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If you’re a regular here you know that Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell are incredibly open about their relationship issues, to say the least. They have both discussed the fact that they go to couples’ counseling, Kristen admitted that she used to pick fights with Dax early in their relationship because she loved drama, and they’re both open about their individual mental health issues, which I’m in no way shading them for. That’s brave of them. They do tend to stick to the same talking points, but that could also be due in part to the fact that interviewers know they’ll answer questions about those topics. Anyway Dax talked to People about how he and Kristen schedule time together, about how he works to surprise her and how they work their marriage “like a job.” Kristen has said this same thing, that their marriage is work, so it’s not like he’s rolling his eyes as he says it.
“We do couple’s therapy. We work it like a job,” he said. “Relationships aren’t just perfect.”
To assure that the duo gets one-to-one time with each other, Shepard, 42, shared that they have to “just commit to things.”
“If I say, ‘Hey, what are you doing Thursday?’ It’s never going to happen. But if I put something on the calendar … it works out,” said Shepard.
He added: “But you do have to take it as seriously as you take your work commitments. It has to be scheduled and you have to prioritize it or it doesn’t happen.”
“We got into this really crazy one-upmanship of — so she was doing a movie in Alaska and I was shooting Parenthood and I couldn’t go and she was going away for a long time. But then my schedule changed and I didn’t tell her, so I got the seat next to her on the airplane and then I sweet-talked the gate representative to let me on the plane early. So when she went to sit down, I was in her seat reading a newspaper and she kept going, ‘Excuse me, sir. Excuse me, sir. I think you’re in my seat,’ ” he explained.
“And then she noticed those hands look familiar and then she started bawling when she saw that I was on the flight,” he said. “And then so she did it to me on the way back.”
“They get dangerous” he said of the times that the pair one-upped each other prior to having children.
Remember when Ben Affleck characterized his marriage as work during his Oscar acceptance speech no less? He probably practiced that sh-t ahead of time and that’s the best he could come up with about his then wife of ten years. It’s generally not a good sign when someone calls a relationship work, but they’re on the same page with this, unlike the time Kristen talked about their daughters catching them in bed together. I mean relationships are work, you can call that realistic, but there’s a tipping point for some people when it becomes too much work and you start daydreaming about a life without that person and the work involved in being with them. These two will tell you about it though and they’re committed. Did you see that Dax rented out an entire roller skating rink for Kristen and their friends last week? That’s sweet and I like that they brought along their friends. That sounds like such a fun outing.
Photos credit: Getty, Instagram and WENN
It. Shouldn’t. Be. This. Hard.
Reminds me of my very unhealthy relationship. Even the overblown gestures. Everything was super extreme. That’s how they seem to me, so extreme all the time. Like, chill and enjoy your lives together.
Thank you! I was going to say the same thing but thought I’d get shouted at on here. I’ve been married a year (together 11 years) and it’s never been work, it should never be ‘work’ cos work is work. There are hard time when you feel each others pain but supporting my SO when he’s down and vice versa never feels like work, it’s just life innit? It’s not all roses and surprises all the time. Maybe I’ve got crazy low expectations ;D
We should all be so lucky, but alas, we aren’t.
I love my husband dearly, but if it weren’t for counseling, I doubt we’d have made it this long. I have a very strong personality, and he’s not a great communicator. We work on these aspects, together. At the heart of it, he’s probably the most generous and wonderful human I have ever known, but it’s not always the most recognizable thing on the surface.
I, for one, am happy that K&D understand marriage isn’t always easy. Doesn’t mean it’s not worth it.
I used to roll my eyes at people who said their marriage was “work” because I certainly didn’t think mine was – and then I got divorced after about 20 years together and I realized just how little effort we had put into nurturing our relationship. I’m in a new relationship now and it definitely takes effort and intent. Perhaps “work” isn’t the right word, but I don’t take it for granted and I make the time and take the energy to focus on keeping the relationship solid and healthy.
Maybe they enjoy that though. Some people really do like to make everything a big deal and they do not want to chill. Chilling is not fun for them. If they’re both on board then whatever, they can have their fun. I would be exhausted within 10 minutes of being in a relationship like theirs (as they tell it, at least). But I like chilling, I like zero drama, and I’m lazy. My idea of a grand gesture is making more than two dishes for a meal.
Ha, sounds like me. But what he’s describing as “work” sounds more like “priority.” They make time together a priority and that can definitely take work. It requires a lot of energy that I don’t necessarily have. And my marriage has suffered as a result.
This. I’ve been with my SO for just six years. It hasn’t always been pretty, of course, but I would never ever describe it as ‘work’.
Yeah, I feel like my relationship with my husband is the most uncomplicated aspect of my life. We clique and work together, and he makes my life easier and I try to do the same for him. Their relationship seems too hard.
These two are exhausting…go away.
I don’t know. In most relationships you see your partner every night but in Hollywood you can go weeks without seeing each other. I’m sure it does take a lot of work when it’s normal to go so long without your partner, which is one reason we see so many breakups. They seem to be on the same page and take pride in the effort they make. And they have the means (and assistance) to make big, splashy gestures. It’s not a world I understand and maybe I’m being naive but they don’t bother me, it’s just their thing!
i would describe all relationships – romantic, friendships, family – as work, to be honest. it just doesn’t come easily to everyone.
I completely agree! I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years and we’ve never had to “work” our relationship like a day job. It’s been periods where our relationship requires a lot of attention and we need to reshift our priorities and focus back to us, but it’s not a day to day drudgery. There’s nothing wrong with them talking about working on their relationship but they’ve got to come to a point where it’s all work and no play. I think they’re fooling themselves about how happy they are overall.
@ leskat : I agree. I feel like I should start the countdown for their trial separation and “conscious uncoupling” announcement.
I also agree with your comment below : “if you need to fight against the current as these two proclaim they do, you’re better off single!”. Maybe they are better off apart so then they can at least relax a bit.
my thoughts exactly!!! why is every time we here from them its about how hard it is for them to be together. I love her. couldn’t pick him out a line up. we all have our issues I get it but geesh!! how does misery not eventually sink in if you’re working this hard just to be with someone. relationships take work, of course they do, but it should be as needed, not like in order to just tolerate one another.
I dunno, every relationship that I’ve been in that needed that much work, ultimately proved to be a relationship I no longer wanted to be in. Granted I’m still single so maybe ALL that work is worth it. I dunno.
Nope, Boo, if you need to fight against the current as these two proclaim they do, you’re better off single!
Agree. It doesn’t sound like these two are miserable tho. I don’t follow them closely. They’re actors so maybe that’s part of it; acting is their natural state? I don’t know. I’d hate it tho.
Recently got away from people like this and it was very upsetting and realized I’d been lied to and used for many years. They apparently knew they were calculating but I genuinely believed we were close. Sharing this to preface a thought that these two are both aware and both actively live this way with each other acknowledging it so maybe that’s fine? I dunno.
For regular people maybe but it obviously is really hard for Hollywood celebrities to resist temptation. I give them credit for realizing that if they want to make their marriage work in an unreal place, they have to commit to it like they would any other job.
These two again?
I’m not sure how much longer they will last together….Enough with the info overload already.
Every time I turn around they both are talking about “working” at their marriage. While I think they’re both very happy with each other, they make me want to ask “Are you lying to us or yourselves?”
I’m just not sure who is THIS interested in their relationship? This isn’t Brad and Angelina circa 2010 or even a social media favorite like John Legend and Chrissy Teigen. Who wants all of this info on how they make it work? It seems a little self-absorbed at this point.
Exactly. They aren’t as popular or interesting as they want us to believe. No one cares about the state of their marriage.
Its nice they are willing to do the work, because I don’t think anyone else would put up with either of them.
Rollerskating is so much fun! I wish there was a rink near me.
I really liked Veronika Mars but Kristin seems like a lot. Dax seems like even more of a lot. I would not invite them for dinner.
Stop talking about your marriage!
So how long until their split is announced? I’m guessing within the year.
Can’t come soon enough. Marriage shouldn’t be this much work
Please. The only thing work hard on is getting Dax on talk shows.
Hey, if it works for them, why not? I know that I am often guilty of neglecting my relationship with my husband (the usual story – two young kids), and I admire that they make an effort to keep each other a priority.
I’m with you. My marriage has been hard – loss of a child, career loss, loss of health for my DH, two small kids – I appreciate that they work so hard at not splitting, and that it’s balanced effort, not one person dragging the rest.
Sorry to hear all the challenges and losses you’ve had to face. You know what it means to stick together in the face of hardship. I guess it rubs a lot of people the wrong way to hear about how two apparently healthy and clearly wealthy people still find it to be a lot of ‘work.’ Because it sounds like something is intrinsically difficult for them, instead of that ‘something’ being life circumstances external to the couple, as in your case. And if they didn’t want their careers to keep pulling them apart, well, there are things they could do about that.
It’s their business to find whatever keeps their marriage running. My problem with them is that they overshare and have become tiresome.
Yes, I said something similar above.
These two are a couple of derps
Marriage is hard work, no doubt. But when your identity as a couple is touting your marriage and telling the world how hard you work to maintain it at every given speaking opportunity, I see red flags. Healthy couples can be open about their ups and downs but there is a certain amount of openness that is concerning. Marriage is ultimately about two people — the world does not need to be privy to all the little details. Good luck to them.
THIS. It’s exhausting.
Their marriage sounds like a drag.
I don’t know…. it’s better than always talking about how “perfect” your relationship is. I still kinda like them, so there’s that.
Two actors who are driven as far as their careers and with kids make for a tricky relationship, as they are often away from each other, and honest actors have admitted it can be competitive if one is much higher up than the other one. I think they are aware the relationship could become the low priority and do work at not letting that happen.
Every time they give an interview like this, I keep thinking their divorce must be imminent. They make their marriage sound exhausting with few upsides.
I don’t think my marriage is difficult or “work” and we’ve been together for 25 years, married for 21. However-we both don’t have careers where we’re apart from each other constantly like these two do too. So I’m going to give him some slack and say if you’re both actors, and gone away on sets constantly, yes-it probably is work to schedule time together and make your marriage a priority.
Eh, my marriage is like a job sometimes, but most of the time we really like each other 😉 Then again, we don’t have jobs like these two do. We know Hollywood types are a little confused about what a relationship even is.
They’ve done about eleventy interviews where they stress the work they do which makes it seem like they’re going to get divorced any minute now.
One or two interviews wouldn’t send out red flags, but now they’ve got everyone analyzing their relationship. I get wanting to be transparent and real, but maybe get some new talking points.
I do really like them together. They seem good together but I am sick-to-death!!! about them talking about their marriage. It’s exhausting.
Please stop reporting on them.
~Management~
I see divorce in their future next year….
With my marriage, we both have busy careers and paranormalspouse travels a lot. There are also 2 paranormalspawn with their lives as well. I think, though, that it’s more that my marriage needs a lot of nurturing and attention. You have to catch things that are going wrong or awry quickly and fix them. And that means you have to actually pay attention to your relationship. I know that I can tell when we’re not communicating the way we should and we will sit down and hash it out. And if it gets too hard, we will seek out a professional to help us through the rough patch. But most of the time it’s fun growing and adapting to life with my partner in crime.
They are utterly exhausting – like they’re constantly turning over rocks in their relationship to see what ugly things come crawling out of it. Maybe they’re addicted to therapy, they both seem like self-obsessed navel-gazers. Anyway, take if offline you two.
1) Does it seem like he’s had work done? (In fact, their foreheads are remarkably similar these days.)
2) These are rich people problems. Who can afford therapy for so many years? They say they’ve been going to therapy since 3 months into their relationship. Does it really take 10 years to figure out you still don’t know how to get along with each other?
3) It seems obvious he is on the verge of a major mid-life crisis. He’s older than her and their friends. His wife has a “thriving” career and is being nominated for awards while his career is tanking. (CHiPs, anyone?)
4) Has anyone else noticed how she talks about him like he’s a child? Who needs to constantly tell people your spouse is so hot and so smart and so funny? I think it’s assumed you like the person you’re married to. His self-confidence must be in the crapper if his wife has to talk him up so much.
5) I can’t see these 2 splitting up. Their “brand” is tied to the fact that they are a package deal. Their over-the-top personalities are utterly exhausting, but they feed off each other.
6) He’s repping Charmin toilet paper now. Is there anything these 2 won’t shill? (Samsung, Enterprise, Charmin, Neutrogena, Whole Foods, Houzz, American Express)
7) She said she asks him when she needs to know if something she’s thinking/writing is funny. Maybe not the person to go to. Certainly, she has more confidence than that. (CHiPs, anyone?)
8) I still think there is something going to come out with him about sexual harassment in the workplace. Can you imagine if a man of color or a woman directed a film while naked? (CHiPs, anyone?)
9) I love “Veronica Mars” so much and she is ruining, ruining the show! I need them to stop talking!
It wouldn’t surprise me if either one has already cheated. Nevertheless, I hope they can get past their issues.
Ugh. These two are Mr and Mrs Overshare. Stop talking.
We KNOW Dax.
I don’t think it’s necessarily oversharing – oversharing surely is something like Union talking about rimming. It’s just boring how they seem to constantly talking about it. We get it. Some of us are actually married and we kind of knew this already.