Enquirer: “Brad & Angie’s Kids Turn Violent” = best cover ever


I just sent this cover to CB with the subject heading “LMAO”. I mean… whoever does The Enquirer’s cover layout truly deserves an award. This is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. Let’s just take it point by point:

*Maddox looks likes he’s licking a button on his jacket. VIOLENT.

*Empress Zahara is going to cut a bitch, no doubt. Completely warranted.

*Pax wants ice cream. VIOLENT.

*Shiloh is such a little ham, and I even know where that photo is from – Angelina had taken the four older kids toy shopping, and Shiloh was wearing her Nutcracker jacket and brandishing a cardboard sword and making faces at the paparazzi. Obviously, VIOLENT.

* And then there’s the photo of Angelina, looking very much like the violent, mercurial matriarch who raises her children to first cut a bitch and ask questions later.

*Finally, there is POOR BRAD and the twins. Brad is “protecting” them, you see, from button-licking and ice cream and Empress Zahara’s world domination.

The Enquirer hasn’t released their story as of yet. But I can’t imagine it will outshine this magnificent cover.





Enquirer cover courtesy of CoverAwards. Additional photos by Fame.

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96 Responses to “Enquirer: “Brad & Angie’s Kids Turn Violent” = best cover ever”

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  1. Kimberly says:

    OMG that IS the best cover EVER!

    it’s gonna be my new background

  2. Venus says:

    Little kids kicking, scratching & screaming at each other? Ruh R’oh! This has GOT to be the first time in the history of the world kids have ever behaved that way. Angelina really *is* the devil.

    I do tip my hat to them on that picture of Angelina though — you know they had to go through a virtual warehouse full of film to find one where she didn’t look good.

    All those kids are really, really adorable, though.

  3. Cherry Rose says:

    Pax – “You cannot be serious!”

  4. KJ says:

    This is hilarious. The enquirer is always good for unintended humor.

    Those kids are too precious, though, violent or not, haha.

  5. Rita says:

    That’s AJ’s gerbil sneer and also on the cover, why would Sandra Bullock electrocute lesbians?

  6. Melanie says:

    Now I see why they don’t speak about the “Pax”. VIOLENT!

  7. Livia says:

    Angie looks like she’s about to scream “NO MORE WIRE HANGERS! EVAH!”

  8. sharylmj says:

    they chose a cover shot of Angelina that makes her look like Cruella!!! LOL!!!

  9. SRM says:

    And how about Charlie Sheen dying! 4 times! since October!

    Shiloh is a cutie.

  10. brin says:

    You mean their kids are behaving like kids? Shocking!

  11. Shiloh must be upset about leaving her lover, Pierre. LMAO indeed.

  12. Sakyiwaa says:

    LMAO! THE ENQUIRER! I turn my back for a few seconds and look what they’ve cooked up! not even the J-P cock-and-bull… Sandra Bullock is a Lesbian?! Shocker! Charlie Sheen died 4 times since October! ROTLFMAO!!!!! those are some really apocalyptic headlines! THEENQ! they deserve an award! truly priceless. (*wipes tears*)

  13. TQB says:

    Any excuse you can find to run the picture of the Empress Z giving Angie the side-eye is great in my book. I look forward, as ever, to her world domination.

  14. Sakyiwaa says:

    hahaha! and then they picked a pic of Ange where she looks like Queen Esme in the Emperor’s New Groove! oh Kutko! hahahaha! love ZEE n SHI!
    omg! hahaha! i’m gonna add this cover to my pictures. :D

  15. Sakyiwaa says:

    Charlie Sheen’s ‘hair’ died 40000 times since October! hahahahaha!

  16. Kim123 says:

    I just saw pics of Brad arriving in New Orleans without the twins.Who is “protecting” the twins from Pax and Zahara, now? Maddox is so afraid he is nervously licking his button and Shiloh is terrified of her siblings.

  17. Majosha says:

    @brin: My thoughts, exactly. I have two little boys and they kick at each other all the time. We intervene, obviously, but it takes a while for kids to learn impulse control. Just one of the joys of parenthood, lol.

  18. DetRiotgirl says:

    Lmao! New cell phone background set!

  19. sandy says:

    love it, gorgeous family, every one of them. now this is news, love stories of the jolie-pitt, they don’t, but we do. ha!

  20. Catherine says:

    I hope Brad and Angelina sue. That is just beyond crap.

  21. serena says:

    Ahahahahahaha they should just go and fuck theirself.

  22. Kaboom says:

    Always makes me wonder who would confess to working for such a rag. I bet they prefer claiming to be homeless people towards their families to lessen the shame.

  23. Cha Cha Loca says:

    LOL @ Rita. All of their kids are too cute.

  24. Arianna says:


  25. Kim123 says:

    Catherine – A lawsuit about this will be thrown out of court. The story has to be false and malicious.Also anyone with kids know they hit, stratch, kick each other especially boys. There was a video of Pax kicking at Maddox in New Orleans 2-3 years ago. Also there was a video of Maddox tapping Pax on the mouth at the airport and Angie reprimanding him. Brad and Angie will and should ignore this BS story.

  26. Ari says:

    Guh, Shiloh totally pangs me in the heart every time – she is one gorgeous and upbeat child.

  27. jensational says:

    ROFL@ the Charlie Sheen article AND PICTURE above the children saints heads, LMAO!

  28. Lynda says:

    charlie should of stayed dead at the fourth time.

  29. Reality says:

    That ‘nutcracker jacket’ is actually Ralph lauren and costs over $400. And has probably only ever been worn once.

    Epic cover, I love AJ’s sneer and Billy Goat Brad protecting the twins.

    Also Charlie Sheen died 4 times since October AND Sandra Bullock’s a lesbian. If only this classy bastion of professional journalism was available in the UK…

  30. Maritza says:

    I have a feeling the only one throwing punches is Zahara because she rules!

  31. truthSF says:

    Those damned “GERBILS OF DOOM” are at it again!!!!

  32. Melanie says:

    Goodness @ Serena!@ Catherine: I too believe they should sue. Everyone knows that these children are the chosen ones. They DO NOT behave like other children. That is a JOKE! How dare they say that???? I am so mad I could spit fire.

  33. TaylorB says:

    Well if kicking, biting, bitching and fighting between siblings according to the Enquirers rules are so horrid that it needs national attention, it is a wonder my brother, cousins, and I are not in jail.

    Of course the kids fight, they are siblings and that is what they do. My brother and I would almost come to blows over whose glass of soda had more than the others even by a tenth of an ounce. Kids will be kids, and sibs are bound to fight… if you want perfect, well behaved siblings, try robots.

  34. Praise St. Angie! says:

    “why would Sandra Bullock electrocute lesbians?”

    oh, Rita, you consistently make my day with your posts. Thank you!

    with the rest of you here…that cover is ten different kinds of hilarious with the pics they used. I also agree on Shiloh…she is such a little ham and so f-in CUTE! I think she’d just be a hoot to be around.

  35. Alicia says:

    As much as I hate stories about their children, this one is at least funny, it is so ridiculous. I don’t for a minute believe one word of the story, but it is basically a re-hash of other similar stories again but chidren being children…how dreadful.

    And I agree the other two stories are much more eye brow raising. Tabloids are really repeating themselves this week, they are really, really out of ideas for stories.

  36. Jennifer says:

    This. Is. Awesome.

  37. Kim123 says:

    Reality – FYI Shiloh has been seen three times wearing that jacket including at the airport in Springfield MO on Dec 30rd(yes I googled it)Since the kids are known for wearing hand me downs we may see Knox wearing it one day.

  38. grace says:

    Angelina Jolie looks like Lady Diabolin from that cartoon Wildfire in the cover picture! lol

  39. TQB says:

    I’d like to believe that Brad and Angie have too good a sense of humor to sue over this one. I imagine them howling with laughter over it in their bedroom, in fact.

  40. DGO says:

    Shiloh’s Ralph Lauren jacket is actually a GIRL’S jacket, so maybe we’ll see Vivien in it one day. That said, I do believe the children fight a little more than normal, but I wish them all well. That Shiloh is a cutie.

  41. CuriousCat says:

    What trully bothers me is that the ones usually portraited as violent/under a negative light are the adopoted ones. And talking as an adopted person, it’s really disgusting. In general, it is so frustrating when people refer to three of this family’s children as the “adopted ones” or describe this couple as “having three children together and having also adopted other three”. Rags…

  42. Nikster says:

    Shiloh is adorable and this story is hilarious!

  43. Kim123 says:

    I actually think the kids get along pretty well always holding hands especially the older girls. My girls refuse to hold hands. #40 The reason I mentioned Knox wearing the jacket is Angie has mentioned that Vivienne is very girly.Curoius Cat ITA about the media regarding adopted kids vs biological kids.It also drives me crazy how they always describe Shiloh as blonde haired and blue eyed.They never decribe Zahara as brown haired and brown eyed.

  44. DiannSteph says:

    LMAO at Kaiser’s whole writeup! So true. I’m surprised they didn’t do a little pic “insert” of Jen Aniston in there as the 5th wheel fighting the kids or something via email!

    Is it me or does Shiloh look EXACTLY like a mini Jon Voight?
    And what does she do for Halloween? Dress up as a normal little girl then?

    I think Angelina goes over the top with the costumes & trying to have her kids independent & trendy looking to the extreme. But that’s me.

    And RITA, too funny!

  45. Lisa Turtle says:

    I think this sort of “reporting” really crosses the line. It’s just mean to print this sort of story with nothing but inferences, speculation and hearsay to support credibility. I support freedom of the press, but really don’t think the founding fathers had this sort of nonesense in mind when they created free speech. Still, I’ll defend their right to say it… But shouldn’t there be a level of discretion and respect, even if they are writing about a “public” figure. This is just mean-spirited, pointless fabrication.

  46. someone says:

    I don’t even like AJ, and I don’t even believe this story..the National Enquirer…really??????

  47. Cheyenne says:

    You mean they actually FIGHT?! They act like REAL KIDS?!


  48. Liana says:

    Maddox is so afraid he is nervously licking his button and Shiloh is terrified of her siblings.


    Of course Shiloh’s scared. She has to protect herself with a sword for crying out loud. LOL.

    Gotta love the rags.

  49. Maureen says:

    Maddox, Shiloh, Zahara, Pax and the twins are absolutely gorgeous children. They seem so happy and carefree. Seems to me Brad and Angelina are doing a great job with their kids.

  50. DiannSteph says:

    LOL Cheyenne. Exactly!

  51. Anon says:

    I think that pic of Pax is when he dropped his Teddy Bear outside the art store. Poor Pax, first he poses shirtless with a necktie, someone copies it. Then, he is photographed with his Teddy, same person copies him, although in a pedophilia kind of way. No wonder the family has those body guards.
    Picture with the twins, Daddy Brad is taking them to join Mom and sibs in Budapest. Schedules are not perfect when you are a busy, successful family. And the Jolie-Pitts keep rolling along, no?
    It really must make those publicists mad in Hollywood when the JPs don’t give them their percentages, they probably think of ways to teach Brad and Angie a “lesson”. Yeah– you know who you are, so do we.

  52. Cheyenne says:

    @DiannSteph: What do normal little girls wear nowadays?

    Most people think Shiloh looks like Brad but I do see a lot of Jon Voight in her.

  53. Louise says:

    The photo of Angelina is so retouched she looks like a cartoon. I don’t understand the comments saying that the kids are violent and fight all of the time. The video in New Orleans shows Pax and Maddox were play fighting and laughing. Pax wasn’t attacking Maddox as claimed. At the airport Pax was yelling or singing something over and over again. Maddox just covered Pax’s mouth with his hand. There was no slapping and Angelina just said something to Maddox. Everybody was smiling and looking happy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a photo of the kids actually fighting. They are almost always holding hands or being quiet and polite.

    The thing that bothers me the most is people truly believe that Zahara is mean and violent. I wish I remember the site but there were photos of them at the airport around New Year’s. Zahara was holding Knox’s hand and walking him to the plane. Not the evil witch people claim she is.

  54. Cheyenne says:

    Kim123: There was a video of Pax kicking at Maddox in New Orleans 2-3 years ago.

    I remember that video. It was hilarious. Pax was a little devil.


  55. Faye says:

    What they DIDN’T mention is that Charlie Sheen died four time since October because he was attacked by Brad and Angie’s kids turned violent.

  56. Newbie says:

    The new Angelina practically IS a cartoon. But this story is pretty funny! All kids fight with each other at home. Close quarters. Short tempers. Full of energy. You get the idea.
    Wow. those pictures of Shiloh look just like my little girl! Sheesh. I’ve got dark hair and dark eyes, so it’s a total mystery to me how my kid ended up blonde and blue-eyed.

  57. TQB says:

    @Louise, I don’t know who your “most people” are. I think I speak for myself and Kaiser when I say that many of us think she’s f’ing awesome and can whither a useless pap with a simple stare.

    Seriously, I love that child and it kills me to enjoy the pics of her so much, when I know it’s horribly invasive that she constantly has a camera shoved in her face.

  58. Cheyenne says:

    TQB: I don’t know of anyone outside of the psychos on Female First who think Z is either “mean” or “violent”. She’s got a cut-em-dead stare she uses on the paparazzi and good for her.

  59. Moreaces says:

    Pax looks like he is playing a pretend game of “Im King Of the World” just adorable. looks like he was having fun during the time the pic was taken.

  60. lucy2 says:

    LOL @ Rita and Faye!
    I hate tabloid focus on kids, but that entire cover is hilarious (except for the bottom story about Whitney’s kid :( ).
    And I seriously hope Jolie’s helmet hair is photoshopped.

  61. Hannah says:

    I love this cover!!! Each pic is more awesome than the next including those of Sandra Bullock and Charlie Sheen.

    I literally laughed out loud–the old fashioned way!!

    @CuriousCat. While I agree that it’s very wrong to differentiate between the birth/adopted J-P kids, I have to disagree with your comment re their portrayal in the tabs. To me the most offensive stories about these kids are the ones about AJ’s evil plan to turn Shiloh into a lesbian

  62. Raven says:

    Louise:@ Just Jared has the photos of Zahara and Shiloh holding Knox’s and him walking him to the plane cute photo of Z taking on the big sister role.


  63. snoots says:

    Wouldn’t mind being stuck on the pot with this issue.

  64. Hakura says:

    LOL@ whoever said something about Sandra Bullocks ‘shocking lesbians’. xD

    This really is hilarious. I wonder how long it took them to find the ‘pictures’ to edit into this title page. xD

  65. punxxi says:

    I wanna know who knocked out poor Shilohs tooth. It has been a couple of years since it happened.

  66. SunnyGrace says:

    Who is that guy that’s always in the background? Is he Angie’s manager?

  67. Shay says:

    I recently read a magazine cover that said that Brad moved out.

  68. Fritanga says:

    I’m much more interested in Bullock’s lesbian shocker (consorting with Jesse James would probably make me play for the other team too) and how Charlie Sheen has been resurrected from the dead not once but FOUR times. He beats Jesus!

    Brad and Angie’s kids have always been menacing.

  69. Hakura says:

    @Fritanga“and how Charlie Sheen has been resurrected from the dead not once but FOUR times. He beats Jesus!”

    Honestly, I’m surprised Mr. F18-fire-from-my-fists-beyond-terrestrial-comprehension has yet to claim himself mankind’s Messiah. xD

    He sure as hell looks like he’s died a few times…

  70. Micki says:

    Epic cover indeed. So the “poor Brad” comes home to this screaming, kicking, biting circus evening after evening, month after month and year after year instead of having a nervous breakdown and run tearfully back to Aniston. He must be a masochist and Angelina his domina.LOL

  71. loopygorilla says:

    shiloh looks awesome in that nutcracker outfit, lol so cute.

    *roll eyes* kids turning violent? puh lease, go down to my local supermarket and you see kids kicking and screaming because they wanted the new toy story 3 chocolate bar.

    but yes best cover ever! :P genius lol

  72. Paige says:

    totally genius!!!! plus check out the photo of charlie!!

  73. Caz says:

    OMG I’d totally stand in the longest line at the supermarket to read this. LMAO. Why oh why did someone bother to revive Charlie 4 times? Brangelina still rule the tabloids. Take that poor Jen!

  74. normades says:

    Who wants to bet Z will become a designer and Shiloh an actress? Pax will race cars and Maddox will win a Nobel prize.

  75. tracking says:

    Funny I guess (in terms of being stupid and OTT), but unfortunate for the kids. They’re old enough to get teased for this kind of crap.

  76. Debra says:

    The majority of Americans that WERE Brad fans…now are not.
    Only the minority of Americans approve/embrace his wife and adopted family.
    Simple Fact.
    Thats why the Jen stories keep going..c’mon give us a little hope.
    He will leave this sleeze bag and go back to Jen beg forgiveness and breed the family that he was supposed to have in the 1st place.
    Angie can take her brood to another part of the world never to be seen again.

  77. JQ says:

    Oh this cover is pure gold! As if the Brangelina Bunch story wasn’t ridiculous enough, the snipes at the top about Sandra Bullock the Lesbian and Charlie Sheen dying 4 times are like frosting on a deliciously half-baked cake! LMAO!

  78. OK says:

    That’s some sick fantasy you got going there Debra. BTW,you don’t speak for America. Most Americans DON’T read tabloids and could give a crap about the Angelina/Brad/Jen Triangle….that is a FACT. And if Brad doesn’t have any fans who’s paying to see his movies? Why are there thousands of fans waiting to get a glimpse of him and Angelina at premiers? Why do Angelina and Brad out shine EVERY other couple on Award shows red carpet if he has no fans? I do remember the loud screams when they received from the FANS at the Golden Globes.

  79. poppy says:

    Debra you just woke up after six years, get with it the year is 2011. You were never a fan, his ex-wife had five years to have kids, if she wanted. Only silly people like you, believe she will have kids.
    Jen milked the divorce for the last five and a half years, now people had enough, so she and her friends are attacking Brad’s kids now, that is how low she have sunk. Chelsea Handler for a best friend, even Courtney Cox ran away from her.

  80. LindaLu says:

    Oh Jen…. um, I mean DEBRA *wink, wink* – The time has come for you to move on. Extinguish that candle you’ve got buning in the window and leave the land o’ denial. You and Brad… um, I mean, Jen and Brad.. are NO MORE! Viva Princess Z and her new world domination!!

  81. mln76 says:

    @Debra I don’t understand you. Let’s just say you are a Jen fan and you believe verbatim Angie sunk her claws into Brad and he left Jen to have 6 kids with Angie (Not my version of events but that’s not the point). Why would you want Jen to be in a relationship with someone who treated her that way?Why would she ‘breed’ as you so romantically put it with a man who already has 6 kids to worry about with another woman who would never be completely out of their lives. Are you in Junior High?

  82. original kate says:

    that cover is genius. and if normal childhood sibling behavior is now “violent” then my sisters & i would have gone to jail by the time we were about 10. our escapades included one sister pulling over a grandfather clock on another sister, someone getting stabbed in the leg with a mechanical pencil, one sister talking another into sticking a nail into an outlet, and numerous pinches, arm-burns, slaps and wet willies.

    good times.

  83. Cheyenne says:

    Debra: He will leave this sleeze bag and go back to Jen beg forgiveness and breed the family that he was supposed to have in the 1st place. Angie can take her brood to another part of the world never to be seen again.


    I am laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes.

    Honey, you have GOT to be kidding! You still believe after all this time that Brad is going to leave his family and run back to his ex-wife?

    You are certifiable. You keep this up and they’re going to be measuring you for a room with rubber walls.

  84. Sakyiwaa says:

    @Debra; what?!
    Brangelina may have just a coupla American fans.(per your delusion.) but they sure have a seriously huge international fan base. i’m speaking from Africa. and many Africans i know, know Angelina Jolie cos she’s been here. We know Brad cos he’s been here too. they gave birth to their ‘most anticipated child’ here. my friends (both guys n gals) like them a lot. they just don’t spend all their time on gossip websites talking about it. i’d say over 80% of their fan base is outside of America. so i’d say you can nix your thoughts of them not being loved.

  85. Maureen says:

    @Debra you need serious help and don’t understand what it’s like to be a parent of kids. People in their right mind can see Brad found the true love of his life in Angelina. People in their right mind can see that Brad deeply love all his kids with Angelina. Together the two have a beautiful family and a happy life. I’m so sure that Brad would never want to go back to what he had before with Jen. Even Brad’s family is in love with Angelina. It’s about time you embrace that and move on with your life.
    Your chances are better if you pray Jen finally find herself and want to settle down with a man and start a family because there is a load of other men she can settle down with if she wanted to and that is where your problem lay. Debra you first don’t understand that your girl has no intention on settling with any man on earth and having kids which is her choice and YOU should be OK with Jen’s CHOICE if you are a real fan of hers.

  86. Jammin says:

    Debra, you are mentally ill. IF Jen didn’t betray Brad and have his kids, then he WOULD have the family that Jen so cruelly denied him. He upgraded when he met the lovely respected gorgeous Angelina. Jen mistreated him and betrayed and lied to him and he is not going to sink to the gutter to go back to that slutty peice of trash. Angelina and Brad have lasted longer than his faux ‘marriage’ to Jen. What does that tell you? It must really grate on you that Brad and the love of his life Angelina have lasted longer than his entire marriage to Jen lasted. Jen can go and get urinated on because she is a skanky piece of trash. Brad aint ever looking back at the sewer, sorry.

  87. Cheyenne says:

    @Sakyiwaa: I think what’s left of Aniston’s fan base in America is a bunch of scorned dumped women who over-identify with her. The rest of her fans de-camped a long time ago.

  88. TQB says:

    Hey now, Debra might be a little out there, but all you folks suggesting she’s insane might want to take a good long look in the mirror.

    Can you not remember the Skank that was the early 2000′s Angie? Don’t get me wrong, I would take blood-wearing, knife-sex having Angie over Mother of the Earth any day. Girlfriend owned her skank. I’m just saying it’s more than a little crazy to defend her by calling someone else a tramp.

    Seriously now. Whatever happened happened, and clearly Brad and Angie are good parents and have a nice life together. There’s really no need to trash the woman he left for her.

  89. Cheyenne says:

    @TQB: Anyone who says (like Debra did upthread) that Brad is going to leave Angie and the kids, run back to Aniston, beg her for forgiveness and they will live together happily ever after is completely divorced from reality. In other words, nuts.

  90. yaya says:

    OK, seriously, people need to stop bringing Jen up everytime there is a post about Angelina….get over it!! And anyone that believes what the Enquirer has to say is nuts. As for having to look high and low for a bad pic of Ang, that would not be hard, I haven’t seen a good pic of her in 5 years

  91. nnn says:

    This Debra girl is totally delusional. Why would a man, any man purposedly decide to go back in hell by going back into a depressive and therapy related period, AGAIN ?

    That’s what his marriage was all about : 50% of DEPRESSION & THERAPY and 50% of daily WEED SMOKING and LONG DISTANCE STAYING from each other.

    Mind you Debra, Pitt is not on a suicidal watch anymore and has stopped being masochistic. He learned his lesson the hard way when he got depressive shortly after the marriage.

    He came out of his misery by divorcing and since then all of these above : depression, shrink & therapy sessions, long distance leave for long period of times, daily weeds smoking lying on the couch all day long instead of working (two years without filming), all of thess have stopped.

    Man the guy should have been in total misery and desperation to hit the bottom of the barrel this way.

    One would have thought that CRAZY Robin Givens would have been the one driving notioriousely known ZEN PITT crazy and into depressive mode, the worst partner he could handled. I guess it wasn’t since his marriage was the only relationshiop that drives him to that level of misery and pain that he needed therpay to heal.

  92. poppy says:

    YaYa I would to see a picture of you, but I’m scared of horror, so on thoughts forget it I don’t need nightmares while I’m sleeping.

  93. julia says:

    Mother violent & disturbed ! Kids violent & disturbed !

  94. Sakyiwaa says:

    people just need to loosen up. it’s just gossip…aka it’s not the end of the world.

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