This story of “Duchess Meghan is getting a job on Guy Ritchie’s show The Gentlemen” became stupidly complicated over the course of 24 hours. The origin of the rumor came from Tina Brown’s Substack, although she did not name-check Guy Ritchie or the show. She framed it as “this is why Meghan agreed to slum it in the Cotswolds.” I was just going to mention Brown’s piece in passing, but she’s honestly hidden some interesting information behind the “Meghan got a job” exclusive, so let’s go through it.

Meghan’s acting gig: So here’s the scoop about the Sussex thunderbolt: I can confirm Meghan has a job. The identity of the show is not yet clear, but it allows Harry, at last, to get her buy-in for his growing desire to get the hell out of paradise and go home to the world he understands.

The Sussex marriage: For the last few years, when he was not engaged as an enthusiastic parent to Archie and Lilibet, the once Tiggerish Harry has been moping around their nine-bedroom, 16-bathroom Montecito mansion, suing tabloids, and instructing staff not to share any negative press with Meghan. “But then,” an ex-staffer told me, “a friend or somebody in the kitchen will be like, ‘Oh ma’am, I’m so sorry today. That’s so mean,’ and she’s like, ‘What happened?’ And then it’s a f–king tornado… She can’t get out of bed.”

Meghan’s smart bet: It was always the best option for Meghan to return to acting, something she was genuinely good at, until she threw it in to marry Harry. In 2023, when replays of her old hit cable show Suits were inexplicably all the rage on Netflix, it would have been a legitimate pop-culture sensation and a major payday if she had let her agents pitch her for a reboot. But no. Duchesses don’t do ensembles. Meghan believed she could pull off some kind of manic multi-hyphenate mishmash of entertainment enterprises in between accompanying her husband on ersatz royal tours to promote random global uplift… Last month, Meghan appeared on Master Chef Australia as a surprise celebrity judge, and I am told it was a tonic to her mood. She finally realized how much easier – and more fun – it is to perform in a hit baked by someone else. She was back on the market, and it did not take long for Hollywood’s mega-deal machine, WME, the talent agency that still represents her, to get her a role.

Harry’s last run: A job for Meghan frees Harry to make a last run at staying royal before his father dies and his brother ices him out for good.

Camilla’s lack of forgiveness: As one of the least self-reflective people in the world, except about his own grievances, Harry is blessed with a naive obliviousness about the damage he caused his family with the Oprah interview, the Netflix documentary, and his scorching memoir Spare. It was a three-fer that I am told, Queen Camilla, any more than William, will never forgive him for. But she will tolerate however Charles chooses to proceed for the sake of her ailing husband’s peace of mind. In typical form, Harry only informed his father on Sunday, just three days before the news broke. The king and William, btw, are now gathered with other family members at Balmoral in Scotland. Hold the bagpipes.

How Prince William & Kate will handle it: With the Sussexes back in the country, William and Kate will up the diary dates, stay poker-faced, and ensure they never cross paths with the Sussexes except at family funerals. Privately, they will fume when eclipsed by each Harry and Meghan news update, such as the first big reveal of Archie and Lilibet photographed from the front. But tant pis. Now that William is Prince of Wales and has inherited the Duchy of Cornwall, with a fortune of approximately $30 million a year, he is so much more powerful than in 2020 when Harry left the monarchy behind. There is no chance Harry will regain his status as a working royal.

King Charles’ leverage: The king is leery of allowing Harry the latitude of indulgence that his mother bestowed on Prince Andrew, but the return of his prodigal son (and adorable grandchildren) could offer more than paternal consolations — a sliver of emotional leverage against William’s haughty flexes in interviews about “change [being] on my agenda” when he ultimately ascends the throne.

Where will the Sussexes live? After visiting the king at Highgrove in July, the Sussexes went on to spend a blissful summer weekend at Princess Diana’s ancestral home, Althorp House, with Harry’s Uncle Charles (soon to publish his own long-withheld memoir about his sister) and, I am told, his favorite aunts, Sarah and Jane, who have never lost their soft spot for Harry. Such a tender family reunion must have been a salve to the Sussexes’ battered pride. There may be eternal frost from the Windsor side, but there will always be the Spencers whose exalted lineage goes back over five hundred years. It is widely thought that Charles Spencer will offer up a house at Althorp, which sits on 13,000 acres in Northamptonshire. Didn’t Harry just say that Buckingham Palace wasn’t safe enough for his family to stay in? Yes, but perhaps he’s also begun to realize that any British private school is safer for his children than equivalent schools in the U.S. that have active-shooter drills in kindergarten. Lambrooke, in Berkshire, where the Wales children – George, Charlotte, and Louis – have been enrolled, is a discreet fortress for the children of the elite. Northamptonshire is a very grand and ducal county with a ton of excellent feeder schools to such academic toppers as Oundle.

[From Fresh Hell]

“Perhaps he’s also begun to realize that any British private school is safer for his children than equivalent schools in the U.S. that have active-shooter drills in kindergarten…” The British urge to say snide BS about America’s gun problems while saying nothing about Britain’s racism problem is not a surprise, but it’s still pathetic. Brown’s dear friends in the British media literally just destroyed Jason Arday’s life until he killed himself, but hey.

The broad strokes of this are the same as ever and all of us knew that this would be the framing: Harry and Meghan are returning to the UK because they “failed” in America, Hollywood hates them, they’re broke, they’re looking for handouts, Meghan couldn’t even get out of bed because someone mocked her jam! Harry and Meghan gave Tina Brown and her ilk this opening, so it is what it is. Updated to add: I’m not saying “the Sussexes are asking for it,” I’m saying that the Sussexes decided to return to the UK with the full knowledge that the dregs of British journalism were going to write sh-t like this.

Photos courtesy of Backgrid.