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Last week we covered a story People magazine ran about Lady Gaga having a trumpet tattoo that was sketched for her by Tony Bennett. This itself wasn’t exactly news (she’s had that tattoo since 2014), but it was a way for People to bring Gaga into their reporting on Bennett’s death. At that time, Gaga had not made any public comments on the passing of her mentor, friend, and collaborator. Now she has. Here is the entire statement she posted on her Instagram:
I will miss my friend forever. I will miss singing with him, recording with him, talking with him, being on stage together. With Tony, I got to live my life in a time warp. Tony & I had this magical power. We transported ourselves to another era, modernized the music together, & gave it all new life as a singing duo. But it wasn’t an act. Our relationship was very real. Sure he taught me about music, about showbiz life, but he also showed me how to keep my spirits high and my head screwed on straight. “Straight ahead,” he’d say. He was an optimist, he believed in quality work AND quality life. Plus, there was the gratitude… Tony was always grateful. He served in WWII, marched with Martin Luther King Jr., and sang jazz with the greatest singers and players in the world.
I’ve been grieving the loss of Tony for a long time. We had a very long and powerful goodbye.
Though there were 5 decades between us, he was my friend. My real true friend. Our age difference didn’t matter–in fact, it gave us each something neither of us had with most people. We were from two different stages in life entirely–inspired. Losing Tony to Alzheimer’s has been painful but it was also really beautiful. An era of memory loss is such a sacred time in a person’s life. There’s such a feeling of vulnerability and a desire to preserve dignity. All I wanted was for Tony to remember how much I loved him and how grateful I was to have him in my life. But, as that faded slowly I knew deep down he was sharing with me the most vulnerable moment in his life that he could–being willing to sing with me when his nature was changing so deeply. I’ll never forget Tony Bennett. If I could say anything to the world about this I would say don’t discount your elders, don’t leave them behind when things change. Don’t flinch when you feel sad, just keep going straight ahead, sadness is part of it. Take care of your elders and I promise you will learn something special. Maybe even magical. And pay attention to silence–some of my musical partner and I’s most meaningful exchanges were with no melody at all.
I love you Tony. Love, Lady
Gaga included one photo of herself with Tony in this post. The picture shows them hugging, and the angle captures Tony’s face and Gaga’s back. I bring this up because when we covered the tattoo story last week, there were strong opinions in the comments on whether she was being opportunistic or was actually genuine in her kindness to elders. I do not think the photo she chose has the stamp of being opportunistic. She chose to focus Tony’s smiling face over her own.
I do not think the words she chose are opportunistic either. “If I could say anything to the world about this I would say don’t discount your elders, don’t leave them behind when things change. Don’t flinch when you feel sad, just keep going straight ahead, sadness is part of it.” Anyone who has experienced watching a loved-one age knows what Gaga is speaking about here. Whether the illness is Alzheimer’s or Dementia or something else entirely, there is an overwhelming sadness when you witness your person lose their memories and their hallmark characteristics. As a disease progresses, it can become easy to say the person isn’t really themselves anymore. But Gaga gently reminds us to show up anyway. With all your sadness and discomfort, show up for your elders. I believe she is being genuine in her words and actions.
In the spirit of continuing straight ahead, Gaga separately announced 12 new dates for her Lady Gaga: Jazz & Piano residency at Park MGM in Las Vegas. I’m sure Tony Bennett will be very much in her heart during these shows.
Kismet, thank you for 2 bittersweet articles about the elderly today by way of RE Grant, Tony and Lady Gaga.
Remembering and celebrating people for who they were as well as caring for them when they become vulnerable; for everyone who has been through this with loved ones: Thank you!
+1 – beginning this journey with my family members now and it’s painful and bittersweet.
@ Nic, my heart goes out to you. I lost my brother last year to Alzheimer’s and he was only 68. It’s a terrible disease and I felt so helpless. It’s an unimaginable situation and it’s not easy to live with nor to handle on your own. Try to find a support group in your area that has a support system for you! You will need it!!
And please @ Nic, keep in mind that you will become taxed and exhausted. Don’t hesitate to ASK for help!!! This will be an exhausting journey and you must maintain your mental and physical health too!!! I am sending you hugs 🤗 and excellent juju to you.
I did find in her documentary that she cares for her family and the Aunt she lost to disease. She has had health issues. I think she is sensitive and empathetic in many areas w people. Real life from her experiences. Nice to see, feel from a celebrity.
Such a beautiful and poignant statement from Lady Gaga!! She is such a beautiful soul with such compassion, empathy and kindness!! Her words spoke volumes of how we should treasure those who are older and wiser as we can learn such tremendous lessons from every single one of them!!
I will forever have an enormous soft spot for her in the way in which she was with Liza Minnelli. Lady Gaga treated Liza with such kindness, respect and compassion that Liza deserved and Lady Gaga did not hesitate to show it. She is such a deeply loving, caring and supportive woman and it shows.
RIP Tony Bennett
Agreed. This is a beautiful tribute, for her friend.
I very much believe she is genuine with this.
American culture is horribly ageist. We don’t value or respect our elders. We shove them away when they have health issues.
Some of the most rewarding work relationships & friendships I have had were with women who refused to retire or step aside because they were 70 or even 80. I learned so much from them. I had a paralegal who worked until she was 90, only retiring when she was laid off. Her wisdom was invaluable to me.
I have been secondary caregiver and primary caregiver to advanced elders in our family who suffered from mild dementia. Contrary to what most Americans do, I found it was best for both of them to remain socially active because doing so kept their minds engaged. They both loved to travel and I helped them to do so. My trips with them, particularly one we took through Idaho, Montana, & Wyoming are among my most treasured memories. The joyous reaction of my 89 year old great aunt when she saw a bald eagle for the first time is something I will never forget.
Cherish our elders
This statement is so personal and nuanced and wise. It’s really lovely of her to say all of this. It’s so true that we must show up for our elders and value them.
I don’t think her actions have been opportunistic at all. They did play together for many years, it’s clear they had a bond and she’d have feelings about his passing. It’d be rude if she didn’t say something.
THIS
Of all the people to accuse of being opportunistic, they chose Gaga?
She has shown over and over again that she usually keeps to herself and if she wants the spotlight, she grabs it with her art and costumes, not her relationships.
And she has endless respect for her idols and the stars and friends that inspired her. I remember when she helped Liza Minnelli at a live show, so she would feel more comfortable in a very overwhelming situation. She is one of the last people who take the spotlight from someone else, in fact, I think she is very gracious because she loves collaborations and exchange.
“don’t discount your elders, don’t leave them behind when things change”
The irony is rich, considering his attitude to women, trading in his wives for younger and younger women – his latest wife was forty years younger than him and he met her when she was still in-utero. So creepy. So misogynist.