ARGH! My eyes! Jesus, this is Tara Reid. Remember her? American Pie, The Big Lebowski, then Carson Daly, wilderness years, Taradise and plastic surgery, and endless sketchiness. Tara decided to pose for Playboy for the January/February double issue, but she does not go full-on naked inside. You know why? Because she’s classy.

I may be wrong, but I think this might Tara Reid’s attempt at a comeback. Sad, yes? That this is what a Tara Reid comeback looks like. You know what? The breast implants, the lip injections and the full-body plastic surgery are pretty sketchy, but I find Tara’s Lindsay Lohan-esque dirty face/fake tan and trashy blonde extensions even more disturbing. Because, ultimately, that’s what she could have controlled. Yes, she could have gone to better surgeons, and yes, she could have controlled how much work she’s had done, but just on a superficial level, why go for a dirty orange skin hue and straw-like extensions?

Oh, Tara’s been giving interviews too. Nothing special, just “I’m not screwed up anymore, give me work” sort of stuff:

Tara Reid, star of “American Pie,” has quite a reputation of a former hellraiser. Once the best friend of socialite Paris Hilton, Reid spent most part of her 20s in clubs, rehabs or, from what pictures tell us, sitting on the sidewalk, trying to stand upright. She also had a go at plastic surgery and thus ruined what many considered a perfect body. Now a reformed girl, Tara is saying in a recent interview she has also fixed her body.

The actress is to grace the pages of Playboy magazine come December 18, in what is meant to be a testimony that she solved every little thing that was wrong with her body. The spread is not meant to be regarded as a “in your face” type of thing, but rather as a silent statement from Tara that she realized she had done wrong in the past and took the necessary action to fix everything.

In the recent interview, Miss Reid also speaks about her movie career, which is again seeing progress. She has two films, a comedy and a drama, out in theaters soon, so it only felt like the next logical step for her was to show people that she had also fixed her body, so that people would stop insisting on the matter. As fans must know, Tara was the victim of much abuse and criticism in the media for ruining her body with plastic surgery, her breasts and abdomen in particular.

Speaking of which, Tara compares the experience to having an arm broken. “It wasn’t a good surgery, it happens sometimes. I got it fixed and now I’m OK, and I want people to know that I’m OK. I’ve been OK now for the last five or six years but people only show old pictures which is so unfair and that’s part of the reason why I did the Playboy shoot – to show the world this is me and this is what I look like,” Reid says in the interview.

“I’m in my 30s now and I feel I’m at the best age in my life – mentally, physically and spiritually – and I’m proud of it,” the actress goes on to explain. The spread should be illustrative of that and of the new stage in her life.

[From Softpedia]

Meh. I’ll give her a break because I’m feeling a little generous. She didn’t kill anyone, she just mangled her face and body. And she partied a lot too. I can’t make up my mind if Tara is a victim of something, or if she’s just some screwed up party girl who ran out of money. In either case, my advice to Tara is simple: keep your head down, act like a consummate professional on whatever job you get, stop fake tanning, shower every day, stop doing drugs, and don’t go under the knife ever again. There… that about covers it. Happy hunting, Tara!

Playboy cover courtesy of Huffington Post. Additional photos of Tara outside the MTV studios on December 10, 2009. Credit: WENN.