Earlier this month Michelle Obama and her White House stylist Meredith Koop published The Look, a coffee table book detailing Michelle’s impeccable fashion and styling as First Lady. The significance shouldn’t be underestimated; Michelle’s was the most consequential FLOTUS wardrobe since Jackie Kennedy, and brought $14 million in sales to each look. To coincide with the release of the book, Michelle has been doing a limited series run of podcasts called The Look, presented by the IMO pod she cohosts with her brother Craig Robinson. Last week we got the fourth episode, titled “I’m Not Disappearing — A Candid Conversation About Aging,” which featured guests Bethann Hardison, Jenna Lyons, and the inimitable Jane Fonda. Jane is a month shy of turning 88, and true to the episode’s theme, she very candidly shared that she didn’t think she was gonna live past 30. Thank heavens, she was wrong. Then the conversation shifted to regrets. She had a few.
“I didn’t think I’d live past 30,” Fonda said. “I was sure I was going to die.”
“My mother died when I was 12,” the Book Club star continued, referencing how her mother, Frances Ford Seymour, died by suicide in 1950. “My youth was not especially happy, and … I’m not addictive, but I thought I was going to die from drugs and loneliness.”
“The fact that I’m almost 88 is astonishing to me,” Fonda, whose birthday is December 21, shared, adding, “And what is even more astonishing is that I’m better now. I wouldn’t go back for anything. I feel more centered, more whole, more complete. I’m very happy. Single.”
“I’m a fan of you,” Obama said.
Later in the discussion, Fonda shared that “I’ve never been afraid of aging, and more importantly, I’m not afraid of dying.” The Oscar winner said when she turned 60, she thought “this is the beginning of my final act, and I didn’t know how to live it.”
Fonda shared that’s when she realized “I’m afraid of dying with a lot of regrets.”
“I watched my dad die with a lot of regrets,” she said about the late Henry Fonda, who died in 1982 at age 77. “That was an important realization for me, because if you don’t want to die with regrets, then you have to live the last part of your life in such a way that there won’t be any regrets.”
As she’s previously shared, before her father died, “I was able to tell him that I loved him and that I forgave him for, you know, whatever didn’t happen. And I hope that he would forgive me for not being a better daughter. I got to say that to him.”
“He didn’t say anything. But he wept,” she said. “I had never seen that before. I’d never seen my father break down and weep. And I— it was, it was powerful.”
As Fonda said on the podcast, it helped her realize what she wanted for her own life: “I also want to be surrounded by people who love me. Forgiveness comes into play, including forgiving myself. That actually has guided me in the last 30 years. I’ve been living to not have regrets.”
To me, Jane always projects such boldness and strength. I hesitate to say confidence, because it seems more like she’s just brave enough to plant her feet in the ground and speak up for what she thinks is right, even if it involves bringing along some fears with her. So it’s fascinating, and frankly, comforting, to hear her describe moments of not feeling so steady. What got me the most was her turning 60 and thinking, “I’m afraid of dying with a lot of regrets.” I’m somewhere south of 60 and that’s how I feel now! Or, more accurately, I feel clear about the regrets I’ve already amassed as a result of being weighed down by my own fears and insecurities. It definitely feels sharper as I get older. Being a December baby, like Jane, I also think having a birthday that falls at the end of the year compounds the self-reflective, life-in-review thoughts. But as is often the case when we hear from Jane, her honesty and her example give me hope that there is always still time to rewrite the story of your life. Or at least, the next chapter.
PS — LOVE that she worked in how happy she is… “single.”
Photos credit: Nicky Nelson/Wenn/Avalon, Udo Salters/Wenn/Avalon, mpi099/MediaPunch/INSTARimages
Jane is everything I aspire to be! I can’t imagine being so fearless at almost 88. As is always the case she leads example. She’s so fucking feisty, I couldn’t love her more. Her work in Aaron Sorkin’s Newsroom (at around 80) was astonishing. Her character was written as very sexy and as is so rarely the case in older women written very sexual, she was sensational. She stole every scene she was in from a very seasoned noteworthy cast. I want to grow up to be just like Jane,
She’s in such great health, so vital. I love her.
I know what it’s like to have that final goodbye with your father. My Dad asked everyone else to leave his hospital room so we could have a few private moments. I quoted a line from his favorite book Lonesome Dove and said “Dad, it’s been quite a party.” He whispered to me that I had always been his favorite and we both wept. Then he asked me to go get my brother, and I kissed him and said I would leave them alone so that he could also tell my brother that he had always been his favorite. I miss him more than I can say.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Jane Fonda is inspiring and supportive because as gorgeous and accomplished as she is, she is human in the mistakes she acknowledges and the fears she discusses. In am close to 83, and in a way, except for my father and friends, single all my life. Yes, I was married and I raised three incredible children, but I did it by myself. Jane tells me that it’s not over. I have a lot more living to do.
She is a legend and she looks wonderful. Good on ya, Jane.