Paris Hilton’s criminal complaint for felony possession is hilarious

44100, LAS VEGAS, NEVADA - August 24, 2010. Booking photo of Paris Hilton, who was arrested late Friday night in Las Vegas on possession of cocaine. According to police, Paris was the passenger in a vehicle that was pulled over by police just outside the Wynn Hotel. The driver was arrested for DUI (drug-related, not alcohol) and after conducting a search of the car and Hilton, they found her in possession of a controlled substance. According to Police, tests revealed the substance to be cocaine. The hotel heiress was arrested and released on her own recognizance. Paris' boyfriend, Cy Waits, was also arrested and booked on a charge of DUI.   Disclaimer: BWP Media Inc and their brand Pacific Coast News does not claim any Copyright or License in the attached material. Any downloading fees charged by BWP Media Inc and their brand Pacific Coast News are for its services only, and do not, nor are they intended to convey to the user any Copyright or License in the material. By publishing this material , the user expressly agrees to indemnify and to hold BWP Media Inc and their brand Pacific Coast News harmless from any claims, demands, or causes of action arising out of or connected in any way with user's publication of the material.

Question: How f-cking stupid is Paris Hilton? I mean, I’ve always known she’s really, really, mind-numbingly idiotic, but now that I’ve read some excerpts from the new, just released criminal charge against Paris, I have new questions about how she is capable of functioning on a daily basis. And no, I’m not making fun of people who have actual mental handicaps – Paris is just an idiot, willfully and powerfully stupid. So, Paris is being formally chanrged with felony cocaine possession in the great state of Nevada. The Las Vegas DA released the formal charge, and the police report, which is totally worth a read:

Paris Hilton has been charged with felony cocaine possesion, has learned. According to the criminal complaint filed by the Las Vegas District Attorney, Paris “Wilfully (sic), unlawfully, feloniously, knowingly, and intentionally possess a controlled substance, to-wit: Cocaine.”

As has previously reported, Hilton was arrested early Saturday morning in Las Vegas after cops found .8 grams of cocaine on the heiress at a traffic stop. Her boyfriend Cy Waits was the driver of the car and after the car was stopped when the officer smelled “the strong odor of marijuana coming from the vehicle.” Cy was “administered a series of filed sobriety tests, which Waits failed.”

Police wrote in their report that Paris told the officer she was “extremely embarrassed” and needed to used the bathroom “badly” so the officer escorted her into the Wynn.

The officer wrote that Paris was carrying a purse as they went into the Wynn and Hilton told him she needed to put some lip balm on. “As she began to open it, I saw a small bindle of what I believed to be cocaine in a clear baggy begin to fall from the purse and into my hand.”

The officer waited for the arrival of a female officer to assist in the search and they removed the “suspected bindle of cocaine,” and then Paris was read her Miranda rights. Paris told the officer that the purse was not hers, and that “she had borrowed it from a friend.”

When the officer asked Hilton whose cocaine it was “she said she had not seen it but now thought it was gum.”

Paris told the officer the $1,300 cash and credit card were hers, but “several cosmetic items in the purse were not hers.”

The officer placed Paris under arrest “for possession of a controlled substance cocaine.”

[From Radar]

My God. You know how it went down too – and you know Paris thought she was being clever. She was coked out of her mind, and she thought up a “clever” scheme to talk her way out of the arrest: “I have to go potty, Officer…” And so the cop took her to the Wynn and she proceeded to open up her purse – with the cocaine visible – in front of the cop! Was part of the scheme to flush the cocaine and Paris just didn’t get to it, and so now she’s all “That’s not gum?” Oh, and the money and credit cards were hers, but the purse wasn’t. Of course. She’s just ridiculous. Oh, and TMZ says that the total amount of cocaine Paris had on her was 0.8 grams. I expected more, honestly. More coke, I mean.

43468, LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - Tuesday August 10 2010. Paris Hilton glams it up for the launch party of Paris Hilton's new fragrance, Tease, at My Studio in Hollywood. Photograph:  Josephine Santos,

43468, LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - Tuesday August 10 2010. Paris Hilton glams it up for the launch party of Paris Hilton's new fragrance, Tease, at My Studio in Hollywood. Photograph:  Josephine Santos,

10 August 2010 - Hollywood, California - Paris Hilton. Paris Hilton and Friends celebrate the launch of Hilton's tenth fragrance Tease at MyStudio. Photo Credit: Michael Jade/AdMedia

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76 Responses to “Paris Hilton’s criminal complaint for felony possession is hilarious”

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  1. The Truth Fairy says:

    The cop was going to let her use the bathroom unattended? I’m confused.

  2. Anonandonandon says:

    Apparently money can’t buy intelligence… or a cure for herpes… or a human nose.

  3. e says:

    She probably had more…up her nose. Freaking moron.

  4. LittleFATMe says:

    My money, my wallet – NOT my gum. What? Not gum? Oh, I am so silly!

  5. whitedaisy says:

    Unreal. I suppose she planned to flush it, but absolutely HAD to apply that last bit of lip balm first. Lip balm, that wasn’t hers. Because it wasn’t her purse. With her credit card. Riiiiiiggghhht.

  6. anoneemouse says:

    I’m sure it was Lindsay’s purse she borrowed….

  7. Dizzybenny says:

    the rest of the coke was up her nose,thats why they only found 0.8.

  8. Rita says:

    First off, those boobs look painful. Second off, it sounds to me like she opened the purse so as to get caught, unless the cop asked her to open it. Why was the purse opened outside the bathroom? Was she looking for a handy-wipe? How is it that a woman opens her purse and a bag of coke jumps out into the waiting officer’s hand? Need more details.

  9. jen says:

    Can’t wait to see her sob on her way to jail again! LMAO!

  10. Praise St. Angie! says:

    first, her boobs look PAINFUL in those “Marylin” pics.

    second…how stupid is she?! I know, you’ve already asked that, but I can’t believe she was so stupid as to open her purse in the presence of the cop.

    If you want to flush it, which is what she wanted to do, I’m sure…you wait until you’re IN THE STALL and then open up the purse.

    EDIT: OK, over at Dlisted, Michael K is reporting that the cop was holding the purse while he escorted her to the bathroom, and she told him she needed to apply the lip balm. As she opened the purse, the baggie of coke started to fall out. she probably thought she’d be able to grab the baggie while she got the lip balm, without him noticing. more proof of her stupidity.

  11. lucy2 says:

    LOL #2.

    Aw, poor Paris. Couldn’t have happened to a stupider bitch. 😀

    Why do people still hang out with her? Aside from her being so lame, everyone who does gets into all kinds of bad stuff and usually hits bottom right around the time they’re BFFs with her.

  12. LOVE ANGELINA says:

    So wait wait wait, Paris wouldn’t even be in trouble if she hadn’t opened her purse?!?!? WTF is wrong with that girl? I don’t think they would have even known she had coke in her purse if she hadn’t opened it in front of them. I mean just because the guy was in trouble that didn’t mean Paris would have been, right? Goodness gracious. Paris must have been high as a kite and she has already served jail time once and this time I think she is gonna receive some lengthy jail time and won’t be getting out do to over crowding.

  13. Persistent Cat says:

    I hate her more for knowing she’s got $1300 in her purse. I bet it’s all $20s and loose everywhere, not like the rest of us who’d have it clutched tightly to our chests for fear of losing it. She doesn’t have that fear and I hate her for it.

  14. chris says:

    You have to promise not to use those Paris as MM pictures anymore. She looks like a fried sausage encased in a white bandaid. Also, she looks more stupid than usual.

  15. Whitey Fisk says:

    Anybody familiar with law enforcement – would searching a passenger in this situation be standard procedure or would she have most likely gotten off clean had she kept her purse closed?

    Either way, it’s clear that she’s not faking it – she really is as stupid as she seems.

  16. electric says:

    she is so dumb. I mean, come on. Who would borrow a purse from someone and carry it around all night with their makeup and powdered gum in it? and really, powdered gum? WTF

  17. Jeri says:

    Yeah, pot & coke can make your lips feel dry. She was probably afraid of a bad photo if she had dry lips.

    Well, I hope she is prosecuted to the full extent of the law, as they say…

  18. Audra says:

    None of this matters anyway. Her daddy’s lawyers will get her off the felony charge and nothing will become of it and she knows it. That’s how the world works!

  19. oxa says:

    She has spent enough time in Vegas to be aware of how strict the laws are on illegal drugs. U can get as drunk and as laid as u want but no illegal drugs.

  20. Praise St. Angie! says:

    “would searching a passenger in this situation be standard procedure or would she have most likely gotten off clean had she kept her purse closed?”

    I am not a law enforcement professional – what I know I only know from watching COPS…but anytime they find drugs in the vehicle, they search EVERYBODY, and all of their bags/possessions.

    I think the SOP is to search everyone in the vehicle, but this IS Vegas, and she IS a celeb…so she might have been able to get off.

    However, the fact that the cop held her purse while she was going to the bathroom is a good indication that he suspected she had something in there that she wanted to get rid of…hence the request for the trip to the potty. then, I’m betting she realized that he wasn’t going to let her take the purse into the br with her, so she tried the old “I need some lip balm” trick.

  21. YT says:

    A few dollars here and there and celebrity justice will again rear its ugly head again, though her boyfriend’s ex-boss may see to it that justice is done. He has more power in Las Vegas than Paris and her family, and he seems a tad displeased with her boyfriend. Fired the idiot.

  22. susanne says:

    I think because marijuana was suspected, they could search anyone in the car. Not sure they would/could have if it was straight-up drinking and driving.

    Why not stash/stuff the coke when they saw flashing lights behind them?!? She really thinks she’s invincible, especially after getting away with possession a few times this year *that we know of* already.

    I wish every consequence her behavior has coming to her.

  23. LOVE ANGELINA says:

    I don’t think Paris is gonna get off. You saw they got her the last time she effed up and that was just for a little traffic thing. Paris had a good amount of coke in her purse. I think Paris is gonna do some time. Hard time.

  24. Innocent says:

    If you actually read the incident report the story is weird.
    Due to the strong marijuana odor they were planning on searching the vechile. Paris asks to use the bathroom,exits the suv and takes her purse. The cop puts the purse on the table and she asks for her lip balm and the coke is found and she is busted.
    So she knew the coke was there and that is why she took the purse when she left the car ?
    Or she was so high she forgot.

    Apparently when she saw the cop was looking at them she rolled up the window lol

  25. kim says:

    Did the cop actually let her take her purse to the bathroom with her?! The cop should have told her it has to remain in car or be searched before going to bathroom. Any many a person has got off with the “it isnt mine” story so….

  26. javelin says:

    I think she wanted to get caught. Look at her mugshot– teased hair, wonky smirk. She’s been watching how much attention the Lohan chronicles afforded Lindsay, and wants back in the spotlight. At any cost. Without fame Paris is nothing.

  27. LindyLou says:

    She didn’t have her BFF/scapegoat with her this time like she did in South Africa or wherever she was when she got busted for pot a couple of months ago. Stupid airhead!

  28. Schnauzers!!!! says:

    Jail is my vote, but I doubt it’ll happen.

  29. Schnauzers!!!! says:

    Jail is my vote, but I doubt it’ll happen.

  30. Sns02215 says:

    PLEASE, PLEASE let the justice system do their job for once and throw this stupid no-talent FameWhore in jail for like a year, minimum. Something tells me the bitch won’t be smiling then!

  31. Ruby Red Lips says:

    Javelin – totally agree with you. Pretty sad really

  32. Jen says:

    How in the world did she gets her boobs to do that in those pics? We know she doesn’t have much and then BLAMO! And instead of lip balm maybe she should have told him she needed to change her tampon. No man wants to have anything to do with that type of conversation.

  33. Cletus says:

    firing squad.

  34. Innocent says:

    Its in the report
    The officer made her place the purse on the table while she waited for the female officer to escort her to the restroom.
    Paris said she wanted to put on some lip balm and the officer handed her the purse.
    “As she began to open i saw a small bindle of what i believed to be cocaine in a clear baggy begin to fall from the puse and into my hand ”
    Basically after she was pulled over unless they let her keep the purse she was busted.

  35. TG says:

    Yes, I remember her crying like a baby going to jail and didn’t she say she was claustrophobic? Ha-ha. I wonder why her parents allow that kind of behavior. I would never allow my kids to run wild at my expense no matter how wealthy I was.

  36. YT says:

    @Cletus *LOL*

  37. aenflex says:

    For once can a celebrity (cough) PLEASE be treated the same as a non celebrity when passed through the justice system? In fact fine their asses more – they can afford it. Yeah, make fines based upon income.

  38. Captaine says:

    10 bucks says she gets off…again.

  39. Crash2GO2 says:

    Hmm. I like how the baggie just happened to start to ‘fall into his hand’. LOL!

  40. xxodettexx says:

    ladies, ladies, relax, our goddess paris will have be able to vindicate herself against these terrible accusations! everyone knows how easy it is to accidentally pick up another woman’s purse and assume its ours! she was obviously set up! i mean, those mean cops didnt even let her finish inhaling, jerks!!

    [pure sarcasm as i know this will only end in typical celebrity “justice”]

  41. CC says:

    I read somewhere that she also had albuterol in her purse. It is abused to aid in weight loss as it is a stimulant. I believe it requires a prescription too. I wonder if she can provide proof that. Imagine that, ANOTHER stimulant found in her purse besides the cocaine.

  42. Fluffy Kitten Tail says:

    @TG- What authority do her parents have over her now that she is a grown woman? They aren’t footing the bill for anything. She has a trust from her grandfather that her parents have no say so about. It’s Paris’money, and as she is an adult, can do with it what she likes.

  43. GatsbyGal says:

    Wow, she was going to flush that coke down the toilet. Why were they about to let her into the bathroom with that purse? Why not just take out the lip balm and give it to her, instead of letting her keep the purse with her? Stupid, stupid cops. Blinded obviously by ~*~OMG IT’S PARIS HILTON~*~

  44. hellen says:

    41, Do you mean ADDERAL?

    I carry albuteral in my purse too, for asthma attacks. It’s a prescription oral inhalant. It’s not a magic weight-loss solution or a stimulant.

  45. mike says:

    Whether she gets off or not will depend entirely on how serious the charges really are.

    In general, fame is double-edged. For small, nickel and dime stuff, being a celeb means you can get off scot free when normal people wouldn’t.

    On the other hand, for serious stuff, the DAs are all over the celebs like rats to peanut butter. Serious celebrity crimes can very often make DAs’ reputations and make them famous. In other words, the DAs try to throw the book at the celebs — they treat celebs worse than they would a normal person. Much worse.

  46. BethL says:

    Saying she borrowed the purse doesn’t make sense. I’ve borrowed purses and the owner always cleans it out. Then I always check to make sure nothing was left. I wouldn’t wouldn’t want to take somebody else’s wallet or cocaine by mistake. Who carries gum in a baggie and in what universe is gum mistaken or powder cocaine? Is .8 grams a lot or 1 or 2 lines?

  47. Keyanna says:

    She looks like a total transvestite. Not that there’s anything wrong with transvestites, it’s just that she is attempting to look like Marilyn. Why is that whenever a woman tries to emulate Marilyn Monroe they either look like a porn star or a tranny? Every white blonde chick thinks they can look like her.

  48. DrM says:

    @Hellen – I use albuteral too for my hay fever induced asthma…and I can vouch that it most definitely is NOT a weight loss miracle LOL

    In other news: Look IMHO Paris isn’t only stupid she’s incredibly arrogant. She reckons she can make up any old random shit on the day and she’ll be let off. Why? Because she’s PARIS HILTON that’s why…(as in “don’t you know who I am??” syndrome).

    Here’s hoping (but no breath holding) that she does some jail time…

  49. Ron says:

    If the cops expect drugs, whcih obviously they did pulling them over, everyone in the car is of suspicion. If this was in LA they would have all been taken out of the car and kept separately and then interrogated. If they were not celebs, they would have had them on the ground here, I have seen it happen.

  50. TG says:

    @Fluffy Kitten Tail – is her grandfather living? I guess if she has a trust that no one can take from her than there is nothing they can do, but I don’t believe for second that family has disowned her as I would have done, but then again, I wouldn’t have raised a bratty princess in the first place. I know good parents can have bad kids, but I do not believe that is the case here, I think it has everything to do with feeling entitled and she was taught that from birth.

  51. Mu says:

    These pictures are horrifying! What has she done to her boobs??

  52. 4Real says:

    Okay first of all I called this years ago that when Brittany got carted off Lindsey would “willingly” do what it took to take her place. Paris is following the same pattern. She wasn’t getting enough media attention.

  53. BrandyMc says:

    BethL: .08 grams is not much. Maybe a small line or two. What is funny to me is that why did she save the small amount for? And why carry it with her? just plain stupid I guess! I hope she gets charged with a felony and gets convict of it as well! With probation though with that small of an amount it will be a class 6 undesinated and dropped to a misdemenor after she completes probation. ( sorry my spelling is off, I have pregnant brain today)

  54. mollination says:

    Please tell me she was still dressed up as budget Marilyn when this all went down.. hahaha, oh paris. You so silly.

    p.s. – the cosmetics were hers. We all understand this right? She was trying to get her story to jive with the whole “this not my purse or gum” routine by claiming a few other items weren’t hers either. But she couldn’t spare $1300 so she went with some lip balm. haha.

  55. Liana says:

    Albuterol in pill form can be used as a weight loss and muscle building excellerant.

  56. Dhavy says:

    What a moron..

    oh dear Paris, this is not LA so I hope this time around we see your ass in jail for the ENTIRE sentence not a mere two weeks

  57. Camille says:

    DrM: I agree with you.
    I didn’t even smile when LiLo got sent off to jail, but with Paris I will laugh my ass off. She is such a stupid, entitled fame whore.

  58. Corina says:

    A few years back there were reports that the Hilton patriarch (their grandpa? great grandpa? idk) was giving the majority of his money to charity. I believe Paris & her siblings were each only getting like $5 million from him? Granted they might have turned things back around in the past few years but I really hope this article was true then and is still true now:

  59. mimi says:

    funny, i was just thinking how paris hasn’t been in the news/tabloids for anything and how that must be bugging her. Especially now that Kim K has become a huge media darling. Then…bam..Paris is front and center for doing something “stupid”.

  60. V.V. says:

    I totally think Paris did this for publicity. Kim and Lindsay are making headlines and no one is giving a rat’s ass about Paris anymore and Paris is a jealous douche bag.

  61. Murdoch says:

    oh she’ll just buy her way out of it or serve 3 and a half days in cushy jail and find god for 3 minutes and then go back to snortin coke and lets face it if you had a nose like hers you would want something to take the focus off it

  62. gg says:

    Eh, she’ll get off.

  63. Suzy says:

    This is the kind of publicity she lives for… she’s a narcissist. It doesn’t matter if the publicity is good or bad, it’s all narcissistic supply. She looks all too happy in this pic. She’s thinking about the interviews, the media frenzy, interrupting the nightly news to talk of her, her, her.

  64. OC lady says:

    Now, she’s blaming the cops for setting her up, saying everyone who knows her knows that she doesn’t use coke. So, they must have placed the packet in her purse. It’s a conspiracy against Poor Paris! 🙂 I hope she doesn’t get off. LV is notoriously hard on drugs, despite its sin city rep. Hopefully, Hilty will get a tough judge and jury–no sympathy for the poor little rich brat.

  65. Mouse says:

    With her money and lifestyle she could be doing so much good with the opportunities in front of her. She could do ANYTHING she wants but instead she’s a selfish, pathetic, drugged up idiot. She deserves all that’s coming to her and worse.

  66. Jover says:

    I agree aenflex what I despise about a lot of celebs is that they act like they are just ordinary people or street – think Beyonce – until something unpleasant or criminal happens and then they pull every celebrity advantage they can to get off and still garner pub in the process.

  67. Sigh. says:

    Answering the “law enforcement” question:

    Pot smoke (DUI/DWI) is “reasonable provocation” for search and seizure of EVERYONE in the car, their belongings, and the car itself. Especially if even one of them was acting suspiciously, such as excessive giggling, hiding their face, slurring, etc.

    In some major cities, MALE officers DO NOT perform a detailed search of FEMALES (body or belongings) if they can wait for female “backup.” This is to protect them from possible claims of inappropriateness (touching, handling of personal items). In my town, if a male officer just HAS to detain a female, he has to note the time and mileage from the location, then again when he reaches the station. This is to bar claims of the officer(s) taking her somewhere else and having their way (rape, beating, threats) before bringing them in.

    If she said she had to urinate, he had to comply if possible (no future claims of cruelty, and would YOU run the risk of her p!ssing in your car?). He would NOT have let her take the purse with her if it hadn’t been thoroughly searched and “cleared” by a female officer, whom they were waiting for (he probably just glanced inside for weapons and found none). That’s why she had to go inside of it in front of him for that literal last ditch effort. The purse was not going anywhere with her unescorted.

    And “It’s not mine,” is right up there with “I got a burnt spoon and bloody needles cuz I got the sugar diabetes.”

    Vegas courts knocked the wind out of OJ for a minute, so there’s hope…

  68. Dizzybenny says:

    so Paris and lady caca have something else in common,not only did they go to the same school but they both use cocaine!!!But yeah your right lady caca plays piano,so she’s much better then paris.:)

  69. Paris need to prepare herself for jail then rehab. She deserve to stay few months in rehab to learn some decency rather being topless.

  70. mojoman says:

    In her world: Any publicity is good publicity.

  71. Anon says:

    This is a woman with a 10th grade education. She didn’t make it past 10th grade for real…so part of me feels we could be dealing with a legit mentally challenged woman, with very limited intellectual functioning.

  72. 6 says:

    So, I’m glad I’m not the only one who wondered how she got those boobs (or the lack thereof) to do that.

  73. mike says:

    As I’ve said upthread, fame is double-edged. It can help you at times — and hurt at other times.

    It seems, in this case, Paris’ fame is gonna end up biting her bony rear to bits.

    Radar Online is claiming that the DA is running for reelection, has a history of high profile convictions, and thus is unlikely to let Paris off the hook. He would look much better to his voters looking tough on crime and justice for all by throwing the book at her.

    In short, Paris is highly unlikely to get a plea bargain and this will go to trial, with her going to prison if convicted!

  74. T-RAE says:

    For all you Paris haters—-I’m with ya.

  75. cori james says:

    Sidenote…is that boob-tanner running down the front of her dress? The coke arrest didn’t grab my attention, but that dribbly, tawny, bit down her gown did.

  76. trashaddict says:

    Are those new boobs? Were she and her boyfriend celebrating by snorting lines off them? I could see how that could be a little disorienting…