for younger women, though, because I doubt they take it that seriously. In fact, based on some of the (seemingly) younger commenters here, instead of the methodical choosing of parameters that we might assume, it’s probably as messy & thoughtless as giving that random guy your number, it just feels different to us because we take forms seriously!
That’s kind of a joke, but not really, as I have to assume that zipping through dating apps, choosing pictures from your phone, & doing whatever else one does on a dating app is a lot less serious than even sitting at a desktop PC, scanning a picture, & trying to find something witty to say on Match years ago, which for many of us could be the closest relatable thing.
I feel like there’s more agency on a dating app. You can just ghost someone if you don’t want to deal with them, especially if they already kind of repulse you (I figure most 50 year olds, other than an extremely handsome one who is beyond fit, would repulse a 19 year old).
In a club someone could follow you around and maybe you’d be a little reluctant to be rude. On a dating app, it seems much easier to avoid the whole scenario.
I did kind of wonder if maybe she didn’t know what Matthew Perry looks like, but on every app I’ve seen you see the photo, and, uh, clearly his photos don’t look great. Based on what he looks like now in current photos, i am puzzled as to why she’d agree to speak with him. 19 year olds are naive, but I feel they’re kind of looks-oriented and slightly shallow too, and based on that, I could see every other 19 year old on the planet rejecting him — not necessarily out of wisdom, but out of the desire at that age to be with someone better-looking (even if it’s a rich older man).
I’m inclined to agree about agency, but I’m thinking back to how it felt, as opposed to how it might actually be, & at 19 I personally felt like I had plenty of agency at a club. I would be with friends, & we felt that we were in the full control, in the front of our minds at least. I also wonder, given how easy it seems to be to find people online who have profiles on dating apps (searching photos? links to other social media accounts? I’m not sure how it’s done), if in some ways you might feel more pressure. I’m of the age that I still see the internet as a place to be anonymous, while my nieces who are in that age range are the exact opposite: you can trace their entire lives online.
The looks thing is also a really interesting topic to me, but I wonder how much looks matter if you’re on an app with options. I’m not sure if Raya is for finding long-term relationships or just casual dating, but if it’s the latter (or being used for it), I can see having the guys you date for looks & the ones you date for whatever other reasons, especially if you’re trying to find a balance between the “young & dumb” & “mature & manly,” which I feel like I did at that age. You can presumably know a lot more about people on an app like that, especially if it costs, I guess, so maybe it’s an opportunity to scratch all your itches in one place?
It makes me really curious about how these apps work, especially in conjunction with being in the tiktok generation. Does the supposed breach of privacy for Matthew even exist in younger people’s minds? It seems like the young women have a “it’s all fair game” attitude that I can’t relate to but I can understand where it comes from for that generation.
Both ladies in question probably knew they’d be thrown off the site but didn’t care. The quick attention was more important, so this leads me to believe they weren’t paying to be there. I bet dudes and average looking women with actual jobs have to pay but I really doubt young female hotties do. If they put their age limit so high they are obviously on the site to hustle in some way. Either looking for a sugar daddy, professional contacts, quick fame or all of above.
In Ben’s defense at least the woman was over 30. Perry gets ZERO passes for asking a barely legal woman to FaceTime.
But did not she select men over 50 in the settings of the app? What a disgusting woman. She was looking for older guys and when she found a 50 years old man, she trashed him all over the web. Nasty woman.