According to TMZ, Mel Gibson’s ex girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva, has been receiving death threats in the light of the release of telephone tapes in which Gibson admits hitting her and threatens her with violence and death. Grigorieva denies releasing the audio, but even if she’s fibbing or is skating on a technicality (i.e. someone releasing them on her behalf) most of us don’t blame her for making them public. As many of you have pointed out, she seems to have legitimately feared for her life and to want to get the word out that Mel was threatening her. If he did hit her and knock out her teeth as she claims (and as he practically admits in the phone call) she may want to make sure she’s protected from the guy. As we’ve seen from so many murder cases, police and a restraining order cannot protect victims.
TMZ has learned Oksana Grigorieva received threatening phone calls Tuesday that “scared her to death.”
Sources tell TMZ at least one of the calls “could be interpreted as a death threat.”
We’re told there were multiple calls and at least two appeared to be from the same caller. We’re told the callers were angry about her accusations against Mel Gibson.
And, sources say, the LAPD has been contacted.
[From TMZ]
I hope she’s ok and that she has someone staying with her to protect her. As I’ve said before, for all of you blaming Oksana I feel very sorry for you. Inevitably those type of stories have the caveat “my dad/husband is like that, BUT.” BUT please talk to someone and realize that you do not deserve to be treated like that. There are ways to get out. I’m astonished that anyone could listen to these phone calls and think that this is somehow normal or just how people argue. It’s not, it’s insane, and it’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard in my life.
There’s some question about the timeline of Mel’s abuse and when Oksana both reported her injuries to police and took out a restraining order. The phone calls were recorded in January, and the restraining order wasn’t taken out until June. Studies have shown that victims return to their abusers an average of 7-8 times before leaving. Just because we’re talking about a rich movie star and a savvy foreign musician with the sense to record his abuse it doesn’t mean it wasn’t typical or that she wasn’t a victim. She probably put up with months more of this sh*t before she finally realized that she had to get out or risk her and her daughter’s life.
Everyone is wondering if Mel’s career is completely in the sh*tter after all this. It probably is. ET has an interesting interview with a journalist from Zap2It.com talking about where Mel can go from here. She astutely points out that Mel really needs to issue a sincere, thorough, genuine mea culpa and explain what was going on in his alcohol-muddled brain. So far all we’ve heard is that he’s in therapy and is “coping as well as can be expected” now that we’ve all found out that he bashed his girlfriend’s face in and threatened to kill her.
Like clockwork, Radar Online has just released a whopping fourth segment of Mel Gibson going on a scary evil rant against the woman he once claimed to love. It just came out when I was about to publish all this, and Kaiser will report on it shortly.
I just have to commend you for how you are describing this serious situation. I agree with you 100% and I could not have put it any better.
This gives me a bad feeling. I can totally see
Oksana found dead of an “apparent overdose” in the headlines.
the only people i feel sorry for our mel eight children…octosana and mad mel deserve each other… Lainey made a comment a couple of days a ago that octosana had cryptically talked about the break up in a press conference shortly after the slip…am not saying she wasn’t abused, but the bitch is out for money not justice
CB- I’m glad that you are pointing out how insidious domestic abuse is. I work as a district attorney and everything that you are saying about abuse, the abusers, and the victims is completely true. 98% of the time when we press charges against an abuser, the victim tries to cover for him. 98% of the time these women want to go back to their abuser and try to “make it better.”
It is absolutely sickening how many people are saying that she deserved it, got what was coming to her, etc. NOBODY DESERVES TO BE ABUSED. I’m just thankful that you are saying it.
I agree entirely Julie, WELL PUT. I think with all the smut surrounding this story you have managed to zero in precisely on the crux and seriousness of this much larger issue. I too am thankful you are saying this, more people need to hear things like this.
He can’t apologize or comment until the legal mess is settled.
I feel for her. Mel Gibson really has a way with women eh?
I hope that she will be okay and i hope that she has support from her family anhd friends
Robyn more than likely was the good little woman, raising the children while Mel was out screwing around. Oksana probably wanted a career and wanted to be an individual, and Mel can’t handle it.
I have one question — why does she sound so damn calm in all these tapes? something’s not right.
I agree with Cathy T. if he says he is sorry or comments that would be like he is admitting to the charges and would hurt him in court.
I concur with the first post. Well done on the responsible coverage of this very disturbing story.
Great post CB!
Maybe she did leak the tapes-I would too in case I’m found dug up in a rose garden, they will know who to look for! I listened to the first two tapes, but I can’t listen to the last two. Listening to someone in that kind of rage is sickening for the soul.
I’ve never been physically abused, but my mother was a rageaholic and was very verbally abusive. Growing up with that makes it very hard to listen to anyone even my own worst enemy being treated like that. I had to cut my sister in law out of my life because she is bipolar or psychotic, the jury is still out. But when I got pregnant she told me to get an abortion and I’ve ruined her and her brother’s life, she made a scene at my wedding and has called me white trash, a f#cking C#nt and just about everything else. Then she’d just be sweet as pie like nothing ever happened. You get the feeling she has absolutely no remorse for they way she acts-we should just be thankful to be around her. Scary!
I too have been horrified by the violence both implicit and overtly threatened in these calls, but I have to say, I’ve been equally disturbed by the vitriol directed at the victim. WTF is wrong with people?
Personally, when someone is going off like an idiot at me during an argument, I stay cool as a cumcumber. No point in stooping to their level. She did seem upset though in the calls, like when she told him he would “answer for this, boy.” I think she held her cool so as not to get down in the gutter with Mel. And I say, good for her for that! The man needs help, and blaming her isn’t going to solve his problems.
Meme, she’s calm because she knows she’s being taped while he didn’t.
This whole thing is pretty sad for everyone involved.
THANK YOU CB for your article on this. You did a beautiful job pointing out the unhealthy and completely inexcusable nature of Mel’s behavior. I am SO TIRED of people who blame the victims in these circumstances. Abuse trumps any and all other bad behavior and is purely inexcusable. No “buts” about it.
Just listened to the 4th tape…holy cr*p! WOW! The thing that was even more disturbing were the comments about how Oksana set him up, made him angry, is hiding what “she” did. OMG! This man screams at her for falling asleep! And then says he ought to have woken her up and told her to blow him first….my heart is racing a mile a minute because this type of insane verbal assault makes no sense to anyone unless you have been there and then when one is in it, the confusion is ten fold because you are wondering what is happening and how did it get to this point.
“Waited and waited,” Mel bellows. “What, two and a half f*cking minutes!? You’re f*cking snoring. Don’t you dare.”
“Don’t you dare (snore)?” “I let you sleep?” “I deserve to be blown first before the fucking jacuzzi?” Who is this guy? This is classic (and scary) abusive language and rage. I pray that she has protection and for the people who are blaming her listen to the tapes again…”I will burn the house down but first you will blow me!” Where does anyone get from that sentence that Oksana is “hiding what she did? How is this acceptable to anyone? When do people wake up and get that rage such as Mel’s is as deadly as a drunk driver behind the wheel….it is only a matter of time before someone is hurt or killed.
I was in an abusive relationship where I was being called crazy and told I needed psychiatric help by my abuser. To shut him up, I went to the mental health clinic and was told in short order I was not crazy or the reason for his rants. The psycologist advised me to remain calm no matter what he did and it would be obvious to me and everyone within earshot what was happening and who was responsible for his behaviour. No one but HIM.
I’d say she’s also calm because she knows how violent he can be. he threatened to “come over there” if she didn’t pick up, or if she hung up on him. I imagine he’d drive over there even more quickly if she had stood up to him or demonstrated any type of emotion.
feeding a raging person’s anger is exactly what you DON’T want to do when they’re in a rage.
I hope Oksana and her kids have bodyguards-scary, I really hope this doesn’t turn into a bigger tragedy than it already is. Thanks CB, Kaiser and Msat for standing up for abuse survivors. As some have pointed out, I wonder if Nicole Brown Simpson taped the abuse whether she’d still be alive given that the cops and others didn’t believe her, and we know how that court case turned out.
I think the only reason people are siding with Mel is because he is famous. To you people: If a co-worker, a gym buddy, another mom you know from your kids school,etc – if they told you that their husband said and did those things to them, I think you would tell them to get out, get rid of him. Even if she were a slut or a gold-digger, a slut is just a weak minded human being, and if you think weak-minded humans have less human rights due to them, I too am sorry for you.
CB, I think you are misreading the posts.No one is saying that abuse is ok, acceptable or even deserved at anytime. The stories people have told are heart breaking.
But their experiences are not identical to this situation.
The apologies for this are always someone else’s fault. You did this, you did that, you make me like this. Or, I’m sorry but you did this, you did that.
She sounds calm because she knows she was being recorded and wants to sound like the good one. It doesn’t matter though, I agree with the article, people without serious rage issues do not argue like that.
For everyone wasting their time on whether or not Oskana is a goldigger, which she obviously is,let me paint a picture for you. Listen to all of the tapes they have released consecutively, now picture Mel Gibson being left alone with a little girl 50% of the time. Do you really think he only talks like this when grown women are around?
She’s calm because she knows SHE’S taping HIM…
CB I appreciate this well-written post. I did not comment on the last installment (where discussions of Oksana’s character and how that did or did not play a factor in the abuse) but I refer back to it now.
Most of us have experienced these situations in our lives or seen a loved one live it. Because we’ve seen/lived it, we feel strongly about the outcome.
It seems that we would like to be able to point a finger (at Mel, Oksana) and then declare a “winner” of the moral tangle. (I’m envisioning God, like a referee, holding up the gloved arm of Okasana in the center of a boxing ring). The law works like this, and if the legal system works then she SHOULD win (custody, freedom from his tirades, etc.) But life’s not so easy, nor so black and white.
Mel has good qualities. By recognizing that he is a human with a constellation of qualities (as opposed to being a one-dimensional demon) we can get closer to making sense out of this. He is also clearly suffering. His voice in those tapes is frightening, but it is also heartbreaking. Human nature is to help someone in pain. He deserves love and support.
I think that’s where people get upset by Oksana; how can she be so calm in the face of such suffering? Well, because she, too has suffered (at his hand) and this conversation is the best chance she has to demonstrate her ordeal, to have someone witness her otherwise secret pain. She is understandably and justifiably unconcerned with her tormentor’s pain at this time. She deserves love and support.
The law has to declare a winner, and we tend to think that way,too. Declaring a winner doesn’t actual solve the problem though, does it? These power struggles and painful misunderstandings between couples are going on all around us, at varying degrees. When someone pulls a Mel we delight to be able to declare a winner because in real life it’s not that easy. In real life we have to deal with each side’s good qualities and mistakes, and how their relationship was mishandled by both of them.
1. Oksana did nothing to deserve this treatment; no one has ever deserved this treatment.
2. I sincerely hope that Mel gets the help that he needs, in addition to the punishment that he surely deserves.
3. In a perfect world we would all learn something about relationships from watching this. In reality we’ll probably just become more polarized and entrenched, setting ourselves up for future conflict.
This makes me so sad.
Yeah, I’m with you about the whole Oksana is to blame scenario – it’s hard to believe some people think she deserves to be treated like garbage. But, that’s how it goes with most of society, quick to throw stones at glass houses, and hey, everyone has an asshole, right? Everyone is entitled to their own personal opinion, the trick is not to feed into their narrow point of view and be defensive – not to take it personal. There will always be someone out there to oppose everything you say and do – nobody is spared from quick, jerk-off judgements which can make you a stronger person, or break you down. The important thing to remember, for every person ready to cut you up, there are even more people in this world with empathy/compassion to pick you up. Although there are people who think she deserves this type of abuse, there are way more people who see the cruelty, and express their concerns, share their experiences, which outweigh the negative comments by a long shot. So here’s my asshole opinion – I hope Oksana becomes an advocate against abuse. She is now in the spotlight because of all this bullshit, I can only hope she walks away a stronger person who is willing to help others dealing with the same problems. Wishful thinking? Maybe. Depends if she can make it out alive I suppose.
@ Sapphire, go back through the Mel articles. A number of posters are saying she deserved it for being a gold digger. It’s pretty upsetting.
Sad .
how could anyone side with mel on this? golddigger or not, his rants towards this woman are inexcusable.
So no one is going to say anything about that herpes sore on her lip? Has to be from blowing Mel.
I fear for her because he is at a point where he has nothing left to lose. His career, reputation, his entire future has blown up in his face because of his uncontrollable rage. And a person with nothing left to lose is dangerous. I would imagine that a murder/suicide thing has crossed his mind. I hope for the sake of Oksana and baby Lucia that it doesn’t play out that way. There is already enough tragedy here.
@Celebitchy…”Is Mel ever going to apologize or explain?” I’m sure he will eventually. But this is an ongoing criminal investigation. Are you familiar with the Miranda warning: “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can, and will be used against you in a court of law.” Also, and I AM NOT BLAMING THE VICTIM, according to the US justice system Mel is innocent until proven guilty.
As far as Oksana’s alleged death threats, this doesn’t surprise me, as I’ve read some scary comments on the internet. One person said Mel should “get some Russians to take care of her.” There are a lot of crazies out there, and the more this escalates the crazier they’ll get, on both sides. IMO Oksana has more to fear from these people than Mel. And I’M NOT BLAMING THE VICTIM!
@iriD
Well said.
Mel is sick, twisted, violent, and dangerous. No ifs, ands, or buts. Period. He’s proved it over and over again.
But, at the same time, it is also true that some women have an inexplicable propensity for hooking up with these characters, and sometimes, sticking with them despite opportunities to get out of the relationship.
A good friend of mine worked for decades in a women’s shelter. We’ve discussed her experiences there many many times.
As a younger woman she was much more hopeful that the women they worked with would change their pattern of accepting abusive relationships. Sadly, she came to the conclusion that forming abusive relationships is a very deep and complicated problem, not easily changed.
Some women get out and stay out, but many do not.
Which is a long way of saying that not everybody who sees some culpability in Oksana is finding Mel blameless. He’s the violent one and he should be shunned and punished.
But, abusive relationships are often complicated duets between two partners.
I’m curious. How do you apologize for this? “I’m sorry I threatened your life”?
Uzi, Sure Mel is considered innocent until proven guilty, but when he responds, to the context of hitting her and breaking her teeth, and he says that she deserved it, then that isn’t innocence. That is admission to guilt.
Mel is so deranged, that he obviously doesn’t listen to his lawyers, who would have advised him not to be stupid to open his mouth, but he can’t control himself.
Oksana is a gold digger who slept with a married man, broke up a family, and got more than she bargained for. Mel is a selfish, hypocritical, woman hating a-hole who turned his back on his wife and family and the faith he is always touting and got more than he bargained for. Oksana and Mel have created their own little hell – “the wages of sin is death”, Mel! No one is innocent here, but Mel is insane and dangerous! Oksana is being abused and she and her daughter are in danger. The taping is probably illegal, but I am glad she did it – she does have to protect herself. Yes, she does have the upper hand on the tapes because she knows she’s being recorded, but listen to what she is enduring. This is one gold digger who has been through hell for her payday. It certainly wasn’t the easy life she was hoping for. The one good thing to come from this mess is the liberation of Robyn Gibson. How she must have suffered all those years!
She’s calm because you don’t make any sudden movements around a deranged animal.
She is calm because she is terrified!! Anything she says will make him more enraged. She is just trying to weather the storm.
Ugh. Thanks for this, C/B.
I equate the “I am not blaming the victim BUT..” [followed by statement which calls into question the victim’s character] with statements like “I’m not a racist BUT..” [followed by a clearly racist statement]. TO Gibson-supporters: Just because you add this at the beginning of every ignorant statement you make does not excuse the words which follow. The problem here is that these posts are NOT about Oksana and her past or the type of person we presume her to be. These posts are about the extremely violent situation she has been living in. The only person’s character we should be commenting on is the sick, vile garbage that is Mel Gibson. People miss the point entirely and it saddens me.
>>She’s calm because you don’t make any sudden movements around a deranged animal.<<
Werd.
He is a wild animal on the loose who should be neutralized ASAP and thrown in the cage where he belongs.
No more Nicole Simpson part II !
She was also called a goldigger and a whore by people who through their constant critics for her pedigree validate the unleashing violence of her abuser…they gave him amunitions to finish it off because she was already perceived as not worth the sympathy as deserving those abuses anyway..because she is so much of a goldigger…as if it was the ultimate crime that justify deathrow.
I don’t think Mel is capable of sincerity & I don’t think he’s sorry for what he’s done, just that he got found out.
Question to all of you who insist (as if you know) that she’s only calm because she knows she is recording him: How do you know that? If this was atypical behavior on her part, don’t you think that during an eight minute rant Mel would have commented on that?
If he was used to getting a rise out of her normally, I am positive he’d have worked that into his threats.
It is really heartbreaking to read all the negative accusations towards the victim of such terrible abuse.
@Embee…beautifully said.
I agree with every single word and sentiment you wrote and while I commented back on the initial Whoopi fiasco I haven’t since then so
thanks for expressing what I feel as well.
Listening to each new installment of his ranting I find myself getting sadder at this very extreme example of what happens all the time in varying degrees around all of us and even in our own relationships.
Two people come together, not yet able at their cores to love and grow and support each others growth out of a sense of wholeness but to try to take from the other what they want from a place of emptiness and deprivation and only really giving to receive…
when the glow is off, one person feels they got duped somehow or gets betrayed etc..the hate that was always under the surface bubbles up and this is the result to the extreme.
It’s literally a state of temporary insanity that in the long run could serve to heal but much of the time does only serve to polarize and entrench societal beliefs that go against deeper truths.
I hope as well that both of them see this as a wake up call to go deeper and explore why they made the choices they did and learn more about what love, real love and generosity looks like and hopefully begin to find this within themselves.
To wish anything else for either one of them only adds to our collective insanity.
@ denise (31): LOL! I’m sayin! I noticed that cold sore and was a little surprised no one commented on it. They are all focusing on the serious issues I guess, for good reason, but thanks for saying what I was thinking! Evidently Mel left her a “present.”
@ katyalia: I was thinking the same thing reading those comments. How do we know Oksana’s normal speaking voice and tone? You’re right that he didn’t sound as if he thought she sounded any different than usual. I think her calmness was more because she didn’t want to add fuel to his fire than anything else.
she needs to invest in a gun. I would if I was her.
i think okasana is calm because when you are in the presence of someone that insane you have to stay calm, otherwise you risk enraging them even further. may be some dissociative behavior going on with her as a means of self-protection: abused children, rape victims, hostages, etc. often stay very calm & quiet, disassociating to let one side of their brain deal with the fear and the other side try and stay rational. i believe it is what allows average people (i mean people who have no “battle training” like soldiers, for instance) to survive terrible situations. also, english is not her first language, so maybe that contributes to her being quiet.
At first, yeah, I had contempt for Oksana for very different reasons than my contempt for Mel. Now, I just feel like it doesn’t matter what her motives/motivation were. NO ONE deserves the abuse this “man” heaped on this woman. With each tape, it just got scarier and scarier, HE got scarier and scarier, and I felt like I was watching a movie that was not going to end well. Mel Gibson disgusts me. I will never support anything else he does and I will never watch another of his films (except “The Passion of the Christ” during Easter because it’s too powerful a film and too well acted to throw away). I can only hope he gets the punishment he deserves and understands that regardless of his starting his own church, God can’t possibly have any use for him or his behavior.
Bravo, Uzi:
What you’re saying makes very good sense. Until the investigators and courts have sorted this mess out; Mel Gibson has to follow his attorney’s advice. Frankly, I’m much more concerned about the welfare of ALL HIS CHILDREN especially Lucia. His children and grand children are actually the “innocent ones” caught in the middle and regardless of how old they may be, they’ll be affected by the outcome of these proceedings for years to come.
Im dropping off “team Mel”- he is clearly a pig.
But what kind of a desperado woman would chase after that ?!!!!
No victims here, she was clearly out there for money, putting up with all kind of abuse, desperately trying to secure anything she can get out of “money cow”- money pig? Getting pregnant from a loon like that?!!!
What kind of a woman would stay with a man like that?!!!!
The ONLY woman that had an AGENDA.
The total DESPERADO .
So, no victims here.
In fact , they deserve each other.
“This is one gold digger who has been through hell for her payday. “- well said Mary.
She is a bona fide golddigger (believe me, ask anyone who lives in a russian neighborhood) … and a starf*****.
He is obviously tormented by demons, not the least of which is probably the sheer embarrassment of having left his loyal wife and family for this despicable lowlife.
HOW DO YOU STAY WITH SOMEONE WHO SUPPOSEDLY KNOCKED YOUR TEETH OUT? Wake up America, it’s time for — yes, get ready — PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY!! she’s not an abused woman; you’re denigrating real abused women who have NO OTHER OPTIONS. This chick can go anywhere she wants … wonder if the next boyfriend is already in the picture? I’m not excusing his behavior, but this dude has some serious issues. At least he’s super talented and has a wealth of accomplishments behind him. Having to beg a common street ho like her for oral sex has got to be quite a comedown for an ex-hottie like him. Just saying…
Curious: how on earth could she have known he was this bad? She may have heard the rumours and then met a man who turned out to be completely charming. No abuser goes “Hey baby, how would you like your teeth knocked out and regular screaming abuse on the phone?” they all start out extremely charming, and he’s an actor – I have no doubt that he hid the crazy extremely well at first. And anyway, he loved her (claimed to) so he would never hurt her. Right?
I think things probably went gradually from the occasional yelling spat to more regular abuse, and that when she got pregnant (why is that ‘her crime’? He’s against birth control!) it both got worse, and that she started realising this couldn’t go on. And then she was stuck – no money to leave, and quite likely threats of violence if she did go.
You clearly don’t understand squat about abusive relationships and what motivates women to stay in them. Perhaps you should do some research before you spout off further about how the only reason she stayed so long must have been the money.
Dear Anne,,,oh ive done my research all right:))
You look into the history of a person- their past so to say to tell all about present.
She is no victim here .
She knew EXACTLY why she was staying there long enough and going public just now
Getting pregnant- “how is that her crime” you gotta be a blind idiot not to see the reasons,,,,
Where was her tape recorder now!
Debbie
Check out her mates TMZ page She now claims it was Mel who threatened her yesterday?
Really, The guy has his family around him and in therapy, getting help. Why does she not keep her mouth shut> she keeps digging a whole for herself. Don’t buy it if it was Mel THE SHERIFFS DEPT WOULD HAVE SORTED IT OUT.
These story’s she’s leaking to her mates at these trashy celeb sites are coming back to bite her big time
Debbie