Jessica Simpson on her Tofurky dinner: “It’s gonna be jiggly & weird”


Even more Jessica Simpson stuff! I know, I know. But she’s so easy to talk about and write about. Anyway, Jess was on Jimmy Fallon last night, and she said something that kind of amused me. According to Jess, Eric Johnson is the kind of dude who goes to see “healers”. Hand. To. God. So, Eric went to see a “healer” and this dude told Eric that he needed to be healthier – that he needs to become a vegan. As you can imagine, Jessica in all of her Texan glory is struggling to understand what this mysterious “Tofurkey” is. Or, as Jess says, “It’s gonna be jiggly and weird.” Pot, kettle.

This Thanksgiving will be full of firsts for Jessica Simpson: her first with fiancé Eric Johnson, her first in New York, and her first with a tofu turkey.

“After getting out of the NFL, [Eric] went to this healer and is very healthy,” Simpson, 30, told Jimmy Fallon of her vegan husband-to-be. “For Thanksgiving we have to make a Tofurkey! It doesn’t sound right! It’s gonna be jiggly and weird.”

And while the singer, who just released her Christmas album, acknowledges that “when [Johnson] cooks vegan, it’s good,” she also admits that she comes from a very different background.

“I’m from Texas – I’d fry a steak,” she laughed. “We eat all casseroles and giblets!”

Dietary preferences aside, Simpson said she’s “very, very happy” in her relationship, and that Johnson proposed to her in the spot they met: her home.

[From People]

Poor Jess. I’ve known and loved vegans in my life, and I wouldn’t wish a vegan Thanksgiving on anyone. The Tofurky is fine (not really), but what I would really miss is the ham. Sweet, delicious ham. Mmm…

By the way, these photos are of Jessica and Eric last night – I guess they were going out to dinner? I hate Jessica’s puffy black jacket. It’s very unflattering. And I still don’t know why their body language is still so awkward. Why can’t they just hold hands? Why does Eric have to crook his arm so it’s like every day is Jessica’s debutante ball?





Photos courtesy of Fame.

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74 Responses to “Jessica Simpson on her Tofurky dinner: “It’s gonna be jiggly & weird””

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  1. embertine says:

    Oh Eru, I could do a veggie Thanksgiving (reluctantly) but vegan? No cream in your pumpkin pie? WHAT IS WITH THAT

  2. Yasmine says:

    For the record: tofurkey has greatly improved in the last decade lol. Stuff is actually edible now.

  3. mln says:

    I am not a vegan or a vegatarian but I have had many a vegatarian holiday. Tofurkey isn’t the only option and I have had some great mushroom gravy in my day. I think the key is to not expect the texture and taste of meat and instead enjoy the texture and taste of the food you are eating.

  4. meg says:

    If they have a kid, it will have the strangest shaped head…with nothing inside.

  5. J says:

    You had me laughing at the pot, kettle. That is the first thing I thought when I read the headline.

  6. Praise St. Angie! says:


    put away the open toed shoes until spring, Jess.

    I don’t get it…I’m at the store and I see women with wool pea-coats and scarves, and they’re wearing FLIP FLOPS! And not just once, I’m talking EVERY time I go!


  7. danielle says:

    Lol, I’ve always wanted to try tofurky! I’m a vegetarian and I just mainline stuffing and mashed potatoes and gravy and green bean caserole. Then after that many carbs I usually fall asleep.

  8. irishserra says:

    Mmmm… Hamm for Thanksgiving… What? Oh, you said “ham” for Thanksgiving. Yeah, right. I knew that.

    But Hamm… de. lish.

  9. Kaiser says:

    Praise – I might be one of those women. I’m like Suri Cruise, I run hot, and I’m still wearing sandals.

    Then again, I’m in the South, and not in f-cking NYC!

  10. gabs says:

    lol a “healer”. wtf is that? Tofu is gross. Its not a real thanksgiving without a REAL turkey. come on. I actually like her outfit. I mean, when it comes to unflattering, she could and has done much worse.

  11. brin says:

    “Jiggly & Weird”….kinda like Jess.

  12. bellaluna says:

    Guess she got rid of her “Real Women Eat Meat” t-shirt then, yeah? (I don’t care who you are, I’m not eating tofu. If I won’t eat it for my Mom, I definitely won’t eat it for anyone else.)

    When she is able to stop revamping her entire being for a man, she will be ready to have a successful relationship.

  13. anti says:

    we have tofurky every thanksgiving… it’s not wiggly at all.

    the answer to the tofurky is the best tasting side dishes possible!

    i agree with comment #3!

  14. Lukie says:

    @Kaiser: the crook in the arm thing is probably b/c she’s short and he is wayyyy taller than her. Weird hand-arm logistics.

    And if her hands are a lot smaller than his, it’s worse. You can’t hold them comfortably. You end up holding on to fingers instead. I have really small hands. I can’t hold big mitts like that for long, so it’s all about the crook of the arm for me.

  15. liz says:

    There’s nothing jiggly about a cooked tofurkey. dumass.

  16. aenflex says:

    kinda like her new figure

  17. LittleFATMe says:

    You know, my partner (who would be the “boy” or “butch” if you wanted to stuff us into preconceived relationship roles, which we actually fill quite nicely – lol) always does that, that crook the arm thing. It took me forever to get used to the fact that we would rarely hold hands like normal. Occasionally she will take my hand, but that is more in a situation where she is leading the way and I am trying not to get lost in the crowd behind her.

  18. Gabriela says:

    Hmm… Who’s this chick again? I feel like all that I know about her is that she is fat and engaged to some loser.

  19. ghostbuster says:

    @praise- im a flip flop wearer year round. when it gets too cold i wear toe socks. i have a aversion to shoes cause i like my toes to wiggle.

    i thought her outfit looked fantastic on her last night. her mention of lip-syncing on the float was funny though. i seemed obvious that she brought it up, im guessing because of the whole ashlee incident. i thought the interview was like a pr clean up. there was the mention of lip-syncing, being sick, the planning of the engagement, and her eating(shes a country girl). oh well, she seems nice

  20. Praise St. Angie! says:

    Kaiser, you’re excused if you’re in the South… 😉

    …and I’m not talking about a light jacket and sandals…that doesn’t bother me. but if it’s cold enough that you need a heavy wool coat and a scarf, you should be wearing closed shoes. (unless you just came from a pedicure, which these women were clearly not.)

    it’s along the lines of wearing socks with sandals/birkenstocks. if it’s cold enough that you need to wear socks with your open shoes, WEAR CLOSED SHOES.

    just a pet peeve…it’s not like I accost people on the street or anything…

    EDIT: ghostbuster – your post cracked me up, as I read it after I posted the socks w/sandals thing…*I* wouldn’t accost you, but I have a friend who WOULD. she’s merciless!

  21. Sara says:

    Soy is VERY BAD for you, ESPECIALLY soy protein isolate, way worse healthwise than meat. Look it up yourself, scary stuff!

  22. Chelly says:

    If you were in NYC last night, you’d know these past few days/nights have been quite nice. So no one would’ve looked at her like she was crazy for wearing em. It might be November, but it wasn’t feeling like it.

  23. REALIST says:

    OMG, she must love this man to put up with Tofurky. It’s soy pressed to look like turkey, and it IS jiggly and weird-cooked it’s just weird.
    Stick with the real vegetables-so yummy on Turkey Day!
    As for “meat”, next year, Jess, go with the field roast..

  24. Michelle says:

    Soy is actually very healthy for you. It *is* best to avoid highly processed soy like soy isolate , just as it is best to avoid processed and manipulated meat products (or any highly processed, manipulated food). Overall though, soy is a very healthy food. As a side note, Tofurkey is delicious, and not at all jiggly.

  25. guesty says:

    their body language reminds me of mariah & nick cannon. he’s super subservient.

  26. bluhare says:

    I’m vegetarian and not a huge fan of tofurkey, but there are a LOT of alternatives. I have a fake turkey breast in my freezer and I’ll have that with vegetarian stuffing, and the rest of the trimmings.

    As to those of you who say yuck to food with no milk/cream, there’s all kinds of other milk. Soy milk is my husband’s secret ingredient in his world famous french toast, and he’s Mr. Meat from Wisconsin! And, in both our opinion it’s much better for baking as it’s creamier. Along with the pumpkin chiffon pie, I make an apple sponge pudding with creme Anglaise (or custard to those of you from Old Blighty like me) and don’t tell anyone the dessert they all love is made with soy milk. Including the custard.

  27. abel says:

    tofurkey is delicious! vegetarian for 7 years :]

  28. LT says:

    @Praise – Child please, it’s stays in the 60’s – 70’s until January in SC! I was walking around in shorts, shirt and Rainbows yesterday actually. It ain’t freezin everywhere honey! (Thank GOD.)

    @Michelle – Haven’t there been studies (there have) on too much soy linked to breast cancer in younger women? Also, I’m allergic to soy so I can attest it isn’t ALWAYS that great (like when I almost die). 😉

  29. samihami says:

    @ Sara-thank you for those links. I have avoided soy for a long time because of the negative effects.

    @LT-Another Carolina girl! I’m in Charleston. You? And I agree, there have been years that I’ve spent New Year’s day in shorts & a tee, cooking out on the grill with neighbors, and I have also seen New Year’s days with snow on the ground. You just can’t predict in SC…!

  30. Amy says:

    I hated tofu the one time I tried it (so bland ugh) so no way I would eat a tofurkey for anyone. However I don’t necessarily need to eat turkey. In fact this year I won’t since I am in Europe, even though I will be celebrating it. I usually spend more time eating the other side dishes. All about the mashed and sweet potatoes for me. 🙂

  31. Michelle says:

    Sara, I have educated myself. I have seen all the info against soy (specifically processed soy, and can post links to just as many links that espouse the health benefits of soy.
    Whenever I read about any negatives of soy, it is usually in regards to processed soy, or extremely excessive quantities. I still stand by the health benefits of soy, but it shouldn’t be the ONLY thing a person eats to get protein.

  32. junipergreen says:

    I’m vegan and tofurkys are actually good. I make one every year. You have to know how to cook, though. Same with tofu. Unless you know what you are doing with tofu it will be a mushy mess, but you can make it into the texture of chicken actually. Jesus, people are closed minded.

    Tofurky roasts are very solid–they couldn’t jiggle if you shook them.

    Also, with the soy “dangers”–that’s still up for HUGE debate. There is no conclusive evidence that it is dangerous at all.

  33. Sara says:

    You guys are wrong, their is conclusive scientific evidence on the dangers of soy and tofu, but you can choose to ignore those if you like. I work in the health care industry and read scientific articles that do indeed show the negatives of soy. I am not telling anyone what they should and shouldn’t eat, but I was a vegetarian for ten years and after I started eating organic only meat, I have felt sooo much better and my skin looks 100 times better. The choice is yours always, but I am fully educated and confident it what I state about soy.

  34. Michelle says:

    And I am fully educated and confident in my support of soy being something one can healthfully have as part of their diet. If you look closely, the articles against soy, specifically argue against genetically modified soy and processed soy, while touting the benefits of organic soy. I am a vegan and MY skin has never been more clear and I’ve never been healthier. I also don’t think anyone should have any one food (like soy) comprise the bulk of their diet). I am happy you are healthy and comfortable in your choices. Moving on.

  35. Praise St. Angie! says:

    “Child please, it’s stays in the 60’s – 70’s until January in SC!”

    yeah, which is why I said “you’re excused if you’re in the South”.

    and why I ALSO said, “if it’s cold enough that you need a heavy wool coat and a scarf”….

    I’m specifically talking about an environment where the temperature is low enough that you need to wear cold weather clothing.

  36. Erin says:

    I’m with Michelle. I don’t eat meat, and I think a little soy can be a healthful addition to one’s diet..but I’m not crazy about Tofurkey! It actually tastes too much like meat for my taste. I am having a Field Roast (vegan) for thanksgiving – no soy, and very tasty!

  37. LT says:

    @samihami – I’m in Charleston too! Great weather this past week! I’m going up to Minnesota for a week next Friday and I am fearing that I will die from the cold…I was praying that God would let the weather follow me up there, but my friend in Minn said “there is no God up here, he left for the winter”! 🙂

  38. Sara says:

    For centuries, Asian people have been consuming fermented soy products such as natto, tempeh, and soy sauce, and enjoying the health benefits. Fermented soy does not wreak havoc on your body like unfermented soy products do.

    Unfortunately, many Americans who are committed to healthy lifestyles have been hoodwinked and manipulated into believing that unfermented and processed soy products like soymilk, soy cheese, soy burgers and soy ice cream are good for them.

  39. Sara says:

    Unfermented soy is DANGEROUS whether you agree or not. Tofu is NOT fermented, therefore bad for you. Now, moving on.

  40. ghostbuster says:

    @praise-its cool i can take it 🙂 its a personal goal of mine to be the crazy old lady all the neighborhood kids make ghost stories about, so i figure i should get a head start. today is 40 degrees and im all bundled up wearing my flippy floppies. geez, that really is ridiculos :/ oh well, let the crazy begin!

  41. Praise St. Angie! says:


    (pointing finger)



  42. Yasmine says:

    I will agree with Sara on the organic meat point. After a decade of vegetarianism I started eating organic meat and I feel like a whole new person. A great number of women already have trouble keeping up iron levels (menstrual cycle for one), and being vegetarian exacerbated my problem. Sustainably/organically farmed meat is where it’s at!

  43. mavis says:

    Hey Jess? Perchance are you talking about yourself. You are jiggly and weird.

  44. bluhare says:

    Tell you what. You all stop the soy/tofu bashing and I won’t post any links about what meat does to a person. I hate talking about how I’m vegetarian and a lot of it is because of stuff like this. Invariably meat eaters think they have to defend themselves just because I mention I don’t eat it. I even tell them it’s because of my cholesterol just to shut them up.

  45. GeekChic says:

    I’ve been veggie for nearly 20 years and have cooked many vegetarian Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. Tofurkey isn’t the best fake meat out there, but it’s pretty good. Someone earlier said the thing to do is not expect it to taste like meat — just enjoy the taste for what it is. And honestly my veggie stuffing, green bean casseroles, veggie pot pies, and twice baked potatoes are to die for. No one has ever missed the dead bird after they’ve eaten my other food! (And P.S. if the fake meat is jiggly, then throw it away, it’s rotten. Fake meat should never, ever be jiggly! Gross!)

  46. Jeri says:

    Maybe like Mimi she needs help walking.

    Wonder if she’s still having a stove/oven moved into their hotel room to cook Thanksgiving dinner.

  47. Sara says:

    Tell you what, find me some research that says MODERATE consumption of non-processed organic meat is bad for you. You won’t find it, promise you that.

  48. Marjalane says:

    I’m having a problem with a guy who’s a total vegan and into his health being attracted to someone like Jessica.(well, there’s the money, I guess) For God’sake she doesn’t even brush her teeth or bathe all that often! By her own admission. She probably has a chunk of some kind of meat stuck in her teeth most of the time!

  49. Whitey Fisk says:

    mln – “I think the key is to not expect the texture and taste of meat and instead enjoy the texture and taste of the food you are eating.”

    You are exactly right!

    Sara, I’ll read those articles you linked to. Regardless of what we’re talking about, though, it seems like there’s always the same indisputable bottom line: everything in moderation! (Thanksgiving being an exception, of course. I’m gonna stuff myself like there’s no tomorrow.)

  50. Michelle says:

    Bluhare, I’m the same way! I try to just keep it to myself when I can so i don’t have to get in a big fight about it.

    Sara, you are being a little combative. Some people won’t eat meat for environmental or ethical reasons as well as health reasons. Eat what you want, there is no need to fight with people about it. No one cares what you eat. Just be happy.

  51. junipergreen says:

    Also, tofurky roasts are not SOY. They are more wheat gluten than soy.

  52. Sara says:


    I don’t care WHAT people eat, I said so in my above post. I simply am saying that regardless of what one’s opinion is, unfermented soy/tofu is bad for your body. I am not saying don’t eat it as its your body, but I am in a profession that HAS to know the facts. I was a vegetarian for ten years, so I know the many reasons WHY people choose that.

  53. bluhare says:

    Sara, we get it. Get off the podium now.

  54. Sara says:

    No podium people, just facts.

  55. bluhare says:

    Michelle, thanks for your post. Glad you understand!

    And apologies for being defensive, everyone. I have actually had someone ask questions re why I’m vegetarian (came up at a restaurant as I was ordering) and then call me Madame Zealot when I said I don’t like factory farming. That was extreme; bashing my food choices is usually what happens — hence my reaction above. Again, apologies.

  56. bluhare says:

    Sara, so educate us on the benefits of meat.

  57. bluhare says:

    On second thought, don’t educate me. I’m leaving now. Have a lovely tgiving.

  58. Sara says:

    Thanks you too.

  59. Sara says:

    BTW, you don’t HAVE to eat soy/tofu to be a successful vegetarian. Plenty of protein sources to choose from. This was STRICTLY about soy/tofu, NOT vegetarian bashing people.

  60. Bill Hicks is God says:

    “It’s gonna be jiggly and weird,”

    Can she not stick with the topic at hand without talking about her body issues?

  61. TeeTee says:

    WAIT!! he proposed where they first met???

    in her home?? so someone bought him to her cause she needed to buy a fiancee ASAP??

  62. TeriSaw says:

    I love tofurkey, so looking forward to it tomorrow.

    Not a single one of the anti-soy sources provided is an actual, legitimate medical source. Now if you can throw some definitive peer reviewed studies out there I may buy it. The ACS says moderate consumption is fine and that is a source I trust.

    Now if we are mass produced and engineered soy from Monsanto etc. Then I agree, but that is a separate issue.

  63. bellaluna says:

    @ TeeTee – Wait; was that “someone bought him to her” a typo? Did you mean “brought him” or is “bought him” correct? ‘Cause you could really be onto something there…

  64. Scarlett says:

    I’ll take tofurkey over a bird carcass any day.

  65. The Hamm is My Dream Man says:

    I’ll take a bird carcass over tofurkey any day.

    Different strokes for different folks. I’ve been to Thanksgiving on a farm. You poor vegetarians would probably have strokes from knowing that Turkey Dan and Piggly Wiggly which you were petting three hours ago are now set up on the table with all the delicious trimmings.

  66. Rio says:

    “Different strokes for different folks…You poor vegetarians would probably have strokes…”

    Wow, condescending tone much? I’m a vegetarian and have been for 10 years, and for all the cliches of the militant vegan, meat-eaters who try to “convert” vegetarians are just as bad. If it’s truly different strokes for different folks, then everyone should just STOP CARING what each other eat and just feel damned fortunate we live in enough luxury where willfully consuming this that or the other is a CHOICE.

  67. Jenny says:

    Or, as Jess says, “It’s gonna be jiggly and weird.” Pot, kettle.

    You make me laugh. I love Celebitchy!

  68. Matt says:

    Jessica’s eyes look so squinty in the last pic.

  69. Bitter fruit says:

    Is she being his beard? Something about how they behave is just off there, is he hiding his true self with a fake marriage?

  70. Kelley says:

    No 21, you are right … it IS bad … especially in the US, as most soy beans are genetically modified. Causes all sorts of health issues, not to mention cancer. And I have to agree with Kaiser; the body language between these two is VERY awkward.

  71. The Hamm is My Dream Man says:

    Rio: I don’t care that you don’t eat meat and I don’t care that vegetarians and vegans don’t eat meat. I’m just saying that farm Thanksgivings would probably be a traumatic experience for people like yourself (i.e. vegans/vegetarians). I’m not forcing any kind of issue about how healthy meat is or how silly you are for not eating meat-because quite frankly I don’t know and don’t care. Stop victimizing yourself.

  72. AM says: