Singer Brandy has a new interview in Parade Magazine to promote her VH1 reality show, Family Business. She confirmed that she’s developing a sitcom with her brother, Ray J, and said that they hope to be the new Donny and Marie. Brandy also talked about her seven year-old daughter, Sy’rai, who is not shown on Family Business. Brandy has some pretty unorthodox parenting ideas and she told Parade all about them.
Would you ever want your 7-year-old daughter, Sy’rai, to get into the entertainment business?
“If that was something that she really wanted to do — like the way I was passionate about it when I was her age — then of course I would support her completely. But if it were my choice, I’d keep her out of it as long as I could.”She never is never featured on the show, right?
“No, she’s not. That’s strictly because her father and I felt it was best for her to have as much of a normal life as possible. Of course, you’ve seen her on one episode on ‘For the Love of Ray J,’ but it wasn’t every day. You didn’t see her going to school, me combing her hair, or any aspect of our private, intimate moments, which sort of sucks because our relationship is so beautiful. I love being a mom and I’m raising her in a different way than how I was raised. Some things that my mom did with me, I do with my daughter — it’s just a different dynamic. I would love for people to see how I’m doing it because I think I could be a good example of a young, single mom.”What are you doing differently?
“A lot of mothers feel like they’re the mom first, with that authority. But for me, I’m a friend first. I believe that just being there for my daughter as a friend more than ‘I’m in charge…’ causes her to be more open with me as a person. That’s just what our relationship is. Of course, there are times when I have to discipline her — I’m mom. But there’s still that nurturing and love there that we have. I know I’ll probably get flack for being a friend first, but it really works. She’s really honest with me. I’m just teaching her how to trust herself. I tell her all the time that my life is not your life — you have your own life.“At the end of the day we’re going to be friends. When she grows up, it’ll be about that friendship that we’ll have. She’ll come to me for any problems that she has. If I have an authoritative wall up, she’s going to rebel and not come to me and I don’t want that.”
I’m all for understanding your child’s needs and working with them to ensure they feel heard, but you have to set limits. Kids need guidelines and rules in order to feel safe and secure. I’m a pretty mellow parent, but I think it’s ridiculous to say that you need to be a friend first. Friends don’t make kids eat their vegetables, go to bed at a certain time, or get up on time for school. If kids did whatever they wanted to do they’d eat candy all day and stay up half the night. They need someone to help guide them through life when they’re little and friends can’t do that.
Billy Ray Cyrus also recently asserted that he’s his daughter Miley’s friend first of all. We all know how well that’s working out for him, although it’s going better than Dina Lohan’s chummy relationship with Lindsay. I’m sure Lindsay still confides in Dina about how everyone is out to get her and the world is so unfair, though, so Brandy must think that whatever Dina is doing is working.
hmm thats what Dina Lohan one said…
Friend first? FAIL.
I kind of get what she’s saying, though I don’t agree with being a friend first. If you spend time raising your children, really spend time with your children and do all the hard work during their formative years, the friendship comes naturally when they are adults. I have two young kids and I’m pretty mellow with them, but there have been plenty of times when I tell them “I’m your mother, that’s why”.
I have two very little kids – 4 and 2 years old. I try to teach them right from wrong, I try to teach them to be respectful of otehr people, I try to teach them to be honest and take responsibility for their actions. So no, I’m not trying to be their friend. But I also treat them with respect. I treat them like people with feelings, and not just some lump I get to shape into what I want them to be, I don’t say no just to be tough with them, I ask them their opinion. That’s just my approach though. I am hesitant to judge anyone else’s parenting style (unless of course it’s abusive or endangers the child). If they raise their kids to be brats, that’s their problem.
I think that you can be friendly with your children…but you are not their friend. You are mom.
I am pretty easy with my kids and talk to them and listen…but as soon as I need to lay down the law, I don’t hesitate at all to do it.
I think alot of parents doubt themselves and can’t stand a child to be angry at them or upset, so they go the “friend” route. I just think that is a big mistake.
the girl is 7…this might work now but just wait till puberty LOL
can’t stand Brandy
Great so the rest of the world has to pay for your stupidity much like we’re paying for the Lohans et al.
Brandy didn’t say she never disciplined her child or was never a mom to her. I think she explained it really well. Doesn’t sound like she is just gonna let her daughter run amuck and not wear pants, she is just allowing her child the freedom to figure out who she is without the other traditional parent model we see most moms have. More importantly she didn’t say she never disciplined her, she just wants a relationship with her child where the kid will trust her and talk to her. Most kids don’t talk with their parents even when they say that “You can always come to me and talk with me” speech that rarely works with kids. Maybe I get it what she is saying because I can relate to not talking with my mom about certain things and I have a traditional relationship with her.
mistake.
Wow! I’m friggin blind bc when I first saw the picture for this post on the front page I mistook Brandy for Jennifer Hudson ;P
Being your child friend is the best and her interview does not deserve the attack she is receiving becos she sounded so sweet, level headed and like a sincere mum. When u build that friendship first, your kid confides in u, trust u and listens to u. But even at that, u must set the limits. U must allow her to know that life isn’t so sweet. But make sure your kid doesn’t get scared of u when you are around, of course that’s when they become rebellious. Dina is just afraid of Lindsay becos she provides their daily meal.I see no interrelation with Brandy’s.
We have no idea what she means when she says that. Saying she raises her daughter as Cyrus or Lohan does over a quote like this is absurd. She could mean something totally different than what they mean and from what she says I think she does. Why take it so negatively? She has always seemed level-headed, and never got into the Hollywood scene when she damn well could have. Instead she had a daughter, grew up, and took enough of a break to raise that daughter, when her career was pretty well off and she could have easily taken a few months off and then been back in the game. To assume she fails as a parent is just ridiculous simply because she says she feels like the friendship is more valuable to her and her daughter than the disciplinarian-role. Which is a sweet thing to say and she is right. When a child begins growing up and no longer needs to be told when to eat their vegetables and when to go to bed, too often the friendship that is needed between parent and teenager/young adult is absent. Too often young men and women go off on their own without the best guidance and friendship they could ever have — the friendship between a parent and child, because that bond was never developed. I know first-hand. In the long run, I think it is that relationship that needs to be strongest. That is what I think she means, and I for one, agree.
Yes, because being your childs “friend” works out so great for the parents that subscribe to that theory!
*eyeroll*
Me: I was just going to say the same thing. Wait until that girl is a teen. Brandy hasn’t a clue.
I think it’s absolutely essential to have respect for your child and treat them like a human being, but being their friend first is not a good idea! But she’ll find that out…
Being your child’s “friend” has been proven in studies not to work. Kids will confide in you as a friend as long as you agree with them. You can’t put your parent hat on one day and your buddy hat the next. Kids aren’t stupid.
Studies of runaways have shown that many left home (aside from abuse) because they had no boundaries at home and felt that they weren’t loved. Yes, kids hate boundaries but deep down need them to know that parents care. They will fight the boundaries because they are trying to demonstrate their progression into adulthood.
As many commenters have said, Lohan and Cyrus are perfect examples. As well as Drew Barrymore. I wish parents would take on the tough task of parenting and not be so afraid that their kid won’t like them or think that they are cool.
Why would you tell a 7 year old “my life is not your life – you have your own life”? And, why would you tell her that all the time? I don’t get that. I am sure that makes the kid feel secure. Please.
I have to agree with Atticus. I feel like I was raised with rather strict parenting in the sense that I was always the one with the earliest curfew, always has the strictest guidelines with regards to dating, last to be allowed to get my ears pierced etc etc. But I have to say, my mother was always a great friend AND (scary!) disciplinarian when I needed it. I think that because she always left the door open for me to talk to her, we had that closeness that comes with communication. I get the feeling that’s what Brandy is trying to say just is lacking the ability to articulate it properly…
Or maybe I’m just giving her too much credit..
Immediately made me think of Miley.
DUMB! Your child HAS friends. Your child needs a parent. You can be their friend when they are grown. In fact, that’s one of the nicest parts of having an adult child, being able to have a friendship with them at last.
And you can certainly be LIKE a friend when they are growing up, but not a friend first. Mom first, friend second.
Hasn’t anyone seen that Molly Ringwald movie “For Keeps?” She has a baby at 16 and her mom is there trying to be her buddy, her best friend and she doesn’t understand why her daughter keeps rejecting her in that capacity and finally her daughter barks that she just needs her to be her MOM and not her FRIEND.
what a horrible life choice. Kids don’t need their parents to be their friends, they need structure and guidance and authority and support.
Fool.
@Ogechi and Love Angelina:
I agree with the both of you. Your points have considerable merit.
Comparing Brandy’s parenting style to that of the Cyruses and Lohan’s is like comparing “apples and oranges”. Brandy’s daughter, Sy’rai, is not a professional entertainer, like Miley and Lindsay. Brandy is not dependent upon her child’s success to give her a very comfortable lifestyle. Brandy has already secured this on her own, like Billy Ray Cyrus and who’s to say that the Cyruses are “bad parents”? Miley does not seem to be disrespectful, unhappy or self-destructive. Sure, Miley does makes some obvious “missteps” but don’t we all?
Brandy seems to be a loving, well adjusted young mother who wants a much deeper bond with her child than just a financial and/or biological one. I applaud her efforts and pray that for her family’s sake, everything works out.
I’ll take “Recipe For Disaster” for $500, Alex.
I just can’t get over the fact that she lied about being marry. And the father of her daughter was the one that basically admitted that they were not marry.
You’ve got all the time in the world to be your child’s friend, but only so much time to be their parent. If you’re not willing to PARENT them because being their friend is paramount then you just aren’t cut out to be a parent.
Sorry.
Kids need rules, they need boundaries, they NEED parents. Otherwise you end up with Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton.
Blogs run Brandy into the ground about her looks. It is for the best that her daughter is not on her show. People can be cruel.
You are a parent first, a friend second. ALWAYS. Or at least until your child is a fully functioning adult. Notice I wrote “fully functioning adult” – because we all know about a certain 23-year-old who can’t manage to remember appointments or get herself to them on time without an “assistant” (read: “babysitter”) to get her there.
The child will have lots of friends…
she needs a parent at the very least to debunk all the friends advice…Remember when we were younger and didn’t go to our parents but to friends for imput? That I can say from experience did not go well.
As an adult I now have a great relationship with my parents one of friendship and respect because they set boundaries and gave me rules and yes discipline. Friends can’t/wont do that for you.
@LOVE ANGELINA, I agree. Sometimes I wonder if people just read the title and just make assumptions. Brandy didn’t say there are no rules and discipline. Just that they have an open and friendly relationship. She wants her daughter to see her as somebody she can talk to not somebody who would yell at her if she makes a mistake. Considering we don’t know what being a friend entails in Brandy’s life, it’s a huge leap to say that she’s like the Cyrus’ and Lohans’.
Gilmore Girls, what hath thou wraught?
brandy is an idiot – no good comes of being “friends” with your children: see lohan, dina and cyrus, billy ray.
umm, why do we care about Brandy again? D-list at best.
i dont think she meant it in a dina lohan way
Ghetto fabulous! Maybe Brandi can have her next baby in 15 years when this baby is pregnant, too.
Are you serious? This is so misguided. Children need consistency and guidance. You want an insecure child and messed up adult, then continue to be a friend first. It’s ok to be nurturing but you can’t on one hand be best friend and then in the next moment turn around and have to discipline. How confusing for a child. They have playmates for friends. Please be a parent first and foremost. You may think it is working now but wait till the teen yrs. You may find that you have created a monster and will lose all control. It is not always easy to have to be the parent but it truly is the loving thing to do for your child and they will respect you and society in general in the long run.
Of course she tells you everything, she’s SEVEN! What could she possibly want to hide from you?????
I thought it was Jennifer Hudson in the header picture as well!
@#30: Lorelai Gilmore is a far better parent than the Brandys, Tishs and Dinas of the world could ever dream of being – and she’s fictional!
Oh boy…I cannot wait until this child is a teenager…friend my foot. I’ve had four children and what they need is a MOTHER…my twins are 15 and if I tried to be their ‘friend’ there would be chaos
You know what’s wrong in the US? That many think that friends are supposed to say yes yes yes do it your way whereas parents are supposed to set rules and guidelines. There isn’t much difference at all between the two things (aside from the legal and cultural expectations!)… a person should always assess the other’s capability to take an unbiased decision before butting in or making rules. Conversely, a person should always be willing and able to say “don’t do [such and such], it hurts you” OR “you are not ready for it” OR “it’s counterproductive”.
As a general rule, parents nowadays are TOO INVESTED in replicating themselves and their choices through their children, which is why they advocate the “I am the parent” thingy. Sometimes you need to be, sometimes you don’t. There is no point in making your kid eat vegetables every day if he doesn’t like them. Have him eat veggies once or twice and give him vitamin supplements rather than teaching a stupid rule (rules are all stupid because they are not elastic!).
Dear Lord, its scary how people here just pick at the tiniest detail. Go back and read what she said. She hasn’t said she isn’t going to set rules. Step back a little and stop acting like you all know everything about everything.
that little girl will be preggo by 16. nice job, mom
@Slymm27:
I could not agree with you more! The ability of some of these “haters” to “accurately” comprehend what Brandy actually said seems to be totally “non existent”. Brandy did not say she would not “teach”, “train” and “discipline” her daughter. In her interview, she discussed the more “qualitative” aspects of her relationship with her daughter. Everyone does not run their households like the “Gestapo”. In addition to structure and boundaries, children also need LOVE AND ATTENTION which does not indicate that Brandy and her daughter, Sy’rai, will be “hanging out in the clubs” together and dating the same men. When people’s hearts are filled with “hate”, EVIL is all they will see.
Bad, bad idea Brandy. Also, naming your kid Sy’rai is also a bad idea.
be your daughters PARENT, dina.
I get what she is saying. She is teaching her daughter that is ok to be herself and she does also say she does descipline her. I do the same with my son. He is a very well adjusted, well mannered boy who does very, very well in school. Unlike a lot of other kids he isnt bossy and rude.
My concern is why isnt anyone saying anything about this little girl not being in her seatbelt the right way. She seven in the front seat, with the belt behind her. Wasnt Brandy who also had pictures out with her little girl on her lap when she was like two? I like Brandy but I think we need to teach these young mothers about car seat safty