Cattle farms across America face a problem: a lack of federal funding from this dumpster fire of an administration predatory wolves coming after the livestock. But since one of the main culprits — gray wolves — are classified as endangered by the government (for now), the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) has come to farmers’ aid in the most logical and humane way possible: by deploying thermal camera-equipped drones to spot the wolves. And then how do they get the wolves to leave the premises? By subjecting them to the work of Noah Baumbach, apparently. No, I kid the indie (yet now kinda mainstream) auteur! But the USDA really is going about scaring off trespassing Canis lupus by blasting a scene from Baumbach’s Marriage Story, in which stars Scarlett Johansson and Adam Driver engage in an epic fight. Other sources of “alarming” sounds are also used for this procedure, which the USDA refers to as “wolf hazing.”

A new report from The Wall Street Journal reveals that audio of Scarlett Johansson and Adam Driver screaming at each other in Noah Baumbach’s “Marriage Story” is being used by the United States Department of Agriculture to scare off wolves from killing cattle and scaring livestock on farms across America. The fight scene is the most emotionally volatile moment in Baumbach’s 2019 drama, which earned both Johansson and Driver Oscar nominations.

Per the WSJ: “Riding to the rescue are drone cowhands, whose quadcopters have thermal cameras that can reveal any wolf lurking in the darkness and bathe it in a spotlight. A loudspeaker broadcasts alarming sounds like fireworks, gunshots and people arguing. One recording is of the fight between Scarlett Johansson and Adam Driver in the movie ‘Marriage Story.’”

“I need the wolves to respond and know that, hey, humans are bad,” a USDA district supervisor in Oregon told the publication.

“Wolf hazing,” as the practice is called, also uses loud music like AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck” to scare off deadly wolves. The USDA has relied on drones because gray wolves had long been on the federal government’s list of endangered species. The process seems to be working. As the WSJ reported: “Drones were deployed in the Klamath Basin of southern Oregon after 11 cows were killed by wolves there in a 20-day period. Over the next 85 days when drones were on patrol, only two were killed.”

“Marriage Story” stars Johansson and Driver as a couple going through a bitter divorce and custody battle over their son. The movie earned critical acclaim after premiering at the 2019 Venice Film Festival. Variety’s Owen Gleiberman named “Marriage Story” the second best movie of 2019.

[From Variety]

I gotta say, props to the Wall Street Journal, cause they’ve really been on top of their reporting on predatory wolves lately. And though this solution from the USDA is undoubtedly funny, it’s also kind of ingenious? Sure, when I read the headline USDA Uses ‘Marriage Story’ to Deter Wolves, I had my share of chuckles. (Like, what are they trying to deter the wolves from, marriage?) But this method IS successfully keeping cows and wolves alive, so I say carry on, drone cowhands! Though I do wonder if this exposure will open a can of worms: now that filmmakers and musicians are aware that their material is being used by the USDA, is this going to launch a whole new field of licensing rights? I’m just imagining request forms listing off usage categories: “Will you be using this piece in a film, song, book, artwork, standup, rally, or to scare off wolves on a farm?”

PS — LOL to Variety slipping in there that Marriage Story was their “second best movie of 2019.”

photos credit: Wilson Webb for Netflix, Getty Images for Netflix, Pixabay and Shelby Waltz on Pexels, screenshots from YouTube