Brooke Shields: It was creepy to be ‘the most famous virgin in the world’

I didn’t know Broke shields had a podcast. I should probably assume everyone has a podcast and just be surprised to find out when they don’t at this point. I love Brooke, though, and her openness about her issues with her stage-manager mom Teri, her postpartum depression, her objectification at a young age and the issues growing up in the spotlight has helped countless people, myself included. On Tuesday’s episode of Now What? With Brooke Shields, she talked about telling the world she was a virgin back in 1985. My gawd, I remember that. It was the 80s so you told your parents you were a virgin, but you told you friends you’d “totally done it.” The truth was somewhere in there. But the media definitely pushed the idea that we were all getting plowed in the upstairs guest room at a high school kegger. When Brooke announced she was a virgin after Pretty Baby and her Calvin Klein ads, it was, in fact, shocking. And a pain in the neck for Brooke, apparently. She said that her intention for the admission was to support girls who felt pressured by their boyfriends. The fallout was having to wear the title of the Most Famous Virgin in the World everywhere she went.

Brooke Shields doesn’t regret any of her past — but she might rethink publicly disclosing that she was a virgin.

On Tuesday’s episode of her iHeart podcast, Now What? With Brooke Shields, the veteran actress and model answered friend Ali Wentworth’s question about whether Shields had many any “poor choices” as a young person.

“I mean, I think it was, in hindsight, a bit of a mistake for me to be so open about my virginity because it never left me alone,” Shields said.

She said the topic had come up in a 1985 book that, although it was credited to her, was actually written by someone else. On Your Own is a book of guidance for college-age women, released as Shields herself attended Princeton University. The Pretty Baby star said she had written an in-depth first chapter, but the publisher didn’t want it.

“They wanted a simple, stupid book,” Shields said. “Like, ‘I like leg warmers.'”

Shields addressed her sex life, because she wanted to help others.

“In it, there was one part of a chapter, where I discuss — not abstinence per se — but owning your choice,” she said. “I would get a lot of fan mail from kids saying, ‘Oh, my boyfriend’s pressuring me, and I don’t want to have sex. What do I do? My narrative was, ‘You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.'”

She recalled that it being “very creepy” that she then had to go on talk shows and speak to older men about the topic.

“I became the most famous virgin in the world,” she said. “To be in the line of fire at such a young age in that way, I gained a resilience and it set me up to be ready for anything in this industry which can be difficult.”

[From Yahoo!]

I remember those interviews. Brooke couldn’t talk about anything without having to answer a question about whether she was still a virgin. Each host hoped she’d say, “Nope! Lost it last night,” and bag the exclusive. And everyone just allowed it because she’d brought it up. It makes it so much worse finding out Brooke’s hope was to stand in solidarity with women who didn’t want to be pressured into sex. Every time I want to wax poetic about the 80s I’m reminded of their underbelly. Honestly, I don’t know how any of us, but especially people like Brooke, made it out still standing.

What’s worse is I forgot that when Brooke actually did lose her virginity, it was to Dean Cain. At the time, I was hella jealous because my gawd he was so handsome. But being he’s become such a narrow-minded d*ckhead, I want a do-over for Brooke.

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31 Responses to “Brooke Shields: It was creepy to be ‘the most famous virgin in the world’”

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  1. smegmoria says:

    This reminds me of those interviews with Britney Spears in the early 00’s. She looked so sad and scared as they would ask her about her virginity or if she had done drugs. I felt so bad for her. Poor Brooke too.

    • equality says:

      You would think that somebody in these girls’ lives would have hit the brakes and told interviewers to cool it with the question.

  2. Jillian says:

    I’m a 31 year old virgin and I feel like such a freak. I don’t know how to deal with this and the idea of being naked in front of someone terrifies me.

    • Laura-Lee MacDonald says:

      I’m so sorry this bizarre cultural expectation/obsession has you feeling down on yourself. I hope you find peace with yourself and your choices. Smash the patriarchy!!!!!

    • ThatsNotOkay says:

      Oh, you’re not a freak! It might help not to even think of it as “virginity,” as though it’s a state of being. You just have not chosen to have sex with someone yet. And in terms of nudity, that’s trickier. I can surmise, in the heat of the act, 99% of people don’t care what the other person’s naked body looks like. But the fear of nakedness might be about something deeper–building up confidence in other areas? Liking yourself? I don’t know, but I wish you comfort, happiness, and peace with any and all your decisions and personal choices. (And your body is not just “good enough” it’s great! Think of the magic that it does every day–things happening that you’re not even conscious of. Our bodies are complex, nearly miraculous inventions. Be proud of and celebrate it, whatever form it takes!)

    • SophieJara says:

      Don’t feel like a freak Jillian!!! The beauty of life is that we’re all different. Some people love kissing, some don’t. Some want certain types of intimacy, some don’t. It would be so boring if we were all the same. If you ever want to read about sex, including solo sex, I love the columns How to Do It and Dr Nerdlove. So many people write in who are in the same boat as you! It’s really not at all some big terrible thing. My most beloved aunt has never kissed anyone, and she is baller AF. I hope if you want to try you find a way to feel joyful and safe about it and if you don’t really want to, but just feel like you should, you realize there are SO many ways to live and also love without sex being part of it

    • ME says:

      @ Jillian

      You’re not a freak ! There are plenty of women in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and beyond who have never been intimate with anyone. The issue is not a lot of us women talk about it because we feel embarrassed. It’s not somethng you ever have to do if you don’t want to. Just like women don’t have to have children or get married if they don’t want to. You are hurting no one by not wanting to be intimate with anyone. It’s your CHOICE and be proud of it !

    • Turtledove says:

      I love a previous commenter’s reframing of “see it as not having made the choice to have sex yet.” And to add to it, I am sure plenty of people regret their first time bc they were young and if they had the choice, wished it had happened with someone else. At 31, you are likely to make a less regrettable choice. (to be clear, I am sure plenty DON’T regret their first time either. But for me, I was young, pressured and he was an asshat)

    • Sameboat says:

      @Jillian thank you for sharing! I’m in a similar boat, but a bit older and I feel like a freak too. It’s helpful to hear this.

    • Lionel says:

      Oh my goodness, Jillian and Sameboat, you are NOT freaks! Not even close. Just like Hecate said above about how lots of us in the 80s felt like we had to pretend we’d “done it,” I think the same is true now, it’s just no longer limited to teens. Sex-positivity for women in culture, while probably a good thing overall, has the unintended result that it can feel like every woman out there is owning her sexuality and talking about all the great sex she has. And the reality is that there are SO MANY people out there (not only women) who have not had sex by choice, or who are having unfulfilling sexual experiences.
      Note that I say “not having sex by choice,” but I don’t mean to assume anything. It might be helpful to think about whether sex is something you want to experience with another person, or maybe wish you had already so you’d feel better now saying “nah, not for me”; or if sex is something you’re just not into and the dominant culture is making you feel bad about that.
      If it’s the first, by which I mean something you want to experience at some point with another person, then I find it helpful to reframe it not as “I haven’t chosen to do it yet” but as “I haven’t yet met the person who makes me feel like I want to do it with them.” And that person isn’t necessarily going to show up in the form of “hot guy” or “hot girl.” The people who make you feel comfortable in your skin (literally in this case) tend to show up in the most unexpected packages! Especially when you’re older and recognize that “hotness” often doesn’t = meaningful or enjoyable sex.
      If it’s the second and sex is just not something that interests or appeals to you, then just know you are FAR from alone. There are many, many people out there who are either not having sex and not talking about it, or are feeling compelled to have sex and wishing they weren’t.
      And finally, if you are feeling genuinely conflicted because of messaging you got in the past (parental, religious, societal, whatever,) or because of any sort of trauma you may have experienced (which *is not limited to* something that happened directly to you,) or because someone along the line made you feel bad about your body (which, frankly, we can all relate to,) then a good therapist can help. But I suggest that only if the *decision* is something you feel conflicted about, like “I want to but I feel uncomfortable at the thought and I wish I didn’t.” If it’s more like “I don’t want to but I wish I didn’t feel so alone in that choice,” then please just know you’re NOT alone.

      • Sameboat says:

        Oh @Lionel, thank you for this framing, it was so helpful to read. Not quite sure where I stand but I definitely feel the external pressure more because I am single and don’t have kids and I can sense people pitying me. I just don’t understand why people assume having a partner or children automatically means you are not alone and will have people care for you when you are older and somehow better than someone like me.

    • Stephanie says:

      So much love to you @Jillian – I’m a month from my 33rd birthday and I burst into tears every time I think about the fact that I’m still a virgin as well as the fact that I was actually dating someone I wanted to sleep with and he dumped me because of it.

    • Ennie says:

      I went until 28 to have sex. I was too romantic about it. Truth thing is, I also had issues besides being romantic about it, I had a codependent tendency, that I finally recognized and worked on with a therapist.
      After my pre-menopause has almost killed off my libido, I kind of wish I had started a bit earlier 😉
      @Jillian, when you see other people that are married, or in relationships, etc. you’ll see that hardly anyone is perfect, and you should not expect it either. When people are attracted to each other and/or in the heat of the moment , looks aren’t important.
      I liked this man, and decided that being totally in love was not so important. We did not end togheter, and it was fine. I realize that in my case I am happier not being totally crazy for the person I’m with. I loved/idealized/ was crazy abt a man too much before , and it cost me too much to get over it . I am better being more cool headed, but still liking/loving in a more stable way.

  3. Laura-Lee MacDonald says:

    I HIGHLY recommend Karina Longworths podcast “You Must Remember This” and the episode about Pretty Baby and Brooke Shields treatment in media. It’s ENRAGING!

  4. Elle says:

    I don’t know what is more freaky: that people were asking about Shield’s virginity during the 80s or that I had to read now to whom she lost it. And no ‘I thought everybody knew’ doesn’t count as an excuse.

  5. SophieJara says:

    After seeing how much this topic tormented my friends I zero percent believe in virginity. It’s gross. So two people who have a wonderful fulfilling intimate relationship with orgasms and oral sex are “virgins”, but if you’re drunk at a high school party and there’s two seconds of PIV then you “lost your virginity” to some rapist? Ewww and gross.

    I think it’s a horrible concept and the first time you have sex is whenever you feel like it was.

    • SenseOfTheAbsurd says:

      Totally agree. I wish we could get rid of the whole concept of virginity, because it’s gross and generally misogynistic. And if the concept can’t be dumped completely, could we please base it on informed consent?

  6. FHMom says:

    At this point, there is nothing about Brook’s childhood career that isn’t creepy. That Calvin ad, Pretty Baby. Her parents should have protected her instead of exploited her. She knows this and can do good by talking about it.

    • Turtledove says:

      Those aren’t even ALL of it. At TEN she did a photo shoot for a creepy magazine related to Playboy. It’s infuriating.

  7. Bettyrose says:

    Why did my mom let me stay up and watch the movie where young teen Brooke Shields is stranded on an island with her brother and they have sex? That was such a weird era, coming out of the BS sexual revolution for rich white women that gave even more power to patriarchy to exploit girls and women in the name of sexual liberation as evidenced by that just straight up playing on broadcast tv and me watching it.

    • Ameerah M says:

      They were cousins in the film – not siblings. But I get your point lol.

      • Bettyrose says:

        Ha! I was just telling my SO how I got corrected on this point and barely started my explanation and he’s like “it was her cousin.” Without missing a beat. 🤣🤣🤣 I think I may have found where it all went down hill for our generation.

    • Lionel says:

      The Blue Lagoon! Yep. I remember being at a friend’s house watching after-school TV when a commercial for that movie came on. My friend’s mom marched in, changed the channel, and yelled “No, we are NOT going to see that, Susie!” Which of course just made me want to see it more. I never did see it (I don’t think?) but I feel like I did which is a problem in itself. Also I knew a guy in college who claimed he’d been cast in it and was all set to go become a breakout moviestar until his mom read the script and was like “hell no.” I don’t know if that second story is true, but it’s sad that both these regular-folks moms seem to have had a much better grip on healthy parenting than Brooke’s mom did.

  8. Lionel says:

    ETA: oops BettyRose I’m sorry I didn’t mean to inadvertently compare your mom to Brooke Shields’ mom and/or suggest my random neighbor friend’s mom was somehow more enlightened! Just sharing my memory of that era and how, yes, that movie was everywhere, even for me as a relatively sheltered kid. And I can totally see how lots of kids watched it, because to many parents it probably looked like “Island of the Blue Dolphins” or something.

    • bettyrose says:

      Ha! I didn’t take it that way at all. My mom was definitely not a momager and worked hard to make sure I dressed appropriately for a kid. That was the only thing she was strict about. Otherwise, she was a typical young Boomer “finding” herself while being a hands off parent to a GenX latch key kid. It’s a common story and we had weird childhoods. 😉 Kudos to the moms who were like “nah, this isn’t for you.”

  9. SamC says:

    It’s definitely creepy…we’re about the same age, I grew up not far from where she did in NJ and cannot imagine being asked.

    I’ve listened to a couple episodes of her podcast, really enjoyed the one with Patton Oswalt, but there are SO many (repetitive) commercials for other podcasts, esp for a 30 minute “show” it was a major turn off. I listen to a few others and there are not remotely the same amount, though they also aren’t on iheart as hers is.

  10. Truthiness says:

    It’s a godamm wonder that Brooke has survived everything that went on her life and come out the other side as a healthy and sane individual. Remember when Tom Cruise thought he could criticise Brooke’s tools/medicine for treating post partum depression? She’s been through a lot and I commend her for sharing her experiences any way she wants to.

  11. Emily_C says:

    We still talk about so-called “virginity” horribly. Right here, it’s being talked about horribly. For women, it’s always something you “lose” or is “taken” or, best case, is “given” to someone. What bollocks! The first time you have sex is just the first time you try something new. It’s only as big a deal as you make it. It most certainly doesn’t give the person you first had sex with some kind of badge or power.