K-Fed’s album drops. Wait for it, you’ll hear the splash


K-Fed’s album “Playing with Fire” is out and the Amazon reviewers either love it or hate it. Most hate it, and a few of them have actually listened to it. Here are two of my favorite reviews:

A cute poem from top 100 reviewer Amanda Richards:

This former back-up dancer
Now known as Mr. Spears
Has brought us the worst album
To be released in years

Though he thinks he’s Eminem
He’s more Vanilla Ice
And after you’ve heard this one once
You wouldn’t hear it twice

Just listen to the lyrics
And see if you agree
These are the worst songs ever “sung”
In all of history

The first single is “Lose Control”
A track that should be tossed
I would suggest this album
Be avoided at all cost

Maybe next year on April 1
(You’ll get two for a buck)
Buy `em for an All Fool’s joke
and watch your pals upchuck

Top 1000 reviewer Pen Name, who gave it half a chance before trashing it:

I gave half of this CD a listen to see if the criticism Federline has been receiving is justified. I can quite clearly say that it is. The “beats” on this album are pretty sophmoric, but could be overlooked with good writing. There are no songs that really have a very catchy rhythm that you can enjoy, although a few have potential. The main problem with the album though is the awful lyrics:

“Im the talk of the town
Thats the reason why they stare
4 karats in my ear
If you look see a glare”

“When the pen hits the pad
It’s in the left hand
Every single word is worth thirty grand”

“Every word out my mouth
Make headline news
I’m the best, I rule
Come test my tools”

Federline spends the entire album rapping about four things:

a) His wife
b) How much everyone hates him
c) How much pot he smokes / how much he gets drunk
d) How awesome he is.

I assume the fact that people are always “hatin’ on him” gives him street cred and makes him tough in his eyes. I just can’t understand it, as these lyrics would be laughable from ANY artist, not just him. He actually has a fairly decent voice, but it won’t matter if he keeps using monosyllable rhymes that sound like they were written by a third grader.

A guy who unwittingly attended a listening party and almost got kicked out for mocking the CD like everyone else there:

Well folks, here is a true story. About 3 weeks ago a friend of my sister was invited to a listening party over Los Angeles. Her friend works in a radio station their and said there is going to be some celebrities and some people in the up and up in music, so by some reason I’m still quite sure how it happened, possibly parental nagging, I went to this party not knowing really what to expect and being an open minded music fan actually made it kind of interesting. At the party, I heard some DJ going around telling every one to expect big things from an up and coming artist, so later on I was appalled when this up and coming artist was…………..Mr Britney Spears HImself Kevin Federline. Naturally I wanted to bail faster than a guy in a high speed chase then all of a sudden it clicked, I could listen to the album and actually go ahead and bash this later. So the agony turned to despair and even some times comedic as many people there were thinking and saying what was on every bodies mind, is this a joke? So listening to this abomination I was just laughing when I told someone that Vanilla Ice would be proud that someone was holding his torch alive and then someone from his crew threatened to kick me out and I did leave after many people left in disgust and annoyed at what I saw and heard too, just because you marry someone big, wont meen that people will put up with your joke of a life. Im mean this album had some of the worst production and skills ever. Basically his songs are, yeah, Ilive the high life cuz I married Britney, Im from Fresno and Im a gangsta. So after I left the party, feeling dirty and actually wanting to puke, I got my sister, her friend went home and to try to salvage part of life that shamefully I will never get back so to calm my self , I got my Celtic Frost To Mega Therion album, crank the stereo up went home. Now thanks to this event I think Im suffering from post traumatic stress disorder and hopefully I will forget this soon and alcohol will mostly help to earse it. Remembered, I suffered so you wouldn’t have to.

Britney has now been shopping for a ton of clothes in size six. She was said to be planning a Halloween comeback and it seems like she’s slimmed up enough to perform again. At least someone in her family is talented.

Glossy pictures of K-Fed’s latest spawn, Jayden James, have yet to be seen. I thought they would be published in time to help promote his album, so they’ll probably come out soon along with jaw-dropping pictures of his wife.

If you want, you can listen to the entire album online. You can’t fast forward so don’t say I didn’t warn you. There are also scans of the entire “Playing with Fire” CD, which consists of a naseating number of photos of K-Fed in the exact same pose, at BreatheHeavy.com. I was going to post them here, but I don’t have the patience to download and resize all that shit.

Thanks to Fark for reminding me to look at Amazon for the reviews.

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11 Responses to “K-Fed’s album drops. Wait for it, you’ll hear the splash”

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  1. Viv says:

    Thanks, but no thanks.

  2. Wren says:

    Love the headline!

  3. Patrillium says:

    man, he gets more and more embarrassing every day.

  4. ER says:

    I can’t decide which one I’d hate to be more, Kevin or Britney!

  5. Poor Boopie says:

    Give it up dweeb and go exert your efforts and being a decent father and husband. That’s what Britney married you for! If she wanted more fame, she would have married Eminem!

  6. frewtloop says:

    K-Fed. If you jumble that up a bit you get F_Ked.

    I think this jerk is a professional sperm donor and thats about the extent of his um, ‘talents’.

  7. Toubrouk says:

    Can someone please unplug the act of that useless Hack?

    I just can ‘t understand this; The U.S. of A. is a nation of 300 habitants and the media is wasting it’s time on that guy who got as best talent a functional pair of testes?

  8. Leni says:

    Splash! There will not even be a ripple! EEEWWWWWWW.

  9. Mr. T says:

    The guy is not even a has been. He’s a never was.

  10. DogRunner says:

    I like how this picture is staged with his wedding ring hand on top.

    Symbolic of how he even got anywhere. Someday she will wise up and he will be back to being nowhere.

    He can’t sing, he can’t parent, he can’t be a decent husband….what can be do besides being a sperm donor??

  11. Well I downloaded the album, and listened to the first 3 songs. The lyrics are typical, but he’s got a real appealing voice and a pretty nice flow though it was kind of shaky on a few parts of the second song. I really liked the beats too. I just think the lyrical content sucks, but most rappers lyrical content is quite similiar. I still have much more of the album to listen to, but I think he’s definitely underrated from what I heard so far.