Jeff Bezos thanked every Amazon employee & customer for his space joyride

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Generally speaking, I’m not an “eat the rich” class warrior. That being said, I think Jeff Bezos is a douchecanoe who sometimes does some okay things, but he’s mostly just a sucky employer who exploits Amazon employees. Bezos is officially the richest man in the world and when a man is in that kind of rarefied air, he has weird urges. Urges like… f–k it, let’s go to the edge of space just for sh-ts and giggles. Thus, Blue Origin, Bezos’ private spacecraft, which launched Bezos and three other people into almost-space yesterday:

I haven’t been a space-travel geek since before the Challenger explosion, so I didn’t really care about this or about Richard Branson’s space ship or whatever. We’re in a golden age of bonkers billionaires swinging their d–ks around space travel and all I can say is that we should tax these a–holes and then launch them into the sun. But after this edge-of-space jaunt, Bezos fell to earth and decided to give a press conference. Which is where this happened:

This is f–king gross. Jeff Bezos needs to pay higher taxes, pay his employees better and stop spending hundreds of millions of dollars to joyride into the edge of space. Enough. This is bullsh-t.

Bezos’ girlfriend Lauren Sanchez was there too. They had matching cowboy hats.

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109 Responses to “Jeff Bezos thanked every Amazon employee & customer for his space joyride”

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  1. Merricat says:

    So gross.

    • NTheMiddle says:

      EVERYTHING about this is gross…disgusting 🤮 So much money and potential to do good with it and he’s playing space cowboy on his giant penile rocket ship.

      • (The OG) Jan90067 says:

        Actual words from Bezos (in quotes)per CNN interview:

        Jeff Bezo’s idea is to “put POLLUTING COMPANIES out *in space* to leave Earth with *gentle* industry 😂😂😂.”

        Right, so let’s now DESTROY the UNIVERSE, as if Earth is in its own protected bubble. What is he smoking???

      • Larisa says:

        @Jan90067
        I mean, I doubt we’d destroy the Universe, and the corner we are in doesn’t really have much we can destroy?

    • BusyLizzy says:

      I came here to say that. The cost of his little space trip could have benefited millions of people living in poverty and the carbon footprint…ugh.

      I am all for going to space to study and advance science but I’m firmly opposed to tourism in space. Let’s maybe try to preserve Earth first?

    • MattyLove says:

      I saw a meme this morning that said something along the lines of “I miss when the ultra-rich’s hobbies were building public libraries and massive music halls.”

      So true.

    • superashes says:

      This is the correct take.

    • Tiffany :) says:

      I don’t think his comments were received the way he intended, lolz. It just draws attention to how gross it all is. It’s a very “let them eat cake” kind of comment.

      • purpleprankster says:

        Tiffany, it sounded to me like he was mocking the workers and customers, not thanking them. Did anyone else hear it?

  2. Jane says:

    Is is head too small or is his hat too big?

  3. lalisa says:

    I understand these people are bored with all that cash but these billionaires need to leave us regular folks the hell alone and leave us out of their BS.

    • nina says:

      +1. But we supposed to be in awe of them remember. We should forget that they are pissing on our collective leg and telling us its raining.

    • wow says:

      After shame using his giant space dildo, will he toss it in the dumpster to find true connection & fulfilment?

  4. Darla says:

    What I don’t understand is, it doesn’t seem like any of them are actually going to space, right? They have these big penis things they are flying right up to the edge of space with? This all seems so childish? This seems like a big lie to me. Maybe I’m crazy.

    • (TheOG) Jan90067 says:

      They are literally like toddlers, running up to the cresting ocean wave on the shore, reading to dip a toe in, but turning away at the last second. These “rockets” are going to the “edge” of our atmosphere, staying there for 3-4 min for the weightlessness, and dropping back down. They are NOT in “space”.

      • Darla says:

        That’s what I thought.

      • Jezz says:

        To be Perfectly fair, these are the first baby steps toward space tourism. Why THAT is something we need, I’m not sure.

        Wish B & B had brought some scientist or poets along on their joyrides, to actually make some contribution to the greater good.

    • faithmobile says:

      I believe it’s called the upper atmosphere.

    • Irene says:

      ” They have these big penis things they are flying right up to the edge of space with? ”

      The ultimate Edge Lords.

  5. OriginalLala says:

    #EatTheRich… Billionaires like this douche are a symptom of our broken, corrupt capitalist system that rewards the worst in us.

  6. Haylie says:

    While crushing their attempts to unionize for fair wages and better working conditions.

    Fuck Bezos.

    Doubly for giving $100,000,000 to two-faced Van Jones.

    • Soupie says:

      I was aghast when I read that about Van Jones. Bet he’s not knocking on KK’s door anymore. As for this event, I understand Bezos has wanted to go to space since a child but really, you’re gonna be a trillionaire soon and you have major labor issues? Jerk. He reminds me of a Pharaoh or an ancient ship’s galley enforcer. Paid 1.1% taxes on his fortune.

      • Haylie says:

        Worse. He’s partnering up with Meghan McCain for some both siderism. That’s after yukking it up with the Trump kids.

        He’s an opportunist who will help no one but himself.

      • nina says:

        Re: Van Jones. He is an attention whore. He will do anything for a buck.

  7. Lady Baden-Baden says:

    I really enjoyed the Guardian headline on the mission yesterday – “Wally Funk fulfills lifelong dream to go to space with Blue Origin flight” – absolutely no mention of Bezos at all! Ha!

    • LadyMTL says:

      Hah, that’s gold! TBH I think that’s the only small bit of good in all of this hot mess of a ‘billionaire space race’…she finally got her chance to go on a mission.

    • lucy2 says:

      I love her aspect of the story, but Bezos can go f himself.

    • Sandy says:

      I didn’t know Wally’s story until I saw your comment and googled it. Wonderful!

  8. Kate says:

    I hate this guy.

  9. LadyE says:

    Mid-life crisis billionaire style

  10. Jayna says:

    I’ve renamed Lauren Sanchez. She’s now “Scary” Sanchez because of her plastic-surgery-gone-wrong face”.

  11. kgeo says:

    I grew up riding western and working on our land. They look stupid in their hats. I used to be pretty dependent on amazon. I’ve been pulling back a lot and am considering getting rid of prime. This might have just sealed the deal.

    • Betsy says:

      Get rid of it! We buy from Amazon two or three times a year, things that our local stores no longer carry (like Affresh washing machine cleaner and unscented Tide boosters), but even that… I have a few things in my cart and I’m just going to find them elsewhere. Enough. Burning how much fossil fuels so he can feel alive for a few minutes? Lord I wish these people would find their hearts again.

      With that money, Bezos could do some serious work to STOP the climate crisis. Seriously – fixing our soil with regenerative farming and other similar techniques would actually begin to capture the excess carbon in our atmosphere and sequester it, some of it for centuries. But no. He’s written the planet off and just wants to go to Mars to start over.

      • Willow says:

        I buy all my cleaning supplies online from Grove. I get horrible migraines from scents and chemicals. They don’t sell the brands you mentioned, but do sell several different brands, all safe, good for the environment, etc. Also, mails with minimal packaging, which is a problem with a couple of other sites I tried.

      • deering24 says:

        @Betsy, agreed. The rich seem to have written off this planet, and are moving on like locusts. It’s no coincidence Bezos, Musk, and Branson have been hyping these trips to the skies–it’s the groundwork for the wealthy going elsewhere.

      • Renee says:

        The only time I purchase from amazon was during the pandemic because I was too sick to go to the store

    • Carrie says:

      I haven’t bought from Amazon since 2015. It’s not hard at all. I recommend completely unhooking from this psychopath by boycotting all of his corrupt ventures, including Whole Foods. Feels great!

      • Eleonora says:

        I don’t buy there.

      • Eleonor says:

        I have bought a few thing every now and then, but I stopped when they wanted to force me to get prime, I deleted my credit card from the account and that was it.

  12. Cate says:

    Shit like this is one more reason why I don’t have a prime membership and will only buy from Amazon (or get groceries at Whole Foods) as a last resort. Just ordered my nephew some birthday books from Powells! I really hope Elizabeth Warren gets this man paying more taxes, ASAP.

  13. Kalana says:

    Those Amazon employees didn’t choose to pay for Bezos’ penis ship. Taking money from people without their consent is called stealing. Bezos stole from his employees.

    • Anna says:

      this x 1000000

    • Tiffany :) says:

      I truly don’t understand how they are allowed to abuse their employees the way they do. Things like limiting bathroom breaks and infringing on lunch time seems like it violates many labor laws.

      • nina says:

        The employees are allowing it. They voted against being unionized. They don’t want to help themselves good luck with that, keep pissing in that bottle.
        Like we saw during the lockdown, employees can bring a business to its knees by standing up for themselves.

      • Anna says:

        Well, considering the civil rights leaders who were murdered by individuals part of the white supremacist power structure in large part for supporting worker unionization, I think there is probably more to it than employees just not wanting to stand up for themselves. There have been reports of threats and worse, and a company like Amazon? You know Bezos engages in anything he can get away with–which is everything–in order to block unions.

  14. AnnaC says:

    They also are not astronauts, so I wish people would please stop using that term. They are simply passengers on a very high flying aeronautical vessel. But yes, I’m glad Wally Funk got to experience at least some of space.

  15. Miranda says:

    Does anyone else here watch Adult Swim? They had a bump a few weeks ago saying that being the first billionaire to address homelessness on Earth would be a lot more impressive than being the first billionaire in space. I give that statement a sad nod.

  16. Aang says:

    Not only the money wasted but the resources. How much fuel did that jaunt burn up? I’m a 100% eat the rich class warrior.

    • E says:

      Me too, eat the rich. He left out all the taxpayers that have funded his vanity project since neither he nor his company pay taxes. It is estimated that it emitted 200-300 tons of Co2, per passenger. So gross!

  17. taris says:

    i had never heard jeff speak before yesterday, and i have to say i was surprised by how ineloquent he sounded. the man cannot speak for shit.
    about the ‘thanks amazon employees and shoppers for funding my space ride’ – yeah, dude has gone full b-movie villain.

  18. Amy Bee says:

    Jeff Bezos has no shame or self awareness.

  19. cassandra says:

    I imagine Mackenzie Scott just straight up cringes when she thinks about him now.

    Just imagine, she’s donated millions of dollars to important causes and Bezos….flew a dildo into almost space.

  20. rawiya says:

    You could pay them. Give them health care. Make sure they don’t have to pee in bottles. Make sure when they die on the workroom floor their coworkers aren’t told to ignore the body. Eff him.

  21. CROOKSNNANNIES says:

    I don’t care how hard he tries, some people will not call him the space cowboy.

  22. Bryn says:

    Compensated much? I know Jeff is a small guy but jeez…

  23. teehee says:

    Well I think the dystopia with rich people is rooted in our allocation of admiration and greatness to those who have more money.
    More money does not make a person good– or rather, those who somehow manage to accumulate this amount of wealth can only do so on the premise of 1) not sharing it to begin with and 2) can only make THAT kind of money by sheer theft and manipulation and “conquering” of others or competition etc.

    So why does anyone continue to be surprised when they see, that a person who engages in such unsympathetic activity in order to get so much wealth, is somehow not actually a good person?
    It usually takes a garbage person to become that rich. You have to sit on money for a long time to be wealthy. And that is time that no one and nothing is benefitting from that much wealth…. except your yacht’s yacht’s yacht’s cleaning service crew, gets an additional maid.

  24. Seaflower says:

    I like Jon Stewart’s take on the little d*ck space war

    Edit to add: its Jon Stewart so NSFW

    https://twitter.com/jonstewart/status/1417557259886940162

  25. Bre says:

    I wish George Carlin was alive for this

    • Violet529 says:

      Haha!! I’ve never commented on this after 6 years of reading but I had to respond to this- holy sh*t you’re absolutely right. He would have glorious commentary!

    • deering24 says:

      I’d give a million to hear Ray Bradbury rank this mess out, too. He foresaw ages ago what kind of folks would try exploiting space.

  26. KL says:

    No one is happy for you, dipshit.

  27. Winnie Cooper’s Mom says:

    He might be pretty damn proud of himself for this, but he built it on the backs of poorly-paid laborers. He’s one of those people who should be embarrassed and ashamed of how he’s built his wealth, but you know he doesn’t miss a wink of sleep at night over it.

    • lucy2 says:

      The poorly paid laborers, and all the small and independent businesses he crushed too.

  28. Lizzie Bathory says:

    It’s hilarious that he just managed to highlight how awful the whole “billionaires rushing to (almost) space” thing is. Hope the weiner ride was worth it, Jeff. Personally, if I had pictures of myself with Ghislaine Maxwell floating around on Dolly Parton’s internet, I might choose to keep a low profile. Interesting that Bezos, Branson & Musk all went a different route.

    There’s a reason Bezos stepped down as Amazon CEO this year. And I suspect Mackenzie Scott & Melinda French Gates would have plenty to talk about.

  29. Liz version 700 says:

    Makenzie ma’am you got out at a good time Lordy this guy is a giant A hole.

  30. Harla says:

    I’ve placed my last order at Amazon. Living in a rural community, it was super helpful to be able to order items that just aren’t available where I live but I just can’t support Jeff anymore. Does anyone order items from Walmart? How does that work for you?

    • Jane Smith says:

      I’m not proud to say I do. Some packages actually come via door dash, others UPS like other online stores. I live in Denver though so I’m not sure if the door dash aspect would work for you in the country. That said, in my mind Walmart and amazon are the same. Anyone here have a retailer that they feel okay buying from?

    • Willow says:

      If I order a name brand item I try to order direct from the retailer, or start at their website and use their links. I started doing that when fake name brand items being sold on Amazon became a problem. I have used Walmart once or twice, no issues. They do have third party sellers like Amazon does, which I found interesting. You should be safe ordering from any large retailer. They really need online business to compete with Amazon, so the customer service is good. I order from several and have never had problems.

      • olliesmom says:

        That is what I try to do too when I can – go to the brand name directly (manufacturer’s websites) when I can to avoid Amazon/Wal Mart. I’m very leery of third party sellers. I just ordered some Lume deodorant products directly from them on their website. Sometimes you can get some deals directly from the brand.

    • Eleonora says:

      Good for you.

      I live in a city, so it’s easy to talk.

      Respect for you not ordering even though you live rural.

  31. Keekey says:

    This guy is the poster boy for #EatTheRich.

  32. ME says:

    Hey guys look at what being filthy rich and not paying taxes can get you !!!

  33. Renee says:

    Thanks for the link Seaflower. I am still dying laughing!

  34. Renee says:

    Why in the f*** did this guy give Van Jones $100 million???? I get Jose Andres because he has a huge charitable foundation but does Van Jones? Perhaps I am ignorant on Van Jones’ charitable aspect but I’m not a fan.

    Bezos won’t even give his employees generous benefits. He makes me sick!

  35. Eleonora says:

    I don’t buy there.

  36. olliesmom says:

    Glad that you had fun on your little joyride into space yesterday rich boy. Now thank the “little people” that got you there by giving them pay that they can LIVE on. You obviously can afford it. You burned through enough of it on rocket fuel yesterday. Unlike most people on the planet, you benefited financially from the pandemic.

  37. olliesmom says:

    I can’t imagine being so rich that you’ve done everything here on Earth that you had ever wanted to do.

    Just a “whose is bigger” (evidently Bezos won because he went further up) competition between two rich white men. How about competing with each other in something worthwhile that would benefit people on Earth like “who can give the most free books to kids?” or “who can give the most food to foodbanks?”.

    But that would not be as much fun for them.

  38. Another Anna says:

    All this money yet none of these billionaires seem to be able to buy a clue. People are desperate and terrified and they’re on some “let them eat cake” nonsense. How about instead of five guys having a dick measuring contest, they all took a chunk of their resources and pooled them together. They could start one joint venture. If they got the US government involved, they might even be able to get it to actual space. They could call it something catchy like…the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. Could be cool.

  39. AmelieOriginal says:

    Ugh as a former Amazon employee I feel like I get to complain more than most lol. People ask me a lot how it was to work for them as an office worker and I’m not gonna lie, the benefits were awesome and I made more $$$ there than any other job I’ve worked at. The vacation time, the 401K, the RSUs (I still have Amazon stocks I have not sold and sorely wished I had not sold the others a few years ago), the health insurance, even the measly Amazon discount we got, it was all great. The stipend for commuting was enough to cover my monthly NYC metrocard (and it’s not cheap at $127). Most of the other benefits were based in Seattle though so I didn’t get to benefit from memberships at gyms or what have you.

    But the atmosphere was toxic and I didn’t even work at an Amazon office, I worked at a subsidiary (like Audible for example but I did not work there). Everyone in my department was miserable and by the time HR decided to do something about it, I was gone mentally and already taken another job. Everything they say about how miserable it is is true. And as a former Amazon employee it blew my mind with the arrogance of thanking Amazon customers and employees.

  40. olliesmom says:

    That is what I try to do too when I can – go to the brand name directly to avoid Amazon/Wal Mart. I’m very leery of third party sellers.

  41. olliesmom says:

    That photo of Lauren Sanchez with that adoring expression on her face. Gag.

  42. You Know Me says:

    I’m proud to say I’ve not purchased anything from Amazon since 2015. Yes, yes – patting myself on my back & my wish is NOBODY buy from Amazon ever again. (Wal-Mart too)

  43. Janice Hill says:

    I guess he thinks he’s a space cowboy.

  44. TEALIEF says:

    D*cks in Space
    The Wrong Stuff
    Less than Stellar

    The world is literally on fire and this a$$ barely pricks space. Then, high on his supply, gives oxymoronic thanks – heavy on the moron – to his employees and customers for his hot, carbon-fuelled joyride by giving them (me included) the metaphorical finger. Jeff Bathos is a trope and a tool.

  45. Heather says:

    For a good read on the pathos of these companies and the mans world culture (that could care less about who gets left out) read Anna Wiener’s autobiography Uncanny Valley.

  46. JesusChrist says:

    I am hungry. Who else wants some rich?

  47. Bellah says:

    Can we also talk about the person who paid *$28 million* for the seat and two days before launch they claimed said person could not go because of a SCHEDULING CONFLICT!!! 😳
    I’m too busy to go to [the edge of] space. I’ll take the next flight.

    So unrelatable. 🤷‍♀️

  48. Lory says:

    So he’s doing this to create a place for companies to send their garbage? Amazon creates more waste than the entire country of Ireland every year. And though his rocket did not fly based on carbon emissions, it does cause damage to the ozone, so…