Pack up your vadges, ladies, Joe Francis is engaged!

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Joe Francis is off the market, y’all. All you bitches can pack up your vaginas and go home, because the exquisite douche known as Joe Francis won’t be around to pleasure you. According to Page Six, Francis just got engaged to CBS News reporter Christina McLarty. She’s the niece of some Clinton politico and she’s got a real (entertainment-based) job and everything. So my verdict is: not a bimbo. Rather shocking. But we’ll see how long it lasts, right? I’m actually finding Christina to be a very pretty and natural-looking woman. Here’s a pic:

March 26, 2010: KCAL T.V. Personality Christina McLarty gives a thumbs up after taking a fast lap around Auto Club Speedway on the back of the National Guard Suzuki with Jason Pridmore. Auto Club Speedway. Fontana, CA.

Say it ain’t so, Joe. Lady-loving “Girls Gone Wild” tycoon Joe Francis — who never met a teenage beauty he didn’t want to get naked — is getting hitched. Francis, 37, proposed to Los Angeles’ CBS News Entertainment Reporter Christina McLarty — niece of Mack McLarty, former White House chief of staff to Bill Clinton — while vacationing in St. Tropez. But it won’t be a traditional wedding.

“We have chosen to have a civil domestic partnership because we don’t believe it’s appropriate to be married until our gay and lesbian friends are afforded the same rights as us to legally marry in the United States,” Francis told Page Six.

The couple have been dating on and off for nearly four years, during which Francis — who spent 339 days in jail battling various charges in Florida and Nevada — also went to court against Steve Wynn over a $2 million gambling debt, and the IRS, which seized $100 million from his bank accounts.

The gorgeous McLarty, who started her TV career in Texas, raised eyebrows two years ago when she appeared onstage in Las Vegas in a skimpy showgirl costume for a segment on Sin City nightlife.

The proposal to McLarty was obviously made on impulse. Asked about the ring, Francis said, “We’re having one made.”

The happy lovebirds were giddily planning the ceremony with 200 guests for sometime in September at Casa Aramara, Francis’ lavish beachfront estate in Punta Mita, Mexico.
Francis revealed, “The weekend will be fun, luxurious and filled with lots of surprises.”

Quincy Jones, his longtime neighbor in Bel Air, will serve as best man. “This will be a nontraditional celebration of love, family and friends,” Francis said.

[From Page Six]

Ugh, step away Quincy. You don’t need to get involved here. But how funny is the description of how he proposed? He didn’t have a ring, he just felt the need to ask her to marry him? That must have been one amazing blow job, Christina. Kudos.

So even though the feds took $100 million from Francis, he’s still got a lot of money in the bank, right? Like, he probably has at least another $100-200 million I’m thinking. That should be a nice little nest egg for Christina. Good for her, I guess. Congratulations to the happy couple.

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Joe Francis on Sept. 3, 2009 and May 10, 2010. Credit: WENN.

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34 Responses to “Pack up your vadges, ladies, Joe Francis is engaged!”

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  1. snowball says:

    Looking at his face makes everything south of the border clench up.

  2. Praise St. Angie! says:

    why ANY woman would want to marry that misogynistic, pedophile/rapist is beyond me.

    he’s a disgusting pig.

    EDIT: Never mind marry, why any woman would want to be in the same room as him is beyond me.

  3. jane says:

    She’s so pretty, but must not be very intelligent. This man is a misogynist of the lowest class. She must not have done her homework on him. That or she’s looking for a payday. I cant imagine any rational woman marrying…that.

  4. Teig says:

    Let’s just say Joe Francis is eh. And even if he is engaged, he’s still eh.

  5. Tazina says:

    No thanks! Not the least bit appealing. I guess he has money so that would make him bait for some. She’ll put in a few years, have a couple of kids to ensure her payday and then she’ll be out of there.

  6. Maddie says:

    Look “MA NO BRAINS”

    @ Praise St. Angie

    Misogynistic, pedophile/rapist yep sums him up, plus lets not forget the whole punching in the face of Jade Nicole (?) at the bar then lying about the whole incident, not knowing it was all caught on film.

  7. KsGirl says:

    He’s totally the guy who ‘dates’ (ahem) women he has no respect for (i.e., in his mind, whores) and then marries the pretty, ‘nice’ girl (i.e. not a whore). Because to men like that, we’re all either one or the other.

    He’s gross.

  8. Praise St. Angie! says:

    maddie, how could I have forgotten that?! thanks for putting that out there, too.

  9. gillie says:

    birds of a feather, flock together… youre judged by the people you surround yourself with. obviously, shes someone who tolerates sleazy, scummy behaviour.

  10. Sudini says:

    Please God do NOT let this pathetic excuse for a man procreate.

    This woman has some SERIOUS issues to be involved with the piece of garbage that is Joe Francis.

  11. EMV says:

    Not a bimbo,why? Because she seems to have a good family and a job? PLEASE! He is disgusting and any woman who is voluntarily associated with him, much less marry him is equally disgusting and or insane. To each his/her own….lol

  12. original kate says:

    why any woman with functioning eyes & ears would touch that douchelord is beyond me.

  13. Vajayjay says:

    He’s such a disgusting piece of crap. Im also thinking the fiancee doesnt have enough braincells for thinking that this douche is marriage, let alone relationship, material.

  14. WTF?!? says:

    I hope she’s already infected with the top six STDs, or his wedding gift to her better be full insurance coverage for Valtrex and an array of broad-spectrum antibiotics.

  15. Sara says:

    How many teeth does he have?! Looks like a pirana.

  16. GatsbyGal says:

    I don’t get it…she’s not a hooker or a porn star. Maybe she has really deep insecurity issues that Joe Francis manages to exploit in order to keep her thinking she’s in love with him?

    Because really…he’s the King of Pricks! He’s been to prison and he exploits women for a living! No way a normal woman would want to have anything to do with him.

  17. Katija says:

    I wouldn’t be surprised if he goes to the jewelry store and asks specifically for a blood diamond. Everything that could suck about this human being does. Hopefully he gets married, cashes in his business, and goes to live in the mountains with his bride, never to be heard from again.

  18. yeahRight says:

    Why would anyone marry him?!
    Simple -> Money

    Recipe:
    - Marry or at least attach yourself to a misogynistic, self-centered asshole for a few years.
    - If possible, have at least one child.
    - Document every ugly comment or rant, better yet record it.
    - Put up with it for a few years and Voila! -> a HUGE chunk of his fortune, a book deal and a run on the talk circuit.

    Lucrative investment.

  19. yeahRight says:

    BTW, are those his real teeth? Looks like something out of the old Fright Night film.

    http://www.vampires.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Amy-Peterson-from-Fright-Night.jpg

  20. Jo 'Mama' Besser says:

    Well, that’s just dumb.

    When are ‘Teefus McGoo’ and Charlie Fleiss going to work it out and realize they’re meant for each other?

    And Sweet Zombie Hell, Quincy Jones! Someone’s Q-rating has just gone DOWN, DOWN, DOWN. *Sigh* ‘Soul Bossa Nova’ my shiny metal ass! Polanski’s still the worst person Nastassia Kinski has ever dated, but that doesn’t mean you don’t get a strike. Words like ‘best’ and ‘man’ seem oddly hollow when used in any respect to be related to any of the goings on of one Joe Francis.

    And she’s got rocks in her brains. If she thinks she can compete with doe-eyed unfortunates who are tragically violated by this person with no effort on his part, she needs to see a psychiatrist. If she condones it (tacitly, in this case), damn, she needs to see a jail cell.

    Some people’s kids.

  21. jules says:

    agree with Sara: He looks like he has too many teeth

  22. Ms Whiplash says:

    In that top picture he’s got what I believe is referred to as a “shit-eating grin”. Makes me laugh every time I see it. What a tool.

  23. original kate says:

    @ yeahright – i just snorted mint tea through my nose looking at that photo!

    this thread is awesome – please keep the snark coming, everyone.

  24. Ashryn97015 says:

    Giiiiiiiiiiiiirl….RUN. FOR. THE. FRACKING. HILLS!!!! Why in God’s gracious name would this woman even want to ASSOCIATE herself with this lower-than-locker-room-drain scum!? Makes my stomach churn….

  25. moi says:

    It pains me to sound so cliche – but this guy is a misogynistic pig. everything about him makes my blood boil.

  26. OC lady says:

    Yeah this is gonna last. Can’t wait until this marriage busts up and the chick does her tearful tell-alls to the tabloids. Gonna be good.

  27. Orbit says:

    They don’t qualify as domestic partners: they’re not the same sex and neither is 62 or older. Sounds like old-fashioned shackin’ up and Joe is afraid of sharing the wealth.

  28. canadianchick says:

    She’s pretty and apparently brainless-oh honey,good luck surviving that relationship.
    Hey Celebitchy thanks for the weekend posts!

    @original kate-bahaha “douchelord” thanks for the new word I can now use to describe my brother.

  29. jc126 says:

    BLECH.
    I agree with everyone who calls Joe Francis a rapist. He’s something, anyway. I’ve always wondered if he did more than get these girls drunk before he tapes them while they’re not competent to say no, like did he give them some kind of drug, too.

  30. Shay says:

    His face, especially when it’s contorted to smile, reminds me of (Ralph Fiennes) Lord Voldemort.

  31. Ruth says:

    ok all of this thread is awesome – thanks for sharing the funny! I love the word douchelord too – genius. And also agree that the only possible reasons this dumb girl could be doing this are 2: for a payout when it inevitably ends, or because she really is that supremely stupid.

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  33. XYZ says:

    Is this piece of shit supposed to be a celebrity? Definitely, most of them are.

  34. Jill says:

    Wow. Dude has like 80 effing teeth in that plastered on smile. Nice grill work, douche.