Martha Stewart tell-all: lesbian dates, prison attacks & more

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Martha Stewart’s business is all over the National Enquirer this week. The story is called “Martha Collapses” but inside, you find that the whole story is based on a “tell-all” book written Mariana Pasternak, who was allegedly one of Martha’s closest friends. Apparently, according to Pasternak, Martha went on lesbian “dates” and she was attacked in prison. Oh, and Martha drinks a lot. And she has a temper. Pasternak used to be Martha’s friend, but the Enquirer claims that Pasternak was one of the people to testify against Martha in her 2004 insider-trading trial, and that they haven’t been friends ever since. Which begs the question… if they haven’t been friends since Martha’s trial, how would Pasternak know anything about Martha’s “prison attacks” or any dates Martha has been since getting out of the pokey?

Martha Stewart had a meltdown after finding out that her darkest, deepest secrets will be exposed in a tell-all book written by her former best friend!

The explosive memoir by Mariana Pasternak will reveal intimate details of 68-year-old Martha’s private life, including her lesbian “dates,” the attacks she faced in prison, and her boozy temper tantrums, sources tell The ENQUIRER.

And the domestic diva is worried sick that Mariana will reveal she cheated on her ex-fiance Charles Simonyi, according to insiders familiar with Mariana’s book, The Best of Friends: Martha and Me due out in March.

“Martha has good reason to be panicked about the book. Mariana knows everything!” a former colleague of Martha’s who was also close to Mariana told The ENQUIRER.

“Martha has called Mariana in tears, screaming at her, ‘Why would you do this to me?’ She still doesn’t know exactly what Mariana has written, but Mariana knows Martha’s most intimate secrets, and the book is sure to spill them.

“Martha is under extreme pressure from worrying about which secrets the book will reveal. She collapsed in tears in her bed wondering how badly her reputation will be affected.”

Martha and Mariana, 56, were close for more than 20 years. They chatted on the phone nearly every day, lived around the corner from each other in swanky Westport, Conn., and took vacations together.

But in 2004, Mariana testified against Martha during her stock trade trial, and her statements helped prosecutors win a conviction. Martha eventually served time in a federal prison, and she never forgave her former best friend, insiders say.

“Martha considered Mariana a turncoat, someone who said whatever the prosecutors wanted,” the pal divulged. “Now Martha feels Mariana has betrayed her a second time by writing this book.”

[From The National Enquirer]

Meh. I bet Martha has never collapsed, ever, in her life. I bet when she feels tired she makes herself a cup of tea and does some light welding. I don’t understand why people still want to bring Martha down. She’s a goddess! Sort of. I mean, I get that she’s not the warmest person, but she actually comes across as cute sometimes. Like on a recent show, when Snoop Dogg stopped by to make “green” brownies. Martha is so cute with Snoop! They’re both such good sports, it kind of slays me:

Martha Stewart in New York on December 14, 2009. Credit: WENN. Also, the Enquirer cover courtesy of the National Enquirer online.

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32 Responses to “Martha Stewart tell-all: lesbian dates, prison attacks & more”

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  1. Essie says:

    Honey, if going to prison didn’t bring her down, a silly little tell all book won’t do it!!! My Martha will always be a goddess. Nothing will touch her!!

  2. stacy says:

    she is really cute with snoop. most people would have been put off or not known how to play along with those types of references. Its cute.

  3. princess pea says:

    That Martha might have an explosive temper, I’ll believe. Something about the way she clenches her jaw, and cares SO MUCH about tiny perfect detail… yeah, that bit is probably true. The rest, not so much.

  4. Me says:

    Martha Stewart is a total badass. My favorite was watching her eat a cold Wendy’s hamburger on Conan and washing it back with a 40.

  5. Tess says:

    Love and respect Martha’s impact on decorating and the way she elevated homemaking from sheer tedium to a creative project.

    BUT, let’s not forget, she’s a lousey human being in many respects. Read her unauthorized biography.

    She used and abused a long list of people, most notably, her ex husband.

    But even worse, she was sh*tty to people she thought were beneath her, like kitchen help and gardeners…often not paying them what she owed them, or cutting them off on a whim.

    The whole town of Westport CT pretty much hated her and couldn’t wait to see her leave.

  6. psychochic says:

    “BUT, let’s not forget, she’s a lousey human being in many respects. Read her unauthorized biography.”

    Hmm, taking an authorized bio at face value is a little naïve, to say the least.

  7. wif says:

    My uncle used to work at a women’s penitentiary for 20 years. He said that most of the inmates engaged in lesbian relationships, regardless of what their history had been on the outside. His theory was that because women naturally had lower barriers for hugging and touching than men do, that when there were needs that had to be met it wasn’t such a large or difficult transition as it was for men in the prison system.

    If anyone thinks my uncle is full of sh@t, please respond, I’m not a fan of the man and would love to have him disproved. BUT, if he is right, then any lesbian dates that Martha had in prison just means she is human. (Which is hard to believe from a culinary/domestic goddess, but still…)

  8. Tess says:

    @Phychochic, the bio was unauthorized but that doesn’t mean the quotes were unattributed. Literally hundreds of people are named and quoted in the book.

  9. Sumodo says:

    Who cares? She’s Martha Stewart, bitch!

  10. hatsumomo says:

    I really doubt, with all she’s been through, that a book on this will send her over the edge. Its Martha bitches!
    And I can believe it when they say she has a temper. Who doesn’t? Especially when you’re a perfectionist.

  11. danielle says:

    Huh, makes her sound much more interesting imo.

  12. juiceinla says:

    I’ll bet the only thing Martha learned in Prison was how to shank a beetch- a skill she should find useful if she ever has the luck of crossing this pasture-turd woman again.

    What’s next, Gail pens a tell all under the ghost name of “Sophie the Cock-er”? Leave the powerful strong women alone for christ sakes and the good of your own health!

  13. diva says:

    This book is total nonsense, considering Martha hasn’t spoken to her in years. I’m sure Martha will have her lawyers shut down this book before it is even published, she’s gangster like that.

  14. Sunnyjyl says:

    I agree with everyone who has said, It’s Martha, Bitches! And, her drinking isn’t a big secret. Her daughter jokes about it all of the time on her show… a show that has her mother’s blessing.

    Oh, and If she DID switch teams in prison. Good for her.

  15. La Cannuck says:

    lol ”Why not 4-20?”

  16. olddrunk says:

    Who would believe the “best friend” that ratted Martha out? How could “best friend” be around to know about attacks and lesbian relationships?
    The unauthorized tell all just showed what a wuss Martha’s husband was. He was involved in the whole writing of that joke of a book. Hey Andy, ya’ listenin’?
    Martha rules.

  17. Lem says:

    file this under duh!
    the only thing that would shock me is if Martha had actually done any of the work she for which she was always taking credit.

    yep, file this under duh! was anyone every claiming Martha wasn’t lesbionic?

  18. gg says:

    The clip with Snoop is hilarious!

  19. Megan says:

    All I have to say is that I think Martha is the most amazing woman. Ever.

  20. Bete says:

    I don’t know how people can stand Martha Stewart. Only Americans must like her. Everywhere else and it’s, ‘who is Martha Stewart?’ I saw her recently interviewed on one of the US news networks and she was so up herself and bitchy. F#%%k her. It’s not like she has a monopoly on kitchen accessories.

  21. keen observer says:

    Pasternack is one of the most detestable lizards to ever crawl out from under a rogue prosecutor’s rock. She was nothing more than a parasite who was covetous of Martha Stewart.

    Pasternak was able to become a co-conspirator with the federal goons and commit perjury against Martha because of the egregious legal malpractice in her case. Pasternak is now seeking to cash in and swindle readers who are fools to put easy money in her pocket. Unlike lowlife Pasternack, Martha is squeaky clean.

    A great use for this bogus book would be for the homeless in NYC to use the trash pages for defecation purposes. They could certainly wrap Pasternack a nice package with content for a great facial. The stench would be mutual.

  22. For Sooth? says:

    Martha wasn’t in prison that long. And when you are older your libido isn’t as great as it was in younger years so I’m not so sure she needed to “date” in prison.

    I’m one of the few that believes she took to her bed in tears. Her daughter said that before she went to prison she used to bake and eat and drink and cry and drink and eat and cry, you get the picture.

  23. keen observer says:

    Martha Stewart has repeatedly stated her work is her life and her life is her work. She has established she is a visionary and a pioneer. Now, ponder all that for a moment. Any intelligent mind would surmise Martha’s time and thinking powers are spent on creative ideas that result in jobs for people. There’s not enough hours in the day for her. She’s got no time for any of the “tell all” crap from swindler Pasternak.

    People who have posted trash remarks on Martha don’t know her and are clueless about her as a person. They are brainwashed and mindlessly spewing media distortions. It would do their lives some good to get to know her by watching the Martha Show, reading the Martha blog and following her on Twitter.

    As for the “unauthorized biography,” anybody who believes the stuff written as gospel is living a gullible existence. Martha didn’t cooperate with the hatchet job and people’s quotes were perverted and twisted to serve the common ulterior motives of malice, vengeance, and avarice.

    While Martha was “in prison,” she made friends with people of character, like the nuns who were there as a matter of conscience and civil disobedience; she was a contributor to a better life there, such as teaching yoga and advising people who dream of starting their own businesses. And she walked out in greater, fit shape than she went in.

    Swindler Pasternak’s trying to make easy, quick bucks off of Martha Stewart only shows her moral void knows no bounds.

  24. Tru says:

    Maybe she’ll get a taste of her own medicine for a change..she has stolen ideas and short changed folks all of her career..especially her employees.

    she is a old dog, who cares-who she boinked, how much she drinks or whatever

    I am shocked anyone cares about this old dame.

  25. policy says:

    If this was my friend, and ‘only’ not talking to them after landing me in jail would be a shocker to myself… but if this person tried to interfere with my life again… I would use the law to prevent such actions or take the law into my own hands…

    In other words Marinara sauce would be rolling around in a wheel chair rethinking her options in life.

    Some people have no shame or humility.

  26. keen observer says:

    It takes an “old dog” to know another “old dog,” and it takes an “old dame” to know another “old dame.”

    I am shocked that the old dog and old dame, who is “shocked anyone cares about this old dame,” would waste the time to read the blog and post crap that is baseless and all poppycock.

  27. gene says:

    Considering how people salivate to destroy successful women who don’t pretend to be meek or politically correct, I admire Martha Stewart for surviving and continuing to do what she is good at. Face it, she did jail time for something 99 people out of 100 would have been wrist-slapped for, then she had the guts to carry on with her life. Good for her!

  28. keen observer says:

    Martha Stewart “did jail time” soley because of grossly incompetent legal representation. There was no evidence she did anything wrong relating to her personal, small, legal stock sale – not one single word spoken by Martha or the feds was recorded in a verbatim transcript or in sworn testimony. The case against Martha was total conspiracy in which lowlife Pasternak participated through perjury.

  29. jb says:

    Pasternak in my book was an idiot. I wouldn’t have had a “FRIEND???” like her. Only loyal people for me. She would have to guess and make things up to sell her book. Anyone that buys it has more money than brains. Pasternak in my opinion is a repressed lesbian. She probably wanted martha sexually and can’t admit it.

  30. Emily says:

    @ Me (#4 above): Actually it was a cold Taco Bell burrito she ate and washed down with an OE 40 on Conan.

    Just half hour ago I saw the tawdry Jeanine Pirro (TV’s Judge Pirro) on Joy Behar, then a commercial for upcoming Celebrity Apprentice with Rod Blagojevich. Both of them should be in prison, Pirro for trying to get Bernie Kerik to tape her husband (and a bunch of other stuff, including tax evasion; see Wiki) and Blagojevich for, well, you know.

    Martha at least had the cojones to do her time and not make, as far as I remember, any bones about it (no Paris Hilton-like crying jag in the back of a police car).

    Sure, she’s wound tight, I think she’s the first to admit it, but she’s also got a sense of humor and, I believe, integrity.

  31. ted says:

    SHE IS A LESBIAN, IT’S BEEN WAY OBVIOUS!

  32. hisham harun says:

    We interviewed Martha when she was in Kuala Lumpur, recently. On her arrival after an over 20-hour-long haul flight, she had an audience with our Queen. Then she came back, freshened up for about 5 minutes and did the interview with my magazine called Madam Chair – a publication devoted to women CEOs, MDs and such.
    Let me tell you that she was absolutely gracious. She is a really nice person to talk to – even after that long, tedious flight. And she still looked amazing. No diva attitude at all but really down to earth.
    You can judge a person from the way she speaks and her sincerity about teaching others what she learns, rang true. You can feel that she really strives and thrives at doing the best in whatever she undertakes, so she can pass on the knowledge to others.
    Well, that’s my two cents worth about Martha. I don’t know about you, but at 40 plus, I am already always so tired. Martha? She’s just shy of 70 and is still going strong, enthusiastically sharing what she knows with as many people as she can, all over the world. She continues doing this when in fact, she is more than able to kick her shoes off, put her feet up, relax and have fun. Just for that, I think she should be loved and saluted.