Madonna is too old to try to define what’s cool

Madonna can’t make up her mind what’s cool anymore, so she’s going to try to cram as much as possible into her new tour, including shit that only she considers interesting.

First off, Madonna is going to show off her new krump dancing moves. Krump is the urban dance made popular in the documentary “Rize.” Madonna’s new tour is also using Studio 54 as an inspiration for the set, which will feature fantasy scenes from the famous nightspot.

Not content to just stick with the disco debauchery meets urban dance theme, Madonna will muddy the waters with on-stage homages to her favorite pasttimes, horseriding and kaballah. She’s also throwing some urban running in there, in case none of the other shit sticks:

A source said: “Madonna has been practising krumping ever since she filmed the videos to Hung Up and Sorry.

“Madge has ordered a unique spinning platform to be designed so she and her dancers can recreate Studio 54’s extravagant scenes.

“She has also ordered dozens of disco balls to decorate the stage with authentic Seventies lighting.”

The show will open with a Disco Queen section, featuring girls in sparkling suits, male dancers dressed as pimps and more dancers roller-skating.

Another section, American Land, will indulge Madonna’s obsession with horses, with video walls showing footage of her riding scantily clad in the pouring rain.

A third part, Oriental And Eastern, will see Madonna joined on stage by a Kabbalah singer to perform a remix of her brilliant album track Isaac.

One section will have a Parkour specialist — the wacky sport on the BBC promotional film with a bloke running across London rooftops. Madge will also showcase some new music, if her label Warner give the go-ahead.

Madonna, make up your mind. Just because your last tour was too Kaballah heavy doesn’t mean you don’t have to stick with a central theme. Your tour may look good and maybe you can even pull it off, but it sounds like a total mess to us.

Madonna’s tour opens in LA this May, and may even hit Israel – surprise surprise.

Here’s Madonna with little Lourdes. Lourdes’ stylist seems to be going with the junior preppy look for the pre-‘tween.

Pictures [via]

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