I was going to wait to cover these new photos of Gwyneth Paltrow until I had gotten a chance to look at this week’s GOOP-letter, but whatever. These are photos of Gwyneth attending the “Bent of Learning” benefit last night. Something about Zen and yoga, I think. Her dress is J. Mendel, and good God is it fug and unflattering. This is something I have never understood about Gwyneth: she works out for HOURS every day and neurotically obsesses over her diet, so why does she consistently choose styles that don’t flatter her figure? This dress ADDS weight on her slender frame. Perhaps she’s trying to look “fat” so that she can appeal to chunky peasants?

Now let’s talk about her face. LOBSTER GOOP. That’s what it is. In Gwyneth’s mind, she resembles an exquisite pink diamond (not like the tacky one Ben Affleck gave J. Lo, Goop sniffs), but in truth, the bitch just needs to remember her sunscreen.

Ahhh, she just released her Goop. It’s about Father’s Day, because Gwyneth will absolutely exhaust you with tales about her late father, and barely mention that she was also raised by a mother who adored her and enabled her as well. Poor Blythe Danner. Gwyneth probably tells Blythe that she’s fat too. Or maybe Goop is still pissed that her mom is descended from peasants. Anyway, you can read this week’s Goop here – it’s an interview with her very dear friend, the editor in chief of Bon Appetit. She also shills for her cookbook.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.