Lindsay Lohan: “I would never steal, I was not raised to lie, cheat, or steal”

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It’s come time for the part of the Crack Hustle Cycle for both Mother Crackhead and Crackhead Junior to get on their high horses and deny, deny, deny. Yesterday, Dina piped up and told PopEater that Lindsay’s felony charge was “all good” because “God has a big plan.” Then last night (during the peak crack hours), Lindsay tweeted this crack-filled crack lie:

Was on the phone with my sister&this movie Greenberg is on, i heard my voice which was odd- and ryhs ifans is watching Just My Luck in the movie- made me laugh.. i just want to be on set again, and left alone to just work! fyi- i would never steal, in case people are wondering. I was not raised to lie, cheat, or steal… also, what i wear to court shouldnt be front page news. it’s just absurd. god bless xox L

[From Lindsay’s Twitter feed]

Where to start? Let’s begin with the explicit denial: “I would never steal, in case people are wondering.” We’re not “wondering,” we know for a fact that she’s a crack thief. Since this particular instance of crack thievery, various outlets have compiled (incomplete) lists of what Lindsay has stolen, which include (by my estimation, but not a complete list): a fur coat, a Rolex, leggings “designs”, $10,000 worth of clothes from a friend, Parisian jewels in an ingenious heist and $400,000 worth of jewelry from a magazine shoot. So, Lindsay Lohan: Still A Crack Liar, In Addition to Being a Crack Thief.

Next: “I was not raised to lie, cheat, or steal” – Yeah, that’s not the case, either. Mother Crackhead was the one who taught Lindsay the art of the grift, and now the student has become the teacher, and the old teacher has become the cracked-out enabler.

Next: “also, what I wear to court shouldnt be front page news. it’s just absurd.” Well… what Lindsay wore showed her blatant disrespect for the judicial process, considering she was wearing a skin-tight minidress with likely no panties or bra. Oh, and she treated the walk into the courthouse like a catwalk, reveling in the attention. Oh, and she got her hair done and her lips freshly plumped for the event too. Because Lindsay thinks every court appearance is like a casting call in which she’ll have to “perform” on her knees.

Last: “I just want to be on set again, and left alone to just work!” No, she doesn’t. If she wanted that, she would be taking all of this seriously and she would be doing what it takes to be sober and honest and reliable. Here’s the kicker: Lindsay loves all of this. She loves the attention. She loves the hustle. She loves the drama. She thinks her life is one big performance.

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Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

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72 Responses to “Lindsay Lohan: “I would never steal, I was not raised to lie, cheat, or steal””

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  1. Rita says:

    “I was not raised to lie, cheat, or steal”

    I believe her…somethings just come naturally.

  2. samihami says:

    What a train wreck. Such a pity-she actually seemed to have some acting talent before she got all cracked out. And she was pretty, too–but that’s gone forever. She’s young, but she has a LOT of miles on her…

  3. Gwen says:

    And pigs can fly.

  4. rissa says:

    she was probably raised not to do crack either

  5. brin says:

    @Rita…lol, that’s right!
    She really is a piece of work and I totally agree that she takes none of this seriously. Lindsay’s cracked out life is her career.

  6. Quest says:

    Hey if this was a red-bull ad then the pigs would be flying high Gwen (lol)…but fuh real…like mother and daughter Theresa Lohans:

    “god has big plans”

    Yeah right! Next she would be highlighting the Pope.

  7. Isa says:

    She is wearing panties though….

  8. Jackson says:

    Perhaps her next performance will be in the State Pen. Alas, no cameras for the viewing public.

  9. Zvonk says:

    Her mother’s “God has a plan”, and Lindsay’s sign off “God Bless” is a clear indication that Lindsay will very soon divulge that she has “found God” in order to avoid jail time.

  10. Bex says:

    Liar, liar pants on fire!

  11. devilgirl says:

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OMG, I never knew she was a comedienne!

  12. Arianna says:

    @ Zvonk
    hahahaha oh man i can definitely see that ugh

    i just want to slap her hard
    somebody needs to wipe that fucking smirk off her face!

  13. Johnny Depp's Girl says:

    @Rita and @ Gwen… LOL and ITA

    With those parents???? Oh yes you were!

  14. macey says:

    I never saw such a smug criminal, she’s absolutely loving every minute of this.

    this just shows how delusional she is. Pathological liars and thieves actually believe their own lies and believe they are entitled to the things they steal.
    so in her own cracked out delusional mind she’s not a liar or a thief b/c she’s is just taking or borrowing what she thinks she’s entitled to.

  15. Hautie says:

    Geez, does she really believe that fat upper lip is glamorous?

    Though I have to say it is my new favorite picture. It just shows off the fact she is still delusional.

    And without the help of a hard core crisis management/PR team, she will never turn any of this around.

  16. embertine says:

    This is like that Two Doors Puzzle; if she said “Actually, I’m a big ol’ liar” then she would create a logic paradox and the universe would implode.

    It’s only because we know she always lies that any of her statements make sense.

  17. lucy2 says:

    Your analysis is spot on, Kaiser.
    I find it hilarious that she mentions “how she was raised”, as if her parents are some upstanding people that should convince us that she could NEVER do the things she’s accused of.

  18. Kiki says:

    I thought her dress was nice but then again… I’ve never been in a court house in front of a judge. What’s the right attire for this sort of engagement?

  19. the original bellaluna says:

    And the crack lies continue…

    She looks like something that fell out of a tampax box in that dress.

    @ lucy2 – If she’d been raised by wolves, she probably would have fared better!

  20. Ruby Red Lips says:

    “Lindsay loves all of this. She loves the attention. She loves the hustle. She loves the drama. She thinks her life is one big performance.”

    Spot on Kaiser!

    god, the girl is a compulsive liar who actually belives her own lies and believes she is actually telling the truth…

    Oh and at least we know Ali is still alive!! (Recovering from all that plastic surgery I expect!)

    Oh Lindsay, you truly are a delusional lost cause. The lovely little girl who was so full of life has been sucked out of you and lost forever, very very sad all round how her life has panned out

  21. rissa says:

    “i was not raised to lie, cheat, or steal.. and these lips are real damn it!”

  22. sapphire says:

    Good question if she was “raised” at all- being dropped off in California before she was a legal adult isn’t parenting.
    The ‘God Bless” isn’t a new sign off-she is convinced that God still loves delusional crackheads.

  23. serena says:

    I was not raised to lie, cheat, or steal…
    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA.This is the best joke of ever.

  24. EzE says:

    Umm, are you aware of how most people actually dress for court? Think casual friday for people of walmart. It boggles to suggest Lindseys fashionable ensemble was anything less than respectful.

    She’s actually got a point, what a silly country this is to get up in arms over what an innocent girl wears.

    Everyone accuses.
    Rock on Lindsay!

  25. brin says:

    Looking at her lips, you could say “Quack is wack” or “Crack is wack” and be right either way.

  26. Audrey says:

    Casual Friday for people of Walmart = pajamas. For the court – No jeans, no t-shirts, no gym shoes. You wear knee length skirts, nice sweaters, dress pants and/or a blazer. Keep limits on the jewelry and makeup.

  27. im awful says:

    ok, am i the only one that thinks her boobs are really low on her torso in this dress? i know we cant all have perky little boobs but shes only 23-24??? Sagtacular.

  28. Waldemar says:

    “I just want to be on set again, and left alone to just work!”

    When was the last time she was on a set?!? I’ll be surprised she will recognize it as such if she would land on one face first.

    “If she’d been raised by wolves, she probably would have fared better!”

    (Full on Golden Girls geek here) or the Moose from St. Olaf. He did not only raise little Jimmy, he put him through medical school.

  29. Marie says:

    Ok I am going to admit, I haven’t read the article yet, but the headlline made me spit my milk and cereal. LMAO! Ok back to the article.

  30. Po says:

    I just want to know who is funding all of this drama. Where is she getting the money from. Is it because I got bored and watched Mean Girls last night? Is she getting some type of residuals? I’m lost.

  31. Marie says:

    I am in total agreement with Kasier and all the comments and @awful (#27) I said the same thing when I seen her walking into court, why are her boobies down to her belly button? A bra would have been appropriate.

  32. bunkins says:

    how about the lie ” they are not my pants” when busted with coke

    fool

  33. renai(jrt) says:

    but I was raised to use drugs and what do drug addicts do…..lie, cheat, and steal their way to get drugs.

  34. Jacq says:

    It is obvious that Lindsay buys too much into her own hype (hype from days of long ago) and I am honestly beginning to think she actually believes her own lies. Everyone has known someone like that; someone who lies constantly and incessantly, and those lies begin to become their “reality.” But, really, bitch puh-leeeeze!

  35. phlyfiremama says:

    But her life IS just one big on going performance. Such a tragedy, it seems like she never had a decent chance to begin with given her so-called “parents”. People keep saying how they wish she would go away but keep feeding the whole frenzy by continuing to run stories on her, and continuing to comment on said stories. I want her to go away and get her fecal material coagulated, and come back when she has re-shaped herself into a decent human being.

  36. someone says:

    Im actually not feeling sorry for her at all, shes lied and stolen in the past, and that smug look on her face says it all…shes delusional.

  37. Jayna says:

    And we believe you when you say you would never steal since you have never lied in the past in interviews or to the judge. LOL

  38. Nikki says:

    God she is a disgusting person, I really wish she’d drop off the face of the earth. And that has got to be the most absurd comment I have ever heard- she is the biggest compulsive liar in Hollywood and everyone knows it. What a joke.

  39. Ally says:

    “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining”…..Judge Judy.

  40. MissyA says:

    I see her chipped nail polish as a “Fuck Ux2″ to the court.

    She was “ridiculed” for her “joke” on her manicure on her last court date (because she certainly didn’t intend her custom mani to offend anyone at court :eyeroll: ). So this time, ever the eternal victim, she decides to “punish” us all by denying herself a fresh new manicure for court. To show humility. Spiteful humility.

    So petulant.
    So juvenile.
    And she sits there with a smirk thinking she’s outfoxed us all.

    News flash honey – we were all 16 once. That attitude isn’t cute in your twenties. Grow up, put on a bra, and take your court date like a woman.

  41. Rita says:

    @Ally #39

    It was the Dalai Lama who originally used that expression when Deng Xiaoping promised the Tibetan people that they could live in peace (I think), but Judge Judy’s context is always well taken.

  42. Ally says:

    @ Rita…yes! true, true…love your comments, btw

  43. Annie says:

    She wasn’t raised this way? Is she for real? Her pattern of behavior and attitude is near identical to both her parents – it goes “you are more entitled than all those commoners, so cheat, con and steal to get what you want regardless of how it hurts people and if you get busted never show remorse just lie, lie, lie, deny, deny, deny.”

    In fact at her age it’s high time she stopped being so influenced by how she was raised and started taking responsibility for herself.

  44. bluhare says:

    Well, Lindsay’s dad was a stock trader or something and went to jail for financial irregularities (stealing?), so it’s actually in her DNA. And one could argue her mother was stealing when she was using LIndsay’s carvel ice cream card so much the company finally put their foot down and said no mas. Yep, two great examples of parenthood.

  45. Ron says:

    This is absolutely not true. She was raised to steal, cheat and lie. The stealing always comes first!

  46. jo says:

    @Ally : Was that before or after the movie in the 70′s with Clint Eastwood when they muttered the same line?

  47. Feebee says:

    I know it’s a still shot but why does she always do that stupid thing with her tongue? (no, not talking)

    Forget Betty Ford, she needs a 5150 because she’s clearly delusional.

  48. Hmmm says:

    If it walks like a duck (lips)….

  49. Murrie says:

    I love that first picture of her. It makes me think she’s going to say, “Oh, sorry your Honor. I didn’t hear what you were saying. I was just doing a line off my attorney’s leg. I hope it’s okay if I ask you to repeat that last line while I take another hit off the table. I promise I’ll pay attention this time.”

  50. Cherry Rose says:

    Even if she wasn’t “raised” to lie, cheat, or steal, she certainly was never punished for those behaviors by her parents (or the justice system for that matter).

    And people, stop making the excuse of “she never had a chance with having parents like those”. There are many people in the world who pretty much have the devil as their parents, and they turn out to be kind, caring, law-abiding citizens who understand morals and the value of right or wrong.

    Those people also realize that they’re parents are toxic to them, and even though it’s hard to do, they know they have to cut off all ties to them. And they do it, because they want to live a good life, and not be constantly dragged down by their parents.

    Lindsay is 24 fucking years old. She is basically in her mid-20s, and is no longer a child. She has no more excuses. She knows she must do and what actions she must take to get some sort of career back, and yet she doesn’t make any sort of steps toward it.

    So please, stop the excuses for Lindsay people.

  51. e says:

    If I was being accused of something so horrible and I didn’t do it. I wouldn’t be smiling in court. I’d be a nervous wreck. She isn’t talented and isn’t very intelligent. If she was, she would be acting upset over this matter. She should move back to where she came from and leave “Us All Alone!” I’m so sick of hearing about her and looking at her.

  52. C Shep says:

    She may have not been raised to lie, cheat or steal, but she was born to blow me.

  53. Theresa says:

    unfortunately, the problem with delusional people is that the delusion is real to them, and there is nothing any person, organization or system will do or can do to convince them otherwise.

    that is the head-against-wall problem with this girl, we see her for what she is and she only sees herself as what she wants to be.

    we may as well move on to things we can actually change, like perhaps political regimes in Egypt, establish peace in the middle east…

  54. Bella Mosley says:

    Wasn’t Dina picked up over an icecream cake?

    I just had to read this article when I saw that Kaiser had written it. And it was everything I had hoped for. Kaiser just never disappoints!!!

  55. The Bobster says:

    I hear she has a bridge she’d like to sell us.

  56. Faye says:

    You know how people who spend a lot of time in jail get used to it and can’t adjust to life “on the outside”? I think that’s how Lindsay is, but with court appearances. If she doesn’t have a court date scheduled, she starts getting itchy. She doesn’t do drugs anymore, she’s addicted to wasting tax payers’ money in the courtroom.

  57. betty says:

    Unlike Charlie Sheen she is damaging herself only and not not hurting kids with such bad behavior. Sheen on the other hand is disgracing his kids.

  58. MMJJ says:

    To Kiki – I’m a lawyer in Chicago. Dunno about L.A. but that is NOT how you dress for court here! Unless you are there for solicitation, and come dressed in uniform!

  59. CB Rawks says:

    @EzE “It boggles to suggest Lindseys fashionable ensemble was anything less than respectful.”

    It WOULD boggle YOUR mind.
    It doesn’t matter to you what she does or to whom, what she steals, who she eventually kills. So pardon us when we don’t take anything you say seriously. You’re just Innocent with an even lower IQ.

  60. CB Rawks says:

    “If I was being accused of something so horrible and I didn’t do it. I wouldn’t be smiling in court. I’d be a nervous wreck.”

    Exactly!

    And as a sidebar, I just want to punch her in the face.

  61. Kasper says:

    Umm EZE – are you being sarcastic? If not, please get off Lindsay’s nutsack. Sean Penn is waiting his turn.

  62. toofunny says:

    oh my!! She is a seriously sick young “lady”.

    …and what about those fingernails? No time for a mani/pedi?

    Who is telling her lips look good? She really needs to distance herself from her mother.

  63. lachica says:

    I can’t believe Crackie had the nerve to make that tweet. Then again the first tweet was a picture of herself with Kanye that somebody (Shawn?) clearly made her remove. So we know where her real priority lies. This crack ho is DUMBER than DUMB.

  64. Elizabeth Rose says:

    Despite all the craziness that surrounds her, she is unbelievably stunning. I mean, she is just such a naturally gorgeous woman even with the hard drug use and the abuse that she has put her young-ish body through. Somehow and I don’t really know why… it makes this whole situation all that much more sad. Just saying.

  65. tuscan sun says:

    If Lindsay wasn’t raised to steal then how come she said her Dad stole her passport?

  66. Just Me says:

    Ah, it begins . . .
    laying the ground for using the ‘Insanity Plea’!

  67. poopie says:

    i LOVE the ‘tampax’ reference !!hahhaaha

    and who is the guy wearing the aluminum foil tie with her?

    her ENTIRE LIFE IS A LIE!

  68. poopie says:

    can XENU help her?

  69. macey says:

    now they’re laying the ground work for LL and Dina to open their own jewelry shop..LOL. Its just like when she was in jail & rehab they were going to start a rehab.
    its funny how Dina spawns all these ideas based on LL’s criminal activity. I guess they have to look for opportunities from her crimes since no one outlets will touch her.

  70. Just Me says:

    Ah, it begins . . .
    laying the ground work for using the ‘Insanity Plea’!

  71. Trippin says:

    She was Disney reared and that’s the problem. The pictures up top prove she’s under the influence in court, who the hell else would wear a dress like that and expect to be taken serious. She continues to live in a fantasy world where her team of handlers and Mama Horse Face enable her and bail her out. Lindsay still has not hit rock bottom, and suffers from Hollywood entitlement. Probably the only thing that would bring her down would be tax invasion if that was happening. Otherwise she’s gonna keep on truckin’ and f*ckin’ up.

  72. poopie says:

    i wish people would stop calling her a talented actress. she is NOT. she made a few movies. big deal. there are some REALLYY bad movies out there. she is obvs suffering from entitlement issues and that stems from her managers, handlers, P.R. people and her PARENTS. if the media would STOP covering her every move she would either go away, overdose but for SURE stop smirking in court!