Kelly Bensimon seriously needs to invest in a one-piece swimsuit


A while back, I did a post calling “Is there something wrong with Kelly Bensimon’s bikini body?” I was trying to be nice, and attempting to not go full-scale bitch on a woman with a less-than-perfect body. The response was overwhelming, and most of you agreed with me that yes, there was something seriously sketchy. Commenter Lady Nightshade thought that Kelly’s strange body was the perhaps the result of budget lipo and a sketchy tummy tuck. Some of you mentioned that there was something very masculine about not just her body, but the way she carried herself. In any case, we had a fun time analyzing.

You would think that after those photos came out, Kelly might invest in a one-piece so as not to frighten children with her Franken-belly. Not so much. These are photos from a few days ago of Kelly on the beach in Miami. Fame Pictures notes that she was there for her birthday celebration, and that none of her Real Housewife frenemies showed up. You know what? I don’t really care about her personality. If she was my friend (or even if she wasn’t), I would tell her directly: “You need to buy a one-piece swimsuit, and you need to wear it every time you go to the beach. You’re scaring people.” The Hollywood Gossip is even harsher: “We have some advice for her: cover up. Seriously. We’ll send over a blanket if that helps. The reality star is thin, but far from toned. We actually have no idea what’s going on with her stomach in some of these pictures, and don’t exactly get turned on by the sight of ribs jutting out of a woman’s side.” I don’t even think they are in fact “ribs”. I think whatever is happening on her abdomen is some unholy combination of gristle, muscle, fat and internal organs. Yikes.



Kelly in Miami on May 2, 2010. Credit: BRJ/Fame.

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83 Responses to “Kelly Bensimon seriously needs to invest in a one-piece swimsuit”

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  1. Melissa says:


  2. Bella says:

    I think she looks fine, just overly tanned and muscular and needs a more flattering swimming suite thats all.

  3. Me says:

    Actually, even thou she looks scary at a first glance, I see nothing tragic there. Her skin does not look damaged and her face looks perfectly healthy. She just needs to stop messing with herself and put on some weight to cover her body structure and muscles. Then she’ll look just fine!

  4. Popcorny says:

    You guys just leave poor Steve Tyler alone.

  5. YT says:

    There is something strange in the shoulder area also. Are those fake boobs? They look separate and distinct. One problem is the lack of a waistline, but some women are built straight in that area, and no amount of exercise will give them a waistline. The skin tone and/or suntan oil could be adding to the strange effect.

    A one-piece suit would help. Do they still make the ones with the high neckline? *meow*

  6. ViktoryGin says:

    I think that problem here is that she actually IS toned. Too toned. She needs to skip a marathon and pick up an avocado. She’s another 40+ woman who has exercised herself into sinewy gristle, and the look is AWFUL. Admittedly, however, it could be a lot worse.

  7. Morning Glory says:

    If she’s toned, then why does her rear look like that? Her torso got screwed up somehow. She almost doesn’t have a belly button. There’s something wrong here.

  8. Kaye says:

    Julie Bowen also has a body that looks strange like this woman’s. I think it’s a combination of a 40-plus woman over-exercising and being too thin.

  9. Jessi says:

    Come on, ease up. I am the same height as Kelly and it is almost impossible to find a one piece bathing suit for a tall woman-they are not long enough. There are next to no fashion forward long-torso bathing suits out there. Does she really look bad enough to bother excoriating her in a blog post? I don’t think so.

  10. Eileen Yover says:

    To those who say she looks fine: Seriously?? Seriously? Her breast bone is protruding and there’s a nubbin’ popping out of the top of her stomach! Looks like Alien is about to make an appearance in there. If she didn’t have the fake boobs as some sort of “soft” area you’d be shouting “EAT!”
    Its sad to think that this is where we are today-that this looks “fine”.

  11. Crash2GO2 says:

    I’m with VictoryGin on this one. She looks very toned and low body fat to me – almost like an ironman athlete. But she needs to soften with some body fat IMO. But hey – maybe she likes this look.

  12. lin234 says:

    YT- Yes, those are fake boobs.
    This is her in a dress:

    Those chest bones combined with a thin layer of orange leather-type of skin makes her look super scary.

  13. Tess says:

    She is one ditzed out gal. Her responses, in even the most mundane situations, are head-scratchingly bizarre.

    And she clearly thinks she’s gorgeous, so that’s probably a saving grace.

    But, can anyone identify what that round thing poking out of her skin is?….mid body, right under her boobs?

    Also nips seem unnaturally high.

  14. annaloo says:

    Oh, yuck.

    Does looking at this count as a terrorist attack? It should.

  15. GrnMtGirl says:

    Not only should she invest in a more flattering bathing suit, she should also spend a little on a nicer personality!

  16. zippy says:

    She needs at least 10lbs on her

  17. CiCi says:

    viktorygin – i totally agree. another middle agey woman who has exercised herself to this point and thinks showing it off in a bikini looks good. wtf. she needs to gain a little weight and stop tanning! ugh. she has very little body fat and it’s not appealing.

  18. Bonfire Beach says:

    I think the thing protruding under her boobs is her xiphoid process, which is a pointed cartilage attached to the lower end of the breastbone or sternum. You know, that thing they tell you to feel for in CPR class!

  19. Ashley says:

    her boobs look like they are trying to run away from each other

  20. Malorie says:

    Tess: It´s the Xiphoid Process:

    Number 6 in the picture

  21. bluePlanet says:

    she is absolutely not toned, she is just so skinny that you can see the very little muscle she does have.

  22. Kitten says:

    Funny I thought immediately of Julie Bowen as well.
    Minus the fakies, I don’t find her body to be too terrible. She’s not 25 ya know? She just needs a little more healthy fat in her diet..
    LOL@ the “terrorist attack” comment though. Funny stuff!

  23. Shay says:

    She needs to invest in some real food and a few pounds. Even a one piece wouldn’t hide the jutting ribs and hip bones.

  24. YT says:

    Thanks, Lin234. The dlisted photo is strange too. That woman needs to wear higher necklines or find a better plastic surgeon.

  25. Ellen Smith says:

    Plenty of one piece swimsuits for longer torsos – Land’s End, for example. Her body is strange – the protrusion under the middle of her breasts, the large, man-like shoulders, and her ribs sticking out. Quite frankly, I would rather look at a train wreck.

  26. StuntMom says:

    i can’t believe this woman was ever in playboy. though i haven’t seen the pics, i can only imagine the airbrushing squad was working overtime and definitely weren’t compensated enough to make kelly look good. her body looks like its been formed by preschoolers from lumpy clay..and what the hell are those boney bumps jutting from between her boobs? kelly tries way to hard to be the “trendy, hip chick” on RH. at 41 years old, she wears dresses so short, you need a bikini wax to lift a glass while standing. do we need to really get into her IQ? her reasoning on wearing fur still has me rofl. “PETA isn’t saying, ‘Don’t wear fur.’ PETA is saying, ‘Don’t abuse animals.’ And I’m not abusing animals. I’m just wearing fur … Do I wear fur? Yes. Do I support the abuse of animals? No.” she really needs to do stand up comedy, except she’ll be the only one who doesn’t know why everyone’s laughing.

  27. Cinderella says:

    She was a model? What, for Men’s Health?

  28. meme says:

    I think Iggy Pop looks better.

  29. Larissa says:

    She can try to tone her body as much as she wants, but her skin is just not so tight to her muscles anymore, result of aging and maybe not such a healthy diet… it might help to put in a few pounds!

    Still, she could totally pair up with Iggy Pop, lol

  30. EB says:

    I think that Kelly has had some plastic surgery that hasn’t turned out well. Firstly her breasts – initially the implants were VERY far apart and going in different directions. She’s had this corrected, but her chest is very broad and implants are stretched to the brink. She looks like she’s had some lipo and it was too agressive and she’s had too much fat removed. Her over-dieting/exercising has done the rest.

  31. kelbear says:

    Lmao at Popcorny!!!!

  32. Leek says:

    I think he looks great in a two-piece. Most guys can’t pull it off.

  33. EMV says:

    @Leek- YES!

  34. GatsbyGal says:

    I honestly think she used to be a man. There’s no other reason I can think of for that kind of body. And god, will you look at those breast implants sitting on top of her ribcage like two cantalope halves? Totally sick nasty. Terrible boob job.

    How can she not feel some kind of a shame at these photos and want to cover up? I mean, being proud and comfortable about your body is commendable, but for the love of Jesus, THERE IS A LIMIT TO THIS KIND OF STUFF.

  35. Harmony says:

    man before a sex change? :0

  36. itzbilebitch says:

    she looks pretty putrid but nonetheless i think shes tryna say this is my body so deal with it. Props to her

  37. guesty says:

    beyond awful.

  38. itzbilebitch says:

    I retract my previous statement after reading stuntmoms comment about her wearing for i take away her props and she can go die n a hole with all the animals that are dead so that she can have a fur coat. yuk

  39. itzbilebitch says:

    I retract my previous statement after reading stuntmoms comment about her wearing for i take away her props and she can go die n a hole with all the animals that are dead so that she can have a fur coat. yuk

  40. The Bobster says:

    She definitely needs to lay off the steroids.

  41. original kate says:

    her nipples are too high up on her fake boobs.

  42. skibunny says:

    I dont know who this person is or what program she’s on. I’m assuming she’s early forties.
    ok so the boob job aint so great but seriously I see girls half her age at the gym who look damn scary fully clothed. She doesnt have a perfect figure but who does???? At least she’s slim and muscular, not dripping fat.

  43. freckles says:

    blueplanet is absolutely right. She’s not toned, she just has very little subcutaneous (under the skin) fat. I think what makes her look so weird in the torso is that she has a lot of visceral (organ) fat, which is under the muscle and makes you look thick-waisted. A lot of times people who are very lean like her hold fat viscerally like this, it just depends on genetics.

    All of us have 6 packs, there are ligaments in your rectus abdominis that are what make the 6 or 8 pack look. The problem is that most of us have enough fat over our abs that you can’t see the definition of the 6 pack. The muscles in her abs aren’t toned, it’s just that there’s no fat over them so they’re still visible. Kinda like her ribs and xiphoid process are visible when they’re DEFINITELY not supposed to be…

    Anyways, in short, girl is NASTY! Ew! And Rofl @ Popcorny, I almost died!!

  44. WTF?!? says:

    Until women stop criticizing other women for wearing a bikini because they are too fat, too thin, too old, to pale, too doughy, too [fill in the blank], how can you expect men not to have the same objectifying expectations?

    *shakes head in dismay*

  45. rcc says:

    I don’t know who this is, but I do know 1 thing…. “she” is a “he”. That is a man’s body.

  46. freckles says:

    #45, I don’t want to see this girl in a bikini, I don’t want to see an anorexic girl in a bikini, or a 70+ old woman in a bikini, just like I don’t want to see a super skinny, super fat, or super old man in a speedo. And I accept that men also don’t want to see any of those things. I’m sorry if that offends you, but just know that I accept the other side of my argument.

    In other words… I don’t expect men not to have the same objectifying expectations.

  47. gg says:

    LOL at popcorny! She does look like a man with bad implants who had sketchy stomach surgery. She may work out her arms or something, but she sure don’t work out her stomach. Her body looks mostly like she just doesn’t eat and does a few curls every once in awhile.

  48. Juice in LA says:

    She makes Kelly Ripa look like a tub-o-lard with an “inney”! eeewwwwwie and yuck. I think Lady Nightshade was spot on right with the lipo suggestion.

  49. aury says:

    that’s friggin hideous. made me wanna puke up my breakfast. blech.

  50. Kate says:

    It’s not the most flattering pic, but at least she has confidence. More women should be comfortable with their bodies.

  51. Gistine says:

    Step into a Slim Jim!

  52. jzhz says:

    This is what an f’ing Ironman athlete looks like:
    Aside from being my idol, she’s healthy-looking. She eats. The woman in the bikini photos does not look healthy, and is clearly not eating enough.

    ps – where’s her butt?

  53. benny says:

    She has the body of a 60-year old (although her face looks mid-40’s).

  54. Lanette says:

    i think she knows no matter what folk will talk about like a dog she is doing her own thing regardless.

  55. Ruffian9 says:

    benny: ITA

  56. Paula says:

    She has no visible fat or gristle anywhere on her body, including her midsection. She looks terrible in a bikini because she has slender hips and wide ribs, making her waist look thick. She would look MUCH better in a one-piece with contrasting insets for shaping.

  57. Andrea G. says:

    @ Eileen: I LOL’ed at ‘nubbin’. I was calling it a protrusion but nubbin is so much better.

  58. Peanut says:

    Meh. She doesn`t look great, but I don`t look `great` in my bikini either. Neither did a lot of the women I saw rocking bikinis recently at a resort vacation in Mexico. So I`m not going to judge Kelly too harshly.

  59. ClaudetteC says:

    @WTF?! If you see her on NY Housewives, she’s very proud of her body and thinks she’s really, really hot. She jogs in Manhattan traffic wearing short shorts, for crissake. She bragged to the Playboy writer (who she was flirting with outrageously) that everyone wants to see her naked. I would give her props for being body confident but this is way beyond that. She’s wearing the bikini because she thinks everyone has the hots for her and views herself as “product” and this is what she has to sell. I know, so sad and deluded.

  60. Confuzzle says:

    Please don’t let me see that naked. I will send you money.

  61. Jag says:

    As weird as her body looks to me, I’ll admit that I’m brainwashed as to what “good” looks like. Kudos to her for having fun in a bikini with a less-than-perfect body. It’s fabulous that maybe some kids (and adults) will see that she’s out there, having fun, and not caring what other people think, just like everyone can be. I’m not there myself, but seeing pictures like this, maybe someday will be out there, too. (In a one piece, but that’s progress over jeans/pants on the beach. lol)

  62. Crash2GO2 says:

    @jzhz: To be fair, Chrissy is young. If you look at photos of the older top woman, you will get a better comparison.

  63. Francesca says:

    That is one old cougar. With rock hard boobs. She looks as suggly as a piece of wood. ICK.

  64. paranel says:

    I can’t believe she actually is trying to flaunt that body. She needs more than a one piece swimsuit. She needs psychiatric evaluation.

  65. annie says:

    Kaiser, it dismays me how often you delete my posts (many) do I cut too close to home ?

  66. annie says:

    Hey, thanks for not deleting me!

  67. annie says:

    People can can wish death on people and thats fine with you, as long as you hate them also? What a fruad you are1

  68. joanna says:

    Another example of plastic surgery gone wrong. I had a woman come in to my work the other day, and I think she had something done to her face. It didn’t look scary but it just looked a little off somehow. Right now, I am 35. Starting to age and thought about getting stuff done, but after seeing some people, I think I’d rather grow old gracefully. Check back with me in ten years.

  69. Lady Satan says:

    I don’t think it’s anything weird, she’s just really, really, really lean. She has next to no body fat and is muscular. Not everyone’s idea of a good look, and personally I think she’d look better with 5 or 10 pounds on, but it’s not awful.

  70. legendkiller says:

    Well, I jacked off to these pictures, so needless to say I disagree with the “needs a one-piece” assessment.

  71. Lyndem says:

    Legendkiller- a lot of guys can jack off to just about anything-in this case it’s pretty much the same as you jacking to a pic of another guy!

    This looks horrible. To those whiny girls saying at least she has confidence or we shouldn’t criticize women’s bodies etc- get real. First of do you really believe if a large woman wore a two piece she wouldn’t get this treatment? So why should women who are too thin get treated differently-its just as gross.

    Also she is far from confident. If she were happy with her body she wouldn’t need to starve herself to this point. She’s older now-her body is different and she needs to stop trying to keep it so thin. She acts nasty on the show and you can tell she thinks a lot of herself and these pictures proves there is little reason for her arrogance.

    Judging her is not like judging regular women because they are saying hey I know I’m not perfect but I’ll wear this anyway. Kelly is saying damn I look great and all these women are jealous of how hot and young I look. And she is delusional and cocky and needs to be brought down a peg.

  72. Craig says:

    It’s sad that society always has to put in its two cents worth. People complain about others getting plastic surgery yet, they criticize to no end, any flaws the individual may have. Kelly Bensimon may be completely fine with how she looks, and that is the way it should be. None of us is perfect, and we can all use some work. If someone is comfortable in the skin they inhabit, you’ve no right to bother them with your opinion. Kelly didn’t ask what you thought. Women can be beautiful individuals no matter whether they are thin, medium, or heavy, build. If Kelly were overweight, the derogatory terms would also be thrown around. Why can’t a woman just be who she is without all the input?

  73. Smithy says:

    I think she looks like someone with a serious eating disorder.

    …And a tanning addiction.

  74. Chrissy says:

    I just saw this post. Totally ironic considering she was on Watch What Happens Live and telling Sonya she needed to “cover up” because Sonya’s advanced age. Kelly had the nerve to say that she (Kelly) is covering up now b/c she’s getting older. Ha. I WISH she would cover up!!

  75. Cheri says:

    I think she looks fine and probably likes running around in a two piece. She must workout with weights plus she does run a lot.

    Her boobs are totally fake though. Fake boobs look like crap.

  76. MyCatLoves TV says:

    @75 Jeez…me, too. When I saw her throwing stones at Sonia needing to cover up, I about fell out of my chair laughing. Dim wit. Does she not own a mirror? I love the comment from @28 about her modeling career “at Men’s Health.” If Kelly were not such an embarrassment for our sex, people might be more kind. She’s a nutjob who must have sucked in too much exhaust while jogging in NYC traffic. Good thing she’s got money but I pity her daughters.

  77. edvard says:

    malorie takes the prize!!!

  78. Sarah says:

    ok thats just plain gross she needs to wear 1 of those suits from the 50s and gain about 10-20 lbs just sayin

  79. Thea says:

    ROFLMAO @ #11 Eileen…I wondered if it was just me looking at that pic at the “Nobbin” as you call it. WTH is that?

  80. Louisa says:

    Oh, that sinewy gristle look. That’s not good. I assume she’s out there in a bikini because it’s a celeb’s call for media attention in summer. They think they have to, but they really don’t. Shouldn’t.

  81. marie says:

    she has an athletic body, with muscle, and very little body fat..what you are seeing is “cut” and definition of her muscle. She has no waist and is slim hipped hence the boyish figure…..she is Very toned for all of you who have no idea about tone and muscles.

  82. Olga says:

    OK as a 40 yo who had 2 kids and exresises I can tell you what is the problem. Her belly looks weird because of 2 kids, her ab muscles are probably separated a bit (hence “no waisteline”)and the belly button stretched. ; I don’t think she had any tummy tuck. Also when you are older you lose weight faster in the chest area, so yes boobs certainly fake. The bones also might be protruding because of a large baby, my ribs have been screwed up after my 118 lb self had a 10lb boy. I have to say she looks much better than most of her age who had kids ; all of you commenting are in your 20’s, just wait till you have kids and get older…