Before this week, this summer had been pretty terrible, gossip-wise. People are tired, broke and eating deadly blueberries. The Reverse Sussexit has changed things! Everyone’s blindsided and excited and worried. The happiest people in the world are members of the British press, who are getting back their two biggest stars, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. The Daily Mail’s Liz Jones was downright giddy as she wrote her column: “Welcome home, Meghan and Harry. This is why we need you more than ever… and bitter reality we must face about Kate and William.” LOL. Brutal. An excerpt:

Harry and Meghan are packing up in California, along with several dog bowls and Le Creuset pans (though are retaining their homes in Montecito and Portugal), and heading back to Britain! To live here full-time, we are told – at least until the children have finished their education. What news! All I can think of is, how soon can you get here? Will there be crowds of screaming fans at Heathrow, as if they are returning Beatles, tired of their voices going unheard? I hope so!

Let’s face it, we need the excitement. I am tingling with anticipation. Because, dare I say it, I am bored with the Prince and Princess of Wales. Queen Camilla is almost 80 and I am sure yearns for time to just potter. Princess Anne deserves time off for good behaviour. Prince Edward and his wife (I’m sorry, I can’t even remember her name) are about as exciting as cold porridge.

The family is looking as threadbare as those tartan carpets at Balmoral. And, given the watery admonishments from the Waleses regarding the former prince Andrew, we need a gobby feminist such as Meghan in our midst to tackle difficult and unsavoury behaviour, someone unafraid to not always be smiling in a perfect frock and vertiginous heels.

…So now I’m wondering how far back into the fold they will come. Will we finally see the mop-haired Archie and barefoot Lili waving from balconies, and enjoying all the privileges and security that comes with a place at the heart of the Royal Family? Not to mention some help for their parents from the public purse. Royal correspondents think not, but of course the possibility looms tantalisingly close. Personally I can’t see Meghan trying all that again, kneeling in mud talking to Scouts while being forced to wear flesh-coloured tights. No housewife, she will be running her As Ever brand remotely, so any official duties would need to be far more imaginative and close to the couple’s hearts.

The Duchess has only accompanied Harry twice to the UK since leaving (for The Queen’s funeral and this summer the first time in four years to re-introduce Charles to his grandchildren), so while Harry may have his heart set on an Eton or Harrow, what has changed Meghan’s mind? Apart from the much-trumpeted financial independence turning to dust in the US.

And yet she must be wholly on board: she is not someone who would leave those golden beaches, that curated lifestyle, the Montecito ‘garden’, the celebrity mwah-mwahs, without a very tempting, organic carrot.

So, I don’t think she’s being dragged by her lovely hair, but she will have calligraphed a long list of demands. My gut feeling is what finally sealed the deal was the visit to Althorp (Meghan posted photos of what were thought to be the pilgrimage to Diana’s family home and the island where she is buried), which took place when the family visited England in July. Meghan had been left a little cold by the crowds at her wedding, the E-type Jag, the Stella McCartney dress, the blasted Windsor cottage. But how could she not be wooed by the sight of that stately home, the parkland, the crisp tones of Earl Spencer as well as the warmth, the certainty, of being embraced by a family who although not Windsors come with hundreds of years of history too.

[From The Daily Mail]

“Because, dare I say it, I am bored with the Prince and Princess of Wales.” Finally, an honest statement – Jones is bored with William and Kate because they’re boring, lazy and entitled. That’s the whole reason why the British media has been so focused on Harry and Meghan for the past seven years – William and Kate have the charisma of burnt toast. This is funny too: “Prince Edward and his wife (I’m sorry, I can’t even remember her name) are about as exciting as cold porridge.” Poor Sophie.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Backgrid, Cover Images.