Tabloids: Jessica Simpson has a “risky” new relationship, phantom pregnancy

okmag

Is Jessica Simpson pregnant? That’s what OK! Magazine is claiming, in a brilliant/stupid piece of passive-aggressive photo assumption. This photo on OK’s cover is the same one I used a few days ago to illustrate A) how unflattering Jessica’s dress was for her big appearance in West Virgina over the weekend and B) how she should have avoided showing her profile. Now that everyone just assumed Jessica had gained some weight in her abdomen (the logical conclusion), OK wants us to know that Jess is just pregnant. No mention of the baby daddy – at least not with OK:

As Jessica Simpson turns 30, the singer/actress has a new man and a new plan — to become a mother! Enjoying an early birthday celebration at the Greenbrier Casino Club gala opening in West Virginia on July 4, Jess caused a stir with her visible bump! OK! brings you the inside story on Jess’ new love, her plans for the future and what kind of a mom she will be!

[From OK! Magazine]

Now, Us Weekly tried a different tact – calling Jessica out for boning a “married man”. Since Us Weekly hasn’t released their story yet, I’m going to assume that the married man is Eric Johnson, who is actually in the midst of a divorce. According to TMZ, Eric and his wife filed for divorce in February. So… yeah. “Risky!” I think the only thing “risky” about it is that Jessica is a rebound girl for Eric, and she’s probably thinking “Finally, a nice guy who can stand to listen to me without gauging out his eardrums, maybe he’ll marry me!” And Eric is thinking, “Mm, sexual napalm.”

usweekly

Buxom blonde beauty Jessica Simpson shows off her curves and some bruises on her back from her holistic healing cupping practices at the Grand Opening Of The Casino Club At The Greenbrier in West Sulfur Springs, West Virginia on Friday, June 2nd, 2010  Restriction applies: NO NEW YORK NEWSPAPERS  Fame Pictures, Inc

WHITE SULPHUR SPRINGS, WV - JULY 02: Actress Jessica Simpson attends the grand opening of the Casino Club at The Greenbrier on July 2, 2010 in White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia. (Photo by Bryan Bedder/Getty Images)

WHITE SULPHUR SPRINGS, WV - JULY 02: Jessica Simpson and Debbie Reynolds participate in the ribbon cutting at the grand opening of the Casino Club at The Greenbrier on July 2, 2010 in White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia. (Photo by Bryan Bedder/Getty Images)

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23 Responses to “Tabloids: Jessica Simpson has a “risky” new relationship, phantom pregnancy”

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  1. Lem says:

    poor girl, she takes it hard from the tabloids

  2. Lem says:

    flashback, knowing Jess’s brainpower I’m reminded of a time in H.S. whem a beautiful not so bright bulb was completely fooled by the boys.
    Monday she had a headache.
    Tuesday her stomach itched.
    The boys told her if your stomach itches the day after a headache you are pregnant
    Wednesday she was not in class.
    Thursday she loudly informed class, the Doctor on had told her we were wrong. Belly scratching the day after a headache does not mean you a are pregnant, oh jeez

    Wonder if poor Jess will believe the tabloid hype and pee on a stick

  3. bite me says:

    poor simpleton, she needs a life coach

  4. zen says:

    omg, she wears the most unflattering clothes of anyone Ive ever seen in print.

    I doubt she’s preggers, probably just getting heavy again.

  5. Me1st says:

    Lem, I think that was one of the Kardashian girls LOL

  6. Maritza says:

    She’s just fat. Although Debbie Reynolds looks gorgeous!

  7. Eileen Yover says:

    Lem-sounds like the girl we told to get her blinker fluid checked while getting the oil changed on her car. A guy told her how important it was. She had a knock down drag-out with the mechanic as he tried to explain there’s no such thing. I would have given a million bucks to be a fly on the wall for that conversation! I wonder where she is now…

  8. mel says:

    maybe itz that time of the month. who cares if she preggars. she wont be the first or the last.

  9. Cakes says:

    Looks like a burrito baby to me.

  10. CaramelKiss says:

    What’s more concerning is that NO-ASS-AT-ALL disease that seems to be running rampant and getting severely worse every year. Soon, she won’t be able to sit in a chair without slipping off. LMAO (maybe that’s what did it!)…. TeeHeeHee

  11. Novaraen says:

    She’s not fat..she just has no idea how to dress herself appropriately.

    That dress is horrific…looks like it was homemade with a bedazzler.

  12. lilred says:

    I was just sitting here thinking who does she look like, then it hit me…Beth from Dog the Bounty Hunter. Especially in the first pic.

  13. a says:

    after you have a baby…when you gain weight it’s easier to get “preggo tummy”. i’ve got one right now and fortunately it’s due to cookies and not a baby.

    oh…just remembered she didn’t have a baby but maybe she has a control top something or other…that dress is just BAD.

  14. Tia says:

    OMG… really? Who the f picked out that dress??? It looks like she has had about nine kids… and lost her a**… FUGLY!!!!!!!! What is with these women who can’t find a healthy relationship?? It seems like none of them can… ick

  15. Sumodo1 says:

    They’re called “sit-ups,” Jess.

  16. Lem says:

    blinker fluid – awesome!

  17. Crash2GO2 says:

    Goodness she’s straining the seams on that bespangled sucker. Makes me nervous to look at her. And I almost feel like I can’t breathe – probably in sympathy to her squished looking state.

  18. Liana says:

    after you have a baby…when you gain weight it’s easier to get “preggo tummy”. i’ve got one right now and fortunately it’s due to cookies and not a baby.
    _______________

    That made me laugh. I have a Taco Bell baby in the oven right now.

  19. Kate says:

    Debbie Reynolds!!!! Love her!

  20. Kate says:

    Debbie Reynolds!!!! Love her!

  21. benny says:

    Wasn’t there are article just a couple weeks ago on how she went away for a month a lost a lot of weight? I think she looks fine in these pictures (except her choice of clothes), but she doesn’t look as if she lost a lot of weight. I think maybe the other article was wrong (or at least the date of the photos were)?

    And I’m another who loves Debbie Reynolds.

  22. Camille says:

    Wow, where are all the people shouting from the rooftops about how dare she date a married (although getting a divorce) man!! Talk about hypocrisy. I guess some rules really do only apply to certain celebs…

  23. Jennifer says:

    Lord, she has never, or for most of the last few years, been a small girl. She is a woman and a woman doesn’t weigh two pounds.

    You would be lucky to find a 30-something year old woman that doesn’t have a pouch.