I have Kanye West’s “Runaway” stuck in my head right now, and it’s like the line “Let’s have a toast to the douchebags” is skipping and repeating over and over. So, let’s have a toast to the douchebags, Olivia Munn and Brett Ratner, because I really can’t tell which one is the “victim” here. Neither, really. They both pretty much suck. The basic story is that in Olivia Munn’s memoir, Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek (horrible title), Munn described an sexual encounter she had with an unnamed Hollywood director. Brett Ratner, director of Tower Heist (and the Rush Hour movies, amongst others) was asked about it, and he identified himself as “the director” – but he went on to clarify the salient details. It’s all pretty gross.

Brett Ratner appeared on G4′s Attack of the Show for just a little over six minutes, but that was plenty of time to cover a wide range of topics. The director took the time to delve into his new film, Tower Heist, the upcoming Oscars (which Ratner is producing), Occupy Wall Street (a “viral marketing” campaign for Tower Heist, according to Show co-host Kevin Pereira), and sex with Olivia Munn. Wait, what?

For those unaware of the gossip, Munn wrote in her memoir, Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek, that she once saw a Hollywood director she had dated holding his “undersized manhood” while eating shrimp. It’s long been rumored that she was referring to Rush Hour director Ratner, and while he did admit on Show Thursday that he was the subject of the passage, he’s claiming that none of it’s true. And making sure to heighten the drama while he’s at it. “I used to date Olivia Munn … when she was Lisa,” said Ratner of Munn, née Lisa Munn. “That was the problem. She wasn’t Asian back then.”

But Ratner didn’t stop there: “She was hanging out on my set of After the Sunset, I banged her a few times … but I forgot her,” he said. “Because she changed her name … I didn’t know it was the same person. So when she came and auditioned for me for a TV show, I forgot her, she got pissed off and she made up all these stories about me eating shrimp and masturbating in my trailer. And my shortcomings. She talked about my shortcomings. I get it. She’s bitter.”

(Munn’s rep has yet to respond to EW’s request for comment regarding Ratner’s words.)

Serious props to Pereira, who changed the mood of the gossip-y conversation by responding, “To be fair, you did ask for a shrimp cocktail in the green room today.” Ratner did, however, have one nice thing to say about Munn… sort of. “I think she’s a lovely nice girl. It’s not the same girl that I met, actually. Olivia and Lisa are two completely different girls.”

[From Entertainment Weekly]

I don’t understand the whole “She wasn’t Asian back then” thing. Meaning that Olivia put herself out there as half-Chinese just to…? What? Have a “thing” for people to talk about? Yeah, Brett sounds like King of Douches here, but that doesn’t really make me Team Olivia. She’s the one who slept with Brett Ratner, likely to jumpstart her career. And she totally seems like the kind of person who would retaliate against an ex (who she only slept with to further her career) by making up a rumor about shrimp grease. Yuck. I dislike both of them so much. I can’t believe Tina Fey is trying to make Olivia Munn happen. I’m so disappointed in the world right now.

Photos courtesy of WENN.