Viggo Mortensen versus Vincent Cassel: who would you choose in a dong buffet?

I was going to write about some new photos of Jude Law & Robert Downey Jr., but those pics weren’t all that sexy at the end of the day. So how about some Viggo Mortensen and Vincent Cassel? Vincent and Viggo were doing a photo call in Paris for A Dangerous Method… where was my lovely Fassbender? Well, I think Michael has pretty much called it quits on promoting A Dangerous Method, and now he’s spending his time, money and effort securing an Oscar nomination for Best Actor for Shame. It’s not a bad wager, honestly, but I miss him at these Dangerous Method photo calls.

But let’s talk about Vig and Vin. I still think Viggo looks like crap with this hair length, honestly. I’m not saying he should shave it all off… maybe just take off an inch or two? I also want him to eat some carbs in the hopes that some of it will go to his face. His face is increasingly looking more and more Ed Harris-esque. Now, I love Ed Harris, but the man looks old as dirt, and Viggo now has that walking-skull-like visage.

Vincent, meanwhile, looks… well, I love him. He’s very sexy, although something is off with his styling. Granted, if I was given a buffet of only unlimited Vincent or unlimited Viggo, I would totally opt for unlimited Vincent. I know I’m in the minority. Go ahead and yell at me.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

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91 Responses to “Viggo Mortensen versus Vincent Cassel: who would you choose in a dong buffet?”

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  1. Astrid says:

    Yup, I’m a Vigo girl but a hair trim is in order. And maybe a sandwich for him.

  2. NM9005 says:

    Vincent is so gorgeous and talented! I love his film choices, I love his acting (he be very cool), I love his energetic curious nature, I love that he’s a polyglot, I love the way he loves Bellucci and vice versa, I love it when they are together in films (omg so much nakedness and love in Irréversible!). *pants*

    Sigh, I’ll take that sexy French bastard over Viggo any day!

  3. Eve says:


    I agree with you (Kaiser) about Mortensen’s hair.

  4. paola says:

    Kaiser i’m with you, Vincent all the way! Just a flaw..he’s french!

  5. SHEDA says:


  6. tooey says:

    As with all good buffets, I would sample everything!

  7. GoodCapon says:

    I remember Vincent’s kiss with Ms. Harvard in Black Swan. SO HOT.

    I’m going to pick Viggo though.

  8. Theuth says:

    Viggo. All the way down.
    Vincent Cassel is a wonderful actor, a polyglot but…Viggo is these thing AND a poet, a musicist, speaks more languages, is polite and is 100000 times better as far as beauty go.

  9. Shaye says:

    Vincent only because he might take me home to Monica Bellucci.

  10. Emily says:

    I’m with you…Vincent for me, please! While I don’t get the whole Viggo thing I certainly respect those who do :)

  11. Eleonor says:

    No way Vincent Cassel, he is French, charmant and hot.

  12. bagladey says:

    I think this is the hardest poll question I have ever encountered on Celebitchy, but Viggo has a strange hold on me, so he’s my choice.

  13. normades says:

    Both are charming men and very talented actors…but these dongs are too old for me.

  14. Hautie says:

    I do love my Viggo with a haircut. But I am not going to kick him out of bed, because I prefer short hair on men.

    Yet, I do appreciate the charm of Vincent. It is just cruel to compare them to each other. Since they both have the qualities I love in a man.

  15. Alita says:

    Aragorn. Soulful looks than span centuries. Large sword. Passion. Speaks a ficticious other language that sounds fairly sexy. Viggo Mortensen would do a suitable facsimile of Aragorn to see me right.

  16. TheOriginalKitten says:

    It’s a tie-I would hit either like a house on fire.

  17. hstl1 says:

    Viggo all the way. I love that he has a full life outside of Hollywood.

  18. KofNorth says:

    Vincent absolutely 100%. You maybe in the minority but I’m right alongside with you!

  19. Stacia says:

    I’d get with the old dude on the left in the last pic wearing the grandpa scarf…lol

  20. ronnies says:

    What a terrible headline! But, of course, it would be Viggo. It will always be Viggo.

  21. ShanKat says:

    That’s not dong, it’s Zombie Apocalypse!

  22. kristipistol says:

    Viggo, just watched the LOTR and now I’m reading the books, and Aragorn is the man right now, I would make Viggo play dress up and rid me of the shadow!!!!!!!!!!!!

  23. Jessica says:

    Viggo hands down!!! No contest!

  24. CTgirl says:

    Vincent with a Viggo chaser.

  25. Dani says:

    Viggo–especially during his Lord of the Ring years.

  26. Leigh says:

    LOL, totally disagree with you on the wine, italy wins for me everytime except for sparkling/champagne
    My scorecard
    Wine: Italy (Chianti, Valipollicella, Soave … hello!)
    Fashion/Design: Italy
    Art: Italy
    Museums: France
    Food: France
    Football: Brazil :D

    • paola says:

      food: France?????????????????????
      i admit they have some bread that is out of this world and some reaaaaaally good cheeses.. but come on.. italy wins on food!
      and brazil is not in europe :)

      • Eve says:

        Paola, I believe Leigh knows Brazil isn’t located in Europe. I think she mentioned these countries randomly…because they’re known internationally for certain qualities. France is famous for its wine — especially the sparkling kind (Champagne), Italy is famous for its food, Brazil is famous for its football (or, at least, the National Team’s football) and so on…

      • Funnylilou says:

        and wine Italy?????????????, nice chianti of course but it will never make it up for a cheval blanc or a St Estèphe which are heavenly good!
        and Fashion Italy???? have you heard of small brands such as Chanel, Yves Saint Laurent, Lanvin, Hermès or Louis Vuitton???

        For the food for me it’s a tie, it’s like in France they have regional food, there is no such a thing as French or Italian Food, but there are regional food, piemontese, venician, tuscan, sicilian same in France ( brittany, provence, Lyonnais) where eating habits are drasticlly different, ex : I don’t digg particularly Tuscan food but adore everything around the gulf of Napoli!
        regarding the diversity of what you can eat to me french and italian food are a tie!

        Ps: Paola, I am teasing you of course!;)!
        Since I am back from Italy myself (where I go each month!) I would be delighted to meet you if you are in Paris before the 21th and after the 25th (I am in Vienna between these dates)
        Let me know:)

      • paola says:

        @ Eve
        of course he knows where brasil is… i was just pointing out the fact that brasil is out of contest because we were talking about Europe here!!


        I never said anything about fashion ( the only italian brands i support are Giorgio Armani and Miu Miu) totally agree on Lanvin and Chanel, too bad i can’t afford it!!
        totally agree on the wine too, i think italian wine are too heavy and i love some of your amazing whites (even if some muller-thurgau of the sud-tirol aren’t bad either).
        i consider myself a citizen of the world, i am half swiss (german side) and half italian, i lived in florence for 12 years where i graduated in architecture, i attended high school in Ny and san Francisco and my boyfriend is british! i love the world, love every food and culture but i am slighest proud of my italians roots, and i’d love to meet you in paris! too bed i’m leaving on the 26th form paris gare du nord on a eurostar headed to london to see my better half!

      • Leigh says:

        What can I say? I love cheese, and French pastries and French baking …

        And who can talk football without mentioning Brazil (euro theme notwithstanding)

        Re design, Bulgari!, Ferrari, Visconti, Pariani, Da Vinci?

        France is up there, but Italian design makes my heart sing, ESP. When coupled with a good Italian red wine

        (my French heritage is shaking its head in dismay :)

  27. Toot says:

    Give me Viggo! Plus I found Ed Harris sexy when he was younger. LOL

  28. madpoe says:

    Oh K you really do pair some irristable dongs for what ifs. This is a hard one. I adore ‘em both. These fine silver foxes makes me feel like a wolf! :)

  29. Cathy says:

    Who’s the walking dragon in the last picture? Viggo all the way, but I do wish that he would get a hair cut.

  30. Victoria says:

    Well, the last time I saw Vin was when he was drop dead in Ocean’s. I was like, “Who is this hottie doing Zumba moves as he engages in criminal activity?” His accent is so lovely.

    But now I’m wondering what the hell happened in six short years? Damn boo!

    Bur he’s still hot just not hott.

    Meanwhile, Viggo can still get it ever which way. I would do a lot of nasty things with that dude, whatever his hair length is, as long as there are no bald patches. LOL.

  31. Bermuda Blues says:





  32. melymel says:

    Vincent for me. You just know he can get down and dirty!

  33. the original bellaluna says:

    It’s a buffet, right? So I can have as much as I want of them both! ;) But I’d go heavy on the Viggo.

  34. Angelique says:

    I have Libra Asc I can’t decideee !

    They are soo handsome and talented…

    Big fan of both Viggo and Vincent

  35. jensational says:

    Eww! Neither one of them! They both look like aliens. I’ll stick to doing myself, thanks.

  36. Hugh Mungus says:

    Put me in between the 2 and call it a sandwich. Yes please.

  37. TXCinderella says:

    Viggo, hands down! I saw A Walk On The Moon not too long ago and I was swooning. I’d always like him in the Lords Of The Rings trilogy, but he was hot in the Walk On The Moon movie. Mmmmmmmm.

  38. z says:

    Between jennifer aniston and agelina jolie who would you rather do in a snatch salad bar?

  39. Mr. Smurf says:

    Viggo……..even now. I don’t know what it is, but I like older men. Over 35 and you’re on the list.

  40. ManicPixieDreamGirl says:

    A dong buffet? ahahahaha, that shit is funny!

  41. Amanda says:

    Viggo all the way baby! They aren’t even comparable.

  42. ToastedSkin says:

    Viggo. All day. Everyday.

  43. darkladi says:

    Vincent & his panty-melting french accent. & panty melting french everything else

  44. Adrien says:

    Would’ve chosen Cassell but I see Chris Martin’s face in him. So Viggo.
    So, does the dong buffet include Dr. Kevorkian (featured in the last photo)?

  45. Kata says:

    mmmmmm vincent…his creepy blue eyes, his fluffy hair and vague unibrow…YES. If Monica doesn’t mind sharing, I would get him naked in ten seconds to start my buffet.

  46. RobN says:

    I’ll take whichever one is willing to go outside once in awhile and not look like they’re bathing in SPF 100.

  47. Zoe says:

    Vincent. Nothing against Viggo, Vincent just seems a little more on the wild side. Viggo is looking a little too thin.

  48. Emily says:

    Viggo. With a hair trim, he is perfection.

  49. joxjooze says:

    I like Viggo,
    but definitely Vincent, without hesitation
    …even if he really is getting old now!

  50. Betsy says:

    Viggo always and forever and ever. No comparison.

  51. tinybit says:


    Viggo Mortensen goes out with girls half his age and is now hooked up with a woman whose marriage he broke apart. He is not even American anymore as he is shacked up in Spain with this adultress. As far as his politics, poetry and “music” go, well it just goes to show that you can buy your way into anything if you are Hollywood.

    Is Cassell the one that was in “Ocean’s Eleven”? If so, he looks old now, but in that movie he was pretty cute.

    Either way I would pass. I don’t have an appetite for either one of them.

    Now Javier Bardem….. Yum, yum, gimme some!