The tabloids for next week are out, and the cover stories aren’t centered on a single celebrity or couple and seem to be all over the place. Star Magazine focuses on Suri Cruise’s supposedly “Lonely Life” full of designer clothes, 200 dolls, nannies and maids. The magazine also claims to be privy to the “secrets” this barely verbal two and a half year old tells her dolls. Maybe my son took longer to talk than most but he wasn’t even speaking in full sentences at two. Little girls can be much quicker at learning language, though. I was going to say that Suri has a pretty charmed life, but she’s also growing up under the influence of Scientology and even for a child of a famous multi-millionaire that’s no picnic.
Star has an inset story that “Brad Leaves Angie Again!” In Touch takes it a bit further with a cover story that asks “Have They Split?” with the bullet points:
Brad was in Paris this weekend, but he had to shoot a commercial and took Zahara with him. He’s now in Berlin, reportedly with Angelina and the rest of his growing family, although only Brad and Zahara have been photographed at this point.There were countless breakup stories about these two over a year ago, and it seemed like the tabloids were running cover stories that they’d split every other week. That turned out to be nothing and this probably will too.
OK! Magazine made the questionable decision to feature Kim Kardashian and her “Dancing with The Stars” weight loss on the cover with the title “How I stay thin, but keep my sexy curves.” When curves are silicone-filled, it’s pretty hard to get rid of them without a scalpel.
Globe and the National Enquirer are filled with dirt on the Republican political candidates. The Globe runs a 9 year-old story about Cindy McCain’s prescription drug addiction as if it’s new, while The National Enquirer focuses on Sarah Palin’s infidelity, a story they’ve covered in the past and now they’re revealing the man she allegedly cheated on her husband with.
People has Clay Aiken’s “Yes I’m Gay” story while US covers Leighton Meester’s troubled past as the daughter of a jailed drug smuggler.
Life & Style seems to get it right with a cover story about the tragic crash on Friday, focusing on DJ AM’s exes, Nicole Richie and Mandy Moore, who are likely to sell more copies than the two guys. The story about AM and Barker’s crash is an inset feature on the covers of People, US, and OK!. Surely OK! could have booted Kim Kardashian to focus more on this compelling story.
Covers thanks to ONTD, CoverAwards, and popbytes.
Seriously – Kim K on the cover of OK? There’s a reason no one buys that magazine.
I’m honestly surprised that People’s cover focused on Clay Aiken rather than the Emmy’s… don’t they usually have a 20 page spread, or something like that?
Is Clay’s news really that big of a deal?
I could comment on all of the covers, but won’t today… been too busy lately…However, the thing about Suri – how can the kid be THAT lonely? Don’t kids who grow up in remote communities have similar issues (by that I mean limited friends and loneliness). Most kids her age want Mommy anyway… I just don’t see this one as true.
Two ‘devastated by tragedy’ stories on the cover of Life & Style. *reaches for tissue box for Kaiser*
Are Suri’s dolls talking to the press now?
Tabloids need new stories. It is a shame to put a child on the cover and Brad and his entire family were shown getting off a plane in Berlin–together.
My son is speaking full sentences at age 2, AND he is doing sign language! HOWEVER, I seriously doubt if Suri talks much. She seems very slow. Her parents don’t help her expand her mind and knowledge. They keep tight grips on her, and after all, she’s almost three and she still has a baby bottle. I doubt if she told her doll she wants a sister. She doesn’t seem to have that much intelligence.
More like:
SURI IS ALONE- in her room for 3 hours a day playing happily with her dolls.
BRAD AND ANGIE SPLIT- the dinner check since Brad forgot his credit card.
NICOLE AND MANDY DEVASTATED BY TRAGEDY- that no one has paid them the slightest bit of serious attention, so here’s a tenuous connection to that plane crash to score them sympathy points.
A GOSSIP GIRL’S UNTOLD STORY- that she’s overpaid, the series is shit, and you’re a dupe for watching it.
Get the picture?
Believe a single word on any cover and you can humbly quit my planet, thank you.
It’s very cruel the Suri story!!!
She is just a baby!!!
That makes me sad.
Jeez, Stacey – love to see your reaction if people decided to judge your son on the basis of random pics and pap-hostile videos, like you’ve just done here with a child barely out of babyhood. 🙄
Great headlines Dante 😀
vdantev, couldn’t have said it better. Sometimes when I am on the subway, I see people reading the tabs, and I always wonder what kind of people they are, to be seen reading this crap, and most likely believing the stories. If they did not have a readership, they would have to stop putting out this garbage.
Ironically, I was reading an article in the paper this morning by a professor, bemoaning the lack of intelligent critical thinking that she sees in her students every year. I suppose this is the wave of the future.
OK, back to the fun and frivolity. LOL.
My boss just walked in (how dare she) lol, so I have to start working. Have a good day ladies.
It’s so funny that some of you are judging suri based on like a few pictures. None of you know about her private life. I’m sure she has playdates and friends. No kid would start talking while a 100 strangers are yelling and flashing cameras in her face. It’s a scary experience. People are so gullible… just ’cause a picture shows you something, doesn’t mean it’s everything there is to know!! Jeez!
Seriously, children should be off limits in these mags.
I’m sorry, that pisses me off that Mandy Moore has made it a show to go to DJ AM. I’m always up on the celebs gossip and I don’t even think I remember them dating at all. She seems so be doing it for show. I used to like her. Bleeccck.
Suri is sooooooo cuuuute!
*takes tissue from Geronimo, blows nose because allergies are acting up*
So, CB, are we supposed to tell you what stories we’d like to hear more of? I’d like to know about Mad Men’s John Hamm (on the Nat’l Enq.); from The Globe – Cindy McCain’s on-going pillhead drama (though I suspect it’s an old story), and the Camilla & Prince William story.
I’d also kind of like to know what Star’s exclusive dish on Suri’s conversations with her dollies… just because I think it would be a funny thread… 😀
Suri is super cute talking to those dolls.
LOL, Geronimo, I can see Suri’s dolls giving the press some calls when she is not around. They could those elusive ‘sources’ that give them all the inside info.
I too must say I am shocked OK thinks KK is worth a magazine cover. Even if she saved the world, I doubt she ould be worth one. After all, C- listers DJ AM and Travis did not get covers after the accident. KK is a D-lister.
I get tired just looking at these covers. I won’t comment on the rest.
Pamela ~ you do realize that you are on a gossip site, reading & commenting on a story about the tabs, right? 😆
I’m going to defend Mandy Moore.
There were photos of them together as friends even after they stopped dating.
She seems too nice to pick on.
Stacey: Every child develops at his or her own pace, and intelligence is rarely a factor. Einstein didn’t speak until he was three — are you going to refute his intellect, as well? I bet you’re one of those parents who snickers with your equally-as-vapid friends about the tots who take a little longer to be potty trained.
It’s one thing to rag on adults, but a as a parent, you should know better than do go after a small child.
I agree, Codzilla, ridiculous. Kids learn and grow at all sorts of different paces. I have 2 kids on opposites sides of every spectrum that exists and they’re both equally smart in their own extremely different ways.
Another thing, Stacey – you seriously can tell NEXT TO NOTHING about a child’s REAL persona or aptitude based on photographs. Go babysit her for a day and then get back to me. Sigh.
Reading all those tabloids I think the most dark and disturbing one was ‘Caylee’s mom chloroforms kid at x rated parties’ That monster (Casey Anthony) is still not talking about what she did to her kid and lying to police, changing stories. That headline I hope is wrong but it’s not looking good for that child. What a world.
The Suri story reminds me of of ‘Interview with a Vampire’ where Kirsten Dunsts character is given a doll each year from Tom Cruises character – maybe it was taken from there?
How can they even know or judge this kind of stuff? Sometimes the media feels like a constant script that gets re-run several times a year. Its lies are getting WAY too predictable.
lola the chola,
For what it’s worth, I dont think gossip blogs and tabloids are quite the same. At least the blogs dont write fiction week after week, with no basis in the truth.
At least on a blog I can make fun of the tabs with other like-minded posters.