Jan Moir is a hateful Daily Mail columnist who represents all that is wrong with the Daily Mail, and all that is wrong with the British tabloid establishment. But even Jan Moir can’t put a bow on the Keen Caribbean Disaster Tour. Moir’s latest column is “It’s not Kate and William’s fault but this tour has left me dying of embarrassment… and if the Duchess’s glue-gun grin gets any more fixed, someone is going to have to chisel it off when she gets home.” Ouch. Much like Dan Wootton, Moir can’t solely criticize William and Kate without mentioning the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, who are literally just minding their own business in California. Still, there were some notable parts of this column.

Fearing for the monarchy: “Let’s face it , William and Kate’s Jamaican tour is a disaster. If this is the shape of things to come, one can only fear for the future of the monarchy itself. You can see the chronicle of its death foretold in every moment from the Trench Town bongo-bashing to emeralds and apologies at the governor’s dinner in Kingston: the speeches are squirming, the dutiful set pieces are a cringe, the optics are bad. White ultra-privileged royalty gamely watching the locals caper about and entertain them; later shaking the hands of Jamaicans corralled behind wire fencing? It’s all so last century. It’s all so over. From 4,000 miles away, I am dying of embarrassment. For myself, for our country, for the Cambridges.

It’s not Will & Kate’s fault? “It is not the fault of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. It is simply their misfortune to have crashed into senior overseas royal duties at a point in time when the sins of the past inform the stuttering trajectory of the future. They have been shown much love by the people of Jamaica, but have also been the focus of independence protests. Some officials have even been downright rude to them, making the couple feel awkward. Indeed, if Kate’s glue-gun grin gets any more fixed, someone is going to have to chisel it off when she gets home.

Will & Kate are weaker? “I suspect that no one would have dared to be so openly discourteous had it been the Queen. Respected even by many ardent republicans, she carries her 70 years of unimpeachable service around with her like a krypton shield against reproach. However, all bets are off with this weaker, diluted new generation of royals who must accept that for many of their ‘subjects’ — eek! — the Commonwealth is not something to be celebrated, but is, in fact, a feudal yoke from which to escape.

Ah, Harry & Meghan get a mention: “Of course, the taint of racism that hangs over the Windsors does not help, the terrible smear left by the Sussexes — that pile of dung they dumped on the royal driveway — as they built their scented new lives in California. How they must be tittering today, snug in their Montecito mansion, as the Jamaican mortification unfolds. Perhaps not quite understanding that the same forces of reparation and atonement are one day coming for them and their precious titles, too. For here is the real problem.

William is obsolete: “Prince William can be as heartrending and emotional as he wants when he talks about slavery, but he is going to be king one day — a system of belief that rests on the notion that his bloodline is superior to any other in the Commonwealth. He is damned by his very existence, execrated by the status that gives him his voice and puts him at the centre of events in the first place. He may have the best will in the world, but in the increasingly clamorous social and racial politics of today, he is as ridiculous and obsolete as a royal dodo. No doubt his words were sincere. Yet they came from a prince who had the nerve to criticise the Baftas on their lack of diversity two years ago, although he still turned up in Jamaica this week with practically an all-white personal retinue and without a blush.

Royal overseas visits are surely numbered. “The very idea that the Royal Family should sally forth, in all their finery and jewels, to faraway lands to meet people they expect to bow and curtsey to them, or pay homage at the very least, is an increasing absurdity. The royals on the road? It is like a band going on a farewell tour to play their greatest hits, only to discover that no one is listening any more, that the fans are moving to a different drumbeat. It is not over yet, not quite. However, this week we glimpsed the royal future post-Queen — and it is not looking bright.

[From The Daily Mail]

Re: “Perhaps not quite understanding that the same forces of reparation and atonement are one day coming for them and their precious titles, too…” The difference is that Harry and Meghan saw the writing on the wall in a million different ways, which is why they left and built a life for themselves independent of their titles and this royal sh-tshow. As for all of the Cambridge stuff… I was genuinely shocked that Moir even noted that William and Kate turned up with an all-white staff. Also shocked that she’s basically saying William’s not up to being a modern prince or king.

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