Crystal Bowersox wants everyone to know that she never intended to quit the show “American Idol,” as was reported last week. While the dreadlocked single mom did confess that she had an emotional conversation with Idol host Ryan Seacrest in the parking lot after the show was taped, she says the conversation was not about her leaving the show.
If we’ve learned one thing from “American Idol” this season, it’s that what happens in the parking lot with Ryan Seacrest does not stay in the parking lot with Ryan Seacrest.
Last week we learned that, allegedly, the parking lot is where contestant Crystal Bowersox had an emotional run-in with Seacrest. And there, under the stars among the cars, Bowersox reportedly revealed a homesick heart. Seacrest, in turn, urged her to soldier on and stay on the show, according to reports.
This week, we learned that the incident — or at least the reporting of the incident (first by TMZ) — caused Bowersox to text to a castoff, “I’m ok… betrayed by Seacrest.”
Now comes news that there was indeed a conversation in the parking lot, but it had nothing to do with quitting. “I never intended on quitting. None of that (was true),” Bowersox told E! of the reports that claimed Seacrest saved the show from losing its far-and-away best contestant.
“We had a conversation, but it definitely didn’t go down the way that it has been portrayed as,” Bowersox said. “We had a simple, civil conversation. Ryan gave me great advice. And I highly respect him. I am not mad at Ryan Seacrest. He is a great man. We just bumped into each other and had a good talk,” said Bowersox.
Well, I’m glad she’s not going anywhere. Not that this is cleared up, can we talk about the bizarre, uncomfortable, over-the-top-ness that is “Idol Gives Back?” This ill-conceived, star-studded marathon telethon left me alternately confused, depressed, horrified, in tears and ready to throw a shoe at the TV. Not only are the results of which contestant will be sent home dragged out over more than TWO HOURS, but while we wait to find that out, we are subjected to ear-damaging live performances (Elton John: time to retire “Your Song!”) and sad montages of poor children all over the world in an attempt to get viewers to call in and pledge money to charity.
Welcome to the most depressing “American Idol” episode of the season.
Wednesday night’s results show doubled as “Idol Gives Back,” a musical telethon in which scheduled guests like Annie Lennox was forced to perform live in London because of volcanic ash and three contestants had to sit through two hours of performances and charity videos just to see if they were booted off the show.
In the end, Casey James, Aaron Kelly and Tim Urban were in the bottom three and it was everyone’s favorite smile-ophilic Zac Efron wannabe, Urban, who said goodbye.
The show began on a high note as President Obama and the First Lady gave a brief speech about aiding others, and even included a message to the contestants.
“To this year’s finalists, as Randy says, ‘You’re all my dawgs,'” Obama said as he tried to keep a straight face.
“And, Simon, be nice,” his wife added demurely.
Host Ryan Seacrest then took the stage, while Queen Latifah — rocking a perfectly fitted black blazer and sparkly top — acted as his co-host in Pasadena.
Less styling was the “Idol” Top 12, dressed all in white like a group of singing painters. Luckily, Jennifer Garner’s dimples saved us from changing the channel as she chatted about poor families in the Appalachians.
Back on the “Idol” set, Posh – stiff but glam – talked about two needy kids from Kentucky, a segment followed by a highly unfunny scripted exchange between Seacrest, Russell Brand and Jonah Hill (of “Get Him to the Greek” fame). It’s not surprising Brand was forced to read off a monitor considering how blue his humor is.
Their mirthless sketch proceeded a woefully out of tune performance by the Black Eyed Peas. The highlight was Fergie’s boots, which rose just above her knee, which made her look highly unwieldy as she attempted to prance around the stage surrounded by back-up bots. Next to her, Will.I.Am wore some serious shoulder pads. There are no words, except these two: Hammer time.
Despite his wiry, but muscly arms, ex-Yardbird Jeff Beck was a welcome follow-up. He tore up the guitar as Joss Stone almost growled herself hoarse during a rendition of “I Put a Spell on You.”
Hill and Brand returned to break that spell, along with Octo-mom (whose expressions betrays absolutely no indication of whether she is actually conscious or not), Slash and Jim Carrey, who is currently rocking a very unfortunate bowl cut.
If Carrey’s bard-like hairstyle weren’t laugh-worthy enough, comedian George Lopez hit the stage next to judge the judges. The best part was when he said Kara was safe, “but no cute boy on the show is” (cut to Casey James).
Cue the Ford ad intermission, appropriately set to the song, “We’ve Got a Big Mess on Our Hands.”
Equally cringe-alicious was Alicia Keys’ performance of “Empire State of Mind.” Tuesday night’s guest mentor was off beat, her voice cracking on virtually every high note. Better was “Idol” winner Carrie Underwood, who was so good that audience members David Arquette and Courtney Cox gave her a standing ovation.
About a million big name musicians then took to the stage to perform “Stairway to Heaven,” with Mary J. Blige fronting. For some reason, she wore dark glasses despite the stage being lightly lit, not to mention the fact that she also wore massive shoulder pads (trend alert!).
Perhaps Elton John found the pads to be a sex magnet because he proceeded to tell the viewers to strap on some condoms before belting out “Your Song” to a star-struck Queen Latifah.
On a similar note, Annie Lennox appeared from within the ether of Iceland’s volcanic ash to perform live in London. She was scheduled to travel to Padadena but the grounded flights kept her in Britain. The singer’s “HIV Positive” T-shirt raised eyebrows (she explained in November of last year that the shirt acts as a symbol of her solidarity with HIV sufferers.)
By the end of the two hours, the show rose over $15 million and went on so long we didn’t have to hear Urban sing one last time. It was a good night.
Here’s a thought: instead of making us listen to Mary J. Blige crucify Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven,” how about if all these stars whip out their own personal checkbooks and make some donations? Seriously, I am all for charity work and donate to the Red Cross regularly, but do we really need Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham sitting there in her couture, Louboutins and false eyelashes telling us poor schmucks at home to donate money to help stop illiteracy? It’s just all so weird. Rich famous people reading badly from teleprompters will not inspire me to give money, but I guess I’m in the minority, because the event raised more than $15 Million last night. Oh well, at least “Idol Gives Back” gave me what I’ve been wanting for weeks: Tim Urban’s long overdue exit!
I turned the show off. I’d be more entertained watching these people whip out their checkbooks live and go, “Mine’s bigger!” “No, MINE’S bigger!” (I do a lot of fund-raising for non-profits, this is a fream of mine).
Mine’s bigger indeed! yea we didn’t watch this, but am glad that “Reggae Urban” is gone. tired of the talented being sacked for tone deaf nimrods (no matter how pretty they are)
This show is exactly why I would make sweet, sweet love to my DVR if I could. Horribly staged, interminably long, painfully self-righteous; it took me about 20 minutes of continuous fast-forwarding to get to the merciful end and “awww, so cute!” Tim’s elimination.
Hmmm…I haven’t watched it yet. After reading this, perhaps I’ll just delete it from my DVR and save myself some misery.
Bummer that Urban is gone, though. Aaron Kelly is the one who should have been booted. Maybe next week.
You need to make them feel important and stroke their ego a bit first before you get their checkbooks out.
Agree with the review and all posters. Are these celebs so enrapt with themselves that they can’t see how smugly self-righteous and self-absorbed all this is. Stuff like this makes me not want to give. Do as AC/DC does – give but don’t broadcast it – it’s low class and counter productive.
This show gave new meaning to the word OFFENSIVE. I hate Idol, and I hate FOX for allowing them to perpetuate this yearly manipulation! These “stars” that insist we open our hearts and checkbooks to help those less fortunate, are also the same who line up at every opportunity to load their arms with swag and have riders for their appearances that rival visiting royalty!
This show was hideously produced, they dragged out every lame act that wasn’t otherwise busy, and instead of any kind of genuine reflection on what can be done to remedy the devastating poverty much of the world faces, we were blatently made to watch a manipulative series of pathetic videos designed to make us feel guilty. When you break down the bulk of charitable contributions made by Americans, it isn’t done with generous donations by overstuffed celebrities, but by Joe and Jane Average giving five bucks at a time. I hate celebrities that implore us to do as they say, not as they do.
Rant over.
Frankly what ARE they giving back?
Mosquito nets for milaria prevention. What? How about preventive medicines~ like antimalarial drugs, clinics with personnel to care for the sick.
All i saw were a few stars having their ‘photo moment’ among the poor children, singing and strumming “kumbaya” lyrics to little 3rd world wide eyed kids. The only segment that made sense was the food bank in the USA.
Ryan is a “gossipy old woman” who lies to make himself more important than he is.
What an ass.
First of all was Fergie living out some sort of Wonder Woman fantasy? I could not help but suspect as she stood on stage after her performance with her wide legged stance and hands on her hips. She appeared so caring….LOL And what was up with Queen Latifa talking like a boy from the hood only to have Ryan mock her? I,m sorry to say I felt it went down hill from there with Victoria Beckhams’ waxlike face. For the first time ever, I turned Idol off, not really concerned about who was going home. Lastly, I continue to have issues with the money that is raised to benefit other countries when there is so much need on American soil. Just sayin’…. in my opinion. I will probably eventually watch Carrie Underwoods’ performance on my DVR. She is always wonderful.
Granted, I don’t watch AI, so who is that black guy in the middle pic? Is that Tim Urban? For some reason, I just assumed he was a white guy. Maybe a combination of Tim McGraw and Keith Urban, since that’s what the name reminds me of.