This stat makes me feel old, but Vanessa and Nick Lachey have been together for 16 years and married for 11 years. They have three kids – two boys and a girl – ages six, eight, and 10. Lately, Vanessa and Nick have been following the path that many early aughts celebrities seem to be taking: hosting reality TV shows. The Lacheys are the hosts of the Netflix reality series, Love is Blind and The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On. During a recent episode of The Ultimatum, Vanessa got emotional when talking about their experience in couples therapy and how it’s made her the “best” wife that she can be.
Vanessa Lachey is reflecting on what she overcame to become the “best” wife to husband Nick.
During the sixth episode of The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On season 2, the NCIS: Hawaiʻi star, 42, teared up as she described how therapy helped to move forward and built a strong bond with her husband and co-host Nick.
“Nick and I have been together for 16 years and we know each other — married for 11 — but it’s so funny that for some reason we don’t learn more about each other until we’re in, like, a therapy session,” she explained. “And the reason why I’m choking up is because I’ve had to get through so much s— to be the best woman for him.”
Vanessa shared that she was able to confide in her husband of 12 years about her concerns, telling the contestants, “Every single issue we had, every issue I brought up — to find that person, that I can trust and that can carry me through is what made us unstoppable.”
She added that it’s “so freeing to tell everything” to someone and still have them there to “pick you up.”
“It’s really beautiful,” she concluded. “And if they don’t, which I’ve had other guys who have done that — they’re not the guy I married.”
So I’ve done both personal and couples therapy before, and we found that for us, individual therapy worked better because working on being healthier ourselves led to us being healthier together. I am happy that Vanessa found something that worked for her and got to a good place. It sounds like she had some deep personal issues that she had to address in order to be a better partner in general. I always appreciate when people share their journeys to help destigmatize issues or experiences.
I do have one tiny nitpick, though. A lot of us say, “I want to be a better partner/parent/etc” as motivation to get started, myself included. But at the end of the day, you have to work on yourself for you. You have to believe that you are worth being the best person you can be because you deserve it for yourself just as much as those who are your “why” do. It does fall into place a lot easier once you can accept that. Take it from me, I was raised in a conservative Catholic household. I’ve worked through some s— too.
Photos credit: Ilana Panich-Linsman/Netflix
Nick is quite delightful and competent as a host, Vanessa rather lets the side down on that front but seems to have listened a little to the criticism this time around (e.g. stop with the baby questions, stop with the endlessly making it about her and Nick, stop with the coked up demeanour…).
With regards to the therapy, good for her for working through her stuff and glad she feels she has had a supportive partner through that.
Rosie, I was also raised Catholic, and I understand where you are coming from. People only really have control over their own behavior and you said this beautifully, “But at the end of the day, you have to work on yourself for you.” Hugs!
@ML <3
I’m not surprised they had to work out so much in couple’s therapy. Nick didn’t want to be married to her and she gave him an ultimatum. Aside from that, Nick was an emotionally abusive husband to Jessica Simpson and Vanessa showed what a mean person she is during the last Love Is Blind reunion. These two aren’t exactly a match made in heaven.
this
I had the same thought when I read what she said, she shouldn’t work on herself to be a better wife, she should work on herself because SHE wants to be better in general. Nick was definitely emotionally abusive to Jessica so I’m sure that didn’t change. Now I feel bad for her
No where did she mention that there was an expectation that Nick would be a better husband for her.
God. Yes. Where are her questions for whether the marriage will be the best or even passingly adequate for her?
Gotta wonder who the therapist is and if s/he’s really embarrassed right now.
Exactly.
But when you beg a man for what is essentially a “shut up engagement ring,” there are. I expectations that the man should grow and improve.
Sounds like she was gashlighted into changing herself to make himself happy. Rather than healing herself for the sake of herself
I just got engaged, and my fiancé and I have signed up for couple’s therapy to happen in the months before the wedding. It’s a first marriage for both of us and we’re getting married a little later in life (he’s 38, I’m 41), and while the couple’s therapy is so that we can be better partners, we’re both in individual therapy for ourselves. I too was raised catholic in a hugely patriarchal, shame-based society, so as a woman…I have sh*t to work through as well.
I came here to say what’s already been said! Nick was a terrible husband (boyfriend even) to Jessica S. I bet he hasn’t changed.
I really feel like Catholic Guilt should be a diagnosis in the DSM haha
Caroline, you are so right. Catholic guilt is the worst. I’m Irish Catholic so it’s a double bubble. No wonder I converted and became a Presbyterian. So freeing!
Vanessa was raised by her father. Didn’t her Mother abandon her and her brother? I think she had HUGE trust issues.
I remember reading her talk about that. She has trust and abandonment fears, which is reasonable for what she went through. I hope she works through it for her, not the mediocre boy band guy she married.
This is the first time I’ve felt sympathy for that woman.
In one of my psych classes (Marriage & Family Therapy), we learned that you can’t be anyone’s “other half”, you need to be a whole person to be in a happy & healthy relationship. While it’s great she went to therapy, I truly hope she went to therapy more for herself & not just for his benefit. Nick was a horrible husband to Jessica so I pray he’s better now.