On last night’s episode of “Sister Wives,” Kody Brown and his family went to Boston to speak in front a panel of students. They were all nervous about potentially being attacked, and about being compared to Warren Jeffs, the jailed former leader of the FLDS. It was interesting to see them get defensive about it, particularly Kody, who seemed woefully unprepared to explain why it was fine for him to have multiple wives but why his wives couldn’t take lovers. At a dinner they had in Boston ahead of their talk, a young female college student asked them how they felt about other “lifestyles” such as homosexuality and polyamory. Kody’s answer was telling to me in that he called it a “choice.” Still, they were nice enough about it and they did say they had no issue with gay people.
On why they’re nervous to field questions
Christine: The reason why I’m most nervous is because I don’t know a lot of people on the East coast. I don’t know what their personalities are like. To me I’m imagining an audience full of feminists who will look at us and imagine we live a suppressed oppressed lifestyleRobyn: They misunderstand us. They just look at us and go ‘you guys are idiots. You let yourself be fools and you’re sharing your husband and you’re settling for less and really you should be standing up for yourself and asking him for more,’ and no matter what we say to them we want to stay in that place.
On gay and other “alternative lifestyles”
Christine: Consenting adults should be able to do what they want to do.
Kody: There are tenants of my faith that… would disagree with other people’s lifestyles of belief systems, but I believe in choice… and the choice of your faith and the choice of your spouse.A gay student eating with them was happy that they were accepting. He joked that “Straight and monogramous people they have ‘lives,’ and anyone else has a ‘lifestyle.'”
Christine: How can we say we do not accept your lifestyle, but please accept ours? We’re not like that.
On how they’re not like Warren Jeffs
Christine: This is the norm of polygamy. There’s more people like us than in Warren Jeff’s society.Robyn: We don’t believe in child brides. We don’t believe in forcing marriages… I was so upset, I just wanted to go rescue every girl. [starts crying in front of the audience] I think [Warren Jeffs] deserves to rot in hell. I really do.
On the innocuous question “I was just wondering how you would feel if the tables were turned and there were additional husbands?”
Kody later: So the one question I think is the most abrasive of all the questions… and this is from my perspective and it’s pretty much hypocritical. Somebody asked us, “what do you think about the idea of brother husbands?”
Meri answers the question: You know, that’s not a tenant of our faith.
Janelle chimes in: Who really wants that. Do you? Guys… are a lot of work right?
Janelle later: Religions have rules and beliefs… every religion has rules that they think bring them closer to God. That is how it is for us.
Meri: The way that the plural marriage is for us… is one man, multiple wives. We just would never do it the other way around.
Kody Brown chose to take his family, with his four wives, 17 kids and made-for-TV problems, public. He chose to sacrifice their privacy for reality show fame and money. In exchange, he has to deal with people gossiping about him and asking him questions. How is it the most “abrasive” question how he would feel if the tables were turned? It just seems like it hits too close to home for him, and he realizes that he couldn’t deal with any competition at all. Instead of letting his wives answer the question for him, he could have rehearsed some kind of response to that. He gets asked that all the time and he should have anticipated it. He could have said that he gives his wives a lot of credit for dealing with the situation and for working together and/or that it would be hard for him to be in the same situation, but he didn’t. At the end of the talk he did praise his wives and said some nice things about them. He’s the head of that household though, he would never accept any other role, and it pisses him off more than anything else to even consider it. It’s telling.
These photos are of Kody and his 14th biological child, Solomon. Credit: TLC
They all seem so nice and they’re not hurting anyone, but, they justify everything by claiming this is their religion. They claim this lifestyle brings them closer to God? Him having sex with all of them does bring them closer together. It doesn’t bring them closer to God, otherwise all of us in a non plural marriage are not as close to God as they are? I’m glad to see they don’t cry so much like last season.
That dude so creeps me out.
He obviously has difficulty with that question because he’ll be feeling a slight twinge of the jealousy that his ‘wives’ have had to deal with ever since they met him. I honestly think the only person who benefits from this arrangement is Kody. The endless jealousy issue that these women experience from what brings them ‘closer to God’ must be psychologically damaging.
I don’t watch the show, but I’m just curious- prior to the reality show money, how did he support all of them? I know the Duggars own a car dealership (or something like that?) and fed all of their kids before being on TV, but I have no idea how this guy did it.
Reserving judgement though. What those women said is right- they have a choice to be with him if they want. The whole point of feminism is that women can have the ability to choose what they want to do with their lives, and if this is what they want, more power to them. I certainly wouldn’t want to- but that’s why I don’t, and no one is forcing me to.
I watched this episode last night and I have to say they came off much better than the dugger cult. They said they push their kids to get a good education and go to college and they aren’t going to force them into a plural marriage. And the kids were interviewed and some of them said they didn’t want to live like that. So at least they seemed to have their own mind unlike the dugger cult/clan. I got the impression it was just a lifestyle choice desguised as a religion. And these women do seem to have a better mind than Michelle Duggar. They at least seem to be making the choices on their own. Though, I do think it is an extreme form of submission to allow a man to take other wives. I mean men and women lived like this centuries ago so these women must like playing the submissive role. And dealing with jealousy is just another part of playing the submissive. What I don’t understand is how is Kody able to maintain his power over them. He isn’t my idea of a powerful alpha male.
This guy puts the “skeeve” in skeevy. There is something really ugly in there and I haven’t figured it out yet.
Of course he finds it abrasive because he would NOT be ok with it but will never say that. He is a moron with no self esteem or respect as are all these women. All i can think of when I see this picture is that poor baby born into this freak show.
If they didnt have any kids i would be ok with their lifestyle. To each his own. But the kids have no say/no choice and that is wrong since many of them have expressed not liking the lifestyle & that they will not live that lifestyle when older.
He is such filthy scum
@cmc I was gonna say the same thing. How does support all that people?? Besides the money they make from the show, I mean.
And yes, I agree with the idea that feminism is being able to make our own decisions and about gender equality. I don’t want to be less important than a man, but I don’t want to be more importatn either. I want to be treated in a fair way.
@ Erin
“That dude so creeps me out.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ditto.
And I love how offend he gets with the idea that one of his wife’s would take a lover.
Just wanted to say – I don’t think being a feminist means you automatically have to respect anything a woman does, or refrain from criticizing her choices. Nor does it mean you can’t examine how sexist social norms/attitudes may influence the choices women make.
As long as you do it in a respectful way (i.e. no “What a bunch of dumb b***hes!), I think being critical is fine.
Kody has crazy “cult eyes” along with his new wife Robyn, Meri’s a few short bricks of a full load, Janelle seems too tired/lazy to deal with anything and Christine is obviously an attention whore (and I predict she’s going to leave Kody or at least contemplate it by next season) When watching the episodes you can tell a few of their kids have serious, serious problems. Sure the women don’t need all of the attention (see list of character traits mentioned above) but what about the children? How can all 17 possibly get all the love/attention they need? Whatever their religion says, depriving children of attention and seeing their father a few times a week will not bring them closer to God
Just to be clear, there is no such thing as a “tenant” of someone’s faith. There are “tenets” of faith, however. A tenant is someone/thing who obtains use of premises owned by an entity called a landlord by paying that entity rent. Drives me crazy when people don’t know the English language.
Alexis, I agree w/ all of what you said, except Janelle is NOT lazy…she was the one who basically supported that family and loved working…that is, before they moved to Las Vegas. Janelle is the only wife I can stomach, and, in spite of being so overweight, she is BY FAR the prettiest AND smartest.
Would someone please give these people a dictionary so they understand the difference between the words “tenant” and “tenet”. Unless they’re paying rent to their religion …
I really hope they’re not home-schooling their kids.
LOL @ Beth! Thank you for the clarification, it was driving me insane, since I edit papers all day and check grammar at a law firm.
It’s pretty rich how he can’t deal with the same jealousy issues that his wives lose sleep over. He is a caveman from hell.
As far as how they afforded to live, Janelle had a good job and Meri also worked and they pooled the money to pay for everybody, Christine watching the kids during the day. Kody is a salesman or something, but he’s got a $60K convertible Lexus(!) that only one other person get ride in! I find that morally reprehensible. They could own a van/bus that would fit their family, but no, he’s gotta have his small weenie compensation, even after having a bunch of wives. We see what a clusterfrack them going to a simple vacation, and moving is, with the wives’ four beat-up cars that break down en route. But no, he’s gotta have his slick shagmobile – to lure other females? prove he is a man? who knows.
I do watch this circus of a show, hoping that one day the women will wise up and split and that Lil’ Surfin Lord Fauntleroy will see what happens when you indulge your male fantasies and push that envelope to its splitting point.
Ok folks, unscientific poll…who’s creepier? Kody or Jim-Bob Dugger. I vote for Kody
so when their children ask their mom why dad has other wives they dont have a better response or spiritual lesson to provide than Meri answers the question: You know, that’s not a tenant of our faith.
Janelle chimes in: Who really wants that. Do you? Guys… are a lot of work right?
Janelle later: Religions have rules and beliefs… every religion has rules that they think bring them closer to God. That is how it is for us.
Meri: The way that the plural marriage is for us… is one man, multiple wives. We just would never do it the other way around.
Hes disgusting.
@ Lee
I agree on your definition of feminism and I don’t think ours are different. They have every right to do what they want, and we have every right to examine and criticize it. Like I said- I would NEVER put myself in that situation. But, just like it’s a woman’s right to be a housewife and wear high heels and dress provocatively if she chooses to, it’s also her right to be a sister wife. No matter how distasteful we find it.
As always, these people and the way they live creeps me out. And I guess you can tell that I’m from the “East Coast” since I do agree that they’re fools and are settling for less and should be standing up for themselves. I didn’t know common sense was just an ‘East Coast’ thing. But, to each their own – and thank goodness I wasn’t raised that way.
Wow. They don’t even have a good explanation of why they a woman having multiple husbands is “wrong”. Hypocrites…
As I recall, Meri, his first and legal wife, asked him that very question (about how he’d feel is the tables were turned and she had numerous husbands) in an attempt to make him understand some of the feelings she was dealing with and had been dealing with from the start. His response was that numerous husbands, to him, was vulgar. He just strikes me as not particularly sensitive to others feelings. He’s extremely self-absorbed and not super bright. I don’t think he really even attempts to put himself in their shoes and imagine how they might feel at times.
Still, that said, they were adults and it certainly doesn’t seem to be the Warren Jeffs Compound type of polygamy. I’m pleased to hear they are encouraging all their kids towards university and especially that they want them to be able to go to whatever university they want (not just one that revolves around their particular faith and beliefs like the Duggars insist upon). They also feel that it’s their kids’ choice about whether or not to live this lifestyle and follow this belief system and I think that’s good. It should be a choice and the fact that they are encouraging their kids to go out into the world and explore it and what they really want to be is very positive and makes any choice the kids make much more informed and really “theirs” as opposed to the Duggars who isolate their kids from anything other than what they believe in…not much choice when you aren’t allowed to investigate any other way.
It’s not a lifestyle, or a faith system for everyone, but then neither is Jewish or Catholic or pagan or whatever religion people choose to believe in and follow. All religions have things that look and seem strange to those on the outside looking in who believe differently. If this makes them happy and their children are loved and cared for then I don’t think it’s a big problem. I think there are much bigger issues out there that need attention…like babies being killed or abused or neglected. Live and let live.
I would really like to have more than 1 husband hihihihihi 😉
They need to get over their hypocrisy with the idea of brother husbands, but I really think that’s the only non-congruous cognitive dissonance these people have.
Considering they’re from Utah, a place where most people are conservative and Mormon, it’s amazing that the Browns are so progressive in their views about other non-mainstream families. I think they deserve credit for that. It would have been just as easy for them to claim there’s a huge difference between homosexuality and polygamy. I think they just haven’t been challenged enough by others or themselves regarding the opposite gender situation of plural marriage. In all Christian and Mormon offshoots as well as the mainline religions, men are patriarchs and women submit. Those of us who do not believe this do not believe in that aspect of religious gender norms. But that’s a pretty recent development. It doesn’t surprise me that the Browns find the idea of brother husbands weird, because their religion does stress the gender aspects of plural marriage for the same reason that all other mainstream religions value men over women. It’s not like fundamentalists are the only ones expressing this. We can’t call these people hypocrites without first examining ourselves. And I think in this case, it’s the pot calling the kettle black. It’s not like mainstream society has achieved total gender equality, so we can’t really demand it of people outside of mainstream society, can we? It’s a process. It takes time. For everybody. These things change over time, and they always have.
See, *THIS* is a lifestyle choice. Whether or not it’s what you grew up believing, you’re choosing to have this sort of romantic or sexual arrangement. Being gay is not like that. You don’t decide that’s what you want – it becomes apparent to you. Lifestyle… damn, bigots have destroyed that word for me.
Just another example of man creating God in his own image.
Pathetic.
Mmmmmmm….that silky, sexy hair..
HA!
Even though I still think this arrangement is bogus in that it only benefits Kody (as has been previously said), I have to admit I was surprised that they were as tolerant of homosexuality as they were. I wasn’t expecting that.
Shannon, I totally agree. Not only do many other much more mainstream religions also put women beneath men in the belief system, but our society does as well. Men still make more money per hour doing the same job as women.
It actually makes much more sense for there to be one wife with multiple husbands.
For example, several men bringing home the bacon, DIY projects up to date, trash out on time, well maintained car, bathroom always free.
When he comes before you do and then falls asleep, you could just call in the next guy to pick up where the first one left off.
Not to mention the fact that there would only be one woman breeding with fewer children receiving more attention.
The only question is – How many Brother Husbands does it take to change a lightbulb?
From a “make lots of babies” point of view, which their religion believes, (aka Multiply and replenish the earth. With 7 billion people on the planet, I think they can stop replenishing.) one husband and many wives makes more sense. Plus, they’ll be able to tell who the biological mother and father is. With one wife and many husbands, it would be difficult to prove who the biological father was. DNA tests weren’t available until the late 1980s.
I watch the show every week but Kody is really starting to irk my nerves. When I saw the way he collected each wife’s hotel room key I was tooo through w/this dude! Not to mention the time he was begging Janelle to “feed him.” He is such a kid. I never see him doing anything except hopping from home to home distributing his sperm. He’s not even able to support all these women and children. I bet he hasn’t even saved up to put ONE child through college let alone 17. I thought that one of the tenants of polygamy was that the man took care of all his household(s). whatever though, I see this as a lifestyle they are trying to justify through religion. That’s why they’re so cool with their children not following in their footsteps.
I think a psychiatrist would have a field day with this group. They all have intimacy issues, and Kody clearly has some sort of personality disorder. He deals with life by avoidance: He ran from Utah when he was faced with the inevitable trouble from law enforcement; and it seems he runs from boredom by picking up a new wife every few years. He even runs from house to house now–never having to really confront the odd relationship he has with each of the women. He doesn’t seem particularly close to any of the children either.
But the one thing that really bothers me is that they can’t afford all those children. They should all be living in the same house again and saving every cent they can to help educate all those kids.
make more babies argument is flawed. they ended up kicking out the young men in these communities so they would not compete for their 7th wife. lotsa male orphans as a result
So it’s a whole different animal when the tables are turned. A little uncomfortable are you when there is more than one man in the family?
HA, he can sleep around with every woman, but God forbid one of them should be with another man. Religion my ass, it’s so hypocritical.
Meri asked Kody that same question when she was feeling jealous that skinny twig Robyn was going to be banging her surfer dude 24/7 until he started walking bowlegged. Meri is jealous and envious of Robyn. She is now dressing like her with the long sleeved shirts under another shirt. In fact, all but Janelle are copying Robyn’s look. Kody went to TLC for the $, not because he wanted to come out with his religion. He is a horndog who likes having sex with lots of women and kids himself that it is legal in his religion to do so. He and his wives are despicable.
Funny how religion beats women into submission.
Waaahh, poor little Kody can’t fathom any peen bigger than his and/or competing for the same women. Please, he’s more intent on choosing wives that are younger and prettier than being a real father to all of his children. What a douche!
Meanwhile – what’s going on with his children? In the Brown family the teens strike me as having more common sense and ability to use logic than their fathers or mothers (I use the term loosely). The kids deserve better. Kody should stop the shenanigans and focus more on being a father, especially to his teens.
@ Shannon – They need to get over their hypocrisy with the idea of brother husbands, but I really think that’s the only non-congruous cognitive dissonance these people have.
How do you conclude this is ‘non congruous cognitive dissonance? Not criticising…I’m interested! 🙂
Religion/ female ubmission and hypocrisy apart….I have trouble imagining having that many step brothers and sisters, I do have stepbrothers and I can barely see them as relatives( I do not dislike them tho), which is a very weird feeling considering we are all from the same father, I think it would be easier to relate if they were from the same mother as me, funny isnt?
If you all have the same father, then you are half siblings, not step siblings.
@ Stuey – they all have always dressed like that – notice the daughters do it too. It’s a thing with FLDS/Mormons. No skin showing. So they were sexy spaghetti strapped tops with long johns on underneath.
The Mormons even have their own underwear, which is carefully designed to make them not feel sexy in any way. I’m not joking, wish I was.
GOOGLE: MORMON UNDERWEAR
@DrM, well, cognitive dissonance is caused when you try to hold two conflicting ideas in your mind at once. The Browns want people to accept their unconventional family, but they are uncomfortable with the idea of a family just like theirs, with the gender ratio reversed. There are two ways you can deal with cognitive dissonance. You can reject the idea that challenges your worldview wholesale (as they have done with the brother husbands idea), or you can alter your worldview and beliefs so that the conflicting idea is part of your accepted framework (as they have done with the idea of gay families).
The reason that it’s non-congruous, to me, is that the Browns CAN accept other unconventional families that are also not part of their religion. They don’t have a problem with gays. I suspect they did at one point, but with so many gay families in America today, they were constantly confronted with the cognitive dissonance induced by thinking their own non-mainstream family is OK but gay families are not. So they changed their worldview by accepting gay families. But they haven’t done the same for brother husbands. I’m quite sure the reason for this is simply that brother husbands are so rare, they’ve probably never met a family with this structure. It’s easier for them to reject this family type because they’re not humanized in anyway. They’re not the Johnsons down the street. They’re a hypothetical situation. Another reason is that the religious setup they follow has clear reasons for the multiple women/one man structure, and they’re actually biological – one man with lot of women can produce far more children in a short period of time than one woman with a lot of men can. They (meaning Mormon fundamentalists in general) cloak it in religious reasoning, but ultimately that is what it’s about. But if that were really the Browns’ first priority, they would have an issue with gay people as it’s more difficult for gay couples to reproduce than hetero couples. But they recognize that not everyone shares their beliefs, of course, and they realize that everyone has the right to be happy. So they accept gay couples. It stands to reason, then, that they would be more tolerant of other unconventional family structures, like brother husbands. But they don’t, which is incongruent with their reasoning for accepting gay couples and their pleas for the world to accept their family structure. I think if they are pressed enough about brother husbands, maybe they will come to see that the idea really isn’t that strange considering the context. But it will take them a while to get there, I think, precisely because the brother husband Johnsons are unlikely to pop out of the woodwork to get to know the Browns.
So I gave it some thought and I think it would be really good to start a new religion, I want some husband brothers! It would make a lot of sense to me. Anybody want to join? 😉
@cathy – much as I can’t stand stupid Kody, I think brainwasher Jim-Bob is worse. As long as he gets more proof of his virility, he doesn’t care if his (only) wife DIES. So 20 kids is God’s will? I don’t think so! God gave him a decision to make and he blew it.
I think he’s an arrogant S.O.B. and the wives brainless puppets on a string. My heart breaks for the children.