Gwyneth Paltrow dislikes so many things – peasants, sunlight, vitamins, getting her roots done, wearing anything that costs less than $1000. Pardon me, “pound sterling” not dollars. She dislikes that she’s American. In Goopy’s mind, she British. And probably a little bit Spanish, with some Jewish thrown in. Thus, the Kabbalah. Because Goopy dislikes The Torah too. She will only practice mystical Judaism.
Guess what else Gwyneth dislikes? HORSES. Can you believe that? I figured the horse world would be right up Goopy’s alley, just because it’s all so expensive, and the clothes are great and it’s a reason to tower over people condescendingly (because you’re on a horse). But no, Gwyneth HATES horses. Horses are like the peasants of the animal world. But Gwyneth also HATES when a mother pushes her elitism onto her children, so Goopy deigns to allow her daughter Apple to ride. Ride with Stella McCartney, of course.
Gwyneth Paltrow may have fallen out with ex-best friend Madonna, but she and Stella McCartney are still as close as ever. The 37-year-old actress revealed that her daughter Apple is Stella’s biggest fan and the two share a passion for horse riding.
‘Apple has turned into quite an equestrian and as I can’t bear horses or riding Stella takes her out,’ Gwyneth told me at Stella’s Fashion Night Out party in aid of the charity Kids Company.
Apple, six, impressed the judges at the 35th Annual Hampton Classic Horse Show in Bridgehampton, New York, last weekend. She competed in the category known as Leadline, a division for the youngest riders.
Gwyneth, who is married to Coldplay’s Chris Martin, said: ‘I sent Stella a picture of Apple having a riding lesson wearing a PETA T-shirt and said, “She’s your child!”. They have really bonded.’
Stella is currently pregnant with her fourth child so won’t be riding for a while, but she told me: ‘Apple’s gorgeous and really good on horseback. Better than that, I’ve turned her vegetarian.’
[From The Daily Mail]
Apple is six years old and a vegetarian? Goopy isn’t even a vegetarian anymore! I mean, sure, cute story about Stella and Apple bonding, and that’s very cute. But this is such a strange story. “I can’t bear horses.” I’m intrigued… why, Goopy, why? I know why I dislike horses, even though I love to watch them – I break out in a rash whenever I’m around horses and hay. I also start sneezing. So, I’m probably allergic to something – but I still enjoy looking at horses, and I can’t imagine ever saying “I can’t bear horses.” ???
Header: Goopy on September 8, 2010. Credit: WENN.
Serious misgivings about people who do not like animals. Something cold and heartless about disliking a wonderful, intelligent creature such as a horse. They do pick up on people’s emotions more than any other animals with exception of the elephant. If they know you don’t like them, they can sense it and will act accordingly!
stupid c*nt
not trying to defend her, totally think she’s insufferable, but perhaps she’s scared of horses?
A bigger insufferable twunt I have not seen.
because horses s*hit a lot? maybe
does she know people make fun of her?
Maybe she’s afraid of them. I have a friend who has a deathly fear of horses. They can be pretty terrifying.
Kaiser, I think you meant Pound Sterling not Crown Sterling.
I CAN’T BEAR HER.
I keep thinking that the blogs about what a douche Paltrow is, must be made up. They are simply too absurd and filled with too much assholery. But “I can’t bear horses” has got a ring of truth about it…huh…what an entitled asshat that woman is.
on behalf of myself and horses everywhere…
the feeling is mutual 🙂
I SO hope this is true because it’s so funny! Horses scare me a teeny bit, they’re big – but “I can’t BEAR horses” – I’m picturing this with a swoon. ROFL!
Why do you have Sarah Jessica Parker’s pictures with this story?
Initially I was going to say Goopy is a nitwit, until I realized the depth of her logic….
Goopy is a mom
She named her child Apple
Horses eat apples
Goopy is afraid a horse is gonna eat her daughter
Hence… Goopy hates horses
See now that makes sense.
Or perhaps my initial feeling that she is a moron is correct. Who knows.
Literally laughed out loud @ Fluffy Kitten Tail’s comment
I can’t bear Gwenyth.
Yes, it sounds to me like she’s afraid of horses (to the point where she can’t even bear to watch the apple of her eye ride one) and she’s bragging about her “brave” daughter a little–and of course name-dropping in a major way.
p.s. I hope I haven’t given anyone the impression that I like Goopy. Thanks.
TaylorB: LMAO!
@ TaylorB
HAH. Thank you for that. 🙂
@Fluffy: Hardy har har har… I had to look at the pics again cause I was all like I didn’t see SJP or her children. But then I did see SJP and all of her wonderous hair colors…
Gawd she’s such a SNOT
@a…she so is.
I feel sorry for people that hate horses. They are such gorgeous creatures…
Im sure the feelings are mutual from the horses. They’re very intuitive creatures that can probably pick up on her snotty attitude and dislike her just as much.
I’m confused by the horses’ bridles. Does anyone know what those metal rings in the horse’s mouths are?
On topic, Gwyneth is ridiculously pretentious. Barf!
maybe some horse mistook goop’s dried out, damaged hair for hay and had a munch.
I’m going home tonight and giving my old retired backyard horse a bunch of apples in honor of this post. It will be epic.
:edit: @Kaye they are called bits-0there are dozens-probably hundreds of different kinds!
“getting her roots done”, Best line ever! ROFLMAO.
The horsefies probably stick to her goopy self.
Yeah, what are those circle rings in the horses mouths? I haven’t done hunters/jumpers in 6 or so years – were they around then? Or is this dressage apparatus??
I’m a rider. I agree with you that she’s scared.
It’s always kind of hilarious that she’s saying Apple is an equestrian, considering she’s doing leadline classes. That class is for the tiniest kids who just sit there while the parents LEAD them around. Not mocking the kids, but let’s not pretend those kids are serious riders yet.
Oh Gwyneth…
I really don’t mind Goopy even though I think she strikes me as an elitist snob. I even like her acting. And I love her gorgeous long neck. Now that’s a really gorgeous neck. Some other actresses have really gorgeous necks too–like Keira Knightly, Penelope Cruz and Charlotte Rampling– but they also have gorgeous faces so their beautiful long necks are much less obvious. Goopy’s perpetually pursed-lipped visage is a striking contrast to that graceful and elegant long neck of hers.
@ kiska: I feel the same way; I have an inherent distrust for anyone who doesn’t like animals—it’s not that I think they should, it’s just that there is a coldness in people who hate animals. I LOVE horses; love to be near them, love their scent, their sounds, they’re beautiful.
I can’t bear Goopy.
Crash2
I think that may be the latest version of a curb chain bit, though it seems odd that it is on all the bridles in the photos, that is a tool used on horses with specific issues like a hard mouth and unless these riders (and I hope this isn’t the case) all have hard hands and yank on bits that shouldn’t be necessary. Good training, an easy leg, and above all soft hands are the key more often than not.
Horses can always tell when someone’s a cold, unfeeling bitch. That’s probably why doesn’t like them, they can see right through her.
I hope she was wearing a monocle and smoking a cigarette out of a long holder when she said that!
Horses can’t bear Goopy either, because the poor Horse would be crushed under the weight of Goopy’s over-inflated EGO.
Madonna rides, so maybe that’s why Lady Goopy can’t “bear” horses.
I think she’s very elegant – the long lines – and I cop to reading her blog occasionally, although she IS totally pretentious. I think that she comes off as completely insufferable because of the way she puts things – I agree that she’s probably afraid of horses, but she says she “can’t bear” them, and thus sounds ridiculous.
So? I’m not the biggest Goopy fan but I don’t think it’s a huge character defining thing to not like horses. Maybe she had a bad experience with one at some point. It’s not like she said she hated all animals, period, no exceptions. She just has some kind of an issue with horses specifically that she apparently isn’t forcing on her daughter. I thought the story about Stella McCartney was cute. They seem to be good friends and it’s nice that Apple is close to her too. She comes off as snobby and pretentious to me but for those who actually know her, Goopy seems to have a lot of friends.
Oh, I’ll bet she could bear horses…if she spread her legs wide enough.
There are many people who “can’t bear horses,” Gwynnie isn’t the only one so stop making her sound like some kind of snob. Besides, Gwynnie was the one leading her daughter at the horse show last weekend so she must be able to bear a horse long enough for that. And, not liking horses doesn’t mean you hate ALL animals. Really people, get some perspective and stop hating this woman so much.
everything about her sucks
I can’t even with her.
Wow, some extreme hate going on around here… maybe she’s just scared of horses? I know I am. They’re sodding huge. They’re often highly strung and get jittery. They can step on you and it bloody hurts! 🙂 Being averse to animals – any animals – doesn’t make you a bad person.
And let’s not forget that she’s detoxed her bones into nonexistence, so for her, a nudge on the elbow from Mister Ed could mean certain death.
Of course, being loveable silly ol’ Goopy, she can’t admit to such a plebeian response as fear, and must therefore employ the language of a stern Victorian governess and make herself sound like a twadge. “I can’t bear horses. Fetch me some macrobiotic smelling salts and my Kabbalah bustle.”
Carry on slagging, chaps.
“Gwyneth, who is married to Coldplay’s Chris Martin”
Correction: THE INVISIBLE Chris Martin who never seems to be on the same continent, much less in the same room with her.
LMAO @ Lenore’s “must therefore employ the language of a stern Victorian governess and make herself sound like a twadge. “I can’t bear horses. Fetch me some macrobiotic smelling salts and my Kabbalah bustle.”
Her dad, Bruce, was Jewish. So, that makes her half-Jewish. So, she can claim that she’s Jewish.
And… she lived in England for quite some time, so she should be able to claim some ownership, just as immigrants to the States do. And even within the country, if you move to …. um, California, you can claim some level of California-ness.
I have to chime in with the commenters who think that not having a love of horses is a pretty small basis on which to damn a whole person’s worth. Sure, horses are intuitive, but they aren’t licensed psychoanalysts. I’m not a big fan of hers (though I’ve softened some since the Bubblegum Oscar Sternum Meltdown), but if we were to find out that Victor Hugo didn’t care for horses, would we burn every copy of his collected works and perform a posthumous execution?
“being loveable silly ol’ Goopy, she can’t admit to such a plebeian response as fear, and must therefore employ the language of a stern Victorian governess and make herself sound like a twadge. “I can’t bear horses. Fetch me some macrobiotic smelling salts and my Kabbalah bustle.””
ROTFL!!!
@Taylor B: I think I see where they could add some leverage to the snaffle, now that I examine how they’re hung. They are thin and unyielding (ouch) while still being round (somewhat less ouchy).
If I remember correctly, curb chains are a step up and only to be used in highly trained horses.
EDIT: Ooh Taylor B look what I found: Those are racing bits. And rather a bit on a nasty side it seems. I guess Kaiser pulled these photos from a horse race.
http://www.centralkentuckytackandleather.com/admin/products/uploads/421.gif
Bahahahahahahaha!
Who would say something like “I can’t BEAR horses” ? (In my mind I hear it being said in her faux British accent, while picturing her putting the back of her hand to her forehead and sighing).
Being afraid of them is one thing, not being able to “bear” them is another. Though if one ever goes around a well-trained horse, one will undoubtedly fall in love. Horses are truly lovely creatures.
She doesn’t like horses? Bitch must be Satan.
@Lenore: “I can’t bear horses. Fetch me some macrobiotic smelling salts and my Kabbalah bustle.””
***************************************
That’s so damn hilarious, it bears repeating!
@DD – Holy crap, funniest comment of the whole week, right f’ing there.
Will someone explain what pleasure you all derive from attacking Gwyneth the paper tiger?
actually, this is proof of just how much goopy is convinced she’s the duchess of england ™. the middle class rides because they love horses; the aristocracy rides because it’s a bore and loathsome but what else can one do, rly? pater and mater would be too sad if you just gave it up and turned the stables into a pottery studio.
She is most likely frightened of horses and that’s her deal. I can’t hate on her for that.
Horses can be unpredictable. Our vet on the farm died after being kicked in the head by a horse who normally was tame and docile. My brother as a boy was bitten badly in the chest by our family horse Prince who lifted him off the ground and shook him…no provocation either.
I have to say, there’s a difference between being afraid of many animals (as I am) and hating them. Not sure which emotion she feels, although I do dislike her regardless!
And some of the worst people I’ve ever met were huge animal lovers – they just treated people like shit.
Gwen is a doll and her and Madge hung out at Jay-Z concert a month ago so please.
She doesn’t like horses? My dislike has just ratched to brand-new heights. Everybody likes horses. How can you not like horses?
Oops, “ratcheted: I mean. =) I need to read before I hit the submit button.
How can anyone not like horses? They’re so pretty and they let you hug them around the neck and feed them by hand. She’s an ice cold douche.
Our friends had a horse that was allowed inside, and it would just walk right in to the kitchen and stand there being social while the family milled about.
I can’t bear horses either, just humans. Baby humans.
horses can be a little scary, but i mean really WHO DOESN’T LIKE HORSES. COME ON.
@CB Rawks: I would very much like to have a horse who comes around and hangs out in the kitchen now and then.
Me too. Makes me want to get a farm. It would be an all-pet farm though, just growing crops. 🙂 I could never cope with selling the animals.
Doesn’t Kate Bosworth ride horses? Her equestrian skills helped land her first film role, THE HORSE WHISPERER. There were whispers about Kate and Chris Martin a while back…
I’ve been on a horse once and it was great! Even though I’m afraid of heights and/or falling, and animals larger than a small dog! 🙂
“I can’t bear horses” does sound like rather an insufferable and conceited thing to say, and it makes me think that Goopy might still think she’s the LA It Girl who can pull off being British when she’s not. “I can’t bear [whatever it is] … ” is a very British-sounding phrase.
Jeebus, that Stella MacCartney is even more insufferable than the Goop!
Thanks for others for pointing out that not liking one type of animal doesn’t mean you hate all animals. I don’t like horses in general either, although falabellas are the cutest ever. They’re highly strung bullies as far as I’m concerned. And I’m afraid of them too.
Now donkies on the other hand, they’re a lovely animal, who’ll respond to the petting and cuddles without the attitude 😀
I used to own a horse many years ago, and at first, I was a little scared of him. But the minute my Dad started giving me lessons in horseback riding, the fear went away. I agree with a lot of posters who have said that horses are smart, loving, loyal, and intuitive. The only other animal that I’ve had who’s had the same personality traits is a ferret. But I bet Goopy wouldn’t like them either….
Hey, we have something in common, I can’t horse bears!
Wait a minute. Is PETA okay with horseback riding?
She can’t bear horses because they all whinny when anyone says her name. Like Frau Blucher in Young Frankenstein.
Uh…I don’t really like horses either so I guess, as one poster put it, I must be “satan”. Really, people. You wouldn’t like horses either if you were thrown from one and it almost cost you your life. And this horse, by the way, was really old and lovable. According to the owner, it had never thrown a fit and would tolerate many small children riding it at once. I had to get tons of stitches and stay indoors for months. The plastic surgeon who sewed the rip on my mouth told me that most of his work (that isn’t requested, that is) involved stitching people who had A. been in a four-wheeling accident or B. been in a horseback riding accident. So much for “gentle, docile creatures”. Yeah…ok. They’re wild animals with instincts, and no matter how much we repress them, those instincts are going to come out sometimes.
“Serious misgivings about people who do not like animals. Something cold and heartless about disliking a wonderful, intelligent creature such as a horse.”–this is probably the most ridiculous comment I’ve EVER read on celebitchy. And that’s truly saying something.
what is wrong with you people? Is individuality and individual tastes and dislikes not respected in America?