Javier Bardem’s smoldering rawness is just what the doctor ordered


Over the holiday, my mother got me sick. She’s a teacher, and she’s always covered in germs, and on Thanksgiving, she had some kind of nasty cold. Anyway, I very happily ate my ham and turkey, and as I was driving home, I felt the fever coming on. I was burning up, even though the temperature was in the low 40s. So, basically, I spent my holiday inside, not shopping or doing much other than moaning, wallowing in sicky self-pity, and watching Poirot and Miss Marple DVDs. Oh, and the drugs I’m on have given me such lurid and intense dreams, that I’m now creating this totally insane murder mysteries in my head, complete with an all-English cast. Ugh. One plus: one of my crazy British murder dreams involved a sexy Jonny Lee Miller (swoon!).

Basically, I needed a hot guy today. I thought my only brush with someone gorgeous was going to be those Vincent Cassel photos I put in the Natalie Portman post. But my lover Javier “My Javi” Bardem must have known I feel like hell, because he posed extra special for me today. It was actually the Madrid photo call for Biutful – the Spanish-language film many think Javi will be nominated for this year. My Javi looks especially gorgeous in these photos… all tan and masculine and sexy.

Have I ever gone into detail about my favorite Javi fantasy? It’s not the homoerotic fan fiction I’ve worked out with Javi and Daniel Craig (although that is really, really hot), nor the homoerotic fan fiction I worked out for Javi and Brad Pitt (Javi was describing Brad’s beauty, and the homoeroticism came naturally). No, my favorite fantasy involves Javi and I being seated beside each other accidentally at some formal lunch, and we start talking, and by the dessert course (mint ice cream), Javi and I are in love. That fantasy is not as sexy as Javi and Daniel Craig dry-humping on top of a Jaguar, but it’s still a solid fantasy.




Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

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28 Responses to “Javier Bardem’s smoldering rawness is just what the doctor ordered”

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  1. elina says:


  2. caroline says:

    i was sick all weekend too, and sunday was my 22nd birthday (22 happens to be my lucky number) so i know your pain! feel better!

  3. REALIST says:

    Lucky,lucky Penelope! Lucky, Lucky Javier. I bet their baby will be gorgeous!
    (Naughty Kaiser-he is soooo taken!)

  4. jessica says:

    He was so good in No Country for Old Men!!

  5. jessica says:

    and yes, my husband, mother and me were all sick this weekend.. dam sinus infection and chest cold. Dayum..

  6. bellaluna says:

    Well Kaiser, for your sake, I hope you don’t have whatever I have. It seems like I’ve been sick forever! I start to feel better, and then I wake up the next day barfing again. (Ditto to you, caroline – and happy birthday!!)

    Anyway, yes, Javier is gorgeous (so is Penelope) and I bet their baby will be gorgeous, too!

  7. sapphire says:

    Give yourself a break-truly lurid fantasy is tough when you’re sick. But thanks for a Hot Guy for a dreary Monday.

  8. Tess says:

    Mega testosterone. That’s what he’s got. Just about as male as a male can be.

    Is Penelope preggers?

    Hope you all feel better. Rotten luck to be sick during Thanksgiving.

  9. Jayna says:

    He must be so hot in bed. Loved him in Vicky Cristina Barcelona.

  10. Kaiser says:

    Thanks for the well wishes, peeps! I’m not pukey, my throat is just killing me, I have a bad sinus headache and I’m congested. But I’m getting better.

  11. chloe says:

    I love me some Javi, Kaiser maybe you can get him to rub Vics all over your chest!!!

  12. filthycute says:

    Panty pudding!

  13. cuter says:

    He is so hated in Spain. He is one of the most unfriendly douche actors. hot? omg… please no!!

  14. Johnny Depp's Girl says:

    Yeah Baby!!!

  15. Roxanne75 says:

    eeu guys…he’s old! I know I consider myself old and say it quite a bit but c’mon…..can we try to aim for something a bit younger and less hairy?

  16. Aqua says:

    It sounded like a horrible weekend for a lot of you.Hope you all feel better soon.He is everything all wrapped into one!A mans man and a ladies man.

  17. maggiegrace says:

    I adore the man and think he is so hot. But part of his hotness is that he is kind of weird-looking. Does anyone else know what I mean?

  18. dorothy says:

    Oh my…..(fanning myself)

  19. Deeta says:

    This man is getting better with age!

  20. luls says:

    there was a time when i found him to be okayish… even mildly attractive (after all, he often plays casanova-like characters, & that helps)…….. BUT that time is LONG gone for me. hes butt-ugly! Like, i actually get a physical reaction lookin at him! uughh

  21. Chris says:

    Poor Kaiser. That explains why CB slowed down a bit over the week end.

  22. Dani says:

    I always get him confused with Jeffrey Dean Morgan. It’s uncanny!! 😀

  23. flourpot says:

    Um… ew. WTH are you girls smoking?

  24. Liana says:

    Good Lord, Kaiser, you have more lovers than… anyone, pretty much. Feel better.

  25. Raven says:

    Is he really that unfriendly?? Maybe he’s just private. He’s also very, very hot.

  26. LittleDeadGirl says:

    Poirot and Miss Marple DVDs are my go to for when I’m sick too (along with Golden Girls). I can’t watch regular tv when I’m truly about to die, moves too fast, is too loud, ect but Poirot is like a comfortable blanket. Love that you admitted to that in a post.

    Javier is def what the doctor order but like the poster above I get him confused with Jeffrey Dean Morgan on first glance but I’d sleep with JDM but not with JB … I dunno … he is hot but I’m just not ready to get naked for him. Maybe I need to see him in more movies?

  27. dj says:

    @maggie grace. I totally get what you are saying. His uniqueness is what is hot & manly (to me, anyway).

  28. M says:

    OMG, did he get his nose done????