Gabrielle Union is definitely a celeb that shares a lot. She has two memoirs and she’s frequently talking about tougher or less discussed topics in interviews. Sometimes it’s a lot, but mostly it’s refreshing to see a celeb that’s not putting a shiny gloss on things at all times. Most recently, Gabrielle spoke about struggling with her self-worth, seeking validation from others, how her childhood contributed to those feelings, and how she moved past that.

At 50 years old, it seems like Gabrielle Union has got it all figured out (see: her adorable family, her enviable fashion sense, and her thriving career). But in a super-relatable plot twist, Union spent years feeling like she wasn’t enough. During an episode of Netflix’s Skip Intro podcast, Union opened up about a time when she struggled with her self-worth, especially at the beginning of her career.

“I just wanted it so badly,” she said of making it in the industry. “And it’s beyond being chosen for a role, it’s feeling like I was chosen because I was attractive … I didn’t care if you thought I was a good actor, I just wanted to know that someone outside of my parents thinks I am cute, attractive, lovely, whatever.”

According to Self, the star got her start through modeling, small roles, and beauty contests. At one point, Union was rejected from a role because of her appearance. “It just robbed me of my confidence, my joy,” she recalled. “I just felt like I was exposed as hideous, and what do you do with that?”

Even after being cast in Bring It On, Union said she still felt the need to be viewed as “amazing, beautiful.” Someone recommended therapy to the actress to work through her need for validation and “daddy issues.” She eventually confronted the childhood trauma by speaking with her father.

“I was like, ‘Why did you never tell me I was pretty?’” she explained. “And he was like, ‘Pretty doesn’t pay the bills. You’re Black. I’m Black. Your mom’s Black. Your grandparents are Black. We didn’t come from shit. I came from the projects. Being pretty never helped any one of us. So I thought I was encouraging you to be a great athlete, to be a great student, to be a great person …’ And I was like, ‘Damn.’”

After years of therapy and self-discovery, Union had the epiphany that other people’s opinions of her shouldn’t matter. “I can’t be invested in your opinion of me, or anyone’s opinion of me. My truth just is. And it’s none of my business how anyone else responds or reacts.”

This realization eventually “freed” her “from the constant need to be validated by a man, a job, an opportunity, a cover, whatever.”

“I’m good, in every hood, being exactly who the hell I am,” she added. “And at some point, that’s enough. I’m finally, at 50, like, ‘Oh, yeah.’”

[From InStyle]

Despite her industry, in many ways Gabrielle’s experiences are universal for women, particularly for Black women. Wanting validation and to just be told you’re pretty in a world that so frequently tells you that you are not is completely understandable. Gabrielle spoke in her memoirs of growing up in a predominantly white area where her peers used the N-word freely, so it’s likely any acknowledgment of her good looks included the “for a Black girl” caveat. When you’re a young woman and you want to be seen that’s sh-tty, so it makes sense that those early experiences sent her to seek validation through her work or at least at home from her family. But, it’s good that Gabrielle eventually learned to separate her opinion of herself from other people’s opinions about her. As she says, you can’t control anyone else’s response or reaction to you. All you can do is be yourself.

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photos credit: Getty Images for Netflix