Tiger Woods: “it feels good to be able to control my ball all day”

Tiger Woods of the U.S. laughs as he walks up the 18th fairway during the final round of the Barclays golf tournament in Paramus, New Jersey August 29, 2010. REUTERS/Mike Segar  (UNITED STATES - Tags: SPORT GOLF)
I wanted to make fun of Tiger Woods for this quote he gave after getting his groove back on the golf course post-divorce. Tiger said “it feels good to be able to control my ball all day.” I know it’s childish, but it made me chuckle. Tiger improved his game quite a bit after struggling for months with a comeback that looked like it would never happen, and he did it not-so-coincidentally right after his divorce was finalized. So is the old Tiger back, and should hostesses and Ho-Jos waitresses look out? Probably, especially if they’re hoping to get more than unprotected sex out of the tightwad. Tiger finished in a tie for 12th at the Barclay’s in Paramus, NJ. That’s not up to his regular performance, but it’s much better than he’s been doing. Here’s People’s report:

After struggling for months, Tiger Woods jumped out to an impressive start Thursday in his first golf tournament since finalizing his divorce from Elin Nordegren.

At The Barclays in New Jersey, Woods made a staggering seven birdies to finish the day sharing the lead with another pro with a score of 65, his best round of the year.

“It feels good to be able to control my ball all day like this,” Woods told reporters.

Asked if wrapping up his divorce removed a burden, he responded, “I can’t really say that’s the case.”

All he knows is he’s feeling like the old Tiger, and the golf press agress. USA Today gushes, “Woods is making a shambles of the course.”

[From People]

Tiger gave a lot of other quotes and you know People cheekily picked the one with that was the best double entendre. He also said he was “very pleased” with his performance and “I found something in my stroke today which was good.” It’s hard to take this guy’s statements at face value or to think about him without imagining him an Ambien-fueled romp.

There’s a related story that Tiger’s ex Elin is considering using some of her settlement money to open up a clinic for children from broken homes. This story seems to have originated in the Sunday Times of London, which reports that Elin, who is studying for a degree in psychology, wants to help children of divorce. Elin’s parents divorced when she was just six, so she has first hand experience with this issue. This story could be accurate as the reporter from People Magazine who did Elin’s interview said on the Today Show that Elin wanted to help children from broken homes.

Associates say Nordegren has been discussing with her twin sister, Josefin, a London-based lawyer, how she might use part of her settlement to help broken families and, in particular, children.

“Elin has a lot of ideas, including setting up her own clinic to help poorer children suffering from mental illnesses such as depression, eating disorders and hypertension, which can result from living in a broken family.”

“Maybe it’s not surprising, but she feels strongly that children are the real victims when marriages fail,” said one of her campus colleagues.

[From The NY Post]

That sounds like a great way for Elin to use some of her millions to help kids. I hope she moves forward with this as she could do a lot of good. It looks like Tiger will be able to afford those undoubtedly steep child support payments for some time too.

Tiger Woods hits his approach shot to the ninth green in the final round of The Barclays at Ridgewood Country Club in New Jersey on August 29, 2010.  UPI/John Angelillo  Photo via Newscom

PARAMUS, NJ - AUGUST 28: Tiger Woods watches his tee shot on the fifth hole during the third round of The Barclays at the Ridgewood Country Club on August 28, 2010 in Paramus, New Jersey. (Photo by Scott Halleran/Getty Images)

PARAMUS, NJ - AUGUST 28: Tiger Woods smiles as he looks on from the third hole tee box during the third round of The Barclays at the Ridgewood Country Club on August 28, 2010 in Paramus, New Jersey. (Photo by Scott Halleran/Getty Images)

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22 Responses to “Tiger Woods: “it feels good to be able to control my ball all day””

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  1. Zaia says:

    He will never ever find another woman like Elin. He really screwed up royally this time and I don’t think success on the golf course can make up for failure at home.
    Sad sad sad story of a guy who had it all and threw everything away for NOTHING !!!
    As for Elin it doesn’t surprise me so much. She has shown so far just how far away she’s from Tiger and his floozies’world. And some people here have accused her of being a gold digger.
    Never heard about a gold digger who wants to finish her education and help others !!!!
    Kudos to her and I can’t wait to see her in 10 years. She will be an accomplished woman and mother.

  2. Cinderella says:

    Do your thing, Elin.

    It’s hard to keep a straight face while Tiger talks about his balls and strokes.

  3. bizzy says:

    can’t be bothered to actually read the article, but would like to suggest the subtitle “hemi-castration the answer to compulsive infidelity”

  4. Whatever says:

    Oh Tiger, if only you could control your balls you wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place!

  5. nnn says:


    Never say never.

    I loathe him with a passion but he is like what 33 years old ? He still has the potential to bounce back and to rise professionally and because business is business if it happens, the versatile media will forget and focus on the champion’s back in business, stronger than ever.

    He doesn’t have anything else to focus on and has to rebuild his reputation and the best way to do it it’s to become the champrion he used to be.

    When it will happen, don’t be surprised if those same companies who let him down come back with higher bids for an ad comapaign.

    Business is business and company just don’t care to work with criminals so why should they care to work with a reborn sport champion ?

    I will even go as far as saying that they will be another woman. And trust me there is always, always better women, especially for young, rich sportsmen.

  6. LindaR says:

    He knows quite well that what he is saying will have double meaning. After all he is a typical hockey-buddy type that thinks farting in public is just hilarious, women are disposable playthings, it’s not how you play the game it’s how you win and how har, look, I can see her boobies. He could have said control his swing which is really what controls where a golf ball goes. What an ass. He thinks his fans and the public in general are a joke and is laughing all the way to the bank. Arrogant prick!

  7. Just a Poster says:


    Tiger really? I mean really?!

  8. aenflex says:

    What of all the floozies? I think they certainly helped perpetuate the ‘women as playthings’ ideal. Tiger is a prick and lots of ladies were willing to let him be just that, and get away with it, and even love him. So…what came first the chicken or the egg?
    Team Elin

  9. Tiffany says:


  10. Liana says:

    too bad he couldn’t control his balls when they were slapping against a whore’s ass.

    Sorry, I’m usually not that crude in public.

  11. Hautie says:

    Well of course he got his game back… he finally was able to shag a new ugly Vegas hooker. haha!

    I bet his lawyer had him on lock down till that divorce was final.

  12. gg says:

    LOL @ Liana!

  13. Marie says:

    Tiger is a scumbag and Elin is way to good for him.

  14. Tess says:

    I think the Kama Sutra can teach him a thing or three about all-day ball control.

  15. LolaBella says:

    …the jokes write themselves with this post title. :-)

    By this time next year, he’ll be back on top of his game, back to being #1 and with new endorsements rolling in.

    He and his ‘uncontrollable balls’ will be a distant memory as the sports world forgives, forgets and moves on to the next scandal.


  16. LindaR says:

    @aenflex: You are right. Those sluts were partially to blame. However, he was the married one. He shouldn’t have been screwing around. I hope he gets an itchy, unsightly rash on his balls that never goes away.

  17. oxa says:

    Married Tiger willingly & eagerly persued the sluts. I wonder how he will explain this to his daughter and what to expect in a marriage.

  18. Jeannified says:

    Good for Elin! She is a total class act! Tiger lost the best woman he ever had!!! She doesn’t deserve what he did to her. I hope he realizes this and always tries to help her and the kids out. It’s the least he could do.

  19. Moreaces says:

    Best wishes to you Elin, Stay strong for yourself and you little ones.. As for Tiger,, I truly hope you never win another tournament. The end.

  20. anoneemouse says:

    Now if only he could do something to control that wiener of his.

  21. Raven says:

    I think Hautie is absolutely right. I also think that maybe Tiger found a girl and got married under pressure, like Prince Charles. I think he’d rather have his career than a good marriage. Fortunately, his wife thought otherwise and she’ll be a good mom to those kids, one who doesn’t come off as a victim.

  22. tolinadea says:

    psychics abilities
    If you are a budding psychic and ask for to attempt your inner abilities, the best track is to have an online philosophical test. There are different types of tests convenient online. The most well-liked unconscious examination is based on Zenner cards designed past Dr. J.B. Rhine. Dr. Zenner