Michael Fassbender on sex: “I’m aware of my weaknesses & the beast within”

OMG. *dies*

*slowly picks self off of floor, only to look at Fassy once again and whimper plaintively*

So, My Beloved Michael Fassbender covers the February issue of GQ UK, likely to promote the UK release of Shame, as well as… Haywire, I suppose. It comes out this month in America, no idea when it comes out in the UK. Look, I’m already primed to whimper whenever I see a photo of Fassy. It’s Pavlovian. I see Fassy-ginge, no matter how rough, and I’m already crossing my legs and cooing. But the early excerpts from Fassy’s GQ interview are… MAGICAL. He uses words like “buffet” and “beast” and “control” and “seduced”. I swear, if he used the word “thrust” I would be buying a one-way ticket to Fassyland right now, and I wouldn’t even care if I was arrested, pantsless and screaming, when I arrived. Here are some highlights. Just go ahead and take off your panties. I won’t tell anyone.

Fassy on sleeping around, and being “used” for his celebrity lifestyle: “Sleeping around? I don’t think it’s a cliché. You’re traveling around a lot and perhaps lonely and you want some kind of connection again. You’re in a position where people treat you differently. Maybe a lot of people are in denial and think that it’s down to their looks and their charm that a lot of women proposition them, but the fact of that matter is they are living with what appears to be an attractive lifestyle. Your opportunities are multiplied again, so there’s more of a buffet of choice.” [Editor’s Note: OMG!!!!!!!]

He’s not immune to beautiful (easy) women: “I think you just have to keep an eye on things. I’m not immune to anything, but I’m aware of my weaknesses and THE BEAST WITHIN [Editor’s note: emphasis mine]. Like anything, if you feed it enough times, it starts to take control. That thing of being seduced, and you’ve just got to be careful. But that’s no guarantee that I’m not going to go crazy and destroy the sweetshop.”

Losing all that weight for Hunger killed his sex drive: Michael famously lost weight for his role in the 2008 movie Hunger. At the time, the actor revealed that the drastic diet killed his sex drive. Now he says embarking on the weight loss regime also made his life a lot easier at times. “You realise how much of a distraction it is. Especially on a hot summer’s day. Girls are wearing less,” he added. “I mean, yes, I have a wandering eye. But when I focused [on losing weight], it released me from that.”

[Via Film News]

I can’t. Even. Start.

“I’m aware of my weaknesses and THE BEAST WITHIN.” OMG. It’s like he’s the Mr. Hyde of boning. Srsly.

And then with the “buffet of choice” stuff – we get it Fassy, YOU LOVE GOING DOWNTOWN. Jesus.

And then, this beautiful statement: “That thing of being seduced, and you’ve just got to be careful. But that’s no guarantee that I’m not going to go crazy and destroy the sweetshop.” Oh. MY. F–king God. This man could WRECK my sweetshop. I need no guarantees that he won’t. I just need the Fassy BEAST, treating me like a buffet, and going balls-out cray-cray on mah sweetshop.

Photos courtesy of GQ UK, and GQ US. Additional pics by WENN.

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130 Responses to “Michael Fassbender on sex: “I’m aware of my weaknesses & the beast within””

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  1. brin says:

    LOL….I’m embarassed to be reading this, it’s your love/lust letter to Fassie!

    P.S. It’s not his wandering eye but his wandering dong that should concern you!

    • searching4grace says:

      LOL I know, feels like I rifled her desk and read her personal letters to Fassbender….

    • prudie says:

      this is like reading a Harlequin paperback or a Jackie Collins novel :D

      i dont feel that way about him as Kaiser does, although his experiences sound really interesting to make a good pal i would like to knock back a few beers with.

  2. Nessa says:

    This might be the best post ever…..

  3. lalalala says:

    He definitely has that raw energy that must release when he bangs you against the wall. Hot.

  4. Turtle Dove says:

    “… you’ve just got to be careful. But that’s no guarantee that I’m not going to go crazy and destroy the sweetshop.”

    Sweet. Jesus.

    Those two lines won me over. No need for restraint though, Fass. Some of us like a little wreckage in our lives. Fassy fan all the way now.

    BTW, Kaiser, I bought Hunger; it’s fab.

  5. Astrid says:

    Wow, made my day!

  6. lalalala says:

    This site needs Fassy articles every day. The most entertaining ones for sure.

  7. Ethel Mary says:

    Kaiser I don’t think he was referring to going downtown when he said a buffet of choices. I think he was just referring to the fact that his celebrity has given him more options with more women he would’t ordinarily be able to snag.

  8. Poison Ivy says:

    I need a cold shower!

  9. mln76 says:

    Oh jeez I need some alone time.

  10. ramona says:

    Kaiser, I blame you 100% for turning me into a Fassbender-obsessed lunatic. I would do terrible, filthy things to that man.

  11. seVen says:

    rofl. I cant stop grinning. best article EVER.

  12. kiko says:

    wow just fucking WOW.this guy is THE MAN!

  13. madpoe says:

    “go crazy and destroy the sweetshop.”
    The absolute BEST soundbite ever!!!
    Oh my sweetshop melts!!!!
    How many of you ladies will stay open for 24 hrs lol?!?

  14. Lola says:

    He will disappoint in the end. They always do.

    • bluhare says:

      That reminds me of the closing line in Damage (good film with Jeremy Irons and Juliette Binoche but years old now) about a man who ruins his life for a woman.

      “In the end, she was just like everyone else.”

    • Anna says:

      His rep is going to end up being the same as Colin Farrell’s (although Fassy is much more talented). I LOVE me some Fassbender but now I’m wondering how often he gets tested for STD’s. This weakness and beast within stuff is hilarious but so are harlequins. Somehow I can’t take him seriously anymore. He might as well be Clooney and Dicaprio.

      • lalalala says:

        Clooney and DiCaprio sign up for beards via contracts and with help of their agents/managers.

        Michael is straight and doesn’t parade around with them because he needs a woman on his side during the award season.

  15. Bellydancer says:

    Damn I had to step away and go get my morning coffee after reading this the first time so I could compose my thoughts and not say anything cray cray cuz I can take it to that level over some Fassdong. So I popped an advil to calm me down a lil bit. All I got to say right now is if there was an official Panty Creamer award, Michael would be the only candidate/winner right here right now cuz no other man can touch him on that level for realsies.
    Consider. This. Sweetshop. Owned. And. Wrecked. By. The Fassdong. EOM

    • podzol says:

      Hahahaha! I read this yesterday and thought right away how it’d be like catnip for you and Kaiser. This guy… it’s like he’s got a magical whistle that brings some ladies and even gents into a frenzy.

      And Kaiser, even curmudgeony Craig has something really nice to say about Michael in the irish Dubliner magazine:

      (on the topic of Michael being groomed as the next 007 once Craig steps down)

      “The role is Michael’s,” he replies, without a moment’s hesitation. “Honestly, he has my blessing and I know the man. I’ve met him a few times and he’s just such a brilliant, brilliant actor with a phenomenal presence. If he’s up for it, I think he’d be a perfect fit for the part. You can see him as 007; he has all the right traits. It’s meant to be, really. I’m also a big fan of his work so I’d happily pass the torch to him.”

      • rundee says:

        That´s so sweet of Daniel Craig… Come to think of it, he sounds like he´s into him too.
        I´d do them both.
        At the same time if I need too

  16. Ericand says:

    This is the greatest post of all time. This is exactly how i feel about him and i will fight you to the death for him! Or maybe we should just join forces and attack him “pantless” to “Fassy-land”?

  17. TheOriginalKitten says:

    Ha ha..This is hilarious. I’m going to see Shame this weekend. I hope Fassy lives up to the buzz he’s been getting for this role.

    • podzol says:

      It’s a movie that gets polarizing responses, and this is only my opinion… but the movie is great and a big part of that success rides on Michael and Carey’s phenomenal, completely different ways of acting (the latter is outwardly outrageous, the former contained within).

      Come back and post about it when you’ve seen the movie! (there’s bound to be another love letter to him in a future post ;) ). There’s a part where he just walks down the street at night and channels Taxi Driver’s Travis Bickle.

      • TheOriginalKitten says:

        That’s exactly the kind of movie I love though-I want to *feel* something. I don’t have to love or even like the leading characters to enjoy. My litmus test is if I’m still thinking about the movie for a couple days afterwards-then I KNOW it was good :) I also liked Mulligan’s work in An Education and Drive so it’ll be cool to see how she does what seems to be a really intense film.
        Definitely looking forward to Shame!

  18. Pat says:

    What a pig.

  19. truthSF says:

    Damn Hamm, you never had a choice with Fassbender around the corner. What is those damn firecrotchers (red heads).

    Ps., anyone else joining me for the Kaiser-Hamm lovefest funeral? It’s today at 4pm

  20. Tara says:

    He is female viagara!

  21. truthSF says:

    With those* I can’t seem to be able to edit my post on my phone.

  22. Victoria says:

    Have you seen him whip & then spank Knightly in A DANGEROUS METHOD? And he’s all in black!

  23. Eve says:

    Beast within + destroying the sweetshop + that thing on the right side of his pants that GQ tried — and failed — to photoshop off of the second picture = I’ll admire him from a distance.

    I’m rooting for you (Kaiser) though — and I promise to visit you in the hospital while you’re recovering from the biscuits reconstructive surgery.

  24. Jules says:

    I want to have him for lunch.
    Or vice versa. Or both.

    Where does Fassy live anyway? I might have to join you on that trip, Kais.

  25. Blue says:

    Omg I’m loving this post. I turned into a fan because of this site.

  26. I Choose Me says:

    “But that’s no guarantee that I’m not going to go crazy and destroy the sweetshop.”


    I’ve got a sweetshop Fassy. Give me a call, please.

    “I’m already crossing my legs and cooing.”

    ^ Kaiser, I love that line so much. Can’t thank you enough for the pics and pimping of the Fass. Esp., since that scorching hot dream I had about him the other night. I actually wrote down parts of it and am thinking of making it into some fan-fiction.

    Fassy forever!

  27. Susan says:

    Isn’t that what rapists say – they could not control themselves. personally i think that this man is ugly. If he was not famous and you saw him on the street – no one would even turn there head. Sad excuse for a man. What happened to actually controlling yourself and sticking with one woman – next thing you know he will have HIV. He probably already has a host of other STI’s.

    • TheOriginalKitten says:

      You’re right, Susan. Sleeping with more than one person DEFINITELY guarantees that you’ll get HIV.

    • Cat says:

      He’s clearly not ready to settle and there’s nothing wrong with casual sex so long as you’re safe about it. Calm down and stop being to close minded.

    • pato says:

      Oh I would definitely turn over to look at him. He looks short but he´s hot.
      Maybe he is different from the rest of his gender and uses a condon, who knows. At least he´s honest (or his PR team, doesn´t matter)

  28. Original Chloe says:

    I’ll be in my bunk.

  29. Ash says:

    I really need a cold shower after ready this. God bless Michael Fassbender. I hope my biscuits can recover after reading this.

  30. novaraen says:

    Hot damn!!!!! lol

  31. UKHels says:

    oh man, I could just eat him alive

    seriously, with NOTHING left over

    I never go teenage-girly-squeal over anyone but I’ll talk about him to anyone who’ll listen, thanks CB!!

  32. Marissa. says:

    Okay, I’m going to attempt to finish typing this before I pass out from bliss. “I’m not immune to anything, but I’m aware of my weaknesses and the beast within…But that’s no guarantee that I’m not going to go crazy and destroy the sweetshop.” This is probably my favorite quote…of all time. I can’t help but have my imagination run wild. Good God, he said little words, but enough to put me in cardiac arrest, and in need of new pants. I LOVE Michael Fassbender and his glorious dong. Sorry, Kaiser, but I’m willing to fight you in a cage match for him, lol.

  33. lisa says:

    this has to be the best post of Fassy to date!!! keep em coming!!

  34. Zoey says:

    Omg Kaiser…you are too much! Lmao.

  35. Elise says:

    Dear Fassbender, just so you know…when I see you, IT’S GOING DOWN. ALL DAY. EVERYDAY. ANYWHERE. ANY TIME. Believe that.

    - Love you lots, Elise

  36. MissyA says:

    Git ‘im, Kaiser! Go git that man!

  37. Stacia says:

    Gotta love the way he uses words to describe things in such a unique way …”sweetshop” ..never heard it phrased like that before.

    • Love says:

      I was thinking the same thing! I was like “sweetshop”? It doesn’t matter though cuz I couldn’t stop blushing like crazy and wishing he was whispering those words in my ear with that hot Irish accent…Jesus I can’t be here.

  38. Reece says:

    OMG Kaiser, I need to go take another shower after reading your reaction. I feel so dirty. LOL

  39. taxi says:

    I think he looks better casually dressed than in suits.

  40. Mr.Smurf says:

    All I have to say right now…is sweet jebus. I literally have butterflies in my stomach right now. Oh why can’t Shame play here (and my mom let me watch it, I’m 17). Am now going to jog with visions of Fassdong.

  41. M says:

    “I just need the Fassy BEAST, treating me like a buffet, and going balls-out cray-cray on mah sweetshop.”


  42. Julie says:

    Hahaha! Oh man, I was just howling with laughter at this post and your comments Kaiser. Brilliant, just brilliant. Shame comes out on Friday here so I’ll be running, not walking, to the movie theater.

  43. kdlaf says:

    I will never understand how Zoe Kravitz left this magnificent specimen and is now with Penn Badgely???

  44. wtf? says:

    …this put a big smile on my face this morning…

    thanks kaiser and the bitchy crew

  45. shontay says:

    He is so hot. I am a full on fanatic with a tumblr full of fassy. I wish I could be a part of his buffet.

  46. T says:

    He’s too scrawny!!!

  47. MacScore says:

    @Kaiser – from one Mad For Fassdong Bee-atch to another – my partner’s pretty much become accustomed to my raucous shouts of lust whenever I read one of your brilliant Fassdong posts/view the pics, but just in case you want some intellectual clout/ back-up for all the craziness, check out the Jan/Feb issue of INTELLIGENT LIFE (quarterly mag from the publishers of the Economist): p. 118-119 has “The Visual CV – Michael Fassbender”, covering all his seminal (pun intended) roles, from 2003′s “The Quarrel” (a Guiness ad!) up to “A Dangeous Method.” Food for the brain and the body.

    Sorry – couldn’t find a link, although it is available as an iPad app, I think…..

    • Addison says:

      Well Find It WOMAN! You just can’t leave us like that. Not all of us have iPads!

      • MacScore says:

        You’re right, I sit corrected! I don’t have an iPad either, but here’s what I found:


        and apparently also on Twitter:


        (not sure if you get the hard copy content on Twitter? No idea – I don’t tweet). And for those who do have an iPad, the magazine is available free on the AppStore. But I’m framing my hard copy pics.

        Happy Fantasies, all!

    • Si says:

      I love that Guinness ad,its so sweet!

  48. Camille says:

    God he is so sexy. I love that cover photo of him, very intense.

  49. podzol says:

    I love this post and the comments, as it was the most entertaining and hilarious thing of the day, and yet I’m pretty sure some quotes are taken out of context as he has a tendency to give long and elaborate answers to reporters’ questions. I just wonder what was the question asked ;)

    Kaiser, I’d be interested to see what are your thoughts on the whole GQ article when it’s available online! It’s like the the Daniel Craig GQ article where the available quotes were SO DIFFERENT from the entire article which itself was so much more meaty.

  50. eyeroll says:

    Zoe was right getting herself a real boyfriend, Penn. Fassbender is no man for a relationship. Not yet, maybe when hes old, really old.T…T

    • Gloria says:

      Maybe she couldn’t handle the Fassdong. Um, can you clarify what u mean by REAL bf? You can’t say that Michael isn’t ready for a relationship, unless u have dated him yourself or know him personally. Zoe is a child – she probably wanted a guy her age. He’s delicious, case closed.

  51. Lolaluvsu2 says:

    Wow, talk about subtext.

  52. Meredith says:

    This post has to be the ultimate highlight of my day. My legs are quivering just reading this! And Marissa pencil me in for that cage match. Fassy’s mine! lol

  53. Pureinsanity says:

    The comments for this post are just outragiously hilarious.

  54. dunzo says:

    wow, this makes me more addicted to this guy.. felt Fassy had a raw energy the first i saw him during an interview. he must be damn wild in bed!
    comments are soo funny, girls are definitely naughtier than men

  55. Tara says:

    All the hot men look gay now. Only have eyes for Fassy!

  56. Serena says:

    The comments here are too funny lol They get a little raunchy and more hilarious as you scroll down. And when is this cage match happening?

    • Mr.Smurf says:

      There’s a cage fight? Sign me up! I’ll call my Cousin Danny Ray for some dirty fighting tips (my mom says learning to fight from him will land you in prison…but Fassy is worth it). Team Fassdong!

  57. DavidBowie says:

    This is THE best lust letter I have ever read. God he is hot. Lawd!

  58. Tara says:

    If I could recreate all those vintage couples erotica photos in 1970s Penthouse with him, in private, I AM GAME!

  59. Julia says:

    Sexist post ever. I can’t even handle all of this Fassy-ness! The things I would do to him…mmm!

  60. amandaplease says:

    Michael Fassbender can get it. Any freaking time! I would seriously love to hear this interview. It would just be perfect!

  61. Zoe says:


  62. londonparis says:


  63. luisa says:

    i’m speachless.

  64. Lavender says:

    He’s so hot and awesome. I’m watching Jane Eyre right now and he is the hottest thing ever. EVER!!!

  65. Laura says:

    Oh my god, THE BEAST WITHIN. I f’n love that! Greatest. Post. Ever. :D

  66. darkladi says:

    Can’t stop licking the monitor.

    • original sandy says:

      okay?….now this is funny, spit on my computer, lol whew!!! licking computer, screamed with laughter. kaiser, you will learn, some good things you have to keep to yourself, now everyone wants a pieace, including me now, poor brad pitt, i need a break any way. lol

    • original sandy says:

      2nd time not as funny, i was lol at this comment, kaiser will learn to keep such good things to herself, now she has to share him with everyone, including me, poor brad pitt, i need a break anyway. oops, i posted twice, sorry, it too awhile to show up

  67. Nancy says:

    Sorry Fassy it’s your looks. If you were my local theater actor, my UPS driver, my best pal, just a normal guy walking down the street, I would want your fassdong.

  68. jenny says:

    He does nothing for me. I just don’t get what the hype is about.

  69. Cat says:

    That last picture of him in that three piece suit? Unf.

  70. maci says:

    Delicious, just too delicious for words.

  71. Pat says:

    Well this guy is alot like Justin Timberlake. They look alot alike with the washed out coloring on their faces and they can’t keep it in their pants.

  72. finest says:

    am from Kenya and had never heard of fassbender until i started reading celebitchy and since then am always on the look out for his movies…and thanks to this post…i am forever in love with him.

  73. lisa says:

    OK so he sleeps with a lot of random women. I don’t get it. When Butler is perceived that way people go ewwww

    I like him as an Actor a great deal. but the idea that he will tap anything offered is a turn off..

    • Addison says:

      @ lisa you obviously don’t get it. He did not say he sleeps with lots of women. I think that because Kaiser tends to get carried away when it comes to Fassie you were not able to read what he meant. Go here for an unadulterated read:

      What I have gathered in my year that I have been obsessing over him and reading/listening to everything I can get my hands on in regards to him is that he is NOT that kind of man. I have only seen him in the company of two (that’s TWO) ladies that he has been involved with. He has been working for at least a decade and although the U.S. is just getting to know him the U.K. has known of him for a while. Maybe as he becomes more famous we will hear more stuff (negative) about him, but I doubt it. At least I hope that is the case.

      Anyone in the U.K. please buy the GQ British edition and Scan pics and send them to Kaiser as well as ALL the copy. Although Kaiser will probably only post the stuff that gets her cooing (as she puts it). LOL! Or maybe in a month or so this will all be available somewhere online and Kaiser will have links for us.

      • Shelly says:

        The January issue of British GQ came out on Dec. 27th at all Barnes & Noble stores in the U.S. so the Feb. issue won’t be out for another couple of weeks. Thanks to Tumblr, though, I was able to score scans of the interview and pics.

  74. Meanchick says:

    Mmmm-mmmmm good!

  75. Bellydancer says:

    I vote we retire the word vajayjay and replace it with the word “sweetshop”.

  76. Addison says:

    THANK YOU Shelly! I will be camping out at B&N at the end of the month. Ha, ha. I didn’t know that the British edition of GQ was sold in the U.S. I have the one from the U.S. edition of Men of the Year. I had my brother pick it up for me because I was too embarrassed to pick it up myself. I guess I can’t believe how silly I act in regards to this man. I have never acted like this, even when I was a teenager. Michael, what have you done to me? CB posts by Kaiser don’t help either.

  77. Stephanie says:

    I never comment. Ever. I just lurk. But I have to say this.

    Ditto, Kaiser. Ditto.

  78. Fefe says:

    I laughed so hard at the posters comments and Agee I just died like 17times. Sweetshop!?! OMG.

  79. Cellardoor says:

    First of all let me say that I never leave a comment. ever. But I must make an exception in this case. I’ve never been into the Pitts, clooneys, pattisons etc etc of the world even as a hormonal 16 yr old. (only clive owen slightly whetted my appetite) Now at the ripe old age of 28 that has all changed.
    Fassbender seems to have the trifecta that transcends human into godlike being.
    1) raw chameleon like talent 2) masculine yet beautiful face with piercing eyes that probably caused the hole in the ozone layer. Lips and nose that drip of sex. Oh and a cock that is so perfect it puts a lump in my throat 3) amazingly down to earth personality: caring, sexy, intelligent, sensitive, approachable etc. He’s so unaffected and humble that there seems to be a possibility (however remote) (and once he sows his oats and gets over the bachelor years) that you could end up being with him, and have a future together and have kids called Patrick and Maeve… Anyway I digress. Thesis over. Fassy can have my sweetshop anyday. It will be nice and sticky and open 24/7. God help me.

  80. Arla says:

    OMFG girl… this man is your f**k-on-sight. Wandering eyes are fine but wandering weens carry all sorts of genital-exploding diseases so watch out.

  81. Diana says:

    I obsess over this sexgod!! The things I would let him do to my sweetshop(*can’t help but blush) are just downright nasty! Those eyes, and that mouth…and then there’s the Irish accent!! *_* I just watched him in the film Fish Tank & i concluded this man was made for sex!!