As you may remember from Katrina Bowden’s “Sexiest Woman Alive” pictorial, Esquire is currently doing a new thing for their masturbatory photos. They call it “Me In My Place” and the Esquire photographer goes into a woman’s home and basically just photographs lots of “cheeky” shots of the woman in her underwear. It’s all pretty cheesy, and the whole thing looks like low-budget porn. What’s that you say? Cheesy, porn, half-naked? That’s Paz de la Huerta’s siren call!

So Paz is profiled in the new issue of Esquire, and you can see the full slideshow online here. It’s pretty meh. I prefer Paz on the red carpet, just because the photos are SO much better (better = worse). Here are some highlights from the “interview”:

Being in a woman’s place? There’s something about it that feels like you automatically have intimacy. Especially with someone you’ve never met, it’s really strange. Because you’re not sure whether you’re going to have chemistry or not. So the intimacy can be forced. I try to stay away from forced intimacy.

On muses: There’s been muses throughout history, from Anaïs Nin to Henry Miller, Henry Miller to Anaïs Nin.

Fashion: It’s my new thing, wearing long black gloves. I have longer ones than those. I think people forgot how elegant gloves are. And sexy.

Growing up: I grew up in a loft. We used to live right on West Broadway between Prince and Spring, before Soho was a shopping mall, and we had huge cactuses. When I was a little girl I’d always crash into them, because I’d be dancing in my tutu and — bang! — I’d have nettles in me and I’d be crying. It’s my aunt’s loft. But it’s really like my home. Because I had a lot of turmoil in my upbringing, and my home wasn’t really a safe place for me. So that place became my safe haven. I grew this bond with her that’s really been one of the most beautiful relationships of my life — a relationship that was a salvation for me.

A safe place: When I have to do my work — and find a safe place — that’s usually the place that comes up for me. I have to create a safe place. It’s always been a place that’s represented a lot of nurturing and love and safety.

Paz loves the camera: I love being in front of the camera.

On her Boardwalk Empire character: Lucy is a very complicated woman — like most women — and a lot of the time she was very lost in her relationship with Nucky. She was in love with him, but she didn’t know how to be herself in that relationship fully and have him love her. So sometimes she would use her sexuality to protect herself or to get what she wanted. Not that she’s not a sexy character — and in Season One of course it’s a part of her, but audiences are going to see more of the real her. It’s going to be very different.

She’s in the Linda Lovelace movie: I’m not playing Linda Lovelace. So me and the director decided — he wanted me in the movie but I wasn’t sure about what role I wanted to play. And then I said, “Okay, but we have to work on this, we have to evolve it.” I don’t think we’ve talked about porn, but she’s our creation. I’ve yet to step into her shoes.

Boas: I love boas. I have a few. They have to feel good. They have to be made of nice feathers. Sh-tty boas are tacky.

[From Esquire]

Thus spoke The Paz. Dear God, she’s a hot mess. And shock of all shocks, she had a troubled childhood! Gee, who could have foretold that one? Let me tell you something – no one from a well-adjusted family ends up like Paz. NO ONE.

Oh, and sh-tty boas ARE tacky. She’s right about that. Of course, all boas are pretty sh-tty.

Photos courtesy of Esquire’s slideshow.