Stephen Baldwin goes semi-nude for Cosmo UK

stephen

Did you ever want to see a photo of a dripping-wet Stephen Baldwin? No? Too bad, because here he is, in all his glory. That’s not water that dampens his skin, it’s Jesus’s tears. Can you tell my allergy medicine just kicked in? Anyway, doesn’t he look like he’s sucking in his gut big-time? Like he’s sucking and holding his breathe thinking “Takethepicturedammit.” I also think he might have laser eyes.

Now, Stephen wasn’t the only one tweaking his nipples for Cosmo UK. America’s Next Top Model judge and photographer Nigel Barker also posed with the ass of his wife. Judging from her ass alone, I don’t like her. Also: Holy Shadow Wang! Why didn’t someone turn on a desk lamp when they were doing pictures? Nigel’s got his legs spread and that towel is reaching for a stiff breeze.

nigel

There’s also Jesse Metcalfe, also known as “Who?” He looks like he smelled something.

jesse

But my favorite dude of the whole pictorial was this one – Louie Spence. Apparently, he’s the star of “Pineapple Dance Studios” which I guess is a show in England? I adore Louie because he has no qualms about rubbing a pineapple on his wang. Or is f-cking that pineapple? The pineapple is, at the very least, a close friend. I expect Louie’s publicist to issue a statement any moment now: “Louie and the pineapple are just costars, the pineapple is happily married.”

louie

Photos courtesy of HuffPo.

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27 Responses to “Stephen Baldwin goes semi-nude for Cosmo UK”

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  1. Dawn says:

    A pineapple dude?…really?

  2. jess says:

    “Judging from her ass alone, I don’t like her”

    comment of the day Kaiser

  3. Samantha says:

    I don’t think Jesus would approve.. A Hannah Montana tattoo? Ridiculous.

  4. OMJ says:

    I am blown away by the fact that pineapple dude calls his junk ‘dinky-wink’.

  5. JulieNewmar says:

    A few things disturbed me in these pics.. most obviously the pineapple ? and then the long pinky fingernail on Nigel Barker * ewwww * and of course the random assortment of STUPID tattoos running amok on Baldwin’s body.. dude WTF !

  6. original kate says:

    calling your dick your “dinky wink” is just all kinds of wrong.

  7. ViktoryGin says:

    Is this the Baldwin brother that’s supposed to be all regenerate Christian?

    For shame. Nothing. Nothing. About this photo shoot appeals to me.

  8. Praise St. Angie! says:

    oh my…what would Jesus do, indeed. how very CHRISTIAN of him to pose nude.

    Jesse Metcalfe hasn’t been on DH for a couple seasons now, right? and nice chest waxing, dude…ew.

    and you KNOW that guy has something btwn the pineapple and his wang because you KNOW how “prickly” (heh, heh) pineapple skin is, and how sensitive those bits are…weird, but he somehow pulls it off. I think because his expression tells you that he’s hamming it up for the camera.

  9. kelbear says:

    That is so much more baldwin than I ever wanted to see, wow! Love Nigel though.

  10. JulieNewmar says:

    @ praise st angie … unless there’s a hole in the pineapple ! ? ! ;)

  11. daisyfly says:

    It’s the 11th commandment: Thou shalt pose nude in a women’s magazine to stay relevant.

  12. Praise St. Angie! says:

    Julie Newmar, you saucy little minx!

    why didn’t *I* think of that?! ;)

  13. :) says:

    are stephen and louie making the infamous duckface?!

  14. LolaBella says:

    Oooh Stephen is giving us his ‘Blue Steel’. :roll:

    I can’t believe I used to think Jesse was hot. *hangs head in shame*

  15. Lucy says:

    I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be turned on or creeped out by the Baldwin. Ugh, therapy time!

  16. Melinda says:

    OMG Kaiser! I pulled this up at work and cannot stop laughing!!! Me and my friends have an inside joke and we call himbos (interchangable men) pineapples, so that last pic made me have to leave the room I was laughing so hard! And Jesus’s tears… horray for allergy medication!

  17. Juice in LA says:

    YAE Allergy Medicine… gud gawd, I never needed to see stephen baldwin nude or the jebuz tears. gahhHhhh.

    @Lolabelle, we all did honey-child. Doesn’t make you a bad person.

  18. Rose says:

    And as it is after midight here in bonny Ireland my vomit quota is full for the day- thanks awfully.

  19. Ruffian9 says:

    I’m actually embarrassed for these guys. Keep it above the waistline Baldwin…jesus…

  20. GatsbyGal says:

    Oooooooo Nigel. <3

    Baldwin, though…Jesus Christ, that’s fucking gross, put clothes on asap.

  21. Patty says:

    Unfortunately this is another reason people don’t find christians live what they “say” they believe..Shame on you Stephen…simply no excuse..if you read the bible you would know better.. another step back for christianity..thanks alot

  22. Julie says:

    Hmmmmm… I was going to say pineapples are prick-ly, but Praise St. Angie …ummm..beat me to it.

  23. Grace says:

    Baldwin’s tattoos are so random and unrelated, he probably gets a new tat whenever he’s drunk.

  24. Ogechi says:

    Don’t like him after THE APPRENTICE.

  25. Michelle says:

    Why does Nigel Barker have a face, yet his wife is immortalized in print as a hovering ass and rack???

  26. Vladimir says:

    Wow, Stephen Baldwin is preaching the gospel and then he’s appearing nude on this photoshoot, this is like saying to oung peaple we can be christian an watch porn movies, because it’s porn with some censuration…. This is so shamefull, I hope he will never talk about Jesus again…